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Featured The Other Woman

30 Posts
9 Users
82 Reactions
368 Views
Posts: 805
Lady
Topic starter
(@valentina16)
Noble Member     Worcester, Worcestershire, United Kingdom
Joined: 1 month ago

I came to CDH for a few reasons, including:

> to help reduce my feelings of guilt

> to increase comfort in my own (metaphorical) skin

> to understand the impact on my good lady wife

> to help with ‘the journey’

> to meet and share thoughts with like-minded nonjudgmental people

> to increase my friendship circle, especially CDs

> to relax and enjoy ☺️ 

In just 7 days I have achieved so much on most of these, it’s been quite amazing. Thank you.

I feel though I have only scraped the surface of the impact on SOs. But I have seen opportunities here already which are definitely going to help. The presence of a GG-SO here was an absolute bonus which I tbh hadn’t even dreamed about.

So, I would like to expand further on this particular and, for a committed married person (44 years) most important aspect. 

How do we impact on our SO. How are they likely to feel deep down when their beloved partner has an undeniable need to cross dress. I am thinking that whatever accommodating support they may vocalise, deep down, what are they having to process, what are they covering up, suppressing. ‘Just a minute, his boobs are now bigger than mine’. ‘I actually prefer skin-to-skin, rather than silk-to-silk’. ‘I still love him’. ‘I don’t want to lose him’. ‘How will this play out’. ‘What will our family and friends think.’ ‘Do I now always have to go out with another wannabe woman’. ‘Do people really believe me when I say I accept him and his lifestyle’. ‘Why didn’t he tell me sooner, before we got married.’ ‘Is this what I actually want.’ Just a few questions which, if I have any reliable empathy, would task me in my processing if I were the SO on the receiving end of ‘the chat’ as it is perhaps minimised. ‘Am I actually losing him to another, more attractive, more sensual woman’. ‘Do I fight to keep him, or accept and embrace it.’ ‘Am I alone in this.’ ‘Should I just walk away.’

My good lady has been aware of my cross dressing for some 10+ years. Perhaps at first she thought it just a kinky development which would come and then go, only to pop up occasionally, for fun and variety. In realising that it is here to stay, I wonder whether she feels she has lost me, to another almost fictitious woman.

If possible, I would really appreciate the views of genetic women especially.

Thanking you in advance.

Valentina Valentine 

💚

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29 Replies
12 Replies
Lady
(@sashabennett)
Joined: 1 year ago

Noble Member     Wick, Caithness, United Kingdom
Posts: 803

@valentina16 Well I can't speak as a GG but I have mentioned Mrs B's take on this a number of times over the last year or so & that is, she IS perfectly fine with it. She buys me clothes, nail varnish, wigs etc etc all the time & we spend plenty of time comparing & critiquing styles. Perhaps we are a rarity but we have both always lived by "you do you & if you do I'm happy" & don't waste our time trying to change each other into some idealised notion of a partner.

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(@valentina16)
Joined: 1 month ago

Noble Member     Worcester, Worcestershire, United Kingdom
Posts: 805

@sashabennett I think we’re a million miles away from this, but thank you.

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(@sweetdani4luv)
Joined: 5 years ago

Reputable Member     Sarasota, Florida, United States of America
Posts: 180

@valentina16 My marriage ended almost immediately after my wife discovered my secret.  As I reflected on all of the details, I realized I had become “the other woman” and didn’t blame her for her decision, even though she did her best to destroy me in every way possible.  That fateful day is long in the past, and I regret I didn’t reveal Danielle to her in the very beginning.  I no longer seek romantic relationships with women as I now live as Danielle 24/7.  Now I reveal my situation immediately to those I spend time with, so they know up front where and who I am.

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(@valentina16)
Joined: 1 month ago

Noble Member     Worcester, Worcestershire, United Kingdom
Posts: 805

@sweetdani4luv I am sorry you effectively lost a loved one in this way. For myself, my partner has known for 10+ years, but for many many reasons, it has never been something we could pursue with any depth, trust or confidence. And I don’t blame her for this. I have had a peculiar approach to it, probably off balance, trying to self-justify. While she was just (in her eyes) losing the man she loved. This is why I want to approach my undeniable journey with care and empathy for where she must be. It helps if I can quote others who have experienced similar and survived. But equally, there are the failures too, probably just as many if not more.

TY for sharing. It has helped, thank you.

💚

Reply
(@mirandam)
Joined: 3 months ago

Estimable Member     Bay Area, California, United States of America
Posts: 77

@sweetdani4luv so sorry to hear that.  Must have been very tough.

