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In my exhaustive internal musings on the topic of humans, and especially as it relates to the topic of CDing, I've come to the analogy below as a way to view how humans tend to behave. I feel that there are generally two types of people: sponges and mirrors.
A sponge is something that absorbs whatever liquid is applied to it. In this way, when someone gives a person a compliment, "You look gorgeous!" they hear that and it buoys them - the positive external reinforcement. However, if someone says something negative, "You look awful," they must absorb that as well, letting it deflate their ego and confidence, and in fact this new info can push out the previous uplifting comment. A sponge doesn't choose what to absorb, it simply must take it all in to fill itself up. And so this cycle of ups and downs goes on.
A mirror, however, reflects. When the same pejorative is given, "You look awful," it's understood that this is the opinion of one person and while it may cause some reflection ('Hmm, let me review what I think of my appearance'), it is not absorbed. However, the same must be true for the compliments, "You look gorgeous," while flattering, is really just indicating that this person finds one's appearance attractive, but that's just one opinion.
I believe that the truth of the matter is that, while as humans we all seek that external approval, that approval ultimately lies is within. When one is happy with and accepting of oneself, they can reach that mirror type behavior more readily and understand that their happiness is theirs to control rather than putting it in the hands of others.
You see, this is why I love you.
Well, there are LOTS of reasons of course (some of them involving biscuits) ... but this particular one involves the fact that you not only THINK about things, you think about them DEEPLY.
You, Melodee Scarlett, are my kind of girl.
Well ... you knew that already 🙂
I love your message:
While as humans we all seek for that external approval, where that approval ultimately lies is within. When one is happy with and accepting of oneself, they can reach that mirror type behavior more readily and understand that their happiness is theirs to control rather than putting it in the hands of others.
Yes.
This 🙂
At the same time, you've also made me realise that there may be a gap in the market in terms of developing a reflective sponge. I'm already working on that.
Hugs
Ellie x
@ellyd22 I think you're too late. It's called steel wool. But maybe you can make it more reflective? (Try taking out the soap.)
*Ellie holds a Brillo Pad in front of her face*
Well, that sucks ... I can't see myself in this at all, even with the soap removed 🙁
*Dips in it a bowl of water*
This is absolute rubbish ... it's not soaking up a single drop 🙁
Who designed these things?
You know what? I'm going to stop using Brillo Pads as part of my make up routine from now on.
What a TERRIBLE product 🙁
*Continues to work on plans for the Melodellie Magic Mirrabsorber*
@ellyd22 If your plans lead to test markets success, you could inquire of the 3M Company's interest in buying YOUR "three M's" product. If no interest or a low ball offer, then eat a bag of M&Ms and mix a Highball. Melodellie Magic Mirrabsorber: very creative and fun to say👏🏼
I had my own internal musings whether you are serious, are truly bonkers, or are taking advantage of the date to post a 'timely' topic. After all, you probably heard that effective today, Reddit prohibited 'hugboxing' in all support forums....
/EA
@emilyalt I don't use Reddit and I've never heard the term 'hugboxing', but I'm immediately smitten! (ponders KS'25 badge ribbon possibilities)
@melodeescarlet Melodee, while it's true that we're ultimately responsible for our own happiness, there is more to the equation. We are also social creatures, so there is a need to get acceptance from others. We can't just be mirrors and reflect everything. We have to absorb things too. This helps shape us, which in turn shapes others around us.
Even when pushing the boundaries, we can't push too far or we will look out of place. I may be able to go to the grocery store in a skirt, but I'm not going in a ball gown with heels.
@alison-anderson I agree that humans are inherently social, and I noted that even the mirrors take the information and ponder and apply it as needed, ('Oh gosh, these shoes do suck!'), but generally those outside opinions are tempered by one's inner voice, giving them the consideration they deserve and no more; not letting some outsider's opinions stoke our insecurities.
Also, when I speak of these comments - both good and bad - I mean to indicate that they're from people generally outside one's inner circle. Clearly when one's SO/sibling/etc. gives critique or praise, that gets absorbed more, as it should. My analogy, which again is fairly rudimentary, is meant to apply to those who don't know us very well and are just opining based mostly on snap judgements.
@melodeescarlet Whenever someone says there are 2 types of people I always snicker as Ive heard it so many times. but in this analogy I can see these 2 as being the apex of each personality trait and we all fit somewhere on a curve in between one or the other. With that said I am always my own worst enemy and I agree 100% no matter what has happened to each of us its how we individually process that and react. I can always choose to Ignore a comment or let myself lose my mind over it. or respond in kind "which I may not have been so kind at times" I may not be responsible for everything that happens in my.life but I am responsible for how I react and how I let it effect me. low self esteem has plagued me all my life regardless of my accomplishments Ive learned however that no level of compliments or criticism will solve that as you say the answer is within myself. What I do need is exactly what you did here. a gentle reminder that I have all the power to be happy and it starts with loving myself. Thank You. RC
@ellyd22 Yeah, I'm always talking to myself. Like...an internal self debate, playing both sides of the argument. I find that by speaking, the listening part of my brain engages making me more critical of my own thoughts.
