The Minds eye
I am a 56 year old man that likes to dress/present as a woman.
If I'm going out, I put a lot of effort into looking as female as I can. From head to toe, everything is done for a reason. My hair, make up, clothes, footwear, jewellery.... It's all part of the puzzle that turns me into Cerys.
I dress too young for a man of my age, but I have calmed down a lot, and I try to dress to blend in and not stand out.
I go through the whole process. I shower, shave, apply make up, dress (after taking forever to decide the outfit), and then do my hair, put on the jewellery and spray on the perfume.... Cerys is born!
I look in the mirror and see than almost passable, stylish woman looking back at me. I'm happy. I'm confident. I'm proud of the achievement.
Then I go out, maybe shopping and I catch a glimpse of myself in a mirror. Or maybe I'll take a photo and post it here or on FB..... Then I don't see an almost passable, stylish woman. I see an obviously 56 year old man in female clothing, looking like "mutton dressed as lamb". This reflection is nothing like the person that was in the mirror a few hours earlier. Feed back from others is "you look great!", but my head says that they are just being polite.
I say this but there are times when I do see a better view. I was in a coffee shop earlier today, and I went to use the loo. They had a large mirror on the door. After washing my hands, I turned to leave and I saw myself. I didn't look that bad. It made me smile, and lifted me a little...
Do others here also have this "minds eye" version of themselves? Do you look different in pictures than you do the mirror? Which is the real view? The one in the mirror, or the unexpected glimpse or photograph of yourself?
I see myself in the mirror when I have finished putting on the makeup and brushing my hair and I see a nice passable woman. Later in another mirror I see an OLD person with wrinkles and droopy skin on arms, under chin and around the eyes. AND then there is the paunch on the belly.
Then again I must not look to bad because no one has said anything negative at my Torrid job.
Because we have had the same body and features for a lifetime no matter what we can see under it all and it's so difficult not to, that's the Achilles heel for us girls. If we are dressed and out and about looking presentable we will be seen as one of many ladies in a crowd. It is only under close scrutiny the likely hood of being'read' but even then if you look right it will only be a 'is it or isn't it' moment. Others in your life will often say how good you look so take them at their word and if they are happy to go out with you then acceptance is a done deal, despite your reservations.
On an other angle on the minds eye, my mother used this expression a lot and has helped with a lot of things. It's where you have a situation where you can't see something but you use the minds eye to figure it out. An example relates to crossdressing and that is putting on a bra from the back. I was talking to her about the difficulty I was having and this is her reply. Look at the clips and band in front of you and then use your minds eye to imagine it as you put it on. I looked at the strap and aligned the top hook then imagined the process from behind, the bra was securely clipped up. It applied to a necklace as well.
I totally suffer from this same issue. I get very self conscious when I'm out and see myself from certain angles or in certain lighting. I suppose it often feels like imposter syndrome and I worry that everyone sees right through me immediately. In any case, I believe this is a comfort level thing that will eventually fade for the most part. I think it has to some degree already but my nerves are most definitely up before I go out.
I used to see myself as a guy dressed in female clothing, but as time has passed I really have a state of mind that I am a lady, I act like one when in public. I always dress to blend in depending where I plan to go, the last thing I want to do is grab attention to myself. I guess we need to have an attitude that we belong and that we are dressed in female clothing we are women, at least that is what I do.
i just love it when people addressed me as a lady, whether they read me or not everyone I encounter have been very polite so far.
When I get dressed up and ready to go out, what I see in the mirror is exactly what I see in my mind's eye and what I see when looking at a photograph of myself - a nice looking, middle-aged woman. My male self is nowhere to be found.