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I had a good conversation with my wife about my dressing. I think I was able to explain the emotional reasons behind it. She explained that she is "ok" with me dressing, but it just isn't her thing and she doesn't "need" to be included. She likes me as a man. She also referred to it as a fetish. I had to explain to her that it is not a sexual thing for me. It may have been in my younger years, but now it is more of a spiritual fulfillment. The switch that flips me to a special "happy place" where I feel a way I only feel when I'm dressed.
She asked why I have recently been looking for outings and group events. I told her it seems like a natural progression after 40 years. I need a purpose to this hobby of mine. The satisfaction of getting all dolled up and sitting in the house just isn't enough for me. Why do this if I can't share it with others. Also, the camaraderie that could be found with like minded individuals could be therapeutic. It would be so fantastic to talk and share stories, fashion advice and makeup tips. I would love to be in a group where we could compare talents and improve in areas we may be lacking a bit. There is no mentoring program for crossdressers. We didn't have a high school crossdressing team 🙂 She finally revealed that her biggest concern is me being "outed".
I am in a profession and social circle that would absolutely disown me if they knew of my "dirty little secret". Ridicule would be the least of my worries. I could actually see me losing my job. This terrifies my wife and she can't wrap her mind around why I would risk that. I told her that I only plan on visiting events over 2 hours away. She still sorries about a random meeting with somebody I know that would throw our lives into a tailspin.
I have bounced back and forth between this "hobby" being shameful and hidden, to being proud of it and embracing with all my heart. Now I feel that it can be a horrible curse too. Why should something that I love to do so much, put my livelihood at risk? I have to act like a covert CIA operative as I navigate even this site to make sure that the "real" me can never be discovered. If I remove my glasses, will everybody figure out that Clark Kent is really Superman (Supergirl)? I would love to share photos of me dolled up, but as we all know, the internet is forever. I think I look fairly different with my lashes, wig, bright lips and girl glasses, but the chance is always there. A quick glance or pass-by I may be safe, but if you have a few minutes to dissect a photo, you're going to recognize me. I couldn't give a damn about "what people think", but I really do like my paycheck.
@dannydior301 Fear of being discovered is my main fear too. The fallout, friends and family members shunning, disowning me, or even teasing in cruel fashion are the main reasons for that fear. My coworkers would barely raise an eyebrow for more than a moment, so at least I'm safe there. And that's actually quite sad. People I barely know would be more supportive than close friends and family. Why can't we all be safe everywhere from everyone? Why is there such ignorance and hatred towards men who like to wear women's clothing?
At least my wife is very supportive. Her only fear is that I'll be discovered by someone who hates cross dressers and I'll have to fight to protect myself. I pray for a day very soon for all of us, where we can walk outside without any fear of any kind.
And like you, Danni, dressing isn't about any sexual thrill, though it was when I was much younger. For me, it's a way to love and embrace my femininity and feel an overabundance of joy! It's a way to celebrate me as Jill. And I won't give that up. Haters be damned.
Hugs, Jill
@jillannquinn Jill, I don’t think it’s ignorance and hatred so much as society’s pressure on men and women to behave a certain way. Most of the people I know would react as you describe but since I also know many of them very well, I also know that deep down they wouldn’t give a s*** what I’m doing that doesn’t involve them. They would have an opinion, and that would be to react negatively because that’s what society expects them to do. Because thats the way it’s always been done. That’s the dynamic that has to change.
I have friends who play golf. The discussion of golf comes up and inevitably I’m asked do I play? No. The discussion moves on. I can listen or move on to a different group. Ideally that’s where I’d like to see crossdressing land. Will it ever happen? Not in our lifetimes.
GP
@gracepal From discussions Facebook posts, and random comments I've heard friends and family make over the years, I can say with a fairly high certainty, many of them are ignorant and hateful towards us, towards drag queens, and towards anyone under the LGBTQ+ umbrella. They have many good qualities, but this sector of the population could die and they'd be happy. But you're completely correct, we will never in our lifetimes see attitudes change to the point that others will just shrug their shoulders and move on when they hear about someone they know cross dressers.
