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Smiss

7 Posts
7 Users
24 Reactions
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Posts: 822
Lady
Topic starter
(@dazzler)
Noble Member     Cardiff, South Glamorgan, United Kingdom
Joined: 4 years ago

The other day, I posted about being called sir. Tonight, in a local charity shop, I got s-miss. It started as sir, but the shop assistant quickly changed it to miss. She seemed quite embarrassed. I told her it was fine. 
No matter how I spend time getting the outfit right, and my hair right. Choosing the right accessories..... I'll always look like a man in a dress. That is what I am. That is what i shall always be. I can dress the part, but my looks and the way I walk will always be male. 
I don't feel bad for myself, but I do feel bad for my wife. When we go out together, I want people to see us as two lady friends. I don't want people people to see us as a woman with a transvestite husband. 
Whilst my wife is fully supporting, my crossdressing doesn't always fit nicely with her. I can tell that it sometimes irks her.
I'm starting to think that I'll either stop going out and about with my wife, or I'll change back into male mode. Cerys will only go out on her own. 
Whilst I'll always be a crossdresser, and not trans, I do try to look as "normal" as possible. It's beginning to dawn on me that I do not look "normal" when dressed as a woman. 
When I'm out on my own, I don't care what others think. I do care what others think when I'm with my wife. My wife is under a lot of pressure in work. She has a very stressful job and is very high up in her company. I do  not wish to add to her load. 
whilst most people say nothing, or perhaps hardly notice, it's becoming clear to me that I do not pass as a woman. I have some serious thinking about when Cerys goes out to play. When my wife is in a more upbeat frame of mind, I will discuss this with her. It might be that she is fine with what people see. Who knows? We're going away this weekend. I'm not taking any Cerys clothes with me. Maybe we'll discuss it then.

Cerys

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6 Replies
Posts: 1284
(@rebeccabaxter)
    Cornwall, United Kingdom
Joined: 1 year ago

It is the case that is uppermost in my mind when I go out with my wife en femme. I try to look feminine but against her 5' height, my 5'10" makes us out to be, well, not exactly sisters, if you know what I mean. She says she is fine with it and shows no ambiguity in her attitude to us going out but it is me that worries about her and I don't go out dressed to many places out of deference to her position. Apart from my height, at a distance I might be able to pass as a woman (feel free to disagree, I won't be offended), or at least leave a few doubts in people's minds, but alongside her and close up, not a chance, especially when I speak. I too have considered only going out on my own but she regularly suggests we go out together; I always wonder whether she does it to be nice, I think I'll ask. I am fully aware, though, of when I definitely shouldn't dress up and don't try to, sometimes it is just not something that should be done.

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1 Reply
Lady
(@daddydavita)
Joined: 2 years ago

Estimable Member     Midland, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 68

@rebeccabaxter, and your wife are just to gals out on the town. I wanted to relate to you that my mum is about 5’-2” and her good friend Kay, that she shared a flat with in London after the war had to be close to 6ft. They were friends the rest of their lives, I hope you gals enjoy being who you are, two gals on the town. Cheers

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Posts: 1741
Duchess
(@alison-anderson)
Noble Member     Middlesex county, New Jersey, United States of America
Joined: 6 years ago

I've reached a point of not worrying about being misgendered (or mis-pronouned?).

One time I went out with my friend, her live-in crossdressing domestic, a GG friend of hers and my daughter. I was in male mode. We went to tour the old governer's mansion in NJ (from when Ben Franklin's brother was the governer). After the tour, there was a tea. The woman volunteer twice said to us, "I'll be with you ladies in a moment," never correcting herself when she came over.

Four days later my friend had an event at her local diner with maybe a dozen or more people from the crossdressing community (she ran a transformation business and had events like this or parties at her home often). Someone asked the waitress for something, and the waitress said to them "I'll get yours right after I get his -- her drink."

Clearly with a lot of people there, it was obvious that we were not born female. The waitress corrected herself right after she said it.

So twice in the same week I had the wrong "apparent" pronoun used, once in male mode, once en femme. While I prefer the correct pronoun to be used, I have reached a point where I don't care.

Edit: It's also a numbers game. You've heard the phrase "You're not going to fool all the people all of the time." If you pass 95% of the time (most would think that's a good score), then 1 in 20 would know. Even a 99% pass rate would mean that 10 out of 1000 would know. I'm sure many see enough people in a day that someone will figure it out.

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Posts: 801
Lady
(@sashabennett)
Noble Member     Wick, Caithness, United Kingdom
Joined: 1 year ago

That pretty much sums up why I've never been out as Sasha. Being clocked would be the worst thing imaginable to me. 

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Posts: 2099
Hostess
(@cdsue)
Famed Member     Delaware, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

Cerys -

That is so nice that you are thinking of your wife in those situations. I, unfortunately, don't go out dressed so don't have any personal experience to relate to what you are saying. I hope you have the opportunity to talk with your wife about your concerns soon.

XOXO
Suzanne

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Posts: 3404
Hostess
(@ab123)
Illustrious Member     Surrey, United Kingdom
Joined: 5 years ago

It is always a dilemma when going out with another person and being aware of their feelings is the right thing to do. Cerys you have never made any issue as to how you look and who you are, you are comfortable in your skin and it is also thick skin in taking misgendering in your stride. I admire you for being considerate to the feelings of your wife in being able to discuss it and be accommodating to her.

It seems from many posts on here I get the impression that a wife will go along with the dressing as it makes the husband happy and that is what they want to see. The husband sees this as a validation but doesn't realise that the wife maybe unhappy underneath and unwittingly causes issues as it isn't discussed properly so you are an great example to follow Cerys.

Although not married I always asked girls if they were uncomfortable or would rather not do it. I had one lovely reply where she said that if I didn't look good she wouldn't be out with me. 

Like you Cerys I know what I am and there is a inevitability that the same will happen, it is very rare but if it is done as a mistake then so be it but if done with malice it is dealt with accordingly. I have thick skin too.

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