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The Bathroom Dilemma

49 Posts
27 Users
161 Reactions
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Posts: 379
Lady
Topic starter
(@leainvancouver)
Prominent Member     Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada
Joined: 1 year ago

So ladies, when you are out en femme and nature calls, what toilet do you use if the place doesn't have genderless toilets? It can be a difficult choice between using the men's bathroom or the woman's toilets. How have you addressed this, and do you have any good stories to share about misadventures while out en femme?

 

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48 Replies
13 Replies
(@dovemtn2016)
Joined: 1 year ago

Honorable Member     Tucson, Arizona, United States of America
Posts: 313

@leainvancouver 

Just go for the ladies room, Is it that big a deal?

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Baroness
(@river)
Joined: 1 year ago

Noble Member     New Hampshire, United States of America
Posts: 827

@leainvancouver maybe a bag on the leg lol just kidding.  did  not think I had anything pertinent to add so figured iI would have a bit of fun Im actually happy to see so many places here going to genderless rest rooms our local pub has sings that say "Whatever"  good for them  happy to support that place. Cheers RC

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Lady
(@harriette)
Joined: 2 years ago

Illustrious Member     Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 4023

@river Whatever? Good one!

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Lady
(@leainvancouver)
Joined: 1 year ago

Prominent Member     Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada
Posts: 379

It might be a dumb question. I’ve heard many sensible answers here and agree with them  

I only asked because I haven’t come across guidance or discussion around public washroom use on this or other communities. I understand it can be a touchy subject in some regions and cultures. Maybe I was stirring something up?  That’s me being Lea!

 

 

Purple Kiss

 

 

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Lady
(@harriette)
Joined: 2 years ago

Illustrious Member     Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 4023

@leainvancouver Do a search on CDH about washrooms. There should be plenty returns about them.

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Lady
(@jeried)
Joined: 1 year ago

Estimable Member     SE Missouri, Missouri, United States of America
Posts: 54

@leainvancouver I did a question like this a few weeks ago. I got 2 answers that were good. 1. Use the ladies, go in do your business and get out. Don’t linger. 2. Check the laws in the area you’re in. Where I am there is a law that says you have to use the restroom of the gender you were born unless it’s a single restroom. Hope that helps. 
tootles,

Jeri

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Duchess
(@pattyphose)
Joined: 9 years ago

Famed Member     Long Island, New York, United States of America
Posts: 2296

@leainvancouver Many years ago when I was still in my teens, I was out femme and nature was calling. I knew where restrooms were, so I went to them. But I was like, oh no. What would happen if I went in the men's room while dressed femme?. I thought it could be a not so great experience. I decided to just go into the women's room.

I gathered up my nerve, walked in, went right into a stall, did my thing, waited until there didn't seem to be many in the room, opened the stall and quickly walked out.

There was a lesson there. Avoid drinking fluids before going out femme.

 

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(@heels234)
Joined: 10 years ago

Prominent Member     Mesa, Arizona, United States of America
Posts: 604

@leainvancouver If you are dressed as a lady,use the ladies room.Do your business,wash your hands,refresh your lipstick if time allows and leave.And please SMILE if another lady enters the room.Smiles are contagious .

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Lady
(@jillleanne)
Joined: 2 years ago

Prominent Member     Renfrew, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 605

@leainvancouver never giver it a thought. If I’m en femme, I use the ladies room, always. 

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Lady
(@jillannquinn)
Joined: 4 years ago

Noble Member     Reno, Nevada, United States of America
Posts: 627

@leainvancouver I recently suggested to BillieJay that CDH put a link on here with the restroom laws for each state. My idea was well received but it will take a while if they’re able to do it at all because the laws for each state can vary wildly and be complicated, not to mention the fact that they’re always changing. At the very least, you should research YOUR state laws and the laws of any state you intend to visit or drive through. I’d be especially careful in Tennessee and North Carolina if my memory is accurate. The same would go for other countries. Know their laws. Assuming you use the women’s restroom, as others have said, go in and out quickly. Another consideration might be how well you pass for a woman. For myself, I’d imagine (know way to know for sure) at a distance of more than 50’ I’d pass most of the time. Anything less and the jig is up, so as of now, I’ve never used any restroom while out en femme. Always pay attention to your surroundings and use common sense. Be safe so that you can enjoy your time en femme!

Hugs, Jill

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Lady
(@leainvancouver)
Joined: 1 year ago

Prominent Member     Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada
Posts: 379

@jillannquinn thanks Jill, that’s great advice. I wonder if some transgender organizations in the states have already put a list together since it varies so much from state to state? I’m visiting Thailand soon so I’ll be sure to check their laws before I go.

