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Reflections -Where were you a year ago and what’s on the agenda for 2024?

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Posts: 379
Lady
Topic starter
(@leainvancouver)
Prominent Member     Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada
Joined: 1 year ago

I have always found the new year to be a great time to feel grateful for the changes and progress I’ve made over the past year. I set my sights on what I’d like to invite into my life in the coming year by visualizing how I want my life to be this time next year. 

I won’t list them all but it will give you an idea. 

This year…
I learned how to undo my bra behind my back. 
I went from dressing occasionally to dressing every day at home. 
I got rid of most of my drab clothes. 
I present as androgynous and have broken the barriers that kept me hiding myself and ventured out en femme into the wide world. 
I cracked the code, learning how to put outfits together that suit me. 
I spent my first whole day en femme with another girl getting our makeup done, lunch, shopping, and to a show for the evening. 
I learned that it’s more comfortable dressing to ‘fit in’ rather than trying to stand out. That’s a tough one because I’m already taller than many men so I don’t need to put neon shoes on to stand out. ; )
Being a woman about town, I used a women’s washroom for the first time. 
I came out as a CD to those close to me and spent time with some of them en femme. 

Those are the highlights, there are many more but I wont list them all. 

This year I want to grow more comfortable presenting as a woman which means going out more often en femme, voice training, finding a local community of girls, refining my style, getting better, and faster with make up, coming out to more friends, and, yes, maybe even growing a pair! ; )

We know how all consuming and complicated it can get when we’re in the pink fog. What are you grateful for this past year? What have you gained? What have you let go of?  What are your plans going forward?

We are all in such different situations, stages of life, contexts, etc, yet we are all clicking our heels down on same path.

Take a moment to relax and reflect.  Breathe. Have a cup of tea. Reflect on where you are on your path. What initiations or milestones did you pass and what do you envision for your femself this time next year?

I hope it’s ripe and juicy!

I want to recognize that this community has been a huge support for me. I am very grateful to all of you for your courage, style, grace, humour, and vulnerability. 

Lea

Heart

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33 Replies
3 Replies
Duchess
(@loneleycd)
Joined: 5 years ago

Famed Member     Roland, Iowa, United States of America
Posts: 2147

@leainvancouver While the end of the year is a good time for reflection on the progress in he past year, I usually don't operate that way.

Back in 2020 after reading so many positive stories her at CDH, I had my hair colored for the first time in September of that year.  Today I had my eyebrows waxed and tinted for the first time.  The day after my first hair coloring I had my ears pierced.

In late August of 2021 I had my nails done for the first time.  They were done in my collage colors.  You can see them in my profile. 

  In March of 2022 I came up with the idea to go to my High School class reunion as Cassie and did it in July.  

Since September of 2023 I have been going to my small Catholic Church as Cassie.  Sometimes in a dress and sometimes wearing a nice top, pants and full makeup and bra and forms.

I have gone to the last 3 union meetings (Letter Carriers Union) as full Cassie.

 Oh, I nearly forgot, I have spent a little over a year working at Torrid.

Every single one of those things are something that brewed in my head for a couple of months, then I acted on them.

  Cassie

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Ambassador
(@alexina)
Joined: 1 year ago

Illustrious Member     Fife, United Kingdom
Posts: 2154

@leainvancouver Hi, Lea, I've been giving your question a lot of thought. One year ago I had not dressed, or ever thought much about it since a major purge about 7 years ago.

To be completely honest, I had all but retired from life! Yes, I was still doing stuff like home maintenence, babysitting a couple of days a week, golfing etc. But I wasn't fully engaged in any of it and got little pleasure from anything I did. 

Then, one evening my wife was out and I just felt like dressing up. Of course, I had nothing to wear 🙄 so I just put on a pair of tights under my paisley patterned, silky robe (while I had not dressed for ages, I still like nice materials. I borrowed a chunky necklace from my wife's jewellery box and thought, why have I not done this for so long?

When my wife came home, within 5 minutes she was asking why I'd been in her jewellery box so I told her what I'd done and how much I realised I'd missed it.

"Oh, right, well what's stopping you?" 

So fast forward 6 months and my wardrobe is looking healthier and so is my psyche!

Although I'd dressed and purged a few times over the years, this time felt different, I finally accepted this feminine part of me. And I welcome the wholeness Allie has brought me.

