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Much of the discussion on CDH centers around the challenge of gaining the acceptance of the SO's in our lives. The understanding and support of those closest to us that can help make our lives more fulfilling and less secretive. That bring happiness to our lives.
But what about the acceptance we hope to gain within ourselves. The true acknowlegment, deep within ourselves that we are transgendered, wherever we may fall on the spectrum. The true understanding that being this way, having the feelings and desires that we have does not require the mental gymnastics of guilt/shame vs. desire/happiness that so many of us battle, sometimes on a daily basis. That maybe, by deeply accepting that this is who we are, that nature has blessed us with the ability to feel joy in expressing our feminine side. And that that is fine. We are only around for a limited time on this Earth and that true happiness can take many forms. We have just one opportunity in our lives to embrace our true selves and by fighting it every step of the way is a recipe for an incomplete and confusing life.
Can we actually be proud of who are and not be ashamed and hidden. We can't expect the SO's in our lives to fully accept us if we can't accept ourselves.
For me personally, I'm almost there, I'm so close. I'm blessed to have a SO who is supportive and encouraging and as each day passes I become the person I really am, an older and hopefully wiser transgendered person who is comfortable admitting, I'm transgendered and glad that I am.
It is a complex issue to understand why we feel this way especially if it is something that started when we were young. Years of denial and hiding takes its toll while those feelings are under wraps. It is thrown into the back of the mind as you build a life. Then those feelings return and the questions start and emotions roller coaster around. It's a tough time as you search for reasons and answers which is hard in itself. Then to compound it you may have a partner and family to consider too.
The first thing to know - is this now for real and cannot be hidden and must come out. Which is perhaps what Robyn eludes to. That is the first part of acceptance in yourself. If you can establish whether it is crossdessing or maybe more then you have furthered the self assessment, inner peace and solid core of reziliance to move ahead. You know who you are.
It is so important to find this first level within yourself as the next phase is how to take it further and come out to find a level of living a happier life.
Great reflection..thank you for sharing. I am going through that right now though some Think that as soon as your spouse accepts you that you will automatically except yourself. I struggle with that a little bit part because my reinforcement through my whole life has been negative so it’s probably not realistic to think that just because your wife says she will accept you that you’ll be internally OK with yourself. I’m still working on that !
Hi girls,
Not sure at what point in my life I came to experience self acceptance, but at the age of three I knew I was supposed to be a girl. There were various labels attached to who I was through the years, transvestite, transsexual, and crossdresser. Several years ago while recovering from heart surgery that almost took my life, I came to the full realization that I was transgender and had been for all of my life.
Recently, due to another hospital visit, I found out that I am intersex, and I actually am a woman! Today I live as that woman and I know that I accepted her many years ago.
Hugs,
Ms. Lauren M
Once I truly accepted that I was transgendered, I almost immediately thereafter decided to live virtually full time as a woman and have never looked back. Like you Robyn, I am very glad that I am trans.
I accepted I am transgender last year. I'm working on being my true self. It's taking time. But it is my body and my decision. So I should be able to become a 100% woman in terms of my physical appearance, how I talk, how I act, my mind and my heart.
I have to agree with what you're saying.
My wife is much more supportive of my dressing now than she was when I first came out to her. She does a number of things to support Suzanne and at times encourages me to have some Suzanne time. I appreciate what she does and when she gives ,me time for Suzanne.
I am a crossdresser with no plans of transitioning, partially because of my age (70) and also due to acceptance by family. I am fortunate in that most of my family live a distance away and will never know Suzanne. My daughter and grandkids live locally but due to other issues we don't see each other, at least very often. I have come to accept that I have a feminine side and have been letting it out more and more over the last few years. It is very freeing to do so. As I reflect on the past, this part of me has always been there but I have denied and buried it deep. There were times that it would float to the surface but I would push it back down. I would say most of that had to do with what I thought was expected of me and societal acceptance. Having been married 5 times I wonder if the deep reason for marital failures was not accepting myself and hiding. I have been in therapy since shortly coming out to mt wife. It is helping me to understand and accept this part of me as well as my sexuality. It is comforting to know about this part of me and being ablet o express it as much as I can.
XOXO
Suzanne
So true Robyn that regardless of how accepting our SO or others may be of our need to be a female, if we aren't accepting of that part of ourselves we will always struggle with guilt and shame issues.
The problem for many of us over 50 is we grew up in an era where trans people and crossdressers were often labelled perverts. Many men at that time thought it was acceptable on encountering a crossdresser or trans person to drag them down a dark alley and bash them. Someone I worked with in my teenage years once bragged of doing exactly that while we were having Friday after work drinks at the pub and the general reaction from the group was good on you. No wonder living with attitudes like that we get so conflicted.
I was lucky 10 or so years ago when I was in a very dark place I went to a psychologist and was feeling so low I guessed it wouldn't matter anyway if I told her I like to wear women's clothes. I fully expected her to call me a pervert and to tell me to get out of her office. Her reaction was exactly the opposite and so positive that it really did change my life. I soon told my SO who also reacted positively but still to this day wants nothing to do with Olivia. I just recently told my very religious son who too reacted positively despite at first saying he would fix me but he hasn't tried to yet and we still are as close as ever.
It took a few years for it to sink in that mentally I am partly a female and that is ok. After all those decades of guilt and feeling I was a pervert it took some time to accept that it is who I am and I was doing nothing wrong.
These days I am in the opposite of some of you who have commented before me. I am totally happy with who I am being male most of the time and having about a day a week as Olivia. My SO however still says she needs time to process it all (like she has had 10 years) and doesn't ever want to talk about Olivia unless I bring it up and when I do you can see the uncomfortable look on her face. I do envy you all who have supportive partners who want to be involved in your dressing. So I rarely approach the subject of Olivia and we are happy together and that's just how it is.
The most important thing of all is that you are who you are. AND THAT IS TOTALLY OK!
Hi Robyn. I feel very much the same way. Through therapy I have come to the realization that I am indeed transgendered and to feel at peace and comfortable I would be happiest fully transitioning to being Lauryn. Like you I am finding out where in the possibilities of transitioning I can be. My life is wonderful but I wish I could be living it as a female. I am trying, like you, to see how I can make it fit with my life and marriage.
I find it comforting, terrifying and I must say exciting to find this acceptance as identifying as female. It changes my mindset but has me spinning about how far I should transition and as I take further steps will I want to continue to completely medically becoming a girl. One step at a time I tell myself and you will find out only by moving forward until it feels right
Good discussion; I guess I’ve always had a strong female aspect as part of me. It all started trying on a skirt for the first time then I was hooked, that was 32 years ago but my fascination with girls clothes began many years prior to that and now it feels so right. Dressing makes me feel so complete
"To thine own self be true." Accepting who you are is the foundation of your very being - treat it as such. I'm glad you're on the path, and if I can help in any way, please don't hesitate to reach out.
🙂 M
So kind, thank you! Honestly, there isn't a day that goes by that I find such peace and calm as I do now. So I guess I'm there. 🙂
Robyn
I have come to realize that I am very comfortable with myself, I used to have some guilt some years ago, now, I am in peace with myself because I know who I am, I have thought of transitioning, but I know is out of the question as I need some balance in my life, I love my family too much, plus I am at an age where I don’t think it would be wise. My SO doesn’t know about the other side of me, I really hope to keep it that way, it kind of makes me happier having that part all to myself, a little bit of excitement, not sure if anyone else feels the same.