Notifications
Clear all

Welcome to Crossdresser Heaven, a safe and welcoming place for everyone in the crossdresser community.

Join Crossdresser Heaven today to participate in the forums.

Self-Acceptance

31 Posts
20 Users
96 Reactions
552 Views
Posts: 135
Duchess
Topic starter
(@robyn1408)
Reputable Member     Cape Cod, Massachusetts, United States of America
Joined: 2 years ago

Much of the discussion on CDH centers around the challenge of gaining the acceptance of the SO's in our lives. The understanding and support of those closest to us that can help make our lives more fulfilling and less secretive. That bring happiness to our lives. 

But what about the acceptance we hope to gain within ourselves. The true acknowlegment, deep within ourselves that we are transgendered, wherever we may fall on the spectrum. The true understanding that being this way, having the feelings and desires that we have does not require the mental gymnastics of guilt/shame vs. desire/happiness that so many of us battle, sometimes on a daily basis. That maybe, by deeply accepting that this is who we are, that nature has blessed us with the ability to feel joy in expressing our feminine side. And that that is fine. We are only around for a limited time on this Earth and that true happiness can take many forms. We have just one opportunity in our lives to embrace our true selves and by fighting it every step of the way is a recipe for an incomplete and confusing life.

Can we actually be proud of who are and not be ashamed and hidden. We can't expect the SO's in our lives to fully accept us if we can't accept ourselves.

For me personally, I'm almost there, I'm so close. I'm blessed to have a SO who is supportive and encouraging and as each day passes I become the person I really am, an older and hopefully wiser transgendered person who is comfortable admitting, I'm transgendered and glad that I am.

Reply
30 Replies
12 Replies
Managing Ambassador
(@ellyd22)
Joined: 2 years ago

Majestic Member     Norfolk, United Kingdom
Posts: 5221

@robyn1408 

I'm transgender; it was something I always knew deep down but never put a name to until comparatively recently. In part, that was due to lack of information while I was growing up. All the time that I didn't understand who I was I felt conflicted, confused and yes, sometimes a little guilty about how I felt inside.

Finding out what it meant to be transgender, and realising that I fitted snugly into that category (or, more precisely, 'transfeminine') was something of an epiphany. I was finally able, as you say, to 'embrace my true self and stop flighting it'.

If you CAN fully accept yourself for who you are, it's a tremendous release.

Hugs

Ellie x

Reply
Duchess
(@robyn1408)
Joined: 2 years ago

Reputable Member     Cape Cod, Massachusetts, United States of America
Posts: 135

@ellyd22 Totally agree Ellie. Once I turned that corner and left the questioning behind me....well, I felt a tidal wave of peace, more powerful than just about anything I have ever felt. I felt like, "now" I can move forward with every other aspect of my life. Thank you for your thoughts.

x Robyn

Reply
Managing Ambassador
(@lizk)
Joined: 5 years ago

Illustrious Member     North County San Diego, California, United States of America
Posts: 3859

@ellyd22 

THIS!  Never have truer words been spoken.

/EA

Reply
Duchess
(@loneleycd)
Joined: 5 years ago

Famed Member     Roland, Iowa, United States of America
Posts: 2157

@robyn1408 Like many of us here I struggled most of my life with a secret moment here or an afternoon there.  Sometimes with a strong erotic episode and sometimes a relaxing time playing at being a woman.  Almost every time afterward feeling great shame, often vowing to myself NEVER to do this again.

After my divorce a dozen years ago it was easier to let my fem side blossom more.  It took ahold of me BIG TIME about 5 years ago,  first I was dressing all night every night.  Oh,I forgot to mention that the EX and I still live in the same house, she upstairs and me downstairs. When she first found out about my dressing she freaked out and called me all the expected hateful names.   Today she still does that sometimes but seems to be comfortable with me presenting as female.   I have driven her to an outlet mall a few times,  we ( along with some of our grown kids) have out to eat.  The other night I was getting ready for bed and she wanted to talk, I was already dressed in my nighty, and she didn't seem fazed at all.   Today I went to Church as Cassie and I dressed the same when I came home and she seemed comfortable with me that way

 

Cassie 

Reply
(@cdashley)
Joined: 5 years ago

Noble Member     Oshawa, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 1489

@robyn1408 I agree with you in the fact that you have to accept yourself first before you can expect anyone else to accept you and your crossdressing.   I’m one of the lucky ones with a S/O that does accept it.

Reply
Lady
(@ria)
Joined: 5 years ago

Reputable Member     Saskatoon, Saskatchewan, Canada
Posts: 330

@robyn1408 I am not transgendered bit I am a crossdresser and accepted that a long time ago. I make no excuses, it is who I am and I love underdressing in public and dressing en femme when I can.I started over 60 years ago and will continue as long as I can.

