So close, yet so far. Frustrating!

Hey Rae,

Trust me, you aren't the only one in that boat.  I wished I had the ability to transform myself just for a few minutes a day.  I am almost in tears some days.

I am just glad I found this place, so I would have someone to talk to, since I have no one in my lift that I can vent too.

I wish you the best of luck.

Warm hugs, you have a friend in me!!

-Gloria.

Hi Rae

The mirror is not very friendly sometimes and we're not always mentally ready or attuned to the actual relative beauty we're looking at, its somewhat akin to the negative reaction most of us have when listening to our own recorded voice. We can definately be our own harshest critic, others may hear or see the qualities that we in ourselves sometimes too quickly dismiss.

Hi Rae,

As Gloria said it's a big boat, and you are not alone in it.

How about we focus on the " so close " part and revel in that for a moment?  Just being optimistic afterall.  🙂

Stevie

Hi Rae,

I looked in the mirror the other day and the first thought in my head was "I'm not attractive." Since then I keep thinking, why do we do this to ourselves? We are our own worst critics and we need to stop. I have preached that we need to be kind to ourselves and I broke that rule. Really, let's be gentle and kind. One step at a time. It's what is in our hearts that counts!

Kay

Focus from the inside - out, you see more of the beautiful you.

Love

Bea

Rae,  Hon, Stevie is right.  I IS a big boat and we are not alone.  We all have our own short comings, and probably many here have the same one(s) you do hon.

You say you are not passable, okay, can you change that?  Of course you can.  It takes time and patience and baby steps.  Start with something easy like hydrating and starting a skin care regimen.  Also, the next time you are out at the grocery store or the mall, look around at all the different Genetic women around you.  A lot of them are not as attractive or 'passable' as we would like to be ourselves, but they still put on a bit of makeup and head out into the world to do their day-to-day things.  It does not stop them, and no one is out there doing beauty checks to keep everyone separated.

Get comfortable with yourself, then head out.  You might just find there are not nearly as many people who will judge how look.  Some will, yes.  But, by and large, everyone is stuck in their own world with all of their problems and obstacles.  And if you are really worried about issues with you appearance, a Covid mask might alleviate some of the worry.  Before they re-closed the club I like going to most, there were many more of us girls there than usual, a lot of them shortcutting their makeup by wearing their masks.  I did it too.

And, I don't consider myself 100% passable either.  Take a deep breath and step out for yourself.

PaulaF

We all wish that beauty in our self especially our facials. But unfortunately many cannot but that shouldn’t take away our feel in our feminine side.  I feel inside my femininity and when dressed I'm doing my best and in many ways very happy being who I am. 🌷

i think for most of us that the mirror is disappointing in that what we actually see vs what we see in our mind is totally different and not as good as we would like.  Many of us due to or build or facial hair will never be passable. It comes down to learning to accept the way we are and look and determine to what extent are we willing to try to be passable that may adversely change how our masculine side looks...

Rae,

Very few of us are near 100% passable.  Maybe that goal is worth striving for, but IMHO, I don't think I or most of us are ever going to reach it.  Granted, there are a tiny number of girls here on CDH who are stunningly beautiful and look 100% female, but the rest of us?  Nahhh, we are never going to be 100% passable.  Maybe 99%.

That being said, professional make overs can make many men into absolutely beautiful looking women.  Have you tried using the services of a cosmetologist at stores like Ulta, Sephora, or MAC?   Also, some of the larger cities have "dressing services," which will teach you how to work with what you have and make it beautiful.  These services target primarily CDs and transgendered girls.

I recall one girl in support group who had a very heavy beard.  A cosmetologist taught her how to conceal it, perfectly.

Peggy Sue

Rae, you have a few things going for you which you may have overlooked. You said you've got it from the neck down.. great, you are a few steps ahead of many of us! Also, if you REALLY look around, most women are not beauty queens (not cutting on women here!!!) . There are just a lot of people (male & female) who just don't fit the magazines profile of what we should look like. That's great! That means we don't have to keep beating ourselves up for not reaching "their standards". And lastly, Give a little thanks to the Covid Virus... put on your mask, fluff up your wig and get out there and rock those heels girl!

Much love, Mary Ann.

How well we understand you! Long, tanned legs, something to celebrate, yet there is almost always a doubt that makes us hesitate. For years I refused to have my photograph taken, I was so frustrated with how I looked. Only recently I became curious and searched for the few photos I had of younger years. And, amazingly, I realized Valerie was (is perhaps) beautiful. Rae. I am sure you are too. See yourself lovingly... 🌷🌹🥰

It isn't really all that different for a lot of women. They may try so hard to be beautiful and then are shamed into an obsessive self-conciousness of their bodies either by their peers or the media. Costly diets, exercise programmes, and don't mention the extravagant pricing of salves. lotions and unguents that promise far more than they deliver.

It's no wonder that women rebelled against having always to be 'on' in the late 60s. In some societies those demeaning demands are still enforced upon them.

I have grown to recognize that there is far more to Beauty than appearance, while still acknowledging the significance of that element. There are intelligence, eloquence, gentility, poise, taste, and all of those delightful elements that one discovers when deeply involved in actually getting to know a lady. I often find myself smitten with damsels who are less than 'classic' beauties. It is usually their femininity that overwhelms me.

So, basically, I feel that the basis of Beauty is a healthy body. It could be skinny or sensually curved or pulchritudinous but it should be just nice. So start there and make sure that you are in a decent condition and feminize from there. Flaunt your stylishness, bedazzle them with your tastefully co-ordinated adornments, learn to 'put on a face' that looks like its natural or a sailor's dream.

I am sure that many women, of either sex, are far lovelier than the overly-critical conventions we have bound ourselves with allow. They all need to learn to strut like the women they really are rather than slink away like the men they fear they always are. People have even told ME that I am pretty. Of course, that IS before they put on their spectacles.

Araminta.

Hi Rae nice to meet you and a good post many girls here use a face app there is a place to start and see what you want to look like just playing around then take note of your changes and play with makeup and soon you could be as pretty as you want to be . But it all starts from within your heart as to what you want to portray as the Rae you want to be good luck girlfriend.

Hugs

Stephanie Bass

Hi Rae,

Welcome to CDH.

You’re right many of us aren’t the petite, small framed image of feminists.  A friend used to help me with make up and wig.  As I walked from my car to her door  she’d see my 6 foot 200 lb. plus body and say “that’s one big dame!”

A little humor can go a long way.

Alice