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1. To the crossdresser: This is your choice, not your SO's.
2. Your "reveal timing" has an effect on acceptance.
3. Your SO thought she had the man of her dreams, the man she truly loved. In reality, she got you and your "girl friend". So instead of the two you, there is the three of you.
4. Three people, living the life that is traditionally for two, don't kid yourself, it is hard. You know the saying, "two women in the house never works". Never say never! It can work, with a lot of conversation, an extreme amount of understanding and a sense of humor.
5, Conversation....all three of you, husband, girl friend and wife, must talk! Expressing feelings, (sometimes this is really hard), remember, NO yelling, no arguing, if it gets to that point, STOP!
6. Understanding....there are emotions that are extreme, impossible to understand. Talking, reading, searching for information. Be careful of the information you find. Some of it is extreme, not at all true and written by someone looking to make a buck.
7. Sense of humor. This is so hard to explain. If you are new to this, especially for the SO, you see nothing funny about any of it. But in time and with understanding, and going back to the conversation, you will "get it". Imagine standing in the store, your man is under dressed and you see him trying to be so discrete fixing a bra strap.....you just bust out laughing and you get THAT look!!!
8. Where you live, your circle of friends, family, your church, where you work, your kid's school, how old they are, the list goes on and on. Crossdressers, yes, all of this effects you, but please remember it also effects your SO, possibly more so than you. Be patient, be willing to compromise and always, always put your SO first. Keep in mind there are two of you and only one SO!! For the most part, I believe a SO leads a very private and lonely life. She may have friends, but probably does not confide in them the BIG secret that she is living. She may find it easier to isolate, than to keep that secret or risk saying something that she should not.
9. Do not expect total acceptance ever. Do not expect your SO to use the proper pronouns or your fem name. This all takes time at the very least, and it may never happen, either because she finds it hard to remember, or simply because she finds it not acceptable to her standards.
10. If your SO is willing to accept you as you, the two of you, be thankful for whatever you get. Don't rush!!!! To you, SO, this will never go away. You must make your choices. Sincerely hoping that you can embrace this new world, find out all you can, and just "go with it". It is doable!!!
I urge all of you to seek any information and help you can find. Crossdresser Heaven is a super place to start. All three of you will find information, but also friends that are understanding and will help in any way they can.
If at all possible, for a really informative, entertaining and just plain good old fun, try to come to the KEYSTONE CONFERENCE. For more information"
keystoneconference.org
Good luck in your journey thru life............to all three of you!!!!
Very well said...
Love,
Tommie
P.S. Both of us liked this post 🙂
Well written sweetie ❤️
Thank you, a great read.
Wonderful words of wisdom from someone with the knowledge to write them. Thank you.
🍷C
Sorry, but I have to disagree with your initial premise of "all three of you". Many of us are just guys who dress. There are two people in our relationship, myself and my wife. No doubt for some, maybe even many, there are three.
Thank you my wonderful wife and girlfriend from your husband and girlfriend Stephanie ..
💋💋💖💖💖
Stephanie
And if you ever get to the point of wearing clothing around her,,, never ever, never, never, never, wear your s/o’s stuff without asking, never. She however need not ask you, ever. Ever. That’s just how it works.
We share everything except makeup and undies without thinking about it, but she will always remind me who’s top that is. I however, am one of the lucky ones that has a totally accepting gg with no restrictions other than full transitioning. That would be the deal breaker. After 24 years together, she is well versed on Trans people now.
Sorry, three in our household. We travel alot and my s/o always reminds me we are packing for three; herself, him, and ‘her’. I do understand your position however and respect that.
Thank you for the information. One thing CDH taught me, take small steps, very small steps and it works. Just comments from your SO such as « oh look at you, should I get dreesed for dinner too, you nearly got caught » are all small steps.
I always enjoy hearing input from spouses and S.O.s, whether it is at a support meeting or in forums such as this.
I am going to respectfully vary somewhat in the way I view some of the points you made, Linda.
My wife knew exactly what she was getting into long before we were married, along with many other things, so my cross dressing was no surprise to her.
I am a man who likes to sometimes wear female clothing. Thus, we have only two persons in our marriage.
When it comes to the subject of cross dressing in our marriage, there are no secrets in our home or outside our home. Virtually everyone we know is aware I am a cross dresser. Thus, there are no "Big Dark Secrets" to worry about.
OK, I realize each CD's situation is different, and there is no one-size-fits-all remedy or statement, but that is my point! We are all individuals. Each of us is on a unique journey!
words of wisdom thanks a million Linda
...and I respect you and your relationship of three. My point is only that we all have different relationships, and that is a good thing.
Jill,
I call you having to ask and she doesn't the "crossdressing tax."
Hugs,
Betty
JJ,
I respectfully ask you if your wife agrees with you on there just being the two of you? It is common for us SOs to feel like there is another woman, even when our husbands don't feel that way. Just curious.
Hugs,
Betty
