Something I've noticed

I have noticed that too.  It seems There are not as many support organizations in the US as there are in the UK and Canada (at least not local to me). I am in the deep south, bible belt country and there are a lot of societal norms that you just don't break without a lot of harassment. Things here do seem to be more oppressed and taboo in my opinion.

Hi Jessica!

Thanks for your post, because I was thinking along those same lines. I too am from the US, east coast to be a little more precise, and one of the first things that I noticed was how many UK members there are here. But you brought up some valid points about life in the USA. We as a nation seem to proclaim that we are so forward thinking, accepting, and support rights for all, but the reality is different.

I’m a part time girl because I want to be, not because its not acceptable (which is questionable depending on what part of the country you’re in). My kids and my career are important to me, so if I were to make my choices public, there would be repercussions for my family. I don’t have a desire to be out in the open about my choices, but that’s because what I do is something I only share with my wife. Yes, we have gone out in public a few times but I didn’t leave the house as Heather. When I say “public” we’ve driven to a dimly lit spot, so I can change, then we took a drive through different towns while having coffee in the car. It’s nice to be out of the bedroom, wearing something nice for her (yes and for me as well!), and did stop at a quiet space so I could walk around a bit and let my heels touch the ground as it were.

My choice to keep my life private is exactly that, my choice. It’s not that I think we should all have to keep our dreams and desires hidden away. I think everyone should be able to feel comfortable with their choices and not live in fear of what might happen. Sadly this isn’t the case not just for people like us but for so many that don’t conform to societal norms. I enjoy being able to let Heather spend time with my wife and if my kids ever return to school, to cook and clean on my day off. Times are changing but for us, it seems we will be one of the last groups to gain acceptance from everyone.

On behalf of Canada thank you for the compliment 😊.  There may be a somewhat gentler approach up here, but we sure have our fair share of red (and white) necks.  Sadly, I do get that sense of things being a bit more oppressive down south of the border.  We all still have a ways to go.

Stevie

I debated whether I should respond to this thread. It's hard to discuss this issue without considering the current socio-political situation in the US. Politics is one of the few subjects I try to avoid on CDH. But this is an important issue for a lot of girls, so here goes. Sorry in advance if I ruffle any feathers.

I think level of acceptance varies widely depending on where you are. Where I live in coastal Southern California, I'm pretty comfortable being out in public. I've never had a bad experience. I think most people don't notice or don't care. I've had similar experiences in Northern California and Oregon.

I also believe the way we carry ourselves influences how we are received. Confidence, enthusiasm, a little attitude, and a big smile will win over most people. And it works anywhere!

However, I agree that in general the US is a far less tolerant country than most other Western democracies. The current cultural and political upheaval casts a bright light on the systemic inequality that's rampant in our country. Every marginalized group is affected. Being non-binary, I'm keenly aware of the fact that there are places I simply should not go. Likewise, I know that even in safe places, I need to be careful. The state and federal laws that protect me don't do squat to change peoples attitudes. I like to avoid mean people and I choose my civil battles wisely. Clearly, many of us are in the same boat regardless of how openly we live our lives.

Things are slowly getting better in the US. Most of us sense that. Unfortunately, we aren't keeping pace with other countries. Reversing our history of intolerance will take years of concerted effort spanning multiple election cycles. Better laws to protect marginalized groups won't matter if we don't fix our broken education system. It's been neglected for decades. In the current political climate it's hard to be optimistic. We shall see. There's always Canada.

Emily

Hi Jess

I cannot speak for the whole U.K...but

I'm just an English girl who, over the past few years, has just decided...." what the hell". Please be assured, we have our fair share of bigotry, but it's really how you handle it. You can stay locked up or get out there!!.

I think if you add in the current covid situation, life really is too short, you will never ever accuse me of " dying wondering!!!" Just Have Fun!!!!!..as Sammy said, it really is what you make it.....hope this gives you some ideas....bottom line is, we may be Great Britain, but some of the people here are definitely NOT great....and I love all you girls... wherever you live.

Worldwide huggs, grace 💋💋

Not all of Canada is so accepting. I lived in North West Saskatchewan for several years and I had to be very discreet. I do believe the urban areas are more tolerant as there are transgender people in the workforce where I now live.

The UK does have protection in law for transgender, not just transsexual people, in public and in the workplace (as Jaguar Land Rover recently found out in court for discrimination of a non-binary employee by colleagues).  However that is not to say we don't have issues.  Especially in the last 5 years, since a certain political vote that seems to have revitalised xenophobia in our society - racist, homophobic and transphobic attacks have all increased in frequency.   Not a good time for me to come out of the closet, but I am probably better out than dead.

Thanks for your kind words Jessica☺️

Im sure I speak for all the UK members here when I say how thankful we are to have found this US site. Local sites I stumbled on were seedy, looking for ‘hook ups’ etc. This is a safe haven for expressing ourselves freely.

Personally, and from what I have read here I think we are generally more reserved over here. Accepting of anything goes, and those with extreme or outdated beliefs are perhaps less likely to speak out. I have certainly noticed huge changes in my lifetime, zero tolerance to bigotry, religious intolerance, racism, homophobia etc etc. It’s very rare here to hear insults aimed at anybody, and you will be called out if anybody does it, and can get on the wrong side of the law.

In the ‘being reserved’ vein I would not say anything bad about my American friends. You live in a wonderful country with a huge diversity of nature, climate, culture, beliefs, attitudes, outlooks. Like 50 countries rolled into one. Yes maybe in the USA there is more of a ‘men are supposed to be men’ attitude. I am reminded of one comment and American friend made when discussing safety out a night dressed en femme. He said he always felt safe at night because he always had his two friends with him, ‘Mr Smith and Mr Wesson’.

❤️B

Hi Jessica, thanks from one of us Canadian girls. It's definitely a lot better here than it used to be back in the 70's and 80's sort of thing but it's still got a long way to go. We have our fair share of bigots and neanderthals running around and you still have to be aware of your surroundings where ever you go. Hopefully things will get better every where for all

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Lol. One of the great parts of America

Hi Jessica, there does seem to even more UK girls lately, I don't know why that is. I'm from the East of the UK and I would firstly like t say a big thank you to CDH it's a fabulous site and I have made a lot of friends here.  It was through this site that another UK girl encouraged me to go out in the evening for the very first time, that was a few years ago and I have been out  a lot of times since then. Obviously recently it has been difficult but we have managed a couple of nights out in recent months and hopefully will be out next week. Due to COVID the night clubs are all closed here so we have used mainstream bars and restaurants instead. We have never had a problem, staff and other customers treat us very well. When out shopping, again no problems, in fact for the greater part no body takes any notice of us. Thats not to say there are not parts of the UK I wouldn't go, you just have to be a little street wise and sensible, but generally we are very lucky here. I't lovely hearing form all you girls where ever you live!.........