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Hi Ladies
I have a question?
How did you tell your S/O about crossdressing? I have told her before and she seemed ok with it, then it wasn't ok. I got rid of my things, but I have once again started dressing again, I want to tell her, but i feel like she won't be as accepting. The crazy thing to me she is all about accepting people for who they and not passing judgement, but when it comes to me I feel as if she won't be as accepting. It is upsetting for me because I want to tell her, but feel as if she isn't accepting of it I am going to feel shamed and she will feel hurt and disappointed in me. I feel so torn, just needing some advice. Thank you ladies.
Be casual, mention it in passing. Say something like, "Remember when I used to cross-dress and you were ok with it? I'd quite like to do it again, but if you aren't happy seeing it, I'd like to do it anyway, perhaps just not when you are around. I'm asking you because I don't want you to think I have any secrets. What do you think?"
The last sentence puts the ball in her court, at this time say nothing, just nothing; this will force some sort of response. Hopefully for you, it will be the right one.
The above is what I might do if I were in your situation, YMMV and others here will shortly, I'm sure, have their own suggestions; read them and pick the one you think best fits your situation.
Good luck
Becca
I feel your pain, honey.
My wife is lovely too, and we’ve played games where she’s “made” me wear her knickers.
but I really don’t know how to tell her I’d loved it so much.
My wife used to go hot and cold with my crossdressing. I called it "The acceptance pendulum". It used to swing between acceptance and no acceptance. The distance it swang into the two areas varied greatly. The time it spent in each area also varied. She could go from really loving it, to hating it in no time. Some times I could tell it was starting to swing the wrong way.... One time it swang deep into the non acceptance side, very quickly and stayed there for many years. Things are great now, I'm fully out as a crossdresser, and I'm more or less free to do as I please.... The pendulum still does swing though. Now it goes through a "do you have to?" phase in between good and bad 🙂
A Becca said, Just casually mention it. Say that you like to do it again. The fact that your SO was OK with it in the past means that the pendulum could well swing in your favour. Don't over stress it. Don't force it. Good luck, and be sure to tell us how you got on.
Cerys
Thanks for sharing as myself when I came out to mine it was very hard times and not accepting but even tho she did not accept this I found out hiding things makes things worse if your true to yourself and to her and explain why she may not accept but understand if that makes sense this is always a hard topic to bring to the table just be true and honest and if she don’t accept unfortunately respect that don’t mean you have to stop dressing tho if he ashamed of yourself always work something out when she’s gone or late nights mine still don’t accept but allows at times and understands I dress more alone then around her good luck and stay strong
I have a similar situation and I told my wife. She was accepting at first but not so much now. I have told her I want to dress again. I love Becca’s suggestion to tell her the truth and -maybe do it when she is not around. The truth may hurt but you need to be truthful. I like how Becca left it in her court. -Traci
First, I'm glad you're okay after the hurricane.
I can appreciate your situation. When I first came out to my wife she was very tentative. She did give me some of her things (mostly nighties) that she no longer wore or didn't fit and helped me order some bras and dresses online. When they arrived she had me try them on so she could make sure they fit but didn't want to see me dressed. So essentially it was a DADT situation. After some time she had an issue with my dressing and I told her I wouldn't anymore. As you can imagine I didn't but was more careful about when I did. She was in the hospital for a couple days (nothing too serious) and one night I figured I'm hoe alone and I'm going to dress. As I was dressing she called and I answered the phone not knowing it was a facetime call. Needless to say I got busted. She was angry (can't blame her) and hung up. We spoke of it the following day and she had calmed down. We talked about a little after that and she asked if it helped me deal with stress and I told her that it did. Since that time she has become more accepting to the point of inviting Suzanne to spend the day on occasion.
Sorry for the long reply. If you bring it up with her you could try to explain how it makes you feel.
XOXO
Suzanne
People change, and society as a whole is changung as well. Twenty years ago it was "bad" to be gay/lesbian, now it is pretty widely accepted. Trans and crossdressing is more common and more people are exppsed to it and realize trans/CDs are just people. I can not imagine not telling my spouse. She is accepting, but even if she weren't, I would still feel it necessary to tell her and then live in a DADT situation. Fortunately that is not an issue for us.
Hi Tamara,
I too am grateful that you escaped the worst of the storm in Florida, I'm sure it was nerve racking.....kind of like coming out to your wife 🙂 Here is the thing, if you truly believe in your heart and soul that you are transgendered and whenever on your life journey you came to this acceptance it is personal to you and to you alone. We can't expect our life partners to come to the same acceptance, especially after years of marriage. Regardless of our partners public opinion on the subject, when it's the man in your life who is asking for this acceptance it now becomes personal to them and all the practical matters of now living with a transgendered woman simply rocks their world. I understand this and have empathy to their new circumstances. My partner and I have navigated this new reality by compromising into a DADT relationship to some extent. I would describe our relationship as one of encouragement and support from her and acceptance of her ground rules on my part. While she does not want to see Robyn or participate in my transgendered life she willingly allows me plenty of time to present as I wish, either alone in the house or traveling to support group meetings and events enfemme. Our shared closet has all of Robyns wardrobe and we talk about me being transgendered often and without secrets. I know where she stands and she knows where I stand and we still love each other. All I can say is, always be keenly aware of how she must feel and be sensitive to those feelings. She needs support to.
Robyn
Robyn’s reply made me think of this: If you think of your feminine persona as a “third person” in your marital relationship it may be easier to deal with. I like to refer to “Grace” as a separate entity. Separate, but attached to the man she married, since she was around prior to. She’s a part of my personality and has been many years. Part of who I am, which hopefully makes your SO somewhat appreciative of your situation. After all, she fell in love with you right? But I don’t expect or require my wife to “love” Grace like I do.
I liken it to my wife’s two sons from her prior marriage. She’s their mother -so of course she loves them. But she doesn’t expect me to love them like she does. Nor do I. I never wanted children of my own. But we’ve managed to make our relationship be very successful, despite the fact that she has them, plus grandkids now.
I can’t imagine a wife who really loves who she married - not going for this upon learning he’s a crossdresser. At the very least a “DADT” situation. If you’re transsexual - yeah, that’s a whole different story. But to get really upset over some clothes and makeup I wanna wear once in awhile? C’mon man, gimme a break. Not to mention the humorous aspect of the whole “old man in a dress” concept. Have fun with the whole thing. My wife and I sure do.
Maybe your opening line for telling your significant other should be…”Honey, you’re gonna laugh at this….”🥰
GP
That's exactly how my wife is, Tamara