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So many young members join and soon disappear

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Posts: 594
Lady
Topic starter
(@myfanwy)
Honorable Member     Mid Glamorgan, United Kingdom
Joined: 6 years ago

In the year or so that I have been on CDH,I have noticed a lot of girls in their twenties and thirties joining the site and leaving soon afterwards.I have made friends with a few and chatted with them  by private message only to find that they delete themselves quite quickly.I am a mature x dresser of 59 but I like to get to know the younger girls.Many of them are starting out on their dressing journey and are frightened and confused.I like to feel like a mentor and a mother figure to them.I like to give them the benefit of my long experience.When I dispense advice and don't hear from them again I worry that my advice has no value and I have confused them.Do these younger members leave the group because the core membership of CDH is forty and over?.I am thinking that they feel more comfortable tallking to girls of their own age.

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41 Replies
Posts: 1748
Duchess
(@985anythinggoes)
Noble Member     New Orleans, Louisiana, United States of America
Joined: 6 years ago

I feel a lot think it's a hook up site, and when it is not....they leave.

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Posts: 0
Guest
(@Anonymous)
New Member
Joined: 1 second ago

So, some unsolicited advice and comments.

First. The thing about advice is that it may not sink in or have impact until some time in the distant future.  There is this need for us to fix things?

Second. Giving advice (in our minds) is different from generation to generation. No matter how sound (See that elusive guidebook on parenting - oops, no such book).

Third. Each generation processes and integrates information differently. Norms and mores change.

Forth. I was actually thinking about this a bit differently. We are a group that spans 50 + years with a common theme that generates sound opinions and acceptance when opinions differ. The common thread to this civilized and constructive dynamics are ...panties.

Fifth. It is very possible that the younger girls take the info, say thank you and move forward. They may have only needed a sounding board. Welcome them back when they return with “Hey, good to hear from you. Everything okay?” vs “”Where have you been”? Just like raising children. They want to find out things on their own.

Sixth. We are all at different stages of this evolution. Ask yourselves what you were like, getting advice, in your 20s.

Seventh. What a great opportunity for the polls frequently seen on the site. One could be how who is in their 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s, 70s... every ~10 years there is a new generation. And, say someone who is 58 is closer to someone 60 then someone who is 52.  Another poll could be a very similar set of questions for each generation. See how attitudes, thoughts, conventions have changed with generations. Would you burn your bra if you were living in the 60s?

SO MUCH GOOD can come from this one random thought. Thank you for thinking it.

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Posts: 0
Guest
(@Anonymous)
New Member
Joined: 1 second ago

Samantha,  I was thinking much the same; it seems that most CD/Trans sites are more sexually oriented.  It is also possible that the youngsters come here looking for ONE specific answer to an immediate problem, then leave when they get it  - or don't.

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Posts: 1748
Duchess
(@985anythinggoes)
Noble Member     New Orleans, Louisiana, United States of America
Joined: 6 years ago

[postquote quote=204238][/postquote]
I think many younger people/kids are like that, use us for fast info and drop us. Building relationships with people is so 1980...

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Posts: 128
Lady
(@lori_stark)
Estimable Member     Long Beach, California, United States of America
Joined: 6 years ago

Lori  My sense about the demographics here is that we are mostly age 60 and older. We've been experimenting with crossdressing most of our lives and now we are retired with more free time, might have a little $$$ to spend on wardrobe and makeup, the kids have moved out, and now we can "take it to the next level." We are also, at this stage of life (not speaking for everybody here), sexually exhausted, and crossdressing no longer has any "fetishistic" element for us. Younger members may still be evaluating everyone -- including us and others they meet online -- as potential sexual partners, so we may seem a little... boring to them.

I do wish they'd stick around, though. Their pictures are so much prettier than mine. 🙂

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Posts: 0
Guest
(@Anonymous)
New Member
Joined: 1 second ago

Lori. Well put. And by the way, you look beautiful. Begins with a smile.

Another analogy (I live in them): view our site as a beer good restaurant. There’s a bar area and a dining area. Maybe even one or 2 rooms that could be used for small gatherings.

The Bar has a few scattered TVs - different show on each. Could be all sports, but different ones (I do get looked at funny when I ask to change from American football to “real” football” ). Could be anything. Those of us who might watch one will gather around them similar interested people. There may be conversations, or not, but over time, those who liked the atmosphere will return and acquaintances may develop (CHEERS, where everyone knows your name...).   Or, you just like the high top tables without the TVs.   Or the TVs are too much of a distraction and you think you won’t return.

The restaurant: For me, the food is somewhat important, but the ambience is what will bring me back. Some want formal dining but others want a great burger. Cost plays a role, but make it appealing to all.

Let it be a place you can dress casually or wear your heels. All fit.

You know...?

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Posts: 361
Lady
(@toofine4me)
Honorable Member     Cincinnati, Kentucky, United States of America
Joined: 7 years ago

Perhaps another factor might be the younger person who is already clear that they are considering transitioning. Perhaps they see us as "hobbyists?" If they are feeling clear about their gender identity as transgender to one gender, they might feel more comfortable in a community that is focused on that. It seems like it might be easier for the younger generation. They may have less internal fears and trepidation than most of us have here. Just a thought....

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Posts: 0
Guest
(@Anonymous)
New Member
Joined: 1 second ago

There are so many possibilities. I think we let them share? And even within their generation, as with all of us, there will be many personal reasons.

