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Shock, Horror!

27 Posts
12 Users
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Posts: 804
Lady
Topic starter
(@sashabennett)
Noble Member     Wick, Caithness, United Kingdom
Joined: 1 year ago

I saw this on the Daily Mail online page earlier

I came home to find my husband wearing a blonde wig, heels, a tight dress and scarlet lipstick. It turned out he'd a cross-dressing fetish for YEARS - and this is what it did to our marriage

I couldn't get to the nub of the story as it's a pay per view website so you only get the clickbait headline but the comments were all negative (there's a surprise) 

Perhaps I misjudged the story, has anyone read it, maybe it was a positive outcome?

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2 Replies
Ambassador
(@alexina)
Joined: 1 year ago

Illustrious Member     Fife, United Kingdom
Posts: 2198

@sashabennett 

I saw that earlier, Sasha and I thought about taking one for the team and buying a copy but guid sense and the sure and certain knowledge of the kind of rubbish they'd print, I didn't.

Allie x

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Lady
(@sashabennett)
Joined: 1 year ago

Noble Member     Wick, Caithness, United Kingdom
Posts: 804

@alexina Same here, I just couldn't bring myself to give money to such a miserable institution.

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Posts: 3439
Hostess
(@ab123)
Illustrious Member     Surrey, United Kingdom
Joined: 5 years ago

When I grew out of the Bunty my next comic of choice was the Daily Mail among others. I did read this article and before I even started I knew it would be less than positive.

Yes she did come home and found her spouse in 'Full drag' dressed to the nines and looking older and an image of the mother. She was shocked, had no idea and buckled onto the sofa. She then gave the definition of crossdresser as someone who is not transgender but likes wearing womens clothes. Okay thus far...

Then she explained that some years ago 'transvestism', as it was then was seen as a fetishism, her husband dressed for sexual gratification with her,although saying he wasn't gay nor transgender.

Then there was a long piece about her feelings and that he wanted this sexual gratification when dressed and she was uncomfortable with it. Although she says she tried and even went to a counselor, where the subject wasn't bought up but the relationship was doomed. He did have purges but soon it came back. She felt that if she rejected his advances when dressed she would, and other women in that situation would be classed as prejudiced.

Fundamentally she couldn't come to terms with it and felt betrayed as seeing signs of his dressing and even agreeing to going to a fancy dress party as Cagney and Lacey she saw him parading around she just didn't like it.  She says that for her and other wives it was hard to admit she didn't like it and wondered had she have known before she married him was unsure how she would have responded.

After eight years of marriage they parted but there was other reasons and not solely due to the dressing. After he had left and she cleared the house she was shocked to find a bag of his womens clothes in the wardrobe.

At the end she felt she had married a stranger.

I can sympathise with the theme of a wife who is confronted with the issue, tries to go along with it and even understand as a personal account with anxieties she has faced which is quite reasonable as a position some partners are faced with. It cannot be easy as we know. Note that they both went to counselling but the topic, which was the theme of this article was never mentioned that issue being the 'Elephant in the room'. Also the prejudice she and other women like her would face if they dare mention it.

I cannot know as to how many crossdressers do dress for the reasons explained here but it adds a subversive taint along with the reference of transvestism being a fetish, we can all see the inference there. It casts a dark veil over crossdressing that it is a perversion and that the demand for sex when dressed suggests a danger to women as she 'went along with it to please him' is dangerous as what is sex without consent. I shudder. It has to be said that eventually they became less intimate and eventually it stopped.

It is typical of the Mail to write an overtly negative piece with sinister undertones about a crossdressing partner. The Mail is very anti trans and this article conforms to its bias which is painfully obvious along with pieces such as the prejudice she would feel mentioning it, again referring to the anti trans attitudes and cancel culture, women being cowed by it all, which fit in with the papers ideology. This is why this was published, to taint the trans/crossdressing community. It would be amazing if they did print a positive account in the name of balance.

I have of course referred to the article and some of the contents but believe this has been written fairly as an overview and my opinion having read much in the Mail based on the opinions and articles written about the transgender topic.

Why do I read it you ask? I like the crossword and Garfield.........also to see how various papers deal with our issue....you have to keep aware....

 

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4 Replies
(@valentina16)
Joined: 1 month ago

Noble Member     Worcester, Worcestershire, United Kingdom
Posts: 809

@ab123 …know thine enemy!!…

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Lady
(@sashabennett)
Joined: 1 year ago

Noble Member     Wick, Caithness, United Kingdom
Posts: 804

@ab123 That's pretty much what I was expecting it to be then. I always hope that there might be something positive in the tabloids but it seems that is not to be. I can understand things from her point of view & this is where communication is vital but this can be said of all aspects of a successful marriage. I doubt that the story would have appeared in the Mail had there been a positive outcome, as you say, this fits in with the current outlook of the mainstream press.

As it happens, it was Mrs B who pointed the story out to me. "So, what has it done to our marriage" I asked?