I'm also lucky to have such an accepting and understanding wife who, of course, has her own limits to what she (currently) find ok.
So, to what's in store for this year, more of the same but also to gently push at these limits in the hope that she might accept me more fully exploring my look, including (I hope) at some time losing my facial hair, even temporarily, and seeing what my fully made up face could look like.
I'd love love love to go out shopping or for a coffee (or both) en femme with her so fingers crossed....

Allie x

 

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Lady
(@leainvancouver)
Joined: 1 year ago

Prominent Member     Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada
Posts: 379

@alexina Hi Allie, what a nice surprise for you just when you were feeling the joy sucked out of your life! Feeling in touch with our feminine is such a powerful catalyst for joy and feeling at home in ourselves. When we deny who we are we suffer so much. Here’s to a joyful and more feminine you in 2024!

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Posts: 34
(@laurynvalentine)
Trusted Member     Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Joined: 1 year ago

Last year was a year of big firsts for me. My first attempt at being out em femme in a social group of CDs, my first complete makeover and finding a great therapist who has helped me come to the conclusion that my gender identity is female and that transitioning would be wonderful but not practical. 

This year I am hoping to do several more makeovers and hopefully learn something about makeup so I can begin doing this myself. I really really wish I could find a great CD/Trans social group where I live. Even if it was a friend or two for dinner or activities or to share thoughts etc. The one I attended where I live was great but not for me (too much around pub nights etc).

 

I have had great conversations with close friends and family about this part of me and all have been supportive. I hope by the end of the year I have a dedicated part of my life where being Lauryn is fulfilling both socially and growth wise.

Lauryn 

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2 Replies
Lady
(@leainvancouver)
Joined: 1 year ago

Prominent Member     Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada
Posts: 379

@laurynvalentine I hope you find your tribe this year Lauryn. I lived in Toronto for many years but I wasn’t out. Meeting girls for dinner or lunch is more my speed too. I’m not one for meeting in pubs. (Sorry Brit girls, but pubs in Canada try too hard and they are more like sports bars.). I’ll let you know when I’m passing through and we can go out.

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(@laurynvalentine)
Joined: 1 year ago

Trusted Member     Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 34

@leainvancouver You are so right. Pubs here are just like sports bar and very loud. Another option is I would love to find a CD/Trans/Queer artist group. I love drawing. My ultimate Lauryn dream is to be a cute waitress in an edgy cafe, preferably in NYC, and build a great life as Lauryn the cute arty fun to talk to waitress. 

it sounds like you are a few steps ahead of me. I hope Vancouver is supportive and fun for you as Lea.

lauryn 

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Posts: 614
(@hottestwitch)
    Leicester, Leicestershire, United Kingdom
Joined: 3 years ago

Nice question!  My answerto the first question is...  a year ago - Funchal in Madeira.  (O.K:  that's not really what you were asking...)  Right then:  a year ago I was no less convinced about my cross-dressing than I am now, but I probably actually did it a little more than I do now.  That's mostly owing to pressure of work, and if I manage to come out of the "stressful tunnel" I am pretty sure I'll be wearing some pretty clothes quite a lot more than I do now.  I've always been very sure that I didn't really want anyone to know the deep, dark secret, but then I discovered CDH, following which I went and had a makeover and photo session - and actually got up the guts to publish some photos on this site!  Now I'm semi-seriously contemplating telling a few more close, female friends who I'm sure would understand; I did tell one lady friend once, but unfortunately she is no longer with us.  I think it's just a matter of gradual evolution for me:  my main goal for a years time is to have found a great pair of strappy sandals that I can actually walk easily in!  Holly XXX

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3 Replies
Lady
(@leainvancouver)
Joined: 1 year ago

Prominent Member     Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada
Posts: 379

@hottestwitch I hope revealing your deepest darkest secret wasn’t responsible for the poor woman’s death! 😉

Life has its rhythm. Get those strappy sandals in and dance girl!

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(@hottestwitch)
Joined: 3 years ago

    Leicester, Leicestershire, United Kingdom
Posts: 614

@leainvancouver Hiya, sweetie.  No - telling S had nothing to do with her leaving us - that was just one of those horrible things that happen - but really shouldn't.  I miss S - and always will...  LOVE strappy sandals (who doesn't!) but me dancing - that's not anything that I would want to inflict upon anyone...  Love you:  Holly XXX

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Lady
(@leainvancouver)
Joined: 1 year ago

Prominent Member     Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada
Posts: 379

@hottestwitch Hi Holly, here’s hoping you find those gorgeous strappy sandals! Dance like no one is watching!

love Lea

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Posts: 2019
Baroness
(@ryanpaul)
Famed Member     Outer Eastern Suburbs Melbourne, Victoria, Australia
Joined: 7 years ago

Too rid myself of the very painful lower back complaint from almost all of 2023,  so's I can go back to my overnight charity volunteer trips and "get my full Caty on" again.