Reply
(@lauren114)
Joined: 2 years ago

Noble Member     Delaware, United States of America
Posts: 1209

@robyn1408 For me it was a long road but very much worth the journey.   In my case the thing that really helped me along was counseling.   This helped me come to the realization that it was ok that I am transgender and to get past the guilt and shame accumulated over my life.   Now that I have accepted myself, I am integrating my femininity into my daily life and I'm doing most everyday activities as the woman I know i am.

Reply
Lady
(@demi)
Joined: 6 years ago

Eminent Member     Massachusetts, United States of America
Posts: 13

So true and well written Roybn. Accepting ourselves for who we are is a wonderful feeling.

Having sites like this is very helpful knowing we are not alone and being ourselves is OK.

I am also a mature "Lady" and enjoy my fem side more than ever. Thank you for your insite and words of wisdom.   

Demi 

Reply
Managing Ambassador
(@lizk)
Joined: 5 years ago

Illustrious Member     North County San Diego, California, United States of America
Posts: 3859

@robyn1408 

There's not much I can add to the many good responses here.  I'll say this.

I've wanted to be a girl for as long as I can remember.  Since I was 4.  And I hated that I wanted that.  I was filled with self-loathing for 50 years.  The toll that took was enormous.  Rather than list all the bad stuff, I'll just say that I don't wish it on anyone. 

I don't wish the detritus of self-loathing on anyone.

Nobody should go thru what I've been thru.  If you ignore who you are long enough, you will!  Pay attention to what's going on in your head! 

I was in a VERY dark place before my egg cracked 9 years ago.  I came very close to a full mental breakdown.  It was hard to function.  Self-acceptance was self-preservation.  It saved my sanity.  And it was the catalyst for everything that's transpired since....including this very post.

This post isn't a pity party.  Save it if that's what's on your fingertips.  I've moved on.

I have a good life today.  Really good.  Not perfect.  But way better than I ever could've imagined 9 years ago.  It's all because of self-acceptance.

I want y'all to have happy lives.  That's what this post is about.

Pay attention to your head!  Changing your reality starts with a cold, hard look in the mirror.

I hope y'all are having a fabulous Friday!  I am!

/EA

Reply
Managing Ambassador
(@ellyd22)
Joined: 2 years ago

Majestic Member     Norfolk, United Kingdom
Posts: 5221

@emilyalt 

What you are NOW, Emily, is a very special person.

Hugs

Your fellow girl

Ellie x

(PS If I was ever invited to a Pity Party, I'd definitely say I had other plans. It doesn't sound like my sort of thing at all).

Reply
Duchess
(@robyn1408)
Joined: 2 years ago

Reputable Member     Cape Cod, Massachusetts, United States of America
Posts: 135

@emilyalt Thank you for your heartfelt response Emily. A perfect example of the benefits of simply giving up the battle and letting nature guide you. Our culture dictates so much of our behaivor and in most cases this is positive. In other cases, such as the abortion debate, culture begins to impose expectations on the individual that ignore the health and happiness of the person for the sake of some hazy religous belief.

I'm going to make an assumption that most members of CDH have stuggled mightely with their duality and that many explore their feminity in dark closets, appalled by their utter joy in experiencing some small part of womanhood. Stop the shame, embrace the joy. 

I too have a good life today, happier than I've ever been. Embracing who I truely am has been the answer. You are a shining example of what happiness can look like.

Robyn

Reply
Managing Ambassador
(@lizk)
Joined: 5 years ago

Illustrious Member     North County San Diego, California, United States of America
Posts: 3859

@robyn1408 

Thank you Robyn.  I'm not looking to stand out.  I just want all of us to be happy.  If what I said resonates, make it your reality.  THAT would make my day.

/EA

Reply
Posts: 3446
Hostess
(@ab123)
Illustrious Member     Surrey, United Kingdom
Joined: 5 years ago

It is a complex issue to understand why we feel this way especially if it is something that started when we were young. Years of denial and hiding takes its toll while those feelings are under wraps. It is thrown into the back of the mind as you build a life. Then those feelings return and the questions start and emotions roller coaster around. It's a tough time as you search for reasons and answers which is hard in itself. Then to compound it you may have a partner and family  to consider too. 

The first thing to know - is this now for real and cannot be hidden and must come out. Which is perhaps what Robyn eludes to. That is the first part of acceptance in yourself. If you can establish whether it is crossdessing or maybe more then you have furthered the self assessment, inner peace and solid core of reziliance to move ahead. You know who you are.

