Welcome to Crossdresser Heaven, a safe and welcoming place for everyone in the crossdresser community.
Join Crossdresser Heaven today to participate in the forums.
I’ll try to keep this one shorter.
I've noticed a huge difference between the dressing mentalities of myself, a single person, and my fellow sisters-in-skirts who are lucky enough to be in committed relationships. By and large, we share the fear of being discovered by people important to us; they by their spouses or SO’s, and I by my family and friends. But the motivation seems to differ.
Lately, as my pink fog has lifted, I’ve realized that I dress up to immerse myself in the feminine energy I sorely lack in my life. I recently was very, very heartbroken; a woman I love, that I’d have waited to the end of time for, simply lost interest in me. That rendered me sort of... broken, internally. I wasn’t enough of a man for her, part of me theorizes. So in a twisted way, I took the hand nature dealt me and saw how good of a woman I could become. Maybe that could get me some attention.
And it did... but not from the quarters I want it from. My fellow dressers are fine, we share a lot and I’m thankful for the support. But I don’t want attention from men. I want to be noticed by someone I care about, and am invested in. I’d become invisible to someone like that already... and it hurt so much that I became a feminine object of desire myself just to have something like that in my life. I’ve fetishized femininity.
Really, honestly, I just want to be loved. And I’ve never been the kind of guy to subscribe to societal tropes and norms about what a man should be. I blame this for my singleness; everyone says I’m a great person, funny, creative, all that. I like myself plenty. But the women who find me interesting enough to become close to - they are fleeting and ultimately lost.
My married and taken sisters, you seem simply to be indulging a feminine side without filling a hole inside yourself. That’s sadly not what I’m doing. I’m tragically clutching at a deep-seated need for someone special to see me, and care for me. I can’t keep doing that to myself, but there it is.
I welcome your thoughts.
Auntie Bobbi nails it!
Love Laura
I understand. There will be someone out there and hiding this part of you will only make it take longer. One thing I can give single people is they often do get open -minded as they get older. Additionally, having that femininity in your life via another person will not end your need to immerse yourself in it. It may even make it stronger!
i also think it’s important to note that many of us who are married could be filling a hole in ourselves. While we may be happily married our dressing could be an attempt at compensating for a poor maternal relationship, lack or positive feminine influence in childhood, or a number of other things. I don’t think it’s healthy to obsess over why we do it as it won’t make the need go away, but that feeling and theory is not one that loses its truth once you’re in a happy relationship with a woman.
Hey Renée. I understand your challenge. I desired a female partner for much of my life and was heartbroken over and over and over again. I was soon almost completely hopeless (I'm only 27), and very "lost." I don't really fit into the societal aspect of being a big, muscular, have everything together, bread winning man; I'm skinny, shy (at first anyways), and had a lot of stress on my plate during that time. I also had a large, empty hole from the lack of my mother's love and care as a kid (but she had other things going on herself, but I still needed her). Fast forward into my twenties where I started experimenting with crossdressing. I can't tell you if the crossdressing was all because of the lack of female energy in my life and I needed to fill that gap, or what else. I was always attracted to women, and eventually men... kind of.
I eventually became intrigued and pleased with crossdressing. I always felt so hot and had that amazing rush when I looked in the mirror and wore the clothes. Crossdressing soon became a more regular occurance. In the early stages I felt very ashamed of dressing up, like I was bad or scared of what it could turn into. I'm currently working through that. But I do enjoy dressing and I would so love to do it more.
I feel like I'm digressing....
I always had some feminine mannerisms about myself I guess you could say.
I did finally get a girlfriend back I. April this year and it has been really, really great. We get along so well. She does not really like my dressing right now, but I'm hoping she'll come around.
Good luck with everything sweetheart! But I agree with what somebody said earlier about going out en femme to one of the clubs to see who will accept you as you are.
Hugs! xoxo
<p style="text-align: left;">Hi Renee , I'm happily married & the crossdressing does fill a hole in me , physically, mentally & emotionally - it's not an indulgence , it's something I need / crave. Something is missing from me - for whatever reason , an emptiness is filled when I fully crossdress , when I underdress or just get around in partly female casual clothing .....I don't know what's missing but I'm soothed & a better person when I can xx Tiff</p>
Rene"e,
That seems to be multi-part question. First, I'm happily married for 50+ years; but dressing still fills a void, just not the same sort as yours. The second part is the tough one. Most of our wives either accept (more or less), or at least tolerate this part of our lives. But some have had marriages fail, even some after many years together; and we never knew in advance what the outcome would be. The only suggestion (not advice) I can offer is to let potential partners know in advance, and hope that you have a "keeper".
Bettylou
Hi Renee,
Forgive me if I am a little dense,I can be, but I'm not sure if you are crossdressing to fill that void needing to be filled by the right women .
If so that may not be the right thing to do.
Not all of us men are super macho lives of the party types,I certainly am not.
But I was fortunate enough to find That special women and I know you will too.
If that's what you want.
It will happen when its meant to happen not when you want it to happen.
I had already determined I was going to be single my entire life.
So don't give up if thats what you want.
And don't be lonely we are always around to chat.
Hang in there I had many lonely days.
Love Patty
Thats very good advice Bettylou ,you are a very wise person.
Patty
Thank you very much, Patty; but it's really just a mix of observation and experience.
Hi Renee,
Its patty again,
You got me thinking and you may be on to something.
Maybe as men we so desire beautiful women and when we don't totally fulfill that need we turn it inward and fulfill it by being feminine ourselves.
I'm no psychologist so I don't Know.
I do know that I still love women and I think there sexy as ever but I enjoy being just as sexy and feminine as them.
So who knows.
Patty