To have JUST!! one more enfemme bra fitting, (the first two were amazing), surely that will be enough... PERHAPS!!

Tho.. I suppose, I could just go to a Target style dept store and try/buy a few myself.

But not half as much fun..

To FINALLY have "the talk" with my DADT SO, (after getting caught fully dressed last September. Day before her birthday...Bad timing... I ate the chocolates and the flowers went in the bin...)

TO TRY!! very hard not to buy any more lingerie... I already have A LOT... I dont wear much anymore.

That will do for "Starters"

Caty

 

 

 

 

 

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2 Replies
Lady
(@leainvancouver)
Joined: 1 year ago

Prominent Member     Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada
Posts: 379

@ryanpaul with the hurdles you faced your goals for 2024 are reasonable. I know you’ve mentored girls on their way up and that’s something to be proud of.

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Baroness
(@ryanpaul)
Joined: 7 years ago

Famed Member     Outer Eastern Suburbs Melbourne, Victoria, Australia
Posts: 2019

@leainvancouver Thank you Lea, whilst on the subject of mentoring, I do hope that 3rd bra fitting will be in company with a dear CD friend of mine, whom I have helped over the years. She has yet to have a fitting, so if "two girls go bra shopping together", that would be quite an experience..

Especially since I had a drab fitting there many years ago and the fitting rooms are BIG!! So two of us commenting on each others choices and "shock horror" seeing each other "semi naked"....

We'd probably just end up as two "giggling Gerties"

 

Caty.

 

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Posts: 746
Duchess
(@jennconn)
Noble Member     Florida, United States of America
Joined: 2 years ago

I can honestly say that it took me almost a month in 2023 to actually get up enough courage to post a public photo.  It even took me a while to get a nice profile photo that I liked enough to share.  I had had an invitation to a Christmas party at the end of 2022, but I wasn’t quite ready.  So I resolved to get reasonable at creating a womanly form and really wanted to go to the next meet up.  So, then in April, I finally worked up the courage to go to the next get together at a TG makeover studio.  I was thinking that at least then I could get my makeup done there and get dressed there too, so I had my first trip out.  The rest of the year, I spent just buying clothes and trying to perfect my makeup skills.  

My biggest goal for 2024 is to get out more and try to be as comfortable as I can with my presentation so that I can blend in.  I also want to perfect some of my newly acquired makeup skills.  I think I’ve gotten ok at doing makeup, but want to do some more blending and be able to achieve those flawless looks that we see sometimes.  

so, thank you Lea for your forum question, I’ve found that goals are completed by writing them down, and you have helped me do that.  Plus it’s always fun to reflect on where we were.

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1 Reply
Lady
(@leainvancouver)
Joined: 1 year ago

Prominent Member     Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada
Posts: 379

@jennconn all I can say is get out there. Nobody really cares what you look like. That as the big lesson for me in 2023. I was paranoid and anxious the first couple times, but quite a thrill too. now I get excited when I think of getting dressed to go out.

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Posts: 1109
Lady
(@wendyswift)
Noble Member     Alberta, Canada
Joined: 5 years ago

I don't have many goals for 2024, for my CDing journey I've accomplished many goals already, the big one is introducing Wendy to my wife years ago.

In late 2023, I've undergone a partial purge, which isn't as bad as it sounds.  I've had to let go of many skirts as they no longer fit, and having them take up valuable closet space makes no sense.   I suspect in 2024 I'll be undergoing another "does not fit" purge.

My makeup skills aren't great, but since the first day I dabbled in makeup to now, it has grown leaps and bounds.  On the other hand, there is always room for improvement and 2024 I'll continue to hone my make up skills.

One big change I've undergone already is the switch from zippered skirts to elastic waist band pull on skirts.   In 2024 I'll most likely continue that trend, as pull on skirts provides me the flexibility of growing into them without having to purge because they no longer fit.

I've had to drastically reduce my spending on Wendy since Dec 2021, and there is a very strong chance I'll continue to do so in 2024 (this is due to the high cost of well, pretty much everything which leaves less $$$ for Wendy).   So whatever money I can spend on clothing, I have to make sure that it fits, has room to grow (meaning as I get older the tubbier I get), which in turn helps make the clothes I already have extend its life without having to purge as often.

