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For the past several weeks, I’ve not had any real time being Lexie. Primarily due to my wife completely against my cross dressing. For those that have read other posts of my relationship with my wife, I won’t repeat that part here.
even if I wear heels late at night while she sleeps, if she wakes up in the middle of the night, which she doesn’t most nights, and she sees me with my heels, she has told me “those make me uncomfortable”, referring to my heels.
my wife won’t discuss my cross dressing, nor make any compromises concerning such. From what little discussion we have had on this issue, I have limited options, give up cross dressing, separation, or divorce. She feels that cross dressing is deviant, at least for her husband. She has stated unequivocally, that she married a man, not a woman (I am not a woman, I am a cross dresser).
I identify myself more as Lexie, than my male self. I have no interest in SRS, or any male to female transformations. I am very, very lonely. While those that I work with are very accepting of Lexie, and I am much happier as a human being as Lexie, with this pandemic and working from home, I am very, very lonely!
just needed to get this off my chest!
thank you for reading this.
Hi Lexie. I'm really sorry to hear that you are in that situation and I really empathize with you. Although my wife doesn't know about my cross dressing, I am 99% sure that I'd get the same treatment and ultimatum. My wife and I are friends now after some really rough times about 10 years ago brought about by me and my drinking (which I've stopped). However, we have zero intimacy and I can understand your loneliness.
I wish there was a magic wand I could wave that would make your situation better. About all I can do is offer a shoulder and an ear if you need it and a piece of advice my wife told me about when she was deciding whether she wanted to stay with me or not back then. She asked herself the question, is my life better off with him or without him. Ultimately, she answered, with me, but I'm pretty sure there are many days that she wishes she had made a different call.
Good luck to you. PM me if you'd like. I'd be happy to talk to you.
*kisses* tara 🙂
Tara, thank you, I will take you on that but it won’t be tonight.
with love,
Lexie
Hard call.
Lexie,
Please get some help.
With loving concerns,
Diane
Hayhay lexie I no its hard and I truly understand were your coming from its a really hard place to be just no your not alone you have all of us here. The right thing to do is different for everyone but the more you hide the more it will hurt. If you ever need to talk and let things out im always here hugs layla x
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I am currently seeing a therapist about this and other issues in its life. Thank you.
My wife has said similar, but I will not enter into that choice - I mean to have my cake and eat it. It's my cake, and nobody else's!
To me, there is no argument, no problem.
There is the issue of her non-acceptance that I have to deal with, going forwards, but it is entirely her issue, despite her making it mine to by compelling me not to dress around the family.
However, she was the one who demanded that "obey" was removed from our marriage vows, so she is definitely not "she who must be obeyed", rather, "she who must be respected".
So I respect her wished, and insist that mine are also respected. Costume parties and time away for dressing are better than nothing - stealth dressing helps too.
Every little helps - and looking forward to the future and the next taste gives some hope.
My main focus is on being the best husband and father I can, to reassure that the man is still here (there is no woman in our relationship either - a sensitive, girly man is surely an improvement over a chauvinistic macho man?).
Love Laura
Dear Laura,
I think I see how you handled things between yourself and your SO.
I will reread your letter and try to apply it to my situation, modified to fit my situation of course!
Lexie,,, what can I say?
We are all here, for you, I wish your situation was better, It pains me each time I read a posting like yours. I'm afraid I have no advice, to give, but as others, If you need to vent, or just a hug, please pm me,
Hugs, Regi👩💕💕
Hi Lexi, I am sorry that you are going through this it is tough,I went through it too. Your SO may decide to accept or she may never, there is always times when one finds the opportunity to be their feminine side.
I travel so thats mostly my opertunity for others its when SO is at work.
Well she knows about it which is better then some,
As for the loneliness most states have CD groups or gatherings. I have gone to such myself,they can be a wonderful choice to spend an evening enfemme.
Best of luck, baby steps with your wife let her know your still her husband she married. There is just another side of you that you enjoy but will not force her to, but would be good if she could tolerate Lexi once in awhile 💋s Shannon
HI Lexie,
I am sorry to hear of your situation and loneliness.
