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What has been your experience of telling the family that you cross-dress? I imagine you all have stories of success and also absolute failures.
Most of my family I have no intention of telling them. But I have my older sister who knows I'm queer. Been thinking about telling her as she is cool with my queerness and seems pretty open to things like that. Have you all felt there is more relief, agony or a little of both with deciding on telling the family?
@duchess I’ve come out to my wife ,sister, sister in law and niece , my female doctor and female boss. All went very well. Lots of love and support.
@duchess Thanks for sharing your question. I'm really, really, really curious....
Which is more difficult to tell people about.... being queer or being a crossdresser? Does coming out queer first make it easier to talk about crossdressing?
In my case, I'm married (for a long time), have kids, and very much can behave like a guy's guy who also relates well to women. I can have a chat about sports with the family males, and also listen with empathy about the pain of shopping for work dresses with the family females. And neither suspects I'm a crossdresser. To them, it would be a huge shock.
On the other hand, I've made acquaintances with many store sales associates who see that I'm a crossdresser and they are surprised that I'm not gay. It's like they assume that a guy who is feminine is also gay. Can't blame them, that's the stereotype from tv and movies.
I choose not to tell my family because I don't think they could understand it. I'm not being fair to them.... they are all very smart, thinking people. I just don't want to feel strange around them. Instead, I choose to feel strange within...like a movie title.... "The Crossdresser Within".
@lea-jhene many friends and my sister know I am queer. That is no secret (except for my family), but much of them I don't talk to except for occasional run ins with superficial conversation.
Showing up in a dress or skirt though might rock their world a little too much. Secretly I feel I am a woman born in a man's body and have recently exploring my more feminine side. As I love the feeling of fresh shaved legs, a skirt or dress and feeling pretty.
@lea-jhene Well, in my crossdressing world, I am a straight, married cross dresser, with zero homosexual tendencies. To me the two are light years apart.
I have NO issues with gay folks, several family members are homosexual (and not crossdressers - BTW). Having said that it bugs me when folks put crossdressing and homosexuality in the same drawer. For that I blame media, Hollywood, and society, but that’s part of life.
When I came out to wifey, her primary concern was that I was gay, and it took some doing to convince her otherwise, I hope.
I am not ashamed that I am a cross dresser, two good friends know, but that is the extent. Kids don’t know - they probably suspect - but I may never tell them.
As we all know, crossdressing can get very complicated and telling family is a major decision.
Meanwhile, enjoy our lifestyle.
Staci.
they are all very smart, thinking people. I just don't want to feel strange around them.
The problem is also that they are still people, a totally random acting thinking animal. You never can tell exactly how they will react. You could also end up making them feel strange around you, so I don't fault anyone for keeping a secret like this.
Nicole, every case is different and our comfort zone is different. A few years ago I accidentally let my Ex find out, she caught me wearing one of her discarded bras and a pair of flats that I had recently gotten. After I told her everything the first thing she did was to tell our 3 grown kids. Then she threatened to tell my mom and my 4 brothers. Over the next year and a half I told my brothers myself one by one in person, my mother never got the chance, she passed away. In fact I told the last brother at the planning for mom's funeral.
I know my Ex intended to shame me, BUT I ended up pushing myself as Cassie further and faster than I ever would have. Without that I would be so deep in the closet even today. Only had any problems with one brother just refused to acknowledge it.
Cassie
@duchess My wife knows I am a crossdresser and I dress in front of her, none of the rest of the family know.
The few people that know Anna are a small number of female friends
First off I haven't outright told everyone. I have a GG that I've entertained the idea of telling. But it's like the John Wayne line " Courage is being scared to death, but saddling up anyway " came close a few times but haven't. She and others have seen my " Halloween pictures" most didn't recognize me. A CD I met told me when she was enfem as Nikki and pulled over by the police. Just tell them you're Trans. She said I sure confused him and he let her go on her way. I think like most of us the interrogation is what we dread. There is no simple explanation, when I can't explain it to myself.
🥰 Fran
When family found out my response was simple. Then we shall discuss all of their issues. Like the drug use, alcohol, smoking, etc, etc..... That pretty much stopped them in their tracks. I could be honest if they could be honest. There were no takers. LOL
Obviously, Nicole, it is going to depend on the individuals. My whole family is too tiny to even contemplate telling anyone, except my wife.
Nicole -
There is no easy answer to your question. It depends on who you are planning on telling and their acceptance level. Only you know them and how they may take it.
My wife, therapist, son and a lifelong friend are the only ones to know about my dressing and then not everything. My wife and therapist know Suzanne and have seen me dressed. My son has seen me dressed (he is gay and dresses on occasion himself). My friend just knows that I crossdress but not to what extent. I would never entertain telling my sisters or daughter as I'm pretty sure it would not be received very well. My sisters live in different states so I don't need concern myself with them discovering me. My daughter lives locally but we've been estranged for a couple years.
You have to do what you are comfortable with.
Best of luck.
XOXO
Suzanne
@cdsue I am saddened to hear about your daughter, Suzanne.
I tried to keep our daughter communicating with us after she left the nest, but she rarely calls on her own.
@harriette thank you Harriette - it isn't easy as you understand but it is her choice - all we can do is be there should they decide to reach out
XOXO
Suzanne
I follow a "need to know" path. Few people need to know I dress, so I do not tell them. I do not have a problem with anybody knowing, but honestly, I am just too lazy to have to explain it all and correct all the misconceptions. My wife knows, as does a close cousin plus a few others like my wax techician and a few SAs and MUA that I have patronized.
What has been your experience of telling the family that you cross-dress? I imagine you all have stories of success and also absolute failures.
The score's 2-all, I think, with one round left to play 🙂
My OH couldn't accept Fiona, and when it became clear that I'm going to stay as Fiona, our relationship ended. My parents will love me and support me in whatever I do, but don't want to think of me or see me as a woman.
My son surprised me by being completely accepting, I can absolutely be myself around him. My aunt even more so, she is so proud of me for coming out and living as who I want to be. She gave my my first proper earrings, that I've now had my ears pierced for and can't wait to wear for the first time at the end of August.
That just leaves my sister, who I'm going out for dinner with as Fiona in a couple of weeks' time. She made all the right responses to my coming out, but I'm not sure about her actual feelings yet.
Not quite the same thing, but when a friends daughter came out as lesbian his response was, " and this efdects me how?...oh, it doesn't. Good luck and I hope you have a happy life."
That is how all of us should view other peoples lives. It is classic "Golden Rule." If you want to be jugded by others, then go ahead and judge, but I suspect few of us want to be judged in the things we do, so let's give the same latitude to others.
Just an aside, my friend's daughter's partner has subsequently come out as trans. He didn't have a problem with it, but did not understand it and so was unsure and confused. We had a long talk and I explained a lot of the biology, endocrinology and pyscology of it, and like most things education leads to understand, which in turns leads to acceptance.
Most heterosexual people simply do not understand LGBTQ issues, but once educated are better about it. Anytime I get the oppurtunity to educate and enlighten people about such issues I try to explain ot in ways most can understand, and I do believe it helps. Unfortunately it does not always work.