Jill
@jillannquinn Well, I’m not on any social media because I avoid toxic people -but I can imagine what you’re saying. In my social orbit, ignorant yes, because they want nothing to do with anything LGBTQ whatever. Which is their right. That said, nobody I know would be happy if any of that segment died off. I would never mingle with that type of mindset. They may be ignorant due to lack of interest but most are aware that there are “different” people among us everywhere and probably even acquaintances and members of their own families. One of the reasons I’m not outing myself anytime soon. My friends and I don’t all have to like the same things. And it’s not real hard to crossdress as an indoor cat.
GP
@gracepal It rarely happens but if anyone asks me if I play golf, I usually reply with "No, I have a life." Probably why I don't have any friends who play golf—or indeed, any friends 
@rebeccabaxter Well like it or not, I’m your friend. I did play golf a couple weeks ago and was reminded of the saying from Mark Twain: “Nothing spoils a nice walk like a game of golf.”
I just don’t get it. After 9 holes I’m thinking…9 more? Seriously? I was fantasizing myself saying to the group: “Hey guys, why don’t we put these clubs away and go home and dress up like girls, huh?” I’m betting they wouldn’t have gotten it. LOL!!!!
And a note to the non-supportive wives: “See sweetie?Crossdressing. It’s just another hobby. You don’t have to like it -but there are people that do. We don’t know why, nor do we have to. We just do.”
@gracepal You could always drop the clubs off at a charity shop and pick a couple of nice dresses when you're there.
@annaredhead LOL! Anna I would have to own some clubs in order to do that girl! I borrowed the ones I used a couple weeks ago. I can’t imagine buying golf clubs. The softball bats I use cost $300 and up. I can only imagine how crazy the golf club prices have gotten.
@gracepal Out of curiosity, I've just picked a random site and checked the price of golf clubs; the cheapest I found is a set of 7 irons for £129, the most expensive for the same number of irons is just over two grand.
I used to play [field] hockey when I was in the Air Force and I personally would probably do a better job playing golf with a hockey stick.
@rebeccabaxter I go with "yes, I have a handicap ... the clubs, I can throw the ball further"
And like you, Danni, dressing isn't about any sexual thrill, though it was when I was much younger. For me, it's a way to love and embrace my femininity and feel an overabundance of joy! It's a way to celebrate me as Jill. And I won't give that up. Haters be damned.
100% for me too, Jill and Danni.
When Rachelle comes out, I go to my happy place. The bra is a hug and the skirt is freedom.
It's just right and who I am and who I want to be.
Everything else is such a bonus - little things like using a pretty shampoo and smelling it just makes me happy and relaxed.
Love
Rachelle
@dannydior301 Danni I love the sincerity and honesty in your posts. If I were still working I would feel exactly the same. I’ve still not posted a public pic for all the reasons you list above. I have no job to lose and don’t care what people think. But one would still have to hear about it now and then, plus my wife would suffer some, in ways I’d probably be unaware of too. It would constitute adding a layer of anxiety in my life that currently doesn’t exist. I’ve considered posting pics with sunglasses on, but then I think - is my background recognizable to very many people? (Yes)
Meanwhile I’m in the “taking pics” phase, posting private photos here. Like you, I’m wanting to make friends, find “girlfriends” and hopefully figure out some future outings, meetups, etc. Nothing flamboyant, just common sensible. Every other hobby I participate in I know others who do it too and we get together often, not just to do our hobby, but for socialization away from it, tell war stories, bs, do all the things hobbyists do. I now want to add in my crossdressing hobby to the mix. Because it would be fun!