"Bugger all" was the amused reply! Maybe I should see if the papers are interested in a more positive take on the story? Then again, perhaps not....

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Hostess
(@ab123)
Joined: 5 years ago

Illustrious Member     Surrey, United Kingdom
Posts: 3439

@sashabennett I think your wife sums up what reactions have been towards me, bugger all.

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Duchess
(@loneleycd)
Joined: 5 years ago

Famed Member     Roland, Iowa, United States of America
Posts: 2157

@ab123 It just goes to show you, how you can take any story and shape it to fit the narrative you desire. 

Cassie 

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Posts: 1334
(@rebeccabaxter)
    Cornwall, United Kingdom
Joined: 1 year ago

I managed to read the article using Windows + Shift + S and invoking the snipping tool before the DM subscription message covers it up and it is just as Angela says.

The Daily Mail have a 'Make the UK Grate [sic] Again' attitude to the news and are somewhat biased in their outlook. I only access it to look at the fashions on the 'Femail' page—strangely, I don't usually need a subscription for that.

It is fortunate that the Daily Mail does not represent the more common open-minded thinking of most of the British public [that I've met as a practising cross-dresser] but it is their right to spout their version of things to their hearts content, just as it is our right to disagree with it, or preferably, dismiss it out of hand as the puerile click-bait I believe it to be.

Becca

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4 Replies
Lady
(@sashabennett)
Joined: 1 year ago

Noble Member     Wick, Caithness, United Kingdom
Posts: 804

@rebeccabaxter It's why I haven't read a newspaper since about the late 80's It all peaked with the story about Elvis living in a bus on the moon. I kind of miss the Sunday Sport LOL

Let's hope they don't cotton on to "the wrong people" reading the "Femail" page otherwise someone in the editorial suite will be going purple with outrage.

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(@rebeccabaxter)
Joined: 1 year ago

    Cornwall, United Kingdom
Posts: 1334

@sashabennett Perhaps I should drop them a line about them not having enough fashions for the cross-dresser-about-town 😀 .

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Duchess
(@augustvaliant)
Joined: 6 years ago

Noble Member     Long Island, New York, United States of America
Posts: 1524

@rebeccabaxter nice move Becca! I gotta try that!

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Baroness
(@annaredhead)
Joined: 11 months ago

Famed Member     Cornwall, United Kingdom
Posts: 1829

@rebeccabaxter Yes, it certainly grates.

Hugs,

Anna xx

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Posts: 22
(@mollygirl)
Eminent Member     New Jersey, United States of America
Joined: 1 month ago

Hi, 

I have topics set up in my news feeds and cross dressing is one. So this article appeared today. I read it and Angela's recap is spot on. I was unaware of the tilt of the Daily Mail until it was pointed out. Thanks, I'll have a more critical eye on future articles from the DM. A more supportive article came out on 12/27 in the Dear Deidre column in the Sun. 

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1 Reply
Lady
(@sashabennett)
Joined: 1 year ago

Noble Member     Wick, Caithness, United Kingdom
Posts: 804

@mollygirl The DM is rather well known for this kind of outlook so it wasn't a surprise. Oddly though, the Sun is also rather sensationalist so that is surprising. Perhaps there is hope after all.

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Posts: 1070
Managing Ambassador
(@melodeescarlet)
Famed Member     DC/Baltimore, Maryland, United States of America
Joined: 2 years ago

@sashabennett It's called clickbait for a reason 😉 The headline is all there is, everything else is fluff. If there is a real story behind it, I doubt it'd be interesting.

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3 Replies
Lady
(@sashabennett)
Joined: 1 year ago

Noble Member     Wick, Caithness, United Kingdom
Posts: 804

@melodeescarlet The trouble with clickbait is that it need you to follow it through & considering I am, lets say, careful with my money (I do live in Scotland after all) they won't get very far with that, regardless of how interesting the story is

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(@mollygirl)
Joined: 1 month ago

Eminent Member     New Jersey, United States of America
Posts: 22

@sashabennett The title was “What’s it’s really like to live with a cross dresser”. 
On face, that title is innocuous but perhaps the word ‘really’ makes it suspect. But knowing the publisher should set off alarm bells.

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Hostess
(@ab123)
Joined: 5 years ago

Illustrious Member     Surrey, United Kingdom
Posts: 3439

@melodeescarlet Click bait? I thought that was the grasshoppers my brother used as bait for fishing....I am not of this generation...

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Posts: 827
Lady
(@dazzler)
Noble Member     Cardiff, South Glamorgan, United Kingdom
Joined: 4 years ago

The Mail is a hate rag read by those who like to hate anything that isn't within their ideology, lifestyle, or political view. I wouldn't wipe my arris on it!

