Welcome to Crossdresser Heaven, a safe and welcoming place for everyone in the crossdresser community.
Join Crossdresser Heaven today to participate in the forums.
Hi ladies,
Thank you to all you lovely girls who responded to my Three Days of Heaven threads with such kind messages of support.
As you may recall, the enormity of what I'd done in the second part suddenly caught up with me. Particularly that it all just felt so right, so natural. Up till then in my head, in my usual compartmentalised and somewhat emotionally disconnected fashion, I'd always just been "playing girl". Now the penny dropped - I am as valid and as comfortable in my presentation as Fiona, as I am in my male presentation. There isn't just a man in my personality, there's a woman as well. I realise that I am actually in some way transgender. At the moment I am working with 'bi-gender' as the area of that realm in which I sit, but that may change over time and with further understanding.
This hasn't been without impact on those I love. I could no longer hide Fiona and came out to my OH on Friday - with absolute irony, just before we went out to a gender-reveal party. I caused a lot of hurt and a big mess in our relationship. We are no longer engaged because she will (as I suspected) not be able to tolerate me presenting to her as anything other than my male self, so I can no longer commit to marrying her. There has been rather an Atmosphere (fully deserving of the capital letter) between us in the last couple of days. That said, I have made it clear that I want us to salvage what we can from the mess.
To that end, today I have effectively suggested that we might be able to move forward and function in a DADT situation, where I get by on just enough Fiona time to satisfy the absolute need, but it's only done thanks to a lack of outright disapproval as her part of the compromise, and out of her sight. However, first I am going to go deeper into Fiona and live 24/7 as far as possible at my place for a while, once we've had the holiday in May that we'd already booked and paid for. Then I will work backwards to try and find where the balance point for me of male and Fiona time might be. So the plan goes, anyway. The strained relations between us have now thawed to some extent, although she still has a lot to process and there's a long long way to go if we can ever get our life together back on track.
Today I have also composed and sent a long email where I have come out to my parents and my sister and told them how it all came about and the upshot thus far. There we go, Fiona is out there in the world, I have openly acknowledged both aspects of myself to those closest to me. But where the New Normal lies, still remains to be determined.
Hugs to all 🤗
Fiona xxx
That's a very big step and not an easy decision, Fiona. I applaud your bravery!
As for your OH, my advice would be to give it time. You did not create a big mess, you were honest and gave her information she should have. Her reaction to that is hers to have. What you've been dealing with for ages, she's been dealing with for days. She is not going to be able to digest all of that nor what she thinks it may mean. I would touch base in a few days, make an offer to be as transparent as you can. Perhaps she knows someone who had an OH tell them this and their situation went sideways and that's her fear. Be patient with her as clearly you found her important enough to propose to. 🙂
We're here for you regardless. [[hug]]
- M
Oh Fiona, you have been so brave. I'm sorry that the initial outcome has not gone as well as you might have hoped. Of course your OH will need time to process the reveal, so I would think taking things slowly is the order of the day for now. I so hope it all works out for you in time. I am personally nowhere near this level of honesty to my girly side.
Hugs, Chrissie xx.
Hi Fiona, all I can say and hope is that everything works out for you and all the people surrounding you. I believe family is important and we all need someone in our live, best to you and your love ones.
Fiona,
as the other girls have mentioned, what you have done has been a big and brave steps. Well done for being honest with yourself and to your loved ones. I sincerely hope it works out well. What Melodee said is really correct, those you have told have had only a short time to think about what you have told them, while you have had a lifetime. So be patient with them and empathise with them. And as you say, you will need to find where the correct balance is.
all the very best of luck going forward.
hugs
Christine
Hi Fiona, I have walked the steps you have just taken, and yes, it was quite hard, but absolutely necessary! The news of my coming out as transgender was sent to all friends and family, some have been accepting and others I haven't heard from since. I then announced I was transitioning and would be living and working as a woman.