It is so important to find this first level within yourself as the next phase is how to take it further and come out to find a level of living a happier life.

 

Reply
Posts: 353
Duchess
(@carolcorbett)
Reputable Member     WNY, New York, United States of America
Joined: 8 years ago

Great reflection..thank you for sharing.  I am going through that right now though some Think that as soon as your spouse accepts you that you will automatically except yourself. I struggle with that a little bit part because my reinforcement through my whole life has been negative so it’s probably not realistic to think that just because your wife says she will accept you that you’ll be internally OK with yourself. I’m still working on that !

Reply
1 Reply
Duchess
(@robyn1408)
Joined: 2 years ago

Reputable Member     Cape Cod, Massachusetts, United States of America
Posts: 135

@carolcorbett Very good point! I think there is much truth to that. Thank you.

Robyn xx

Reply
Posts: 1230
Duchess
(@reallylauren)
Noble Member     Victoria, British Columbia, Canada
Joined: 3 years ago

Hi girls,

Not sure at what point in my life I came to experience self acceptance, but at the age of three I knew I was supposed to be a girl. There were various labels attached to who I was through the years, transvestite, transsexual, and crossdresser.  Several years ago while recovering from heart surgery that almost took my life, I came to the full realization that I was transgender and had been for all of my life.

Recently, due to another hospital visit, I found out that I am intersex, and I actually am a woman! Today I live as that woman and I know that I accepted her many years ago.

Hugs,

Ms. Lauren M

Reply
Posts: 1805
Baroness Annual
(@d44)
Famed Member     New York, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

Once I truly accepted that I was transgendered, I almost immediately thereafter decided to live virtually full time as a woman and have never looked back. Like you Robyn, I am very glad that I am trans.

Reply
Posts: 277
Lady
(@arrevolution)
Reputable Member     Bradenton, Florida, United States of America
Joined: 4 years ago

I accepted I am transgender last year. I'm working on being my true self. It's taking time. But it is my body and my decision. So I should be able to become a 100% woman in terms of my physical appearance, how I talk, how I act, my mind and my heart.

Reply
Posts: 2111
Hostess
(@cdsue)
Famed Member     Delaware, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

I have to agree with what you're saying.

My wife is much more supportive of my dressing now than she was when I first came out to her. She does a number of things to support Suzanne and at times encourages me to have some Suzanne time. I appreciate what she does and when she gives ,me time for Suzanne. 

I am a crossdresser with no plans of transitioning, partially because of my age (70) and also due to acceptance by family. I am fortunate in that most of my family live a distance away and will never know Suzanne. My daughter and grandkids live locally but due to other issues we don't see each other, at least very often. I have come to accept that I have a feminine side and have been letting it out more and more over the last few years. It is very freeing to do so. As I reflect on the past, this part of me has always been there but I have denied and buried it deep. There were times that it would float to the surface but I would push it back down. I would say most of that had to do with what I thought was expected of me and societal acceptance. Having been married 5 times I wonder if the deep reason for marital failures was not accepting myself and hiding. I have been in therapy since shortly coming out to mt wife. It is helping me to understand and accept this part of me as well as my sexuality. It is comforting to know about this part of me and being ablet o express it as much as I can.

XOXO
Suzanne

Reply
Posts: 317
(@oliviac)
Prominent Member     Sydney, New South Wales, Australia
Joined: 2 years ago

So true Robyn that regardless of how accepting our SO or others may be of our need to be a female, if we aren't accepting of that part of ourselves we will always struggle with guilt and shame issues. 

The problem for many of us over 50 is we grew up in an era where trans people and crossdressers were often labelled perverts. Many men at that time thought it was acceptable on encountering a crossdresser or trans person to drag them down a dark alley and bash them. Someone I worked with in my teenage years once bragged of doing exactly that while we were having Friday after work drinks at the pub and the general reaction from the group was good on you.  No wonder living with attitudes like that we get so conflicted.

I was lucky 10 or so years ago when I was in a very dark place I went to a psychologist and was feeling so low I guessed it wouldn't matter anyway if I told her I like to wear women's clothes.  I fully expected her to call me a pervert and to tell me to get out of her office. Her reaction was exactly the opposite and so positive that it really did change my life. I soon told my SO who also reacted positively but still to this day wants nothing to do with Olivia. I just recently told my very religious son who too reacted positively despite at first saying he would fix me but he hasn't tried to yet and we still are as close as ever.

It took a few years for it to sink in that mentally I am partly a female and that is ok. After all those decades of guilt and feeling I was a pervert it took some time to accept that it is who I am and I was doing nothing wrong. 