As for the wife finding her husband and not liking it.... My wife didn't find me. We both kind of got into it during "play time" she would occasionally put stockings on me... She then learned that I was very excited by this, so it slowly moved on to lingerie, then fetish wear... I then discovered that I liked the feel of female clothing, and I would dress in my wife's clothes occasionally... We weren't married then and still living with our respective parents. 
We eventually bought a house together. The fetish side grew and grew. My wife was really into it. More into it than I was, though I enjoyed it. She would often have ato work away for days on end. I rralised that the fetish clothing wasn't what I went for. I went for underwear and  normal clothes. I'd come home from work, shower, and dress in my wifes underwear and a dress. 
The fetish side grew until one day, something changed, and it changed in an instant. One minute were we really getting into things. Both wearing PVC dresses...And then WHAM! She stopped. She insisted I take the dress and underwear off. From that moment on, she was dead against my dressing as a woman. This was a real hatred of it. An angry hatred of it. It all happened in a second!

This state remained for many years. I would dress when she was away, but that was the only time. I had to be totally back to normal by the time she came home. One time, after being away all week, she noticed a smell of perfume on me... She went bonkers!!!!

After a considerable time, she started getting more OK with my need to crossdress. She understood that it was more a need than a want. I bought a few items of my own (normal clothes, the fetish stuff was long gone). I was allowed to wear these when she wasn't around... Slowly, very slowly, things changed. It took many, Many years, and now I live as cerys 80 to 90% of the time. We love each other very much indeed, but sadly my wife has no desire for anything physical no matter how I'm dressed. She won't even give me a kiss goodbye if I'm dressed, but she is fully supportive.

Whilst she is supportive, she doesn't enjoy my crossdressing. She sees the advantages, I love shopping, I lend her clothes. She sees styles on me and sometimes tries them out. She's not a girly woman by a long stick. I often have to encourage her to wear acress or a skirt.  We were talking about this with my son and his girlfriend yesterday, and my wife's words were "it is what it is. I've become used to it. I live with it. It's who he is". These words went deep! She more than tolerates it. She does support it. She buys me stuff... She is amazing, but I feel that if it were possible, she'd prefer it if I wasn't a crossdresser. TBH, at times, I'd prefer it if I wasn't a crossdresser. I need Cerys. She my stabiliser. She's my superhero. Cerys keeps me sane and functioning. She boosts me.... Though she also causes a lot of hassle sometimes.  I make a point of at least one day a week, reverting to male mode, if not all day, at least when my wife finishes work. 
In February, we'll have been married 33 years. We'll lived together for 2 years before that, and we got together in 1984. We've been through a lot. We're far from perfect, but our love is eternal, no matter what life throws at us. 

Cerys

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7 Replies
(@rebeccabaxter)
Joined: 1 year ago

    Cornwall, United Kingdom
Posts: 1334

Posted by: @dazzler

The fetish side grew until one day, something changed, and it changed in an instant. One minute were we really getting into things. Both wearing PVC dresses...And then WHAM! She stopped. She insisted I take the dress and underwear off. From that moment on, she was dead against my dressing as a woman. This was a real hatred of it. An angry hatred of it. It all happened in a second!

Did you ever find out why?

 

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Lady
(@dazzler)
Joined: 4 years ago

Noble Member     Cardiff, South Glamorgan, United Kingdom
Posts: 827

@rebeccabaxter No. For many years, I suspected that my wife was worried that she might be turning lesbian. Whilst she has nothing against lesbians, she is very adamant that she's not one. Her parents had strong views on such matters. She really was enjoying the "girl on girl" action. I once asked her if this was the case, and she replied that it wasn't.  I guess I'll never know. 

Cerys

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(@rebeccabaxter)
Joined: 1 year ago

    Cornwall, United Kingdom
Posts: 1334

@dazzler My wife has had female relations in the past so that side of things wouldn't bother her—not that we do anything now; I am too old and she is post-menopausal, so we are neither of us bothered anymore.

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Hostess
(@ab123)
Joined: 5 years ago

Illustrious Member     Surrey, United Kingdom
Posts: 3439

@dazzler That was quite a personal and powerful piece Cerys. At your stage in life is there any point in looking for answers as you seem to have a very comfortable existence and happy life.

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Lady
(@sashabennett)
Joined: 1 year ago

Noble Member     Wick, Caithness, United Kingdom
Posts: 804

@dazzler The main thing here is that you are still together despite the trials & tribulations. I was going to ask if you figured out what had changed but I was beaten to it. It's odd how things can turn around so quickly & it's a shame it went so far the other way but at least there is acceptance if not enjoyment. I guess we take what we can & make the best of it. Good luck for the future.

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Hostess
(@cdsue)
Joined: 5 years ago

Famed Member     Delaware, United States of America
Posts: 2111

@dazzler thank you for sharing your story. As I was reading it I was seeing myself as my story is similar in many ways, but then I guess many of our stories are similar. 

XOXO
Suzanne

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Duchess
(@loneleycd)
Joined: 5 years ago

Famed Member     Roland, Iowa, United States of America
Posts: 2157

@dazzler Cerys, so,so happy for the 2 of you. Sorry though that the intimacy seems to be gone, but you both have made it work for you. May you both continue to live happy fulfilling lives.  

Cassie 

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