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I was reading through some of the posts on the subject of the biggest fear when going out as a woman and one of the recurring fears therein was the fear of getting beaten up by intolerant people; to be honest, it rather put the dampers on any ambitions I have to go out in public but I have to see both sides of this first.
I know many people go out in the company of others and often to sympathetic groups like LGBT bars and Pride occasions where the chance of attack is probably quite low, but I am more concerned with the act of going out, say, shopping in a city (which is what my first time out is likely to be, if it happens).
How many of you have actually been physically assaulted as a direct result of going out dressed as a woman? Is the fear of assault far outweighing the actual acts of assault or is assault a [relatively] common thing?
I’ve been out fully en femme three times now and I can’t wait for my next outing! I’ve gone out in the daytime and I get home well before dark. Like Harriet, I have a number of years of martial arts training and I look for trouble ahead of walking into a place, including people I may know.
So far, all three of my outings have been safe and fun even though I was clocked everywhere I went. The last time I went out was this past December and my first stop was to Barnes and Noble. Because it was Christmas time, the store was packed. I had to wait in the longest line I’ve ever seen there. But not one person accosted me in any way. In fact, the salesman whom I didn’t want to call me up to the register (he was my parent’s age and I was sure he’d be some what intolerant, boy was I wrong) addressed me as ma’am!
Everywhere I went I was treated like a person, a real human and not a monster that deserved to be stoned by the mob. I hope you go soon and experience only the worst of my best experiences, Becca! Be safe and have fun!
Hugs, Jill
P.S. Let us know how your first outing goes!
This seems to be a fairly common fear although, at least here in the UK, I think the evidence of actual occurrences is very low. However, it's fairly obvious that the risk increases depending on where and when you are out dressed. I had one "unpleasant" experience when returning to a hotel late one evening dressed. Somehow, I had lost my room key card which I also needed to get into the hotel. While I was scrabbling around in my handbag another male guest arrived and held the door open for me and said something like "after you love". So I gratefully went into the hotel and eventually found someone to issue me with a new key card. As I got into the lift to go up to my room, the man who had helped me get into the hotel appeared from nowhere and entered the lift after me. He was obviously a bit drunk and made a fairly feeble attempt to invite me to his room for a drink. Fortunately he didn't try to follow me to my room and I gave a big sigh of relief as I locked the door to my room behind me.
Now, in this case, nothing happened. The man wasn't aggressive just a bit creepy but I was still scared and it is possible, although I think unlikely, that he had not necessarily targeted me because I was trans. In effect, was I just receiving the same treatment that all cis women get when out alone at night? I go out regularly during the day dressed and I have never encountered any kind of hostility not even verbal and certainly not physical in these situations. I know it seems to be rather obvious, but the risk does seem to increase substantially if you are alone, at night and in an area where you are likely to come into contact with drunken men which is the same risk that all women routinely face.
Thanks for the encouragement. I am very unlikely to go out at night dressed as I rarely go out at night anyway except to go to the theatre; in fact one of my planned outings is to see Everybody's Talking About Jamie at The Theatre Royal. I was going to say that would be a nice evening out but I've just revisited my tickets and it is a matinee performance at 2.30 pm and so is the next play we are going to see. The first performance in an evening I have to go on my own as my wife has double-booked and will be on holiday in the Mediterranean. Whether I dare go 'en femme et seule' remains to be seen -- TBH, it's rather unlikely as I would be sitting next to an empty seat which might look a little sad.
In all the years of going out I have only had a few small incidents which occurred during my early years where I wasn't as confident and 'not quite there' in the overall appearance. I live in the U.K. and now all is well. It does depend where you live and where you go and just being mindful of surroundings is what any girl should do.
I would have to rely on guile and observation as martial arts of any kind are completely off limits due to arthritic hands; TBH I couldn't use my hands to punch my way out of a paper bag.
I can't see myself doing anything other than shopping in the nearby city. I don't use public transport and I don't drink any more so apart from lunch, bars and pubs are not really attractive to me. I can't say I'm too worried about going out assault-wise but it's best to check others experiences and take their advice; forewarned is forearmed.
I have been out in public en femme somewhere around 400 times so far and I've never really had a serious problem. We all know that there are certain areas of our towns or counties that have an unsavory reputation so simply stay away from them. If you dress to blend in and do a decent enough job with your makeup and female mannerisms you shouldn't have much to worry about except those things that all women worry about.
I've was worried about being accosted the very few times I was out, too, though it probably isn't that common, but no more as with my 'luck' the next person i'd run into would be antagonistic. Which reminds me of a real life story. My older brother back in college was on the football team and by that time was a black belt in karate (late 60's) He was walking around a large metro area waiting for a bus and someone approached him, pulled a knife and demanded his wallet. He looked the guy over and figured he could out run him, which he did, although the knife blade did cut his shirt. So, unless one is a very well established professional in one of the arts of self-defense, getting away should be the first option, I would think.
I have gone out in several different states of fem dress from just heels with mens clothing to fully dressed except of makeup. I have never had any interaction that I was worried would move into an assault. The worst was hearing people talk after I walked by ____________ insert your own rude comment but nothing that made me fearful, just sad that they were that way as it takes away from their joy to take the time to bad mouth me. With that said I do not go places where I would not go as HandsomeHusband(HH) and a lot of times I will scout new locations as HH before going as Paula. I have been out in Austin, Bryan, College Station, Dallas, San Antonio, San Marcos and Abilene in Texas. I will not go out in the smaller towns in the western part of the state.
The staff from the maid to the manager at my normal IHG hotel in San Antonio know about Paula and treat Paula like a queen.
I have never been physically threatened or laid a hand upon as Michelle,maybe a long stare once or twice,but the most memorable was yesterday at Village Inn,a family type restaurant here in Arizona.,who just happens to have THE best pies in the state.I was sitting in a booth enjoying a piece of French Silk pie and diagonally across from me was a family of four people,30 something mother and father and two children,approximately2 and 4 yrs .The two year old AND the father spent at least ten{10} minutes staring at me.Now I understand small children staring but the father too?I was dressed to blend in,jeans a nice top and small heeled booties,2 inch.If behaviour is a learned thing,what has this father taught his son?It was not worth a confrontation,I enjoyed my pie,chatted with the waiter and got up and walked out to pay at the counter.Perhaps this father will learn sooner or later.
I've been out and dressed pretty much all over the USA and now a few other countries. As a woman I'm a little more cautious of my surroundings. I avoid places that look too risky. I'm a little more selective about where I park or walk. I avoid places that don't have people present. It's not a lot different than in male mode, just a little bit more careful. When going out at night, it's important to know to leave while people are still out. Don't stay for last call anywhere, unless you are with a group.
I've really never had a bad experience anywhere.