I was going to suggest attending Keystone next March but I see that your town falls well within 200 miles of Harrisburg. I agree with your wife that this starts as a fetish, usually when we’re young. How could it not, as a 12 year old boy is not able to go out and acquire a whole wardrobe for himself. But it definitely morphs into something beyond that for most of us. And despite all the love and support we get from our wonderful wives, it takes one to know one🥰
GP
@dannydior301 Danni, what a beautifully written article. I think you're absolutely right that for a lot of us girls there's an initial element of eroticism. For me that's still partially the case as I have no opportunity to experience my femme side, but I can understand that as we grow it morphs into a more rounded sense of peace, relaxation and comfort. Of course we shouldn't feel any shame in what we do, but at the same time there's always an element of risk if you're out and about. I should be so lucky. Two hours away sounds fairly safe to me. But don't lose sight of the fact that you are out to your wife and a lot of girls here, including me, would be thrilled with that. Continue the dialogue and always let her know how much her acceptance means to you. Treat her like a lady, and maybe she'll treat you more like a lady xx.
@chrisfp99 I am VERY fortunate to have her. Even if her support never reaches a place where she is willing to go out with me, she is a special person. I revealed myself before we got married, so she’s known for almost 30 years. I know it is tough for others to understand. Hell, it’s tough for us to understand.
@dannydior301 I have actually run into people I know when I have been out dressed. So far, I have not been outed that I know of. I am always very aware of my surroundings and have been able to avoid direct contact with people I know. Also, I don’t believe anyone, other than very close friends, would even recognize me. Everybody has to do what is right for them and their situation. Sounds like you are making wise choices for you.
Emily
Danni
You're reasons for our best kept secrets are all valid as they are real.
I met someone that had been outed many years ago. She lost everything. A prestigious executive job with a well-known world wide company. A nasty divorce too.
But like the Phionex rose from the ashes to have a career running and performing in Drag shows and pageants.
Most likely you'll have to wait until you retire to fully embrace you're feminine self.
For now just enjoy what enfem time you can.
Fran 🥰
@gafran isn’t it silly that a little dress up time in a “costume” can destroy a life? So many misconceptions about what we do and why. But, hasn’t it been that way forever? “I don’t understand it, so you’re a weirdo”
They probably desire to dress themselves and are covering their feelings with a envious retort!
It's really so one sided. Cis women dressing in drab. It's okay. But not the other way! When togas and long hair were the norm in Roman times. It was beards and makeup was the difference between the sexs.
Go figure!
Fran 🥰
Your concerns are quite valid and I too shared them for a long time.
I finally made the decision in 2024 to step outside fully dressed for the first time. It's been almost 1 yr now and I have gone out 1 or 2 times/month all year. My only regret is waiting until 50 yrs old to start. I was scared to death the first few times but I've mostly gotten over the fear. I am blessed with an amazing supportive wife who often goes out with me and two wonderful and accepting daughters who seem to truly enjoy this side of me. I did find a CD group about 1.5 hrs from my home in a much larger area and we meet up with them. There is cover in crowds and support in numbers. I make it my goal to blend in as much as possible and wear what any nicely dressed 50 yr old woman might wear. For me that means no heels over 1 inch, no short dresses above the knee, or tight tops as I just could never pull off the look. My wife and daughters both assure me that I "pass" but I'm never really sure. I know what I look like both ways and no matter how well I may be put together I can still see "all" of me when I look in the mirror. After my first day out I was showing some pictures to my daughters who were really interested in how my big debut went and my youngest said she could have walked right past me and would never have know who I was. To that, my oldest daughter thanked her because she was the one who did my makeover for the day.
I'm lucky that I don't have to worry about work as I work full time from home and my colleagues are spread across the world. I will never go out dressed in my small town only because my wife knows everyone and I wouldn't want to make her life or my daughter's lives more complicated. My little trips to the big city will be quite enough for me. We do have a plan just in case we see someone that she/we know when out and about. One of us will simply to go off in another direction or leave the area until all clear. So far there has been nothing to be concerned about.
I guess my point is this, if you can find a way to let yourself experience the simple freedom of going out of house, even if for something as simple as a meal or a movie, it will be so amazing and maybe even life changing as it has been for me. It will take some caution and planning and if you can connect with a group that will make it all the better. If you can make it happen you'll be so glad you did.