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Lady
(@harriette)
Joined: 2 years ago

Illustrious Member     Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 4023

@leainvancouver A while ago, I was dressed androgynously, wearing some Mary Jane shoes with black stockings and long pants that mostly disguised the shoes and what I was doing, until I went into a men's washroom.

I had never been in this washroom before, so I quickly chose a stall that had a wall against one side and I kept my feet closer to it. I am not sure what, if anything, the person beside me ever saw, but he left without incident. We can clearly see the shoes of the person beside us.

This is why I try to take care of business before I leave the safety of my home, but that only lasts for so long the longer I am outside. It is something that I will have to remember in the future, too.

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Duchess
(@loneleycd)
Joined: 5 years ago

Famed Member     Roland, Iowa, United States of America
Posts: 2157

@leainvancouver I always use the Ladies room when out en fem.  I think I pass pretty well, I  take care of business, wash my hands, Try not to draw unnecessary attention to myself.  Most of all I don't want to make women using the restroom uncomfortable.  

.  Cassie

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Posts: 220
Baroness
(@dianas1960)
Reputable Member     South Central, Indiana, United States of America
Joined: 9 years ago

I use the ladies room but do try to hurry in and out.  I have yet to have an issue but I am definitely aware that in some areas of the US I might.  The most crowded one I have ever used was at a Buc-ees gas station.  These stations are unique in that they are huge with over 120 pumps as some of them.  These are also unique in that each stall is completely enclosed but there are a ton of them.  Last time I used one there was a constant line of women going in and out.  Fortunately there was not a line waiting for one though.  I have never had to wait in a line for a restroom fortunately and I do not think I would be comfortable doing so.  I have waited quite a few times in lines for dressing rooms though.

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2 Replies
Lady
(@harriette)
Joined: 2 years ago

Illustrious Member     Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 4023

@dianas1960 I learned something, today.

Apparently, Buc-ee gas stations are noted for having very clean washrooms, too.

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Baroness
(@dianas1960)
Joined: 9 years ago

Reputable Member     South Central, Indiana, United States of America
Posts: 220

@harriette They are.  There was an apparently dedicated cleaning person in there.  Of course there was at least 30 stalls that needed taken care of.  It was huge.

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Posts: 114
Duchess Annual
(@patches)
Estimable Member     Maryland, United States of America
Joined: 1 year ago

I use the women's room while dressed but get in and out as quickly as possible.  I tend to be self conscious.  

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Posts: 289
Lady
(@carlafirst11)
Honorable Member     So. California , California, United States of America
Joined: 2 years ago

If you present yourself as a lady, it has to be the ladies restroom, it would be just too dangerous to try to use the men’s. You just need to go in there and take care of your business in and out like a normal lady, act you belong in there, make sure you do sit down, you don’t want to be seen facing the toilet, plus the sound will be different assuming is number one. I have used it plenty of times, so far no issues.

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2 Replies
Lady
(@harriette)
Joined: 2 years ago

Illustrious Member     Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 4023

@carlafirst11 I haven't stood in front of a toilet once I realised just how much of a mess is made like that. I have sat down for many decades, starting in the '70s.

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Lady
(@leainvancouver)
Joined: 1 year ago

Prominent Member     Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada
Posts: 379

@carlafirst11 The sound of tinkling from on high is seldom heard in women’s washrooms. 

🙀

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Posts: 1063
Duchess Annual
(@robertaf)
Noble Member     Louisiana, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

When outwardly dressed, i always use the Ladies room. It would be too risky to use the men's, as well as create too much of an issue. I'm not into issues. 

I've never had a problem, even waiting in lines when I have too. When done, I'll check my hair and lips maybe then move on. 

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Posts: 1497
Ambassador
(@jacquelinelarkspur)
Famed Member     Gateshead, Tyne and Wear, United Kingdom
Joined: 1 year ago

I've lately been pondering this question too.

Back in 2009, when I was last out and about in Newcastle-upon-Tyne's LGBTQ+ scene (or any scene, for that matter) the advice I got from other Tgirls was to use the Ladies because I was presenting as a female. I did so with no problems at all (apart from the one fella who burst in looking for fun. My friend gave him short shrift and chased him out fast).

Recent times has seen a very public backlash against crossdressers from certain celebrities on social media. This has made me wonder what our current position is, particularly as this week I'm due out in public for the first time in 15 years.

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11 Replies
Baroness
(@dianas1960)
Joined: 9 years ago

Reputable Member     South Central, Indiana, United States of America
Posts: 220

@jacquelinelarkspur There is an phone app called Refugee Restroom that shows friendly bathrooms or non-gendered bathrooms.  I have also noted a trend for some places to eliminate gendered bathrooms.

