Points to Ponder: from a SO's view

Yep, it’s the price I pay willingly.

Point well taken.

I honestly don't think she does. Her comments has always been "they are just clothes" type thing. Obviously I don't know what she is thinking deep down, but we have had open, honest conversations and that has never been an issue.

My greatest regret in life was not considering these truths and being honest with my wife about Danielle when my wife wasn’t my wife yet. I hurt her so badly because of the other woman (me).

Excellent Linda!

I've come to understand that the need to dress isn't a choice, acting on the need is. 'Terri' wasn't in our life early on as he thought she might go away after being married. She didn't. For this SO, it's easier to understand by seeing two parts of the same person. My husband doesn't wear girlie things, Terri does.

If the CD hubby doesn't understand the reason why there is this feminine part, neither does the SO. Accepting is hard, sharing a secret that is not of our making.

About laughing. I suppose it was in bad form to bust up and laugh till tears when first seeing Terri fully dressed?

Thank you Linda, words well written. Sorry that I can't go to Keystone, I was looking forward to meeting you.

Sherri

Very valuable advice Linda. Thank you for posting this.

Hi Linda, thank you so much for your post. I hope all the girls here read it especially coming from the wife's side of things. That said, I agree with a few of the girls who said there aren't 3 people, only two.

The two biggest things that my wife has had a very hard time understanding is;

- it is not a competition, I am not dressing the way I do because I want you to. That goes for clothes, make up...everything. I'm like any other girl, I have my own style of dress and my own style of making up my face. Seriously my cross dressing has nothing to do with my      wife. If anything my wife was my unsuspecting mentor in dressing and the use of make up.

- the second is my reason for saying there are only 2 people is I have been a crossdresser since the day I was born. There is one body with two people inside, the boy me and the girl me. Trish has been part of me from the start. She helped form the man that my wife loved and married. Speaking of which I came out to my wife before we were married. I could not in good conscience bring that secret into our marriage with out her knowing. To this day she'll still say, sometimes, I married a man not a women and each time I say to her, no, you married both. Boy me and Trish are separate entities each with their own desires and quirks and they both make up the man that you married.

Unfortunately it has taken 45 years for her to even begin understanding what makes me me. But at this point, with the help of some of the girls from CDH as well as several others in my circle my wife has finally accepted my crossdressing. She is not, however, supportive and I doubt she ever will be. She has no desire to meet Trish and that's fine. I am blessed with what she has given me. If she ever does start supporting me I would be ecstatic but if not I count my blessings.

Something that helped my wife and I immensely can be found on a blog called Kandi's Land. If you google it you will find with a little searching something titled 'An open letter to our wives" and it was written by Kandi. I had her email it to me after reading it and  drying my tears. It played a huge roll in my wife becoming accepting as well as saving our marriage. If you can't find it let me know and I will email it to you if you send your email. Thanks again Linda, you are, as Steph has said, 'a very special lady'.

Trish 💖

So humble and honest in sharing with us CDH ladies your regret, Danielle. I respect your for doing so.
Thank you.🌹Connie

Hi Linda you make some very interesting and thought provoking points.  While your thoughts may not fit each and every situation, since no two relationships are exactly the same.  I believe what we should all take away from this is, our first priority is our relationship with our SO.  We are together because of mutual love and respect.  My SOs feelings and happiness are considered before I make any decision that would effect the both of us.  We are a team and as such, not baring forgetfulness or an occasional oopsy we discuss all matters of any importance which would naturally include my crossdressing.

But as far as your point 3.

"3.   Your SO thought she had the man of her dreams, the man she truly loved.  In reality, she got you and your “girl friend”. So instead of the two you, there is the three of you."

I know for a fact my wife most certainly only sees two of us as a married couple (who have now been happily married for many years).   There is no third person in our relationship.  For anyone who has not read my posts, and maybe my situation may be somewhat unique,  my wife was the one who introduced me to crossdressing before we were married.  The idea of crossdressing had never really entered my mind one way or another before meeting my wife. She picked out my first panties, women's jeans, yoga pants, heels shape ware etc.   I own no male marketed clothing below the waist save for one suit one pair of boxer briefs and a tux for formal occasions. My wife prefers me dressed at least to some degree 24/7.  She very cutely pouts and pretends to be sad if I'm not.  Even though I primarily underdress outside the home, I also proudly carry a handbag, with my wife's blessing, wherever I go.