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Transgender feelings come and go

19 Posts
19 Users
34 Reactions
233 Views
Posts: 45
Lady
Topic starter
(@rosi)
Trusted Member     Maine, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

Some days I feel like going all the way and then some days I am just not sure and just keep doing what everyone else wants 

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18 Replies
8 Replies
Managing Ambassador
(@ellyd22)
Joined: 2 years ago

Majestic Member     Norfolk, United Kingdom
Posts: 5097

@rosi 

Hi Bobbi

I'm trans, and what you've just described is pretty much par for the course. Your heart and your head pull you in opposite directions.

Just so you know, I've changed the location of this thread; it accidentally ended up in 'Crossdresser Heaven Polls' 🙂

Ellie x

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Ambassador
(@alexina)
Joined: 1 year ago

Illustrious Member     Fife, United Kingdom
Posts: 2135

@rosi 

Hi, Bobbi, loads of us will recognise our own struggle in your post and not necessarily about transitioning. It's a common question, do we live our life to please ourselves or to please others? 

Thankfully or regrettably, most of us find a middle road and follow that. There are times, though, when the middle road isn't enough and some part of us screams to be free to choose another way forward. 

Only you can make that choice. Yes, with consideration for those near and dear to you, but when my time comes, I'd like to look back at my life and be satisfied that I've been true to myself and I've done what I could to help rather than hurt others. Yeah, that's easier said than done sometimes but nowhere on page one of "Life, a user's manual" does it claim to be easy.

Know, though, that you have this community to listen and support you. Always.

Allie x

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Lady
(@candycross)
Joined: 9 months ago

Honorable Member     Queensland, Australia
Posts: 310

@rosi hi bobbi, yes l think most of us have these feelings from time to time. I think part of is is due to community expectations. As human beings l think we are pressured to dress look and act a certain way.

Most people succumb to the expectations of society and those who are brave enough to step outside the box are branded as strange and sometimes even weird. People are often afraid of those who dare to be different from the average,  however l think nothing ever changes until someone stands up with new things and new ideas. Well that's  my opinion xxx jane 

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(@lauren114)
Joined: 2 years ago

Noble Member     Delaware, United States of America
Posts: 1188

@rosi I completely understand what you are saying Bobbi.   I'm in the midst of a period of conflict right now and it is somewhat debilitating for me.   Fortunately, I recognize it well and I've gotten through similar things before.  Each time I gain a little bit more clarity that helps me as I proceed to my ultimate destination.  Also, the pull of doing what everyone else wants is a discouraging thing also and contributes to the conflict that I feel.   To me, it is sad that people can't just accept me and understand that I am the one best qualified to decide the course of my life.   It's all very frustrating.

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(@geniv_cd)
Joined: 8 years ago

Reputable Member     Minneapolis, Minnesota, United States of America
Posts: 258

@rosi Bobbi, I have thought at times that were I in my 20’s today that I would transition. However, my enjoyment of the male parts of my life is something I would not wish to give up. On the other side of the coin, when I am presenting as Genivieve, I also want to go as far as possible into the female part of me. I believe that makes me a CD, not TG, or TS. As of this point in time, I no longer dress. The combination of age and old injuries has made it no longer pleasing to me to present as Genivieve. This is my story and mine alone. My body has changed but my mind is the same and coming here is my outlet for expressing my feminine side. Happy Woman Face

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Baroness
(@chrisfp99)
Joined: 2 years ago

Famed Member     London , Kent, United Kingdom
Posts: 1700

@geniv_cd Hey Genivieve. I'm so sorry you've reached this situation in your life. Is there no way you can still experience the exquisite thrill of indulging your feminine side? Hugs, Chrissie xx. 

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Lady
(@kimdl94)
Joined: 9 months ago

Reputable Member     Blearmill, Texas, United States of America
Posts: 172

@rosi as is apparent, you are not alone in experiencing the cycle of feelings.   I know I have.   The oscillations vary in amplitude, of course, but the variation itself seems always present.   I have given up on being certain about anything related to my gender identity, except that I will be uncertain.

Questioning one’s motivations is really a good thing.   It’s easy to jump to conclusions, to accept assumptions and absolutes.   One can get closer to whatever the truth may be by challenging beliefs and testing assumptions.

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Duchess
(@katie71)
Joined: 5 years ago

Honorable Member     Livermore, California, United States of America
Posts: 562

@rosi I'm right there with you girl. I waffle constantly. I want to be HER all the time. But, changing that at work is scary, changing that at home is scary. I've also found that there is a portion of my days that I'm still very comfortable being HIM.

After doing more and more reading, I'm moving toward a "transfeminine" position rather than transgender position. It's more common now that people are find that non-binary is a better definition than Trans woman or Trans man than it was 15years ago.

