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The appropriate terms?

14 Posts
11 Users
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Posts: 33
Lady
Topic starter
(@mynameismikayla)
Eminent Member     New York, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

So part of my ongoing journey is a state of constant learning. Some things I know I don't know, like hair care tips, how to walk, etc. Other things I didn't know I didn't know, like fear while shopping alone, that was an intense feeling to whallop me at the store.

One thing I know I need is a lexicon of community safe terms. Not only to better communicate within the community (s), but also to better understand me.

I don't think I'm trans, as I don't feel the need/compulsion to alter my body to what I feel I should look like or be. I just don't need medical intervention that way. Am I a crossdresser? Maybe, I wear ladies clothing, like panties are on all the time, but I can't yet go out full femme. (Is that even a correct/ok term?) I identify as Mikayla, and I know I'm freaking fabulous. I got great gams and a backside that won't quit, so I have confidence in my appearance, which is new....

I'm just another confused girl on a journey of self understanding, and would appreciate tips on ok/accurate terminology.

Don't wanna make a fool of myself in a community that has so openly welcomed me! Any help is appreciated.

Thanks ladies!

Lots of love

Mikayla

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13 Replies
Posts: 1264
(@bianca)
Noble Member     GB
Joined: 8 years ago

I’m with you on this one Mikayla.

Some seem to call anybody who acts or does anything remotely feminine trans. I thought this term was related to those who feel trapped in the body of the wrong gender, and want to be a female, be treated as a female all the time, and perhaps go through gender reassignment therapy/surgery etc.

I am simply a man who loves all the clothes/shoes/make up/wigs etc traditionally used by women to look fabulous. Label me a cross dresser, I am happy with that, but long for the day when the term becomes redundant and we can all simply wear what we want, male or female, without fear of being judged or labelled.

I mean what harm are we doing? What’s the problem?

love

B

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Posts: 763
Duchess
(@kristacanada)
Prominent Member     Edmonton, Alberta, Canada
Joined: 8 years ago

Hi Mikayla

Thanks for the question.  A lot of folks are in the same boat.  Vanessa Law wrote an article on this topic for this website.  Here is the link:

https://www.crossdresserheaven.com/navigating-the-transgender-world-the-difference-between-transsexuals-drag-queens-and-cross-dressers/

All the best, Hugs, Krista

 

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Posts: 0
Guest
(@Anonymous)
New Member
Joined: 1 second ago

People love labels. It helps them to understand in small chunks.

I've never been happy with that approach - labels confuse things more often than not.

I'm not a cross dresser.

I'm very happy when dressed, particularly in clothes of the opposite biological sex.

But, as Eddie Izzard says, they're not women's clothes, they're mine.

What I'm getting at is that I don't think anyone here, would think anything about people who make up their own meanings, and their own definitions of themselves.

This is one community where differences and similarities are both celebrated.

Long may it stay that way!

Just relax, be yourself, exactly as you are, and have fun. Enjoy the journey, learning step by step at your own pace. If you get to your destination, what then? Another journey?

It's both exhilarating and liberating!

Love Laura

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Posts: 251
Lady
(@justplainrachel)
Reputable Member     Wollongong, New South Wales, Australia
Joined: 9 years ago

I choose to describe myself as a crossdresser. People seem to understand the term, and it gives them a foundation on which to build any further conversation. There seem to be as many definitions of 'trans' are there are people who *are* trans. I describe myself as 'trans, but only in the broadest sense of the term'.

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Posts: 33
Lady
Topic starter
(@mynameismikayla)
Eminent Member     New York, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

Thank you so much for all the input!! I'm not looking for labels to apply to others, but acceptable terms to allow me to discuss who I am, both with others, and myself. I truly value this community in a way I've never felt about any other community. I love you all for the unconditional support you continually provide.

Thanks ladies!

Love,

Mikayla

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Posts: 2144
(@cyberian2)
Noble Member     Elliot Lake, Ontario, Canada
Joined: 8 years ago

Hi Mikayla!  Welcome.  Where you go, what and listen what and way others speak and appear. All  womens......we are all us just girls. Do not speak about the television.....that is not life. Also, blend like the other girls.......no flashy clothes or actions like all Valley Girls. We will be ok.

Dame Veronica

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Posts: 0
Guest
(@Anonymous)
New Member
Joined: 1 second ago

Hi Mikayla, I THINK that not all of us here on CDH are certain about the accurate label for us. For example, I know that I'm a crossdresser, and that I don't have any plans to transition, but the thought of living femme full-time seems more attractive to me every day. So does that reclassify me?

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Posts: 808
Duchess
(@camryn)
Prominent Member     Louisiana, United States of America
Joined: 6 years ago

Hi Mikayla, and welcome to CDH! We don’t stand on ceremony here at CDH, and certainly terminology has never defined for us who we really are or want to be. Many moons ago, Sa·man·tha described a “spectrum” and most, if not all of us at CDH seem to fall somewhere within that spectrum. Even me.