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Managing Ambassador
(@ellyd22)
Joined: 2 years ago

Majestic Member     Norfolk, United Kingdom
Posts: 5221

@dianas1960 I've contacted the folk behind the Refuge Restroom app to:

a). Find out what sort of coverage they have, and

b). Ask whether they'd be willing to write a short statement about their app that we can publish here on the Forums. It would be good if we could find out more about it. Refuge Restroom is a free app intended to support the CD/TG community. Nevertheless I've asked that, if the folk behind it DO write something, they steer clear of overtly advertising their site so that it doesn't violate our guidelines.

I can always run any text that they send by @emilyalt and @billiejay to make sure that it's okay 🙂

I think that this would be a very useful thing for the CDH membership to know about. Thank you so much for mentioning it!

Ellie x

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Ambassador
(@jacquelinelarkspur)
Joined: 1 year ago

Famed Member     Gateshead, Tyne and Wear, United Kingdom
Posts: 1497

Thank you, Ellie!

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Managing Ambassador
(@ellyd22)
Joined: 2 years ago

Majestic Member     Norfolk, United Kingdom
Posts: 5221

@jacquelinelarkspur I hadn't heard of it until @dianas1960 mentioned it. If it works as advertised it sounds genuinely amazing.

I believe that users can add restrooms to the app as and when they discover them - though presumably that info then has to be verified. The developers are based out of San Francisco, so for the moment at least coverage may be mainly US.

I'll pass info on to everyone as soon as the company get back to me.

Hugs

Ellie x

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Managing Ambassador
(@lizk)
Joined: 5 years ago

Illustrious Member     North County San Diego, California, United States of America
Posts: 3859

@ellyd22 I'm aware of the Refuge Restroom app.  It's one of the resources I've made note of for the page Jill Quinn suggested.  It appears to function well and yes there is UK coverage.  I checked a few places including your little hub.  I'm also looking at a couple of other resources and trying to find more....in my limited spare time.  I'm hoping we can have some resources listed in the next 1-2 weeks.

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Ambassador
(@jacquelinelarkspur)
Joined: 1 year ago

Famed Member     Gateshead, Tyne and Wear, United Kingdom
Posts: 1497

That's interesting, thank you!

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Lady
(@jeried)
Joined: 1 year ago

Estimable Member     SE Missouri, Missouri, United States of America
Posts: 54

@dianas1960 thanks. I downloaded that app and will use it.

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Lady
(@leainvancouver)
Joined: 1 year ago

Prominent Member     Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada
Posts: 379

@jacquelinelarkspur thanks for your post and reflections.

Have an amazing time getting dressed up this week! What’s the occasion? 

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Ambassador
(@jacquelinelarkspur)
Joined: 1 year ago

Famed Member     Gateshead, Tyne and Wear, United Kingdom
Posts: 1497

Hi Lea!

Not so much an occasion, more an opportunity. I'm away from home at a meeting for work, which involves an overnight stay, so I'll be dressing and hitting the nightlife until the early hours!

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Lady
(@leainvancouver)
Joined: 1 year ago

Prominent Member     Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada
Posts: 379

@jacquelinelarkspur enjoy your romp en femme!

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Ambassador
(@jacquelinelarkspur)
Joined: 1 year ago

Famed Member     Gateshead, Tyne and Wear, United Kingdom
Posts: 1497

I fully intend to! 😉 

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Posts: 80
Lady
(@florapgh)
Estimable Member     Pittsburgh , Pennsylvania, United States of America
Joined: 2 years ago

I have NEVER been comfortable in a men’s public restroom.  No matter how I’m dressed.  The same goes for men’s locker rooms.  While I haven’t gone out dressed completely enfemme, I do go out under dressed.  I do a lot of travel to the same area on a semi regular basis.  There is a picnic area about halfway and at the times I go through, is usually sparsely populated.  When that is the case, I always use the women’s restroom.  I just feel more comfortable and since I always sit to tinkle, it makes sense.  There is no sense of perversion or any wrong intentions,  I just simply feel better and safer using the women’s facilities.  

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1 Reply
Lady
(@leainvancouver)
Joined: 1 year ago

Prominent Member     Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada
Posts: 379

@florapgh that’s interesting! I have always hated using men’s locker rooms and some men’s washrooms also give me the creeps.  I bet if we polled the girls an overwhelming majority would say the same thing. I’m happy that my local community centre has non-gender change rooms. It’s made a world of difference for me when I use the pool.

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Posts: 255
Lady
(@helenmariehayley)
Reputable Member     Kent, United Kingdom
Joined: 7 years ago

Hello Lea,          When I am out fully dressed I always use the ladies toilets (restroom), it is always safer to use then the men's toilets, less hassle or confrontation. Only time I would not use or wait to use the ladies is if there was some young girls with there mothers in there. Otherwise use the ladies always.