Reply
(@closetcelt)
Joined: 3 months ago

Estimable Member     Kentucky, United States of America
Posts: 89

@valentina16 This is a very good topic, but really hard to answer, only maybe give insight. My wife just recently found out I wanted to pursue this life, after 24 years of marriage. The very first thing she said was, yeah I've known for a very long time you would get to this point. She gave me my first dress and bra. However we did set some ground rules, such as she doesn't want our existing friends to ever meet Áine, and anyone we meet as Áine, will never know my male side. To her it's just easier to keep it that way. Also I'm not allowed to borrow any of her accessories, purses and the such (clothes and shoes would never fit), I'm to be my own women.

With that said however, I'm not sure exactly how she feels about it truly. She says she fine with it, doesn't give me weird looks or acts different towards me in anyway, she just seems to be right on board, but is she? I may never know for sure

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(@valentina16)
Joined: 1 month ago

Noble Member     Worcester, Worcestershire, United Kingdom
Posts: 805

@closetcelt TY. Not many seem to be engaging with this reach out, so I am truly grateful.

So, if I may, you’re sort of suggesting she is working at two levels, an outer acceptance and an inner denial perhaps?

Does she engage in exploratory conversation with you or others at all?

Have either of you had therapy?

Has your CD journey been dynamic, expanding or contracting?

Does she smile or laugh with you as much?

Reply
(@mirandam)
Joined: 3 months ago

Estimable Member     Bay Area, California, United States of America
Posts: 77

@carlosclosetlosetcelt it is a very complex situation indeed.  My wife is in a similar boat in that she knows and is trying to help us work through it.  But it isn’t as clear to me how she truly feels about my dressing up.

what was interesting for me is that I had anticipated many of her concerns and thought I had great answers for all of them.  But it was a lot easier to say them alone than having to look into her lovely eyes and say them.  Oh dear it was a lot harder than I thought.

We are still working on it but at this stage she acknowledges it at least and is trying to understand my perspective.  That’s all I can really ask her to do.🤗

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(@valentina16)
Joined: 1 month ago

Noble Member     Worcester, Worcestershire, United Kingdom
Posts: 805

@mirandam I can truly relate to this, and I know from private conversations that this confusion is unfortunately quite prevalent. Our journey, quite difficult. 💚

Reply
Duchess
(@gracepal)
Joined: 5 months ago

Noble Member     South Carolina, United States of America
Posts: 1017

@mirandam We can’t really ever know what our spouses truly think about our little hobby. And yes, it’s hard to look them in the eyes and say things like…yes honey, I’d really prefer the lacy pink ones….it’s embarrasing for crying out loud.😊

I’m one of the lucky ones here in that my spouse is about as good as it gets in acceptance. She’s a “thrifter” and always brings me back something from her shopping outings…good stuff too!  I had to tell her today that I need no more boots…I don’t want to have more pairs than her! That said, it’s easier for us because….I don’t want to turn into a girl. I’m a part-time player all the way. If you’ve other, deeper issues then no doubt it’s a bigger challenge. As a couple, we have a lot of fun with it. We laugh about it A LOT. I refuse to take seriously an old man dressing like an old lady and taking pictures posing like a tart. You have to be able to laugh at yourself. And I can tell that there are girls here on CDH who have a hard time doing that. Life just ain’t all that serious to me. Crossdressing at this point for me is icing on my cake.

A big part of spousal sharing is at what stage of your life is it happening? It’s way easier in your 60’s being retired. My wife and I have a “You do your thing, I’ll do my thing” attitude towards our individual interests. In your 20’s, 30’s and 40’s its only natural that a wife would be really concerned to hear something like this revealed. Most wives have envisioned a game plan for their family life and “Daddy wearing dresses” isn’t included in their scenario. I sympathize with those situations. I’m fortunate I always had the ability to put dressing on hold whenever necessary. It has never overshadowed my need for love and happiness with a woman. Now I’m free to do it whenever I want. Knowing myself, that’ll last as long as I think I can look halfway decent doing it. After all, we girls do have giant egos don’t we? When I can’t pull it off anymore, that’s when I’ll pull out.🥰

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(@closetcelt)
Joined: 3 months ago

Estimable Member     Kentucky, United States of America
Posts: 89

@mirandam we hit mile stone of sorts, I went and bought my first bra that fit perfectly, she helped me adjust the straps and position it as it should sit if I had boobs, no questions, no funny looks or feelings, it was a very nice accomplishment, for both of us

Reply
Managing Ambassador
(@bellaz76)
Joined: 4 months ago

Prominent Member     London, Middlesex, United Kingdom
Posts: 362
Posts: 1067
Managing Ambassador
(@melodeescarlet)
Famed Member     DC/Baltimore, Maryland, United States of America
Joined: 2 years ago

@valentina16 In as much as possible, I think it is invaluable for her to find a tribe of her own. We walk around feeling isolated and thinking we're so unusual, and then we find CDH or something similar and we get to exhale and say, "Phew, it's NOT just me!"