@dannydior301 Great article and reminds me that we do still have "those people" so hopefully retirement will allow you to open up. what really grabbed my attention was the "why do we need to go out?" the dressing is not a sexual thing and for me it started as a private affair, and largely still is, where I dress for me, but more and more I want to go every where as Ally ... but why? Fortuately, I am down to about 3 changes and around 45minutes before the door open, but that is when pressure starts, so much fretting ... the way we walk, the way we stand, sit, gestures, etc, etc. Why do I do this to myself ... it could be the throw clothes and out the door in 45seconds, but no, it's 45 minutes. I remember before my girly voice I would go out and avoid everyone so I did not have to speak ... yet I felt successful. To be honest I still don't have an answer but as I plan to quit crossdressing I am okay with not having a reason to dress like a girl.
Lastly, it's not the wigs, lashes and lips that change us, yes they help, but it's an inner change that makes the difference. In my early days, when i was discovering, i spent an evening taking around 330 photos - exact same wig, lashes, etc - just working out expressions, gestures, poses and ... I don't know, my girly powers. Long story short, don't count on the paraphernalia, it comes from within.
@dannydior301 - great article Danni. Very honest, and deals with the balancing act many of us go through. There may come a time when you can dress more freely. It's a good time to explore your options for how you can do that though. I've found that being dressed in the company of other crossdressers is very liberating - and nobody has actually asked 'who I am'. I think there is probably an unwritten code of discretion among crossdressers, as so many face the same issues.
@dannydior301 I have the same problem too!! And you speak of it just like I would, it was sexual at first and my wife was OK with it but as I progressed she started to back away, and I am also at the point "kinda" that I don't care my kids are grow and they have known YES it's my escape and my hobby as well I've fell in love with being Krissy and would nothing else to be able to really share it with you or any other, I'm not passible, but I have this girl in here that has wants and needs great article I've feel the same way as you,, Krissy
@dannydior301 Having retired, work is not an issue. I have a very supportive wife whose biggest worry is me being outed. We live in a rural setting and the amount of narrow minded nosey busy bodies is basically the whole area. Even though yes, I would love to step out I respect her concerns as this is a marriage and I do not want my hobby to effect her in anyway.
@dannydior301 such a thoughtful post (and so many thoughtful responses from the community!). thanks for this. I'm at a similar spot with my wife and my dressing. On the one hand, i just love the ritual of dressing and I feel a joy from seeing this alternative vision of myself actually materialize. It's historically been a very internal thing for me - me seeing me. On the other hand, now I'm thinking, of posting photos here and eventually going out into the world in some capacity. "All dressed up and nowhere to go."
My wife is the only other person who knows about my dressing and I've never been out in the world dressed because I'm terrified about someone in our social circle finding out and then spreading the "news" like wildfire. I think I can get comfortable (and my wife too) with dressing out at a CD event or a LGTBQ club or similar. Somewhere CDs are "supposed" to be. Going to a Starbucks I'm not sure. And going anywhere with my wife would almost certainly always be off limits. Not b/c she would be ashamed of being with me but b/c - even fully made up with wig and everything - it's very likely someone close to us would recognize me if I was standing next to her.
What I find funny - a sad kind of funny - is that I think my social circle and job would be 95% fine with me even if they knew I crossdressed in private (i think a CD event kind of counts as private in my mind). It would be like "oh, sometimes he does 'drag' for fun" Different. but no big deal. Put another way, my golfing buddies would be fine golfing with me dressed in drab even if they knew that I sometimes dressed in dresses in private.
And I think my people would be ok with me coming out as transgender. "She was born in the wrong body. How wonderful that she feels like she can be her true self now" I recognize my privilege here. I live in the san francisco bay area and there are many gay and, increasingly, trans people in our circle and I believe that they are all well accepted (at least relative to many parts of the world). What that would do to my marriage is a different story - but I have no doubt she would still love and accept me. Golfing buddies would accept me as a transwoman and would eventually probably be fine with me golfing with then again fully dressed and madeup.