After discussing this with my therapist, my doctor, and an endocrinologist, I've started on the path of HRT with estrogen only, no Testosterone blockers. With no T blockers, the changes will be more subtle and happen slower. But it will still start shifting my appearance toward a more feminine look, but without the rapid loss of muscle that accompanies shutting testosterone down completely.

This is not a little thing to consider, it has permanent effects. Make sure before you start. Talk to professionals. If you have Kaiser insurance, they have great access to therapy and medical support geared toward Gender affirmation pathways.

best of luck sweetie.

xoxo

Rayna

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Posts: 2041
Duchess
(@rozalyne)
Famed Member     Shrewsbury, Shropshire, United Kingdom
Joined: 3 years ago

Hi Bobbi ,

You are not the only one with these feelings, I sometimes feel that way too especially when i had my first makeover, it made me look at things in a different perspective what i saw when i looked in the mirror was a beautiful woman and not a drab old man, 

Love Roz ❤️ 

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Posts: 1098
Duchess Annual
(@firefly)
Noble Member     Panama, Panama, Panama
Joined: 7 years ago

Hi Bobbi. 

It's a pretty common feeling.

Gisela

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Posts: 23
Duchess
(@lisalovely)
Trusted Member     Palm Springs, California, United States of America
Joined: 4 weeks ago

I get this feeling all the time which is why I been living a lie 39 years keep Lisa hidden away an locked up now she screams harder then ever to be free an I will be free soon 💜

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Posts: 601
(@caroline2k)
Noble Member     Tyne and Wear, United Kingdom
Joined: 2 years ago

@rosi 

Hey Bobbi, as the other girls have said, it happens.

I spend most of my time en femme, but sometimes I just don't want to spend ages on my makeup so will just go for the minimal approach and instead of a glamorous outfit will opt for something much more casual - even leggings!

But seriously, over the Christmas period I was in drab for best part of a month, and the first week I felt good to just be 'regular Dave' in my man's jeans and jumper. Mind you, by the end of that period I was aching to be back in nylons and heels and swishing about in a dress.

If you can do it, just go with what you are feeling. Be a girl one day, be a man the next, be something in between the day after. It's your life, live it the best you can 🙂 

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Posts: 2080
Hostess
(@cdsue)
Famed Member     Delaware, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

Bobbi -

As others have said it is a pretty common feeling. I've gone through it just regarding dressing let alone transitioning. One of the things that helped me was therapy. I was able to openly and honestly express my feelings which helped me accept myself.

XOXO
Suzanne

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Posts: 435
Lady
(@cherylt)
Prominent Member     Honesdale, Pennsylvania, United States of America
Joined: 6 months ago

That's the conflict I struggle with. There are days I wake up and just want to get it done, hating those male aspects. Then another day when I go "what am I thinking?". 

I wish there was some way to KNOW and not have all these conflicting feelings. 

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Posts: 170
Lady
(@leslienix)
Reputable Member     Southport, Merseyside, United Kingdom
Joined: 7 months ago

the m2f people that I know have no doubt ...

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Posts: 1252
(@rebeccabaxter)
    Cornwall, United Kingdom
Joined: 1 year ago

I'm no expert and I have little idea what a transgenderite(?) thinks, but I would have thought that if you only want to be transgender some of the time then you are just a cross-dresser, like most of us here, perhaps just a little more dedicated?

Becca

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Posts: 863
Baroness
(@chloec)
Prominent Member     Lakeshore, Michigan, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

Hi Bobbi, well, I've been like that for an awful lot of years.  But here's <my> thing - I made conscious decisions some time ago, actually 2, maybe 3 different times as there were significant changes in my life at each time, which could have allowed me to take a different path. I weighed the pros and cons, and considered there were others that were dear to me and that I chose not to risk those attachments. And here I am. And I still have desires, as I knew I would at each of those deciding times in my life. And I'm living with my choices. A little disappointing for me, but more than balanced by those I hold dear. You make choices and hopefully you can consider the more important possible consequences and choose a path that you can live with.

Hugs, ChloéC

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Posts: 495
Lady
(@kerrismith)
Prominent Member     Belvidere, Illinois, United States of America
Joined: 2 years ago

Hi Bobbi, I struggle with feelings of wanting to transition a lot.  I’ve even got a bottle of estradiol pills in my cabinet and I’ve taken a few but I’m afraid to take them daily.  As much as it appeals to me I don’t want to wake up one morning with boobs I can’t explain to my family. I love my brother but he’s extremely transphobic. If he saw me dressed the way I am right now he would probably disown me.  So I guess I’m in a bit of a pickle…

Kerri

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