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Well I wanted to update everyone on my recent status. I have been going to a counselor, who is very supportive. With some reading on here I wanted to thank Becca Baxter for the advice on how to bring up the subject of dressing again. While my wife does not like my dressing recently she said “well it’s not like you’re an axe murder”. There could be worst things. I told her my desire to dresss still and not upset her so I would do it when she was not around in the privacy of my office. What do you think? (I asked her, thanks Becca). She said, well I thought that is what you were doing until you decided to pack up your stuff and put it in the basement. Well, I said “ ok then, thank you. I will keep it in private, when you are not around”. Well today she was resting in the bedroom after having her eyes dialated and slept. Well I took the opportunity to dress up and try on a few outfits, some new. Then I was underdressed for most of the day with my favorite thong and bra, with some nice nylons. I will try to post some updated pictures, when I get a chance in the near future. Thank you, Becca, for the advice and all of you for the encouragement to keep the communications open. The bad news is my wife is now worried that “if I dress that I may want to transition in the future and she would be left without a husband”. She would not stay married to me (we spoke about this previously with other articles of couples where the husband did transition). Anyhow, I am excited to be dressing again (in private) and now I have a positive outlook. Still need to keep my wife as the priority. -Traci
Yes Traci, quite a few CDs are in your same predicament. I am sure that we each handle this in our own way and so do our wives. But...
Based on my experience and from reading stories here on CDH about DADT relationships, time can be on our side. Regarding a hobby that I have that I get to spend maybe 15 hours per week on, I told my wife that she knows exactly where I am and that I am not out running around town.
The same goes for my dressing. The longer that we dress and don't blow up our relationships, the better the chance of it surviving. My style isn't blatant, in her or anyone else's face, so it's not as if I am pressing anyone's buttons. It's the same at home or in public. While I have a few skirts that I wear at home, I don't put on any of my few dresses in front of her.
It's up to us to read the room, so to speak, and not irritate our mates. For the most part, good communication and trust are key, but if our wives don't want to participate in discussions about our dressing, then we have to be very cautious and we may have to compromise.
Traci,
I'm glad I could help. Seems your next task is to convince her that you aren't transitioning and have no intention to do so (I presume); I think that particular job might take a bit longer.
My own wife did bring up the subject once and was a little concerned about the possibility of me going trans, but going out together and dressing in her presence seemed to convince her that this was not a possibility and she is fine with it now. I think the main reason for that is that I don't go on about it all the time and I don't have to dress if I don't feel like it, which is quite often. I dress as a hobby and I think as far as she is concerned, it is as if I played golf or made pottery--it's just something I do and there is nothing sinister about it.
Sometimes, if I don't dress for a while, she asks me if she has done something to put me off and I always reassure her that she has not and that sometimes I dress and sometimes I don't, as the mood takes me. I think the casualness of my dressing/not dressing is the main reason she no longer thinks I want to transition (which I don't).
Becca
I'm glad to see that you are not an axe murderer Traci!
I'm also glad that you have your priorities straight. I've read stories about relationships where the wives' thoughts and reactions were not a priority and they often went off the rails for one reason or another.
Just go slow and keep the lines of communication open. At some point it is very possible that she will truly come to understand and accept that you don't want to transition. Being open and honest about everything will make it easier for her to accept your crossdressing in a way that's comfortable for you both.