What I don't think even my very accepting social group could wrap their head around is me being an out and about cross-dresser. Sometimes appearing in public as the "me" they know and sometimes as bryce. Not "trans". Not "gay". Just walking around in panties and a dress b/c it makes him happy sometimes? It just doesn't seem to compute for people. Eventually some friends would fall out and I'd make new one who did accept it but it would be a much more tumultuous process. Back to the golfing buddies, I don't think I get invited to play anymore. In drab or in a dress.
This is all hypotheical and maybe these distinctions are in my head, but that's what I feel.
So, for now anyway, my plan if I ever get found out by someone in our circle is to use the drag line. I just do this for fun sometimes. No big deal 🙂
I believe we all have that fear, but if you live in a big city the chances of encountering someone you know are almost zero, plus if you present yourself as a woman, making sure you are blending not wearing anything outrageous, chances are if an acquaintance sees you they will probably not recognize you.
Also, if anyone would be hanging out at a place, group, club with people like us, then they will probably have the same desires.
Last, I would not go to a public place next to my home or workplace.
Almost zero chances of being recognisd, but not zero chances. My wife and I have been in a crowded building ~20 miles from our home and she was recognised by a friend/neighbour. I quietly moved away and let them chat. However, this is not a normal occurrence.
I have also been in a local mall while wearing a COVID mask (yes, I still protect myself) and had my next door neighbour walk right past me two times without seeing me.
It depends.
Danni my wife is somewhat tolerant vis a vis Giselle but is paranoid about someone we
know learning about Giselle. If that happened ( someone we know learning about Giselle)
i fear our marriage ending. ( we have been married 40 years )
@gisellereeves We always think of “What if we’re out and we bump into someone we know?” Never usually “What if we’re out with our wives and one of her friends (and yours) comes up to chat?” Yet another thing to be concerned about and have a plan for when going on an outing for sure. And not because you care or don’t care about being outed. Because it would just be downright uncomfortable. If it isn’t going to be fun, why do it?
I feel the exact same way, I would love to venture out but my wife does not approve of me leaving the house dressed. Like others have said I would plan on where to go, not close to home, and in a friendly location. Hive thought about attending the yearly CD event for 3 days in a CD friendly hotel. Again, my wife does not approve. I am not so much concerned about being found as I have posted many photos in my profile because I really don’t care if someone finds me. They must be looking if they find me and I would ask “what were you looking for and why?”.
Anyhow, for now I’m stuck dressing at home when I get the opportunity.
Once I did venture out while on a business trip in San Diego, California. It was a great feeling to walk around but I avoided interacting with anyone. Maybe some day? Hugs, Traci
@traci429 Traci I relate to your post here and it made me think - “What if I found someone here on CDH definitely in my circle of acquaintances?”
Well I would certainly never out them, nor would I even let them suspect I knew about them. In other words nothing would happen. Which gives me comfort whenever I imagine the worst.
Unless you have an arch-enemy with reason to suspect you, along with nefarious motives to begin with, it’s never gonna happen. And if it were to, you’d probably never know.
If you go out and run into and get recognized by someone who knows the both of you - it’s a whole other story. It’s definitely selfish to consider going out and risk involving your wife - if she’s not wanting to participate at that level.
It’s a complicated little hobby, this crossdressing business!🤣
GP
I can certainly understand you & your wifes concern Danni. This is coming from a single girls perspective who lives in a small town and goes out in the wild all the time.
First, are you being honest with yourself, would any of your acquaintances recognize you if you are at a place out of context for you, and you do not engage them in conversation, or have any obvious tells like ink? Assuming you do a reasonable good job with hair, makeup, and outfit, you are not with your wife which would make the association obvious, i think not.
Plus, you live in a far, far, far more accepting area than i do. Me personally, you live six miles from Harrisburg.. i would have no problem going there for shopping, dinners, drinks. I live about the same distance to a small city, Fayetteville, and i just am careful close to my home. Up there, i could be standing in the checkout line beside one of my neighbors & they would never recognize me.
Of course, only you can make the choice of if the risk is worth the reward.