These days I am in the opposite of some of you who have commented before me. I am totally happy with who I am being male most of the time and having about a day a week as Olivia. My SO however still says she needs time to process it all (like she has had 10 years) and doesn't ever want to talk about Olivia unless I bring it up and when I do you can see the uncomfortable look on her face. I do envy you all who have supportive partners who want to be involved in your dressing. So I rarely approach the subject of Olivia and we are happy together and that's just how it is.

The most important thing of all is that you are who you are. AND THAT IS TOTALLY OK!

Reply
1 Reply
Duchess
(@robyn1408)
Joined: 2 years ago

Reputable Member     Cape Cod, Massachusetts, United States of America
Posts: 135

@oliviac Hi Olivia, honestly, your words could have been written by me. My SO, while encouraging and supportive really doesn't want to actively participate. But she is very willing to allow me the time to be Robyn. Just as we are asking our SO's to grant us the freedom to explore our feminine nature, we too have to allow for the fact that they are who they are as well. And as you say, that is totally ok too.

Reply
Posts: 34
(@laurynvalentine)
Trusted Member     Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Joined: 1 year ago

Hi Robyn. I feel very much the same way. Through therapy I have come to the realization that I am indeed transgendered and to feel at peace and comfortable I would be happiest fully  transitioning to being Lauryn. Like you I am finding out where in the possibilities of transitioning I can be. My life is wonderful but I wish I could be living it as a female. I am trying, like you, to see how I can make it fit with my life and marriage. 

Reply
1 Reply
Duchess
(@robyn1408)
Joined: 2 years ago

Reputable Member     Cape Cod, Massachusetts, United States of America
Posts: 135

@laurynvalentine Thank you Lauryn. I sense from the tenor of the responses that many of us are trending toward self-acceptance and that a supportive partner, and in some cases, therapy, can be the deciding factor in our learning that it's ok to be this way.

Robyn

Reply
Posts: 34
(@laurynvalentine)
Trusted Member     Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Joined: 1 year ago

I find it comforting, terrifying and I must say exciting to find this acceptance as identifying as female. It changes my mindset but has me spinning about how far I should transition and as I take further steps will I want to continue to completely medically becoming a girl. One step at a time I tell myself and you will find out only by moving forward until it feels right 

Reply
1 Reply
Duchess
(@robyn1408)
Joined: 2 years ago

Reputable Member     Cape Cod, Massachusetts, United States of America
Posts: 135

@laurynvalentine So true, when it feels right you'll know. You've already navigated some of the big hurdles.

Reply
Posts: 24
Lady
(@maria1234)
Eminent Member     Zhuhai, Guangdong!, China
Joined: 4 years ago

Good discussion; I guess I’ve always had a strong female aspect as part of me. It all started trying on a skirt for the first time then I was hooked, that was 32 years ago but my fascination with girls clothes began many years prior to that and now it feels so right. Dressing makes me feel so complete 

Reply
Posts: 1079
Managing Ambassador
(@melodeescarlet)
Famed Member     DC/Baltimore, Maryland, United States of America
Joined: 2 years ago

"To thine own self be true." Accepting who you are is the foundation of your very being - treat it as such. I'm glad you're on the path, and if I can help in any way, please don't hesitate to reach out.

🙂 M

Reply
Posts: 135
Duchess
Topic starter
(@robyn1408)
Reputable Member     Cape Cod, Massachusetts, United States of America
Joined: 2 years ago

So kind, thank you! Honestly, there isn't a day that goes by that I find such peace and calm as I do now. So I guess I'm there. 🙂

Robyn

Reply
Posts: 289
Lady
(@carlafirst11)
Honorable Member     So. California , California, United States of America
Joined: 2 years ago

I have come to realize that I am very comfortable with myself, I used to have some guilt some years ago, now, I am in peace with myself because I know who I am, I have thought of transitioning, but I know is out of the question as I need some balance in my life, I love my family too much, plus I am at an age where I don’t think it would be wise. My SO doesn’t know about the other side of me, I really hope to keep it that way, it kind of makes me happier having that part all to myself, a little bit of excitement, not sure if anyone else feels the same.

Reply
1 Reply
Guest
(@Anonymous 94505)
Joined: 1 year ago

Estimable Member
Posts: 225

@carlafirst11 this is me too. Very comfortable with myself and happy enough for it to be my thing. Not sure going public to those who know me is worth the hassle.

Reply

©[current-year] Crossdresser Heaven | Privacy Terms of Use | Link to usContact Vanessa | Advertise with Crossdresser Heaven

 
[kleo_social_icons]
Subscribe To Our Newsletter

Subscribe To Our Newsletter

Join our mailing list to receive the latest news and updates from Crossdresser Heaven.

You have Successfully Subscribed!