Out at work? Advice needed.

Bianca,

Understand this dilemma all too well, and no need to apologize for caring about how other people feel, it is IMHO a wonderful character trait to have.

I would suggest telling the folks individually and in advance.  By doing so you will have maximum control over the delivery and will able to tailor your engagement with each individual appropriately to best achieve the goals that you said you wanted, i.e., that they know it isn’t a joke or a lark for the party, and that they are made as comfortable as possible with this revelation about you - and you could also ask that they not share this further without your permission, which could help minimize the chances of gossip (but no guarantee obviously).  Surprising everyone at a party is, IMO, not the environment befitting to the gravity of what you would be revealing to them about you - purposeful and tailored one-on-one’s are, I think, a better way to go…

Marcellette

This is a conundrum for you. I can see the complication of having kids. I wouldn't have thought about the social media angle as well.

I eventually did come out to some work colleagues before I retired and it all went well.

I would suppose that you know your team well and probably chat about all sorts. Are the majority female? The key is how well do you know them. Is there any particular one that you would feel you could tell?

When I decided to come out I had one female colleague on my team who I felt I could tell. I knew her well and we shared a lot of chat about everything and anything. I arranged to meet up for a coffee under the guise of wanting to ask her opinion on something important. On the day I had planned to take some photos of me dressed. I had a mad moment and decided to turn up full on dressed. My judgement call was spot on in that she was surprised, but unphased. She was so accepting and, with my permission, she told a few others and it went just great. I was invited to a party at her house and I turned up in full dress and was accepted by everyone there. 

This was my experience and could be an idea for you. How you pass it by the kids would be another issue I can't answer.

If you decide this, and it was a success, you could then lay out your desire for the party. She could help plan it so it was a fun thing to do and a laugh.

You could try another tack. If your team is largely female I am sure that there will be much discussion about the upcoming party about who will wear what. Join in and make a kind of joke about feeling left out of all this and why the girls take so long to dress up , what is the secret - can you see where I am going?  Usually someone might say well wear a dress and make up. Take it from there by saying I will then. 

I know it's an assumption, but usually the care sector is quite a diverse and open minded body. Women are better at accepting as well. After all if your one of a team then what does it matter that you want to dress in a gown  for the party. It';s a big leap but it is clear you'd like to do it and seem to want to go for it so go for it.

Hi Bianca!

Wow! Um... that's very brave! I let the seasoned vets weigh in.

However... and it's just a thought since it is a Christmas gathering you're going to, I have a question: will there be a Mr Claus?

I've been to a few office Christmas parties, some with a Santa who was usually half-cooked by the time he arrived to hand out somewhat naughty gifts. Perhaps Mr Claus requires a Ms/Mrs Claus to help out?

I witnessed this only once when a fellow dressed as Mrs Claus and she looked hot! Everyone wanted to sit on her knee! I bet he was a crossdresser, but as best as I can remember, no one really asked or prodded her about this. Her life, her business.

However, I think what you really want is to legitimize your en femme you, which is on a much higher  level than what I'm suggesting. I cannot offer anything about this, but I salute you!!

I've only wondered what it would be like to show the world Barb, but for me it always came back to my two children when they were younger. My kids are now adults and they know Dad likes to be Mom from time-to-time and their thinking isn't as antiquated as my generation still is.

Take care,

💓 Barb

Hi Bianca girl this sounds like a wonderful suprise to all of your team you have a read on them so take a deep breath and plan it out and just have fun girl ..

Stephanie Bass

Thanks Barb

Mr Claus??

🤣no, I’m verrrry single, and it’s women who float my boat...but gave up on the hope of ever finding one who would want me, all of me, transgender me.

Don’t feel sorry for me, letting that hope go was actually like taking the brakes off my femininity, and letting it loose really has enrichened my life. Being all of me, by myself yes, but no longer with the

‘be who I’m supposed to be to be attractive to women’

anchor.

I’m not looking for a hook up, I just want to 💃 🍷with friends and have a fun time. And my male clothes just hold no appeal to me anymore, I mean a gold sequinned gown, gold heeled sandals, and long chestnut hair trumps anything in my male wardrobe🤣 Just want to do it for ME❤️

I dont know Bianca ,

I am still in the closet due to how my co workers would react and my kids.

Also as I am married it seems to embarrass my wife .

All I can say is way this decision carefully when your lively hood is involved .

I do work with a lot of blue collar mechanics that could make my work life miserable and probably would.

Truly I guess it depends on how often and how much you want to be Bianca.

It truly is sad we have to have this apprehension.

Hugs Patty

Oh, Good Heavens!

I meant no matrimonial implications at all! I was merely proposing a role-playing option to get you into a feminine state of mind, character and appearance as the fictitious Mrs Claus.

My apologies for the confusion.

xo Barb

Hi, Bianca. I enjoyed reading your question and the responses. CeCe lives behind closed doors, so I am not an expert on coming out, but maybe I can offer some food for thought.

Are you looking for a night out as Bianca or are you looking to seek affirmation for Bianca from your co-workers? In either case, I feel like there may be better ways to accomplish your goal. If Bianca is looking for a night out, you can begin by inviting a handful of your favorite co-workers to an evening at a bar, restaurant or dance club now and show them photographs of Bianca in advance. If your primary objective is to unveil Bianca to all your co-workers, you can begin in small ways to introduce her on the job now without suddenly and perhaps unfairly turning everyone's holiday party into Bianca's surprise showcase event.

Although I love the idea of Bianca making a big splash, it seems more appropriate to do that at a party that perhaps you helped organize with that purpose. I suspect that if you start revealing Bianca more subtly now, Bianca would be more warmly received at the Christmas party.

Hi Lisa

Great reply, I couldn’t have put it any better myself 😊

Stephanie xx

Hi Honey....

Gosh, this is a real poser. I work with a small team too and I have thought about this several times. I think just turning up as Bianca may be too much....

That moment in a western when the guy walks into the saloon...and everyone stops and stares, even the pianist stops playing!!!!....I dont think you would want that??....

If i did come out to the team, the individual approach sounds better....sound them out, i'm sure if your colleagues respect and admire your work, then they will feel the same about you as a person.....and the singular responses will give you a clearer picture of what would be best.....if the majority agree, i think Bianca should definitely go to the ball ....you will never get a better chance.

Just my opinion....and I'm dying to read of your decision.

Huggs, Grace ❤️

You work in a close team, you're nurses.... So kind and decent people.
If it were me, I'd tell individuals. Tell them that you crossdress and that on the night of the party, you'll be turning up dressed as a woman. If you choose, tell them your girl name.
I think you'll find that they will all be happy, and dare I say it, excited to meet the other you.
This way, it won't be a shock or a surprise and people will act more natural around you.

I would do this a little in advance, not too far, maybe a week. It'll give them time to think and wonder, but not too much time to forget.

Good luck. I'm certain it will be fine.

I like the idea of selectively confiding in the ones who you think would be the most supportive. If you win over enough to have a support group, then i might go forward. The rest of the group may very well follow their lead.  If you cant get a few supporters individually then I wouldn't try it on a whole group.

Thats just if it was me, you know your group better than anyone.

There are many good replies here, but this one seems to me the safest way to take the temperature(excuse the medical pun) of the room to determine reaction.best of luck however you proceed!

As a former manager - if you plan to present as female at work or a work place event I suggest you include HR and management. They have to deal with the situation so need to plan ahead. Some people likely will not be receptive to the new you so there will be workplace drama - they have to deal with it.  And you are probably not the first person to do this so they can offer some advice and share lessons learned.