This site is warm and welcoming. That always works...

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Posts: 2144
(@cyberian2)
Noble Member     Elliot Lake, Ontario, Canada
Joined: 8 years ago

Hi Roberta!  They a lost of girls....join the group about leave somewhat someone quickly. I am joined off by 2 years. I just that the group is very prepetitive ofter and often off and offer. I as a good group but is reptitive. I as a cor-people are far too monopoley in the stories and articles. I am tired they same group. Anywhere.....I used a stroke as well.......I as used to  it and haved by life is enough to my live.

Dame Veronica

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Posts: 0
Guest
(@Anonymous)
New Member
Joined: 1 second ago

I think this is a constant confusing aspect of cross dressing for many - in my teens I had no idea why I wanted to dress in girls clothes, I just knew I did.

And the materials and designs of apparel are aimed at interesting young men, so a sexual element is always present, which generates guilt. Or at least, it did for me.

As the sex drive decreases with age, the desire to dress seems to either get stronger, or it's continued presence forces us to face reality and do what we can to free ourselves from imposed society norms - we realise more and more, especially thanks to the internet, that we aren't alone or weird, but part of a subsection of very considerate, gentle, supportive people.

There's enough information on a site like this for a young person to gain the confidence they need and move on with their lives.

Hopefully they'll come back and share the love, but a quick fix is always the way for younger people.

It certainly was for me - I'm not being patronising!

And I agree, many seem to be looking for a hook up service, which this site emphatically is not.

Love Laura

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Posts: 10
Lady
(@maidmarguerite)
Active Member     North Carolina, United States of America
Joined: 6 years ago

As one of the younger CDs, I tend to use this site in spurts.  Usually to help come to terms with what I'm feeling or thinking, in the moment.  The wisdom of those who have been around the block, is invaluable to me.  That being said, I'm not a particularly open person, so it's a lot more reading than active participation (I'm trying to improve).  While I can only speak for myself, CDing consumes only a portion of my life and thus I don't feel the need to participate all the time.  I can't speak as to the total removal of an account, but the reason I'm not always around is because I am still on my own journey of acceptance and CDH is a part of that journey, but more like a base camp.  A place where my feelings and thoughts have some structure.

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Posts: 441
Lady
(@vanillaballoon)
Honorable Member     Nashville, Tennessee, United States of America
Joined: 6 years ago

I've noticed this a lot and as a 32 year-old it's very disappointing, but I can see why this happens pretty easily. Short answer is we're all at very different places in our lives, not only from the older CDs, but from each other.

Given the times, many are able to explore like the older ones were not which can lead to forging bonds in person. Unfortunately  younger people today haven't been able to settle down so much and have to figure out how to navigate these feelings in a well-established life. I am one of the lucky few and that's why I'm here.

Acknowledging this part of your life at a younger age leads to a whole lot of questions about how to manage it and keep living your most rewarding life. When the conversation coming from the older girls revolves around "what are you wearing?" it's no more helpful to what we need than "girl, your trans," like you'll hear from more youth-oriented places.

It's a whole lot to navigate and that's why I like to make myself available to other girls near my age. We're here because, "transition! Be the woman you really are right away!" is not what we need to hear, but we've got too much ahead of us to just throw on a dress and makeup at the risk losing of what our mostly-male selves want.

It can be hard to express this in a way that isn't insensitive to the older girls, but frankly, the older girls can be insensitive to where the younger ones are in life and want to get out of it.

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Posts: 22
Lady
(@maria_mtf)
Eminent Member     Shropshire, United Kingdom
Joined: 6 years ago

At 31 I think I count as a "young member" so I will share my reasons.

I read a lot on here not logged on and only comment when something really gets my attention or I think I can give useful advice.

I only really post new threads when I have a burning question that is causing me distress and I need somewhere to share my thoughts.

Never really got to know anyone properly so tend not to do standard chit chat, to be fair I don't just talk much face to face either.

I will always try to reply to advice, its just rude not to.

I do not accept myself therefore when the urge to dress goes I welcome it and avoid this site altogether.

 

 

 

 

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Posts: 445
Lady
(@andreauk)
Honorable Member     CAMBRIDGE, Cambridgeshire, United Kingdom
Joined: 7 years ago

On all forums people come and they go, this site is particularly good in that it manages to retain a good proportion of those that sign up. Yes it is true that it would seem the younger generation don't seem to stay here very long, I don't know if it's because they get bored or just do not see enough on here for them, or if that is not the same on other sites well. I don't think it's a dating thing, there are plenty of other easily accessible sites for that, and there are plenty of older people on those sites as well!

Has any body asked them? When someone wants to delete their account, are they asked why they want to delete the account, if there has been a problem or something that are not happy with? Unless we ask them we will never know for sure. In fact if anyone wants to delete their account (irrespective of age) are they asked if they would like to say why they want to close the account?

In order to appeal to the younger generation, and that is something CDH really does need to do, perhaps there should be some initiatives? Perhaps a group for younger people, I'm talking about a free group to encourage them to stay and get involved. Perhaps a 'Young Ambassador' someone they could relate to more easily?

I am definitely in the older generation group, but for CDH to survive in the long term it has to attract the younger generation and once they are here it has to provide what they are looking for.  Just how that can be achieved I don't know!

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