I understand somewhat with my situation.
My wife had Knowledge of my evolving interest in crossdressing as ours started out when we were spicing up our intimate life a bit and I put on some High heeled boots.
I fell in love with wearing heels
And it just escalated ,My wife bought my first pair of black pumps and even helped me shop for girl cloths.
However when I started having female mannerisms and then accidentally had some very feminine panties on during a spontaneous intimate time it was over.
we came close to divorce .
I had to look deep into myself and tell my wife I love her very much but I can't stop if I wanted to .
I love her very much but I couldn't stop.
We set a boundary where I tried to dress out of her site but it didn't help it killed our intimacy for her totally.Even though I had no desire to dress femme when we were intimate.
any way we are still Happily married but there is no intimacy and I dress some in front of her now.
I dont have much choice as she doesn't work and I only have my weekends to dress.
However as long as I dont go out side or am seen or dress locally she is OK.
I miss the intimacy in the bedroom but we still hold hands and Its the best I can do for now.
I am and always will be feminine now.
I hope this may help in some way, please PM me if You need someone to talk to Ok .
I understand the loneliness
Huggs Patty
Hi Lexie,, You have done the right thing you have reached out to the people who truly can feel and understand your situation. You may feel lonely now but remember your definitely not alone. There are millions of people from all parts of the world that are or have been in your situation. Finding the right in- person therapist is a good start. Its ultimately up to you to change your situation. Most of us find a way to express how we feel whether its in private and alone looking for opportune times here and there. Some of us are so very fortunate who found a SO that at the very least tolerates our desire to express our selves in the feminine. We all recognize by now that part of you WILL NEVER GO AWAY. Its simply just a part of you that needs some attention. You are in charge of making that time. Not anyone else. You are taking charge by just being here and reaching out to others who have been there and back again. You are a part of a community that is so unique but very diverse at the same time. When you embrace who you are as a person and begin to treat that part of you with respect and kindness then others are forced to do the same. Those who truly love you will be there for you but remember they have to know everything about you that is so very scary for a lot of here. We have been taught at a very young age how not to be vulnerable. One of the many things that young boys are taught is not show our feelings. Simple things like crying or putting on something that may look cute and pretty. What is strange is that message came from a lot of the woman in our young lives. Not because they were being mean but to protect us from society and their expectations. They were teaching us how to survive in this very tough world. So we begin our young life feeling alone. We learn how to hide our true feelings and bury them so deep hoping those feelings would never come back and as I said before they just re-appear at different parts of our life. Most of us hid that part of us when we decided to get married for fear of losing a potential partner in life. We continue to feel alone with our thoughts until the time comes we just want to share our thoughts with some one. Would it be lovely if we could share our thoughts with the one person we truly love and that person supported and even some times helped us be the whole person we all desperately want to be. Lexie, you are not alone its up to you to make changes in your life so you do not have to feel lonely. We are all here for you and fully support your desire to express that special part of you.
Luv Stephanie
Lexi...
We can all feel lonely within even loving and affirming relationships. One can only do what one can though it does strike me that for many CDers they are treated very unfairly and without love and understanding. It may not be my place to say anything or give any advice... my wife, when asked about her thoughts on my ‘journey’ said “I love you for who you are not for what you portray to the outside world” Her love for me has been the catalyst for Polly to become a full time woman. Just as I have loved her through all of her travails she loves me back, equally. For me... love is supposed to be freely given and accepted and no one person should ever dictate the terms of that love! Why then... it is not love but a bargaining chip, a form of emotional blackmail. Yes, there are relationships that have yet to find a common ground but one cannot hold out indefinitely without serious emotional and psychological damage being done.
I suspect that all being equal, the percentage of men who have to crossdress in secret because of their SOs not accepting is huge! Shameful statistics maybe. 🥺😢😭☹️😳
Perplexed Polly ❤️
I’m glad you reached out to share and connect, be well Lexie.