However, if I must have a label, I’ll throw in my lot with Bianca, Rachel, and Bettylou and declare myself a self-affirmed, no-frills crossdresser, plain and simple. Just saying.

And that’s all I have to say about that!!

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Posts: 33
Lady
Topic starter
(@mynameismikayla)
Eminent Member     New York, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

Thanks so much! I just don't want to slip and offend anyone here, cause you're all so great! I'm still figuring myself out, and what makes sense. But I know I feel good about myself, physically and emotionally, for the first time in years. I used to have guilt or shame about what dressing up meant about me. But I've turned a new page and accepted that dressing up means I am gorgeous!!!

Thanks soo much!

Reply
Posts: 33
Lady
Topic starter
(@mynameismikayla)
Eminent Member     New York, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

I DO like flashy girly stuff. And I wear it. At home, with my wife. I wear toned down jeans and t-shirt to work. But I will have my panties on, functional and/or frilly. I feel like a girl all day every day. They're no male or female clothes, they're Mikayla's. I do appreciate the tip to blend. If I ever work up the courage to wear a skirt out in public, I'll make sure it isn't pink!

Lots of love!

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Posts: 2296
Duchess
(@pattyphose)
Famed Member     Long Island, New York, United States of America
Joined: 9 years ago

I've been wearing pantyhose with pumps since I was 4. At 17 with the urging of an ex girlfriend I began wearing pantyhose out with shorts shorts and platform wedges. I loved the look and had an overwhelmingly strong desire to dress like that. I used to do a lot of shopping for more clothes. I especially liked that attire for shopping and trying on shoes and for buying more pantyhose.

In the back of my mind somewhere I must have known what I was doing was crazy and at some point something bad could come from it. But the excitement, thrill and rush was too overwhelming to ignore.

Then I met a girl while buying pantyhose in my pantyhose, short shorts and platform wedges who began asking me about the pantyhose I was wearing and what I was buying. What I was wearing looked really great. Am I buying what I'm wearing. She seemed to be quite surprised that the girl in pantyhose, short shorts and platform wedges showing off her legs was not actually a girl.

She also was surprised I just didn't dress fully as a girl. Over the next several months she helped me create Patty and got me to go out and party as Patty. It was a lot of fun and even more craziness. I didn't think too much about what I was doing. All I knew is I loved it. I dressed all the time and partied as often as I could. It was a thrill, rush, excitement and adventure like nothing else.

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Posts: 1781
Lady
(@ohlivialivin)
Noble Member     Norfolk, Ontario, Canada
Joined: 6 years ago

If it feels good.....do it!

Feeling right and good about who are or are becoming is all you need Mikayla, the speed at with which everything is changing means that none of us may ever get all the labels and terms correct for more than a week. Take your time and enjoy it with the rest of us.

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Posts: 0
Guest
(@Anonymous)
New Member
Joined: 1 second ago

This comes up all the time, in my support group.  IMHO, there are general broad guidelines to assist you in determining where you are on the gender scale.  Moreover, girls who are transitioning to living as full-time women, have vastly more complicated issues than part time CDs do.

How do you view yourself, when you are cross dressed?  Are you a woman or a man wearing female clothing?

Do you want to live as a woman 24/7?  Or do you know you are a man and want to "reset" things by living and dressing as a man, in between CD sessions?

Do you enjoy being a male, yet you have a need to occasionally present as a woman?

Do you want to take hormones?  Get electrolysis?  Get Adam's apple reduction?  Facial plastic surgery?  And finally, sexual reassignment surgery?  If so, then maybe you are transgendered?

As for me, I am a CD.  Why do I think so?  Because I know I am a man, and I enjoy being a man.  However, I am a man who enjoys presenting as a woman two or three days a week.  I like many female things, as well as man things.  I regard my female self as an extension of my personality.  Sexually, I am a male, a heterosexual male who is attracted to the female sex, genetic women, only.

It helps greatly, when you sit in a support group and hear other CDs and transgendered girls talk about themselves.  It helps you to figure out where you are and maybe who you are.

Complicated?  Probably so, which is why I concentrate on just having fun being a girl, that is, unless my wife hands me a honey-do list of things to repair in the home.  In that case, I have to be a man for a while and put my female fun on temporary hold.

To share a little more info, I have been wearing female clothing, since around the age of five but not every day.  I go out in public as a female two or three times a week, and people know me as Peggy.  Yet, I consider myself a man.

Have fun.  Find a good support group, although it seems to be getting more difficult to find support groups which cater exclusively to CDs.  We are blessed to have an excellent one here in Atlanta.

 

Peggy Sue

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