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It has taken me many years to understand and accept that I'm a heterosexual man who has strong feminine feelings and desires, and that there is NOTHING wrong with that. My life is much easier now with regard to those feelings and desires, as I now understand, accept, and truly enjoy this facet of my being, but there is still conflict within me. And honestly, it's kind of funny, while at the same time, very frustrating. As a rather short and small man, I've always wished that I was much taller, say, 6'8" or more, and weighing about 270lbs of very lean and powerful muscles. I've spent many years working out to make myself more muscular and stronger, and too an extent I was successful. Nothing unusual about any of that, I'm sure. But as a cross dresser, I'm happy with my height, although I wouldn't mind being a few inches shorter, but I also wish that I was a man with a very small build, narrow in the shoulders, with thin, effeminate hands and a bubble-butt. Okay, I wish I had a bubble-butt as a man, too. Women like a nice butt as much as men do. When the pink fog really comes rolling in, I can't help but feel that I wish I was a woman or that I at least had large, beautiful breasts. Back in guy-mode, I can't help but feel that I wish I were bigger. So, on and so on. See what I mean? It's a vicious cycle of juxtapositions. Be a small, feminine, beautiful woman, or be a large and physically powerful man. I want both and that's kind of funny to me, but the fact that I can't have either is frustrating.
Hugs, Jill
I just accept myself as what I am. I am heterosexual and I am a crossdresser who feels very feminine. When dressed I want to feel and look as feminine as possible, when in drab, I’m ok about it, but long to be dressed again (even though I am always underdressed anyway). We need to learn to accept ourselves as we are, how else can we expect others to accept us if we don’t accept ourselves.
On the other hand I can understand the struggle you are facing Jill and the the wanting to be a prime example of both genders (I often dream of the ability to switch at will between being a man and a woman). On the other hand we are almost there with our crossdressing and we should enjoy and embrace that about ourselves.
The desire to have different physical attributes is a common feeling with us girls, but to be honest, it is the same for many (cis-, I hate this term) women also and whilst men are less open about it, they too often want to change something about their apprearence.
So embrace who you are, crossdressed or in drab. You are a wonderful person. I am sure you present as a perfectly great guy and as a beautiful women.
Very rarely for me Jill. I adopt the female role where possible and that is most the time and the male role where necessary. I can function and even the enjoy the male role at those time but much prefer the female and identify mainly that way.
Being born a male and going through the role and hormonal path dictated by life made me quite comfortable in that body. I had a more feminine psychology and when dressed believed that there was a more female feeling and felt comfortable. I am fortunate in not being a large person and as a female I am of an average size but a smaller male in that mode. There fore I have no conflicts as everything suits either and I am quite content with the way things are.
I have often said that the person hasn't changed but the presentation has allowing the female traits to be at the fore.
I answered yes, most of the time. I am happy as a male, but I generally feel the need to be feminine. I mostly want to be Samantha, but being in the closet, doesn't allow it. I am sure that is causing my anxiety, not the desire to be female.
Does that make sense?
I answered most of the time. I don't feel conflicted, nor am I looking to transition. However, after many years of suppression and denial I am at a point where I am acknowledging I have a feminine side. In recognizing this I find myself being softer and gentler most of the time. I grew up playing with my sisters and found it easier to talk to girls than boys. I was bullied in my younger years which made me timid and withdrawn. Over time I grew a "tough" exterior and hid my softer, gentler side not only from the public but also from myself. A few years ago my wife and I were having a discussion and I disclosed my dressing in the past. We had many discussions, some positive, some negative. At one point early on she suggested therapy. It was a very good suggestion on her part. As a result of therapy I have accepted my feminine side and dressing. As a result of many discussions and explaining to my wife how dressing makes me feel she has become more accepting.
It feels good to be open and being able to express my feminine side even though it is limited to home and my therapist, as well as the lovely ladies here.
XOXO
Suzanne
You're not the only one that feels this way. There, I told you.
That makes a lot of sense to me. It’s not the feminine side that causes friction, it’s the closeting part.
In my early years oh heck yes. It was a big battle between both sides of me.
It also didn't help that I had all this guilt about dressing to.
Today I speak to as a man that learned to balance both worlds into one.
It came to me watching old reruns of the Television show M.A.S.H. There a character on the show played by Jammie Farr. He played Maxwell Q Klinger and he would wear dresses to try to get out of the army.
So I see Klinger wearing women's clothing, but looking and acting like a man. He was super hairy like me, smoked cigars and acted like a man in every way, but wore dresses.
That's when it hit me. I don't have to be a girly girl to crossdress. As soon as started to adapt to Klinger's style of dressing.
I became one within myself and shortly after that I started to go out in public.
So yeah, I may look like a guy in womens clothes, but at least I'm happy looking like a guy wearing women's clothing.
No more battle for me, I found my peace and happy place
Hippie
Yes the closeting is what causes you a lot anxiety :/
Klinger is a national treasure! And yes, the guilt only complicates things. But with that no longer a complicating factor, the feelings I have are really just silly I know, but I thought others might also feel the same way and I thought it might be beneficial to talk about it. I hope I was right.
Jill
Yes, I have been told. LOL. Thank you, Patty.
Very rarely. I am 6', 155lbs. and would like to have a few pounds subtracted from my belly and added to my hips but overall, my figure (with breast forms) presents well as a woman so I can't complain.
I’m 5’8” and 185 lbs with too much belly fat. As Jill, I’d like to be at least 40 lbs lighter, but in guy mode I’d like to be not more than 20 lbs lighter. I just have to do the best that I can. Thank you, Fiona.
What better way to sort sh$t out of your head, by talking about it with others.
Best feminine trait there is is talking about emotions and listening to others about their concerns
Masculine trait means keep your mouth shut, don't talk about feeling and bury the emotions.