They need the exact same thing. A group of SOs they can just talk to to share those feelings. "I swear if he borrows my clutch one more time..." It's every bit as important for them. Otherwise I think they start to feel like the circle around them is getting smaller.

There are some SOs here and a forum just for them (as there should be). Perhaps invite her?

Just my 2p

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16 Replies
(@valentina16)
Joined: 1 month ago

Noble Member     Worcester, Worcestershire, United Kingdom
Posts: 805

@melodeescarlet Yes, you are of course right, and I totally understand and get it. Let’s see where this goes. You have all been so helpful, thank you.

Reply
Managing Ambassador
(@ellyd22)
Joined: 2 years ago

Majestic Member     Norfolk, United Kingdom
Posts: 5214

@melodeescarlet  @valentina16

They need the exact same thing. A group of SOs they can just talk to to share those feelings.

Thanks to a suggestion by Laura @bellaz76 we plan to have our own 'meetup within a meetup' at our CDH@LFF in Leeds on August 1st for this very reason 🙂

Ellie x

 

 

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(@valentina16)
Joined: 1 month ago

Noble Member     Worcester, Worcestershire, United Kingdom
Posts: 805

@ellyd22 Thanks Ellie. I am at the beginning part of thinking this through. I have pm’d Laura to share more things. For me/us, 1 Aug is too early I’m pretty certain. We haven’t even begun to talk about it for some years now. It is a very big elephant in a quite small room.  I will keep thinking x

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Managing Ambassador
(@bellaz76)
Joined: 4 months ago

Prominent Member     London, Middlesex, United Kingdom
Posts: 362

@ellyd22 cannot wait for this Ellie , even if there is only 1 or 2 of us , invaluable to me and likewise I’m sure to others ❤️

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Managing Ambassador
(@ellyd22)
Joined: 2 years ago

Majestic Member     Norfolk, United Kingdom
Posts: 5214

@bellaz76 

even if there is only 1 or 2 of us

From the replies I think there will be a few more than that 🙂

Closer to the time we can design a poll to work out just how many members are coming, and how many of those are attending with their SOs.

Ellie x

Reply
Managing Ambassador
(@bellaz76)
Joined: 4 months ago

Prominent Member     London, Middlesex, United Kingdom
Posts: 362

@ellyd22 whoop 🙌 look forward to it xx

Reply
Managing Ambassador
(@bellaz76)
Joined: 4 months ago

Prominent Member     London, Middlesex, United Kingdom
Posts: 362

@melodeescarlet me me me !!! I’m here ready and waiting lol , me and Valentina are already in contact , just adore how things fit into place here 😍

Reply
Managing Ambassador
(@ellyd22)
Joined: 2 years ago

Majestic Member     Norfolk, United Kingdom
Posts: 5214

@melodeescarlet 

Just my 2p

Thank you for your consideration in using UK currency in your reply 🙂

Reply
Managing Ambassador
(@bellaz76)
Joined: 4 months ago

Prominent Member     London, Middlesex, United Kingdom
Posts: 362

@ellyd22 @melodeescarlet lets also talk of the quid

Reply
(@valentina16)
Joined: 1 month ago

Noble Member     Worcester, Worcestershire, United Kingdom
Posts: 805

@bellaz76 🎶money makes the vorld go round, the vorld go round🎶 lol. 💚

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Managing Ambassador
(@bellaz76)
Joined: 4 months ago

Prominent Member     London, Middlesex, United Kingdom
Posts: 362

@valentina16 yes but friends are far more valuable 😘so amazing to connect today x

Reply
(@valentina16)
Joined: 1 month ago

Noble Member     Worcester, Worcestershire, United Kingdom
Posts: 805

@bellaz76 Take care y’all! ☺️

Reply
Managing Ambassador
(@melodeescarlet)
Joined: 2 years ago

Famed Member     DC/Baltimore, Maryland, United States of America
Posts: 1067

@ellyd22 Of course! 🙂

Naturally the charge for it is £2, but I'll just put it on your tab. 😉

Reply
Managing Ambassador
(@ellyd22)
Joined: 2 years ago

Majestic Member     Norfolk, United Kingdom
Posts: 5214

@melodeescarlet 

Naturally the charge for it is £2, but I'll just put it on your tab.

OK, but Davis Enterprises will have to deduct a $10 international handling and processing charge from your account in order to facilitate that.

Reply
(@valentina16)
Joined: 1 month ago

Noble Member     Worcester, Worcestershire, United Kingdom
Posts: 805

@ellyd22 …you’re clearly an advisor to the Whitehouse. 😂

Reply
Managing Ambassador
(@melodeescarlet)
Joined: 2 years ago

Famed Member     DC/Baltimore, Maryland, United States of America
Posts: 1067

@ellyd22 Oh no no, Scarlet Int'l has GBP account already to make it easy for our UK clients! We're here to help! 🙂

Reply

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