As for my spouse, she had already sensed that I had a feminine side and wasn't completely blind sided. She said she needed some time and suggested that I needed to find my own place. She actually helped me move, she also helped pick out clothes, wigs and makeup, even wanted to see what bras I had bought. The day we moved me into my new place, she came in and checked everything out, and at the door gave me a tear filled hug and said it was really hard. That same night she called to see how I was doing, and we've talked with each other almost every day. A year later we started getting together, I had transitioned and had been living as a woman and she was okay being with me as Lauren. This continues to be our relationship.
So I share this with you to give you some hope. Hope that given some time, things can work out for both of you, and Fiona can live the life she has always desired.
Hugs girl,
Ms. Lauren M
Hi Fiona.
I think quite a few of us here have been on tenterhooks waiting to hear the outcome of Friday.
The enormity of it all catching up with you is something a lot of us will understand. I thought it was just a very small part of me until really quite recently, but now know for certain that Lucy is actually real.
I can fully understand why you wanted to be upfront with your OH at this stage of your relationship, and you’ve been very open and honest. Ultimately, whatever the eventual outcome of all this, I suspect that your OH will always be thankful for that, even if she never actually comes out and says it.
As others have said, patience is the thing now. It’s a very big thing for you to come out, but it’s a massive piece of news for her.
I really hope you get an outcome that you’re both happy with.
Whatever happens, you know that we’re here for you, and that you’re not alone.
Hugs
Lucy x
My, my, brave girl, and to come out to your parents and sister at almost the same time (they were bound to find out anyway) must have been a tremendously stressful thing to have to do; I hope it goes better with them. Well, it's done now and things will take whatever course they will and, for now, you are probaby just a passenger. One way or another, given enough time, it will all settle down and you will be free to pursue your chosen path, although it is probably not going to be easy for a long time. IMHO it was certainly the best thing to do to tell her before you got married otherwise you would have had to live a lie forever or risk much greater ramifications on coming out further down the line.
Well done and good luck with your family and your future as Fiona.
Big hugs
Becca
xxxx
Oh Fiona you brave brave girl. I do wish things had gone better but as the other girls here have said it will take some time for her to digest what you have told her. When I went through what you are going through about 10 years ago I was given two pieces of advice by my psych that looking back were crucial to us continuing our relationship and now being closer than ever. Firstly not to stop being her man and doing the things for her that you always did for her that made her fall in love with you. Secondly to make sure she knows you are the same person that she fell in love with. There is an additional part to you she didn't know about, but you are still the exact same person as the one she wants to marry.
I wish you all the best Fiona and truly hope you can work things out. Will be thinking of you.
Hugs
Olivia
Dearest Fiona , your honesty and courage in your message has touched so many and I can't think what to add to the messages of love and support your many friends have already put into words. I truly hope things work out but you must be true to yourself, I know that sounds corny but if Fiona is more than just dressing its a big stiletto step forward. We are all there on that journey for you xx
Hi Fiona.
what can I say that other girls haven’t, I just wish that your situation resolves itself amicably, I really mean I do feel for you, I can’t say that I have had to do the same as my wife is so supportive.
Wendy
Hi Fiona, well that really is a massive step you have taken! Whatever happens I think it is probably the right move to make because being true to yourself is the only way to go. Living a lie just will not work in the long term. Having said that, your partner needs time, it is probably a massive shock to her and it will take her a while to process it. Don't forget you have been living with this for a long time you can't expect her to get to grips with it straight away. Effectively ending the relationship is not going to help either. But there is hope, there is always hope and you might be able to sort something out. You need to consider her needs and wishes, but you also need to remember your needs, don't sign up for something you cant keep to as it will only end in disaster. I wish you the very best of luck, hopefully a resolution is possible, but it might take some time, try not to rush her. Having said all of that, go out and be the real person you have always wanted to be and enjoy being Fiona.........