Or possibly I'm just bonkers. 🙂
At the same time, you've also made me realise that there may be a gap in the market in terms of developing a reflective sponge. I'm already working on that.
Why do I get the feeling that I'll get only a tenner out of this deal? 🤔 LOL
I do this all of the time. Always debating things out loud, especially when driving alone.
Mind you, in my case I am actually bonkers
I LOVE the way you think.
I'm being serious for once.
You challenge me, and you keep me on my toes. You make ME think.
Anyway, I'm happy for us to be bonkers together 🙂
Love you lots.
BTW, if the whole 'reflective sponge' thing takes off then you'll get a box of free samples as well as the tenner. Can't say fairer than that.
Imagine ... you can see your reflection in the sponge while you put your make up ON, and then you simply dab it in a little Cetaphil to take it OFF again.
What's not to like?
Ellie x
@ellyd22 Thanks! And I like posting these ideas hoping that someone else picks it up and refines it further!
Absolutely a million pound idea! £999,990 for you, and £10 plus a free carton for me. Think you'd just slip that one past me, didja? 🤨
@melodeescarlet I also talk to myself, but that's only because I need to get some intelligent conversation somewhere and I'm not considered crazy until I start interrupting myself. At least that's what my SO says.
@melodeescarlet youre not bonkers cause I do that too. Wait... did I just disprove myself? Anyway...I hope you also take that debate to an external source as well. Another POV will think of things you cant imagine. Or at least hadn't.
Melodee,
Once upon a time, I used the term "TURTLE WAX" to explain certain things to my children. (Hey, do they even sell that stuff anymore?)...Back in THOSE DAYS, I/we'd be outside on a beautiful spring day, washing the car, getting all the winter salt and sand-grease and grime off in order to spend the rest of the afternoon applying the "TURTLE WAX'. There was no chemical on earth that was going to penetrate that hard glossy finish and ruin that Spring Saturday Super Soapy Scrub and Shine.
Whether you're on the foul line with only a few seconds on the clock, or you're up at bat with the bases loaded, bottom of the eight, and your team behind, if things didn't go quite the way you wanted, it was the 'TURTLE WAX of LIFE' that got you through to TRY AGAIN TOMORROW. I always hoped there was plenty of that stuff around since championships are difficult to win, but the game, YES THE GAME is ALWAYS WORTH PLAYING.
Sincerely and With Love, to Dress Today, Tomorrow, and The Next...
Thea
PS....I wonder if we can remove body hair with TURTLE WAX....
@theapat I wonder if we can remove body hair with TURTLE WAX....
I shall leave the lab testing to you. 😉
But if the study is inconclusive, you'll have tortoise nothing.
....no need to re-check the calendar....I'm well aware the APRIL FOOLS abound.
I am both mirror and sponge but at rather delayed times. At the moment of action, I am a sponge, I take things in, I take them to heart and dwell on them, sometimes they offend and upset me, sometimes they buoy me up and encourage me. At some point later, the things I wish I had said at the time come to mind, be they a rebuttal of a criticism or an acceptance of a compliment. Of course, it is all too late, the moment has passed and I curse myself for not being quicker at the time. It is something I have had to deal with all my life in that I am slow to rile and by the time I realise I should have been upset, it is too late to have a go back, I then fret over it for weeks, sometimes years. Slowness to acknowledge a compliment is more than likely misunderstood as a lack of interest in the giver of said compliment. It is why I far prefer the written word, it gives me time to think, time to put exactly what I want to say into words and, cause or effect, probably why I am such an introvert (believe it or not, I am one).
Edit: It crossed my mind some time after writing the above (of course it did, never think at the time) that perhaps -- referring to another thread -- it's why I cross-dress. When I am my drab self, I suffer from all the anguishes of being the sort of man I am, but when I am Rebecca, I can just be someone else for a while. I can have different ideas, I can be less stressed, I can do things that male me would find dull and uninteresting but now find them so full of life and different.
Sometimes, it's just nice to be someone else for a while.
Thanks Melodee, I think that a lot of us are somewhere between a mirror 🪞 and a sponge 🧽. When I first began sharing my cross dressing with others I've learned early to take both compliments and insults with a grain of salt but both can be used to improve our overall inner happiness and appearance. Some of the best cross dressing advice I ever received was from a gorgeous trans woman who thought I had insulted her (She totally took my online comment out of context and thinking it was directed at her) She didn't believe me and lit into me in a private message. She pointed out things I hadnt noticed about myself and her comments really helped me, lol.
Also, men compliment a dead appossum so all their compliments are best not believed. 😊
I love your allegory, Melodee. Very valid. I think I'm a weirdo, a mix of both who decides what it absorbs and what it reflects, but like any imperfect being I can make wrong decisions. My goal is to be as happy as possible. I feel like I achieve it quite often.
Gisela
I know that self-acceptance and being responsible for my own happiness is essential, and it really does give me the courage and confidence to be my whole self in the world. BUT... I have to check my privilege. I have an uncommon level of emotional support from my partner and my community of friends, and that's as integral to my happiness as anything else.
"Sponges and Mirrors" Thank you Melodee! 😊