As for going out, I'd love to go out as Wendy, but I promised my wife that as long as I'm transformed, that I keep it within the house, and I don't see that changing in 2024 at all.  A small price to pay for being able to fully transform into Wendy in front of my wife.

 

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1 Reply
Lady
(@leainvancouver)
Joined: 1 year ago

Prominent Member     Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada
Posts: 379

@wendyswift you’re one of the lucky ones who has an accepting partner. In my opinion as we have come to femininity late, there’s always lots of things like makeup techniques that will always be a work in progress. 

Elastic waistbands on skirts are terrific! All of mine are elastic. 

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Posts: 1443
(@finallyfiona)
    Leighton Buzzard, Bedfordshire, United Kingdom
Joined: 1 year ago

2023 was the year Fiona got most of her wardrobe and accessories, and her first makeup. It also saw her first daylight steps outside the house, with a couple of drives out into the countryside.  I know I'm rather a late developer as it were, but the last 12 months has certainly shown that my feminine side is obviously more than just a passing curiosity. 

This year my major goal is to have The Talk with the OH.  I'm fully expecting to end up in something like DADT, I really don't think she'll be the slightest bit supportive, or ever want to meet Fiona.  But since we're still effectively two independent people with our own houses, this would enable me to create time for trips away, without having to resort to dishonesty to cover it.  I'd like to visit a dressing service to see what a proper makeover could achieve and to give me some hints and tips.  I'd like to step out in public somewhere safe, like Leeds First Friday or Brighton Pride. 

I intend to make the neighbours at my place aware of Fiona also, to enable her to venture out of the front door more easily.  I'd also like to go hairless on my arms as well as my legs during the warmer months.  I think that's plenty to be going on with 🙂

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4 Replies
Lady
(@leainvancouver)
Joined: 1 year ago

Prominent Member     Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada
Posts: 379

@finallyfiona congratulations Fiona! 2023 sounds like it was a big year for you. Of course we never know what the future will bring. I hope 2024 brings you all that and more!

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Guest
(@Anonymous 94505)
Joined: 1 year ago

Estimable Member
Posts: 225

@finallyfiona a trip to Leeds or Blackpool and time out dressed is certainly on my list of 'to do's'. More makeovers are also on there, you'll love it when have one. Revealing to the locals is not though as I suspect they still use the 'ducking stool'. A few likeminded friends would also be appreciated.

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(@finallyfiona)
Joined: 1 year ago

    Leighton Buzzard, Bedfordshire, United Kingdom
Posts: 1443

@melaniejames here's hoping you can manage to avoid the mobs with pitchforks 🙂  I bet we're not the only two UK girls on here with exactly these things on our wishlists though, maybe we can all make something happen between us?

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Guest
(@Anonymous 94505)
Joined: 1 year ago

Estimable Member
Posts: 225

@finallyfiona that would be a year to remember.

There's 2 of us for now, let's get this ball rolling.

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Posts: 1004
Ambassador
(@lucyb112)
Noble Member     Staffordshire, United Kingdom
Joined: 2 years ago

Great question Lea.

So at the beginning of 2023 I was still on something of a high having had my first trips out in December 2022.

I had expectations of many more trips out in 2023. In fact, although I did get out a couple of times, I feel as if I’ve regressed on that front.

Lucy has however progressed though in as much as I feel really settled in my identity nowadays for the first time in years.

She did collect a lot of clothing though, which is quite hard to store being in the closet. 

So for 2024 I plan to have a good clear out of not often used clothes, which to be fair, has already started.

Also, I’m determined to start getting out and about again. After all, I have some quite nice outfits now 🙂

 

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1 Reply
Lady
(@leainvancouver)
Joined: 1 year ago

Prominent Member     Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada
Posts: 379

@lucyb112 it’s tough being in the closet when you don’t even have room for your outfits! 😃. From what I read ion this site, I think we can all make it a goal to clear out our unneeded frocks, maybe by donating them to trans youth. 

Being settled in your identity is huge whether you get out or not. That takes a lot of change and growth!

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Posts: 864
Baroness
(@chloec)
Prominent Member     Lakeshore, Michigan, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

Got back recently from Hawaii, first time there, so I have one more state to visit to have been to all 50 in the USA, and I am planning on doing it this summer, when I travel west to visit some family in the mtns. That's my big adventure for this year. Other than that, it's just small things like seriously reducing my drab clothing and probably cutting some back on my dress'y' things. And just keep reducing a lot of other 'stuff' so when that time comes, the rest of my family won't have to toss it.