Additionally, Harrisburg, in mid March hosts a very large cd trans event, the Keystone Conference.. attendance exceeds 700 girls. You should give that some serious consideration. You would be lost in a sea of hundreds of girls, one of which will be me...
Best of luck
Em
@emilysouthern Wise words from a seasoned veteran, thanks Em🥰 You make some great points in your response.
I think there’s something to be said about being in a sea of over 700 “members of the cult”. Makes me giddy just thinking of it. For starters, in a situation like that, theres more of us than there are of them. When I went to socials many years ago, amongst the couple of dozen girls that were always there, there would always be one who came in drab, too scared to put on her female finery. Always stood out like a sore thumb too.
At some point it makes total sense to go out and meet some of our fellow “hobbyists” from CDH. What’s all the practice for if you’re not going to get in the game at some point?
GP
@emilysouthern I’ve considered Keystone, but it is so very close to home. My wife would never agree to that.
@dannydior301 Diva Las Vegas in the fall is another conference you might consider since it is far from home. I know several of the girls that attend that one and really enjoy it. I would love to attend any of them but my wife is a hard no on Michelle being out and about.
You may want to look for a CD group where you can change on premisis. This allows you to go en homme, change and meet with others, then change back before going home. This allows you to meet with others without seeing anyone else who is not a CD.
It is that fear of being outed which is the fear of an individual, any partner and not only to the what may happen to you but the knock on effect to her and wider family. Not only that is your livelihood is at risk. A double whammy of events for you Danni and a common thread. Every situation is different and if the partner has a level of acceptance and, from what we read of experiences, it generally has to be managed. being outed in error is a situation that cannot be managed and the fallout can be unpleasant.
There are suggestions as to how you can try and get to meet others and a few have managed to do that containing the situation with great caution.
There are ways through this and managed to limit any possibilities but that fear has to be overcome to achieve this and it may take time and a lot of negotiation and planning.
I hope you can achieve your goal Danni.
It seems with today's society we are supposed to act as people see us either as a man or a woman. I feel it is the fear of the unknown is why we are judged so harshly, I guess that is the nature of our society. Also I feel a lot of people don't want to understand , they are just set in their ways whether it is right or wrong. It would be so nice if everyone could accept people for who they are, and not who they think they should be.
Alexis Grace xoxo 😘
As a semi retired 68 year old, the worry about my crossdressing affecting my job is over. There was a time though when I would have been in the same situation you are in. At this point in my life I believe my wife is more worried about me being recognized when I am out and about than I am.
This topic is a perfect example of why this site is so important to so many of us. For some, like me, it’s the only outlet we have to share our thoughts, feelings, and frustrations. Big thanks to all who participate!
I disagree and think most of peoples objection is rooted in ignorance, just as it is with most LGBT issues. Sure, some is cultural and religous, but the reason for cultural and religous intolerance is ignorance. Once people truly learn about this types of issues and actually know such people their intolerance fades quickly. Once people got to know a few gay/lesbian people their intolerance usually decreases significantly.
My wife does not care if I dress as she knows it is really no big deal.
@dannydior301 I don't know that my situation is quite as dire. Most of me wants to tell everyone. The reason I don't is because they don't need to know and who am I to go pushing that on them.
Work is a little different, but only slightly. I don't think I would lose my job if someone found out - as long as I didn't show up for work dolled up, that could be problematic.
It is my feelings on this that give me the freedom to go to the mall or grocery store or wherever. If someone sees me and recognizes me (which is unlikely) then they know, not because I told them, but because of a random encounter. If they want to know more I'm happy to share. If they want to go telling everyone...well then they've kind of done my work for me. I don't really feel I can be outed because I already wanna tell people.
@melodeescarlet Melodee you really do occupy one of the unique perches here on CDH. If there were more of you -crossdressing might be just another hobby for people to consider getting into. You definitely have a great attitude regarding your situation. You’re going to do what you want and nobody has to like it except you. But you also won’t force it upon others either. Which is simple and how it should be. As I read some of the posts on CDH, many girls seem to miss that part of the equation in their thinking and attitudes.
GP
@gracepal Well thank you, Grace!