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1 Reply
Lady
(@leainvancouver)
Joined: 1 year ago

Prominent Member     Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada
Posts: 379

@helenmariehayley I appreciate your advice, especially about the mothers and young girls. I guess using the women’s room is trickier for those of us who aren’t used to dressing up, don’t feel we pass, or haven’t built up the necessary confidence to present as a woman. It’s just a matter of time and experience.

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Posts: 3446
Hostess
(@ab123)
Illustrious Member     Surrey, United Kingdom
Joined: 5 years ago

I realise that there are laws in some states in the U.S. with Florida the most comprehensive  making it criminal. I may be wrong but believe this relates to government run places, governing buildings, possibly airports and K12 schools and would wager that they would have to provide gender neutral facilities. There are some states with some form of restrictions and the majority do not have any. It's best to check.

There is a lot of noise here in the U.K. from the anti trans lobby but it isn't against the law and the regulations do not exclude trans from using the facilities. I have used the ladies restrooms for many years without incident.

The way I see it is that if you look the part then play it.

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1 Reply
Baroness
(@dianas1960)
Joined: 9 years ago

Reputable Member     South Central, Indiana, United States of America
Posts: 220

@ab123 I researched the law in Florida after seeing your post.  There is a good article about it here.  https://www.them.us/story/florida-trans-bathroom-law

Summarizing there are 9 states with bathroom laws for "Trans".   Florida, Idaho, North Dakota, Iowa, Oklahoma, Arkansas, Tennessee, Kentucky, and Alabama.  All but Florida and North Dakota are just for schools.  North Dakota limits some government buildings.  There are not criminal penalties in these states.  Florida however is a different story.  It is misdemeanor trespassing if you use a restroom in a "Government Building" and do not leave when asked by an authority figure.

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Posts: 112
Lady
(@denisemichelle1979)
Reputable Member     Saginaw, Michigan, United States of America
Joined: 1 year ago

I am dressed en fem 24 hours a day and do my daily functions as Denise. I always use the women's restroom and it seems to be pretty natural now.

I have never felt comfortable using the men's restroom ever. I feel a lot more comfortable in the women's restroom. Just remember to always sit when you are going to the batrhoom and just go about your business as a woman and you'll be fine.

I've never had an issue even waiting in line for the women's restroom no one has ever given me a second look and I've always felt good going about my business as a woman.

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Posts: 2172
 J J
Lady
(@jjandme)
Famed Member     California, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

I mostly plan ahead to minimize the need. The simplest solution is to take advantage of one of our greatest male attributes, the ability to pee into the bushes.

I have used public multiperson women's bathrooms and I just wait until it is minimally occupied. I have also used local restaurants and other places with small single-person bathrooms.

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Posts: 1805
Baroness Annual
(@d44)
Famed Member     New York, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

I use the ladies room all the time.

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Posts: 875
(@ladymakenzie)
Noble Member     Brighton, Michigan, United States of America
Joined: 9 years ago

My choice of restrooms is always dependent on how I am presenting.  As I do not generally present as woman regardless of the clothing that I may be wearing, I will usually use the mens restroom.  However, on the rare occassion when I am presenting as a woman, I will use the womens restroom without hesitation.  In either case, I enter with confidence, take care of business, and depart.  I have never had an issue.

MacKenzie Alexandra

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Posts: 1460
(@debbiedd)
Noble Member     los angeles, California, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

When out en femme I have always used the ladies room since I percieve it to be safer than the mens rooms. Havent had any issues but just remember not to stand while peeing girls. If its not crowded I also will use the mirror to freshen up lipstick and eye makeup.

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Posts: 105
Lady
(@jamie001)
Estimable Member     California, United States of America
Joined: 3 years ago

Girls, be careful of the conservative states in the southern USA. Sometimes men are standing outside waiting for their wives or girlfriends to come out of the restroom. This is a recipe for disaster. Be aware of your surroundings and be careful out there especially in intolerant areas.

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2 Replies
Managing Ambassador
(@lizk)
Joined: 5 years ago

Illustrious Member     North County San Diego, California, United States of America
Posts: 3859

@jamie001 While I agree that some states have more intolerance than others, pockets of intolerance can be found anywhere.  There are places in my home state of California that I would avoid or exercise extreme caution.  Some of those places are less than an hour away from LGBTQ neighborhoods such as Hillcrest in San Diego or West Hollywood.  It's always best to know the area you will be in and always be aware of your surroundings.  If a restroom looks sketchy find another one.  Don't wait until you're desperate to pee.  Use common sense.

/EA

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 J J
Lady
(@jjandme)
Joined: 5 years ago

Famed Member     California, United States of America
Posts: 2172

@emilyalt 

This is the best advice regarding dressing in public in general. Know your area and your particular situation.

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