I also this year posted 2 more stories on fictionmania and since I only have 2 left in any stage of development, I'll get those done and probably that will be it. 

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1 Reply
Lady
(@leainvancouver)
Joined: 1 year ago

Prominent Member     Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada
Posts: 379

@chloec thank you Chloe, I hope you had a nice time in Hawaii? Did you get a bikini tan while you were there? 

Purging seems to be something we all need to do this year.  Good luck with your writing!

 

Purging seems to be our common goal around here. I wish you success with yoy

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Posts: 2041
Duchess
(@rozalyne)
Famed Member     Shrewsbury, Shropshire, United Kingdom
Joined: 3 years ago

Hi Lea,

My one goal this year is to have a professional makeover and photo shoot, I'm hoping that this year it will happen, there is a place in London that not only does makeover's but they will also take you out En Femme for a little lunch, but it probably won't be till August which will give me time to save up, 

Hugs Rozalyn X 🤗

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4 Replies
Lady
(@leainvancouver)
Joined: 1 year ago

Prominent Member     Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada
Posts: 379

@rozalyne Hi Rosalyn, what a great thing to look forward to this year! I hope you have a wonderful year and have the photos to prove it!

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Duchess
(@rozalyne)
Joined: 3 years ago

Famed Member     Shrewsbury, Shropshire, United Kingdom
Posts: 2041

@leainvancouver 

Hi Lea, I shall take lots of photos and upload some to CDH so the girls can see how i look, I'm just hoping that they don't make me look like a clown, lol,

Hugs Rozalyn X 

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Lady
(@leainvancouver)
Joined: 1 year ago

Prominent Member     Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada
Posts: 379

@rozalyne Just let the real you shine though and you’ll amaze yourself! let the camera capture your bliss girl.

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Duchess
(@rozalyne)
Joined: 3 years ago

Famed Member     Shrewsbury, Shropshire, United Kingdom
Posts: 2041

@leainvancouver 

Thanks very much Lea, I'm already looking forward to next year I'm really thinking about attending Keystone in 2025 , but i might have to get a couple of the girls to take my out on a spending spree for some new clothes, 

Hugs Rozalyn X 🤗

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Posts: 1741
Duchess
(@alison-anderson)
Noble Member     Middlesex county, New Jersey, United States of America
Joined: 6 years ago

2023 wasn't the greatest year for me. I learned that any plans you make can change in an instant.

A year ago I was throwing up for days at a time. Long story short, I found out 4 days before Keystone that I had cancer. I had it surgically removed in April, along with part of my stomach, the top of my intestine, my gall bladder, and part of my pancreas.

The chemo left me sleepy, cold, flu-like symptoms, and swelling in the legs. Later on I had a bad reaction and my blood iron was extremely low. I wasn't able to get out as much, whether it was to support meetings or just going out walking. While I didn't lose all my hair, it thinned out and got a lot shorter (about 8 inches) as the longer hairs pulled out. It didn't make sense to color my hair as I had been doing for 25 years because I didn't know if I would keep it or lose it.

The last CT scan and biopsy showed no sign of cancer. I'm going for another CT scan this week, hopeful that there are no changes. If so I will get my hair colored before Keystone. I still have some swelling in the legs. With everything that happened, I lost about 50 lbs (and perhaps more if you count the water weight from the swelling), something I had been trying to do for years. (My friends from the other side of the pond might wonder why my foot isn't hurting; I did reach a point where I dropped 4 stones! With some swelling a few pounds have come back.) It was effective, but I wouldn't recommend the method to anyone. I now have over a dozen skirts that no longer fit me. I didn't outgrow them, I shrunk out of them.

I'm feeling stronger now, and just hoping my health continues so I can get back to where I was before. I am hoping to get back to something I haven't done in almost 50 years, which is bike riding, although this time en femme (and with a helmet; when I last went riding, no one wore helmets). I plan on writing more about this in a day or so.

 

 

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1 Reply
Lady
(@leainvancouver)
Joined: 1 year ago

Prominent Member     Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada
Posts: 379

@alison-anderson Alison, I’m so sorry for all you went through last year! My God! Cancer is a beast. And the treatment is even worse. I’m so glad you got through it and made it out the other side. Your story makes me feel grateful for every moment I have left and reminds me of my own confrontation with prostate cancer 20 years ago.

I see you in your bright cycling gear, long hair waving in the wind, as you soar past us on your new racing bike. Give us a wave!

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