I'm not sure there's anything special about me, I just think that given my experiences I've gotten to this place. Plenty of others could, but they may not have had those types of, or even sequence of things happen to them to get them to this position.
I do think you've got it right though, apart from my SO, no one's opinion on my dressing really matters to me, and I think that's a huge factor in how I behave when dolled up. How people interpret my behavior means that no matter what they think about my look, I feel they're at least thinking, "...but that girl doesn't lack for confidence, sure enough," and they go on about their day and I go on about mine.
@melodeescarlet Exactly. The longer I live I realize that self confidence really is 90% of anything we’re doing. It’s the old cliche of “Whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right.” It’s true in everything we do.
Would anyone want to be about to go into surgery and hear their doc say: “I’m pretty nervous about this one. Hope I can pull it off without any problems but I doubt it.” H*** no we wouldn’t. No different with crossdressing either. You definitely exude a confident crossdresser vibe and I think it inspires others.
GP
@gracepal I love that quote!
I believe all mammals have an inherent ability to sense the stability of their own kind and humans are mammals. If one goes out acting nervous, people can sense that and it attractions the wrong kind of attention.
Acting like one would in their everyday lives gives others the sense that you're just getting on with it, and they do the same.
@melodeescarlet so glad to have met you at the event last Saturday! Your confidence and positivity is infectious for sure. Being out in a group is so much more fun than hiding in the house! Can’t wait to do it again someday.
@dannydior301 Hey there! Likewise, we had a great time chatting with you and the Mrs. 😊
@melodeescarlet I wanted to tell anyone who asked—and I still will, if they do—but my wife seems to have gone a little cold on the idea and is very much against me telling any locals (even though two of them already know). I asked her about getting to the car then, but she didn't seem bothered about that—weird. I think it works along the same lines as Melodee above, in that if someone recognises me then they've done my job for me; so while I don't go out of my way to tell people, I really couldn't care less if they find out for themselves.
In any event, I still go out and about dressed away from home, I am still confident in my ability to blend in and no longer bother about using my own voice when talking to shop assistants. Confidence is key in most things—although possibly not if driving while drunk, the theory then probably falls down 
.
Becca
@rebeccabaxter You and Melodee seem to have a similar viewpoint regarding going out in public dressed. Very interesting to ponder as I imagine myself in those situations. You both seek approval and acceptance of some sort just by going out. You’re happy to discuss crossdressing with anyone inquiring about it and yet you both say you don’t care what others think. What am I missing here? Are you going out because you want to provoke reactions and see what happens, hoping for the best? Changing society’s view of us one mind at a time? I don’t understand the mission here girls.
GP
I can't speak for Melodee, but when I say I don't care, I mean to say that I don't care if people know about me, I'm just don't want to be the first to bring up the subject.
I don't feel the need to reveal my proclivities but I'm not bothered if people find out. Take, for example, your average vegan. Now I'm sure there are vegans that just go about being vegan, eating greens and not bothering anyone, but at the same time, there are vegans who will bring it into the conversation within the first 20 seconds: "Hello, my name is Stacey. What's that your eating, oh god I wouldn't eat that, I'm a vegan." If you have to ask if someone is vegan, they're probably not.
It's not that I don't care what others think, it's more that I can't really do anything about it apart from conform to the 'norm'; I'm not good at that, so I don't.
I'm not standing on a virtual platform. proclaiming that I am a cross-dresser and that everyone else should be. I'm not on that same platform demanding rights for cross-dressers--because I'm not going to get them. I'm not a cross-dressing evangelist, I just want to get on with my life; I'm not harming anyone. There are worse things, that humans can and will do, than putting on an alternative set of clothes.
I'm not seeking approval or acceptance when I go out, my aim when I go out dressed, is to blend in, to be innocuous. Some things reveal me -- my voice, for example -- but I have to live with that; I'm not actually a woman so there will always be something that gives me away, whatever I do.
If someone is genuinely interested in cross-dressing then, of course, I'm going to explain what it is for me, but as with most things, the reason for doing anything is usually personal to you.
