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Hi everyone, so I have a question in regards to coming out to two different groups of people. Basically, should I come out as a Crossdresser to my managers at work and should I come out to my younger sister? First I will describe my managers to give you a better idea of how they are. I work at retail and almost everyone I work with is pretty open minded and progressive. My assistant manager is actually openly gay and mentions his husband quite frequently, so I know that the workplace culture is pretty chill. A few nights ago I couldn't sleep due to anxiety of worrying that my mom will catch me crossdressing again like she did 10 years ago (more on that story later). I told them about my anxiety and inability to sleep, they told me that if I ever need anything that I can talk to them. Now normally I wouldn't feel the need to tell my managers or anyone at work about my crossdressing, but they offered an open ear and I can't really tell them what is truly bothering me without telling them everything. Now, on to my sister. She is currently 15 and already knows that I am Bisexual. She took that news pretty well when I told her. Knowing how she responded to my coming out as Bisexual, do you think I should tell her about my crossdressing? Or is this a tad bit different? Let me know what you all think. - Angelica
It's a difficult one, that's for sure.
The challenge is, once it's out there, you're no longer in control of it.
The question is why do you feel the need to tell anyone? With work colleagues, do you plan on going in en femme, if not how does sharing now move you forward. As for your sister, she'll be totally cool with it I'm sure, but again what's driving you to tell her now, does it help your situation, are you looking for an Ally in the event of mum finding out?
And on that point, Isn't the mum situation the real problem to focus on in your dilemma?
Didi💋
Yes, you are right. I am actually going to see a therapist tomorrow to help me in this regard. I am absolutely terrified of telling my mom because of her reaction before. I am tired of hiding who I am, I am tired of sacrificing my own happiness to keep her happy. I just don't know how to handle it or tell her that in confidence on my own. So yes, you are right about my mom being the main one I should focus on. I just need help standing up for myself. And yes, I guess I am looking for an ally. In my sister, at work. Anyone! I'm tired of fighting this battle on my own.
I agree with previous posts regarding your work situation. If your end goal is to dress fully en femme at work then you should go ahead and tell your manager first if you think they will be open to that. If not, then it's probably best to not broach that subject with them.
I definitely think you should consider telling your sister though. If she is fully accepting of your bi-sexual life style then I feel she will have no issues with your cross dressing either. It will be good for you to have someone you can talk to about how you are feeling.
Good luck with whatever you decide.
Hugs,
Emily
There's nothing stopping you, everything you're worried about is in your gift to resolve. And anyhow, you've always got us.
Fire me a PM if you ever want to talk to someone, a friendly un-judgemental ear is a service I (along with many of the ladies on thus site) are happy to offer.
Didi💋
Angelica,
I would advise waiting a bit, in both cases. Caution is the best advice I can give you. Have you ever been on the receiving end of a gay man's ire when presenting as a CD or T? It can be a very hard experience to listen to and take. Not all gay men are like that, but many are, and you don't know until it blows up on you.
As for teenagers, even those closest to us, NO ONE knows what is going through their heads. A lot of kids learn early to mask their opinions in the last few years because of the threat of being bullied or ostracized and hide their true feelings so as to not become a target of others. Many carry this over into adulthood and you must exercise some discretion.
Coming out is a wonderful experience to add positivity to your life, but do it in safe environs first. Have you joined any local CD support groups or do you have a few CD friends that you go out with? Be honest about yourself to the ones you think may be positive to you, but also be careful at the same time. Test the water before you jump in. Pride is coming in June and that is an awesome and safe place to start your debut, and it is not that far off.
Do what you feel is best for you, and good luck. But keep things in YOUR control and watch for some bumps in the road. PM me if you would like or have some questions you need answered in private.
PaulaF
I would say not to tell your sister just yet if you are not planning on having the same conversations n with your mum (I get it went badly before).
If you don't want your mum to know then you are asking your sister to keep it from her as well and that's a big ask and puts a lot of pressure her and I don't really think that's fair.
If you want to mention it at work I would just so it in a casual manner and not a big sit down discussion, unless you wanted to dress for work in which case you would be better to have a proper talk.