A few years ago, I used to keep bees. I didn't go about telling people I was a bee-keeper, but if they found out and asked me about bees, you could not stop me; I could talk for hours on bees and bee-keeping and I had to hold myself back in the end, just for them to get a look-in on the conversation. I'm the same with cross-dressing: I don't bring it up, but if someone asks, well...
I'm not sure if that answers your question or makes it worse, but for now it's the best I can do.
Becca
@rebeccabaxter Becca it helps clarify my opinions on crossdressing in general as it pertains to me, so thanks for the reply. I like to refer to CDing as a hobby in most of my posts. When one takes it outside however, it becomes a whole other thing. Because it’s not just one of the mainstream hobbies as we all know. It’s not like you’re fishing off a pier and someone walks by, notices then asks you what kind of bait are you using?
I’m still figuring out what works for me girl. And I’m pretty positive it’s not “going solo”. At the very least I need to be among other practitioners of the art.🥰
GP
@gracepal From what I see from your pictures, I don't think you'd have any problem going out (perhaps the Christmas outfits might be a step too far for casual shopping though 😀) ; of course, it depends what the locals are like where you live. Here in the UK, nobody really gives a toss what anyone else is doing and with our typical British reserve, no one is likely to approach you; I know it is not necessarily like that in the States.
The first time I visited Boston, I was sat in a bar minding my own business, when two girls deliberately came over and introduced themselves as they must have heard my accent when taking to to the barman. For someone from the UK this is very strange indeed and I was mightily suspicious as to their motives, but no, they were genuinely interested in where I was from ("Near London? We know people in London, perhaps you've met them?").
@rebeccabaxter LOL, yeah because everyone in London knows each other don’t they?
I had a good friend in California who was English and from London. Perhaps you knew him?🤣. Funny thing about him was he hated everything about it! Born, raised, worked there all his career in broadcasting. He had met a lady and moved to California when he retired in his early 60’s and never had anything good to say about “Jolly Old England”. It was always, “cameras everywhere watching you.”, “pissy rain, every day!” So of course we became buddies. He pretty much convinced me that I never needed to visit England…”You’ll hate everything about it!” I said well, maybe I’d go just for the Fish and Chips. He says - “Best Fish and Chips I ever had are in Sacramento, California.” True story. (I went there and tried them and they were pretty darn good too.) He loved California at a time when I was thinking - I need to get the he** outta there. So it’s all in your perspective on things.
Thanks for the pic compliments. I don’t get many as I only post in private photos and it’s a ghost town in there most of the time. So you’re saying I might attract some attention if I venture out as “Grace Claus” Becca? Well maybe that’s what I’m after subconsciously. NOT!😆
GP
@gracepal It is true about the cameras, apparently we have more CCTV cameras per head of population than anywhere else in the world, although I think I'd rather have that than know that everyone in the country has a gun and would have to pay for their healthcare if they got shot.
It does rain a lot, especially where I live in the south west of England, but I doubt it rains anymore than somewhere of similar climate in the States, like Seattle.
I liked America when I came over in the eighties but I'm not sure I would be so keen now as, like everywhere, places are just not as safe as they used to be.
Still, we all live where we live and if we didn't like it, we could always move, I suppose; can't see it happening at my age. My brother upped-sticks and left for New Zealand in the early seventies, I've only seen him twice since, once when he came back for our father's funeral and then once when he came on a tour of Europe some years later; I doubt I'll see him again as I am 70 and he is six years older than I.
Grace Claus. Has a ring to it, or perhaps a jingle.
Becs
You both seek approval and acceptance of some sort just by going out. You’re happy to discuss crossdressing with anyone inquiring about it and yet you both say you don’t care what others think.
If I implied that, then I apologize. For me it's the opposite - outside of my GF, I absolutely do not need or seek anyone's approval or acceptance. I dress for me. My approval before I walk out the door, is the one that matters.
If anyone should happen to be genuinely curious or interested, then I'm more than happy to explain my own reasons behind it, though as yet that hasn't happened.
