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Since joining CDH last September I am intrigued by the number of girls here who came to crossdressing later in life without any prior inclinations.
Myself, long story short, I had the (what I consider to be) - the usual young CD journey of curiousity at 11. Then, just underdressing when I could until my early adulthood/20’s. That led to fully dressing around my mid-30’s and going out fairly regularly. Met my 2nd wife and went back to underdressing for 13 years. Stopped going out publicly. Dumped it all in 2010. Nothing then until 2024.
Last summer I was on EBay and for some reason I browsed across a pair of lavender spandex workout capris. The lady selling them was modeling them. A HOTTIE. Suddenly I had to have them! Instantly! I just had this huge desire to want to wear them myself. That was the beginning spark that triggered what is now the Grace Fire🔥
And that leads me to my topic, especially for you gals who are “late starters”. How do you go all your life and then suddenly you’re wanting to dive head first into the pink fog? What sparked it? Was it a slow buildup or a sudden urge? Please…tell your tales👩🦳
GP
@gracepal You're playing my song Grace! Definitely a late starter here.
About the only sign of femininity in my life before recent years, was that I'd always had a thing for removing whatever body hair I could get away with, which I guess I associated with lovely smooth feminine skin. I do remember in my early 30's, greatly enjoying the sensations of a scented bath-soak that an ex-girlfriend left behind, against my newly hairless skin.
Perhaps I also had a little more than just a passing interest in documentaries/stories around the subjects of transition, cross-dressing etc., but I didn't ever think to go looking for more information. I just carried on with life into my early 50's, although (with the agreement of my later long-term partner) increasingly hairless on my legs and chest.
Then at the age of 52, one day at the end of September 2021, an idea came to me out of the blue, "I wonder what wearing a bra and panties would feel like?" The internet being what it is, and me having my own house to deliver them to, where I didn't live but came to work every day, it didn't take me long to find out.
By the time I joined here, two years after that first purchase, I had accumulated more lingerie, breast forms, hip shorts, sleepwear, various dresses, skirts & tops, shoes and jewellery, I'd even managed to go out in broad daylight in a couple of the dresses (in the car to secluded places). I'd shaved my beard off, but I'd never been out fully en femme.
It was this place that turbo-charged my transition into a feminine life. My first wigs and makeup arrived very shortly after joining. Six weeks later, and only a year ago this week, I went out as Fiona for the first time. Three months after that, I started living as Fiona and I've simply not looked back 🙂
@finallyfiona Wow, that’s a 0-60 catapult journey! You’re clearly happy with it. It was crying out for you. 💚
@finallyfiona Wow! An original CDH success story! I guess when ya know, ya know. From firm to fluffy in what, a little over 4 years. Interesting story 🥰
@gracepal I came out as trans to my partner and my family at the end of March 2024, which was 2½ years on from that first impulse purchase. Six weeks later (mid-May) I started living as Fiona.
I wrote a lot on here about my experiences and evolving situation last year. If you go to my wall, and in the box labelled 'Show:' select Forum Topics, you'll see all the threads. It all starts with my first time out, which is the third one up from the bottom.
@finallyfiona Ok…”trans” is what exactly? Because I’m a transvestite. That’s “trans” to me. I’m on CDH because it’s mainly a crossdressers and transvestites website. My confusion starts when the word trans is used like it’s something different and we’re all supposed to know what it is. Isn’t everyone here a little “transy”? In some way shape or form?🥰
Ok…”trans” is what exactly?
"Trans", as in transgender, is a spectrum of gender identities outside of the default assumed male/female binary, so there are as many answers to that question as there are trans people 🙂 But in all of them, your perceived internal gender does not match your gender assignment on your birth certificate.
I absolutely agree, a membership on here mainly comprised of assigned-males, who all want to emulate women in some way shape or form, that's certainly a deviation from the male end of the binary. To me it seems to come down to how you regard yourself - that perception from the final sentence of the previous paragraph. If you feel that you're a man dressing en femme, you're a man - and that's absolutely fine 🙂 If you feel that your dressing might be more than that, you may be trans - and that's also absolutely fine 🙂
Once I got over the nerves, I very quickly pushed the envelope of my activities while en femme. It was on reflection after a makeover at a Boots cosmetics counter, followed immediately by a bra-fitting at Marks & Spencer, that it occurred to me that I didn't feel like a crossdresser who'd just scored a couple of trophy experiences. It was more like I'd just discovered a bit more of myself. Everything I did en femme just felt natural and right - if I had been 'playing girl' during my early crossdressing explorations, I wasn't any more.
I realised that I hadn't been listening to my inner self all this time, and where I'd only ever acknowledged a bit of a 'girly streak' with the hair removal, there was by now a large element of femininity in my personality. Too much to be happy calling myself (just) a man any longer. Ergo, trans. In terms of gender identity, I initially considered myself to be bi-gender, but since I've decided that I'm staying living as Fiona, I now see myself as transfeminine.
@finallyfiona Well my takeaway is it’s a mind set. An attitude in how we view ourselves. And like everything in life it’s subject to change.
Sometimes I’m a crossdresser. Other times a tranny or a dragster🥰. Whatever it is, I’m always a hottie! Aren’t we all?
@gracepal I've always thought the same about 'trans' Grace. To me it seems to have become an umbrella term for the whole spectrum from those who only dress occasionally to those who have fully transitioned. Whereas I think some people look at it as short for transgender. Hope I'm not offending anyone here. There's a whole new thread in this. Being a more mature girl I'm comfortable with crossdresser or transvestite.
I am definitely not that girl. I've known since I was three that I should've been born female. I crossdressed and struggled with gender issues until realizing that I'm actually transgender.
Yes, there are a lot of gals here that seemingly started later in life. But many will admit there were signs when they were much younger. How someone can repress that for decades is beyond me. But better late than never.
One of the first gals I socialized with says she never had any hint that she was gender diverse. She started crossdressing when she was in her mid-50's and refers to herself as an 'illusionist'. She says her crossdressing is just a 'phase' and she will quit cold turkey someday. I don't believe her. She is gorgeous and pushes the boundaries of what is possible without hormones or surgery. She goes out often and is quite the social butterfly. It's plainly obvious that she is happiest when she presents as a female. I have a hard time accepting that she never had a clue or that she can stop. I consider her trans even though she will never admit it.
I believe that most or all of us are wired the way we are from birth. Perhaps our social conditioning is so strong that we ignore the signs of gender divergence for decades. Then one day a catalyst comes along that awakens our long dormant needs and desires.
Personally, I'm glad my journey started at an early age.
Liz xx
@lizk One of my old stylists was similar to you. He would bring his baby pictures to the salon, beautiful girly pics although he was a boy. There was no doubt about his destiny in life. And I do think that had he tried to fight it and be “one of the boys” - he would’ve been miserable. It is fascinating that some of us here have repressed it for decades but doesn’t surprise me. Priorities.
That said, I believe your friend, without knowing the first thing about her, will quit cold turkey some day. Because I know I will too. I’m not a mind reader so I can’t say when anyone is their happiest. There’s people who can put on quite a show of being happy. I’m a degree of happy as Grace - but it’s certainly not the pinnacle of pleasure or anything. And you are right I think, in that social conditioning is indeed a BIG influence. Everything we do is all in how our brains perceive it. An old sales manager once told me everything we do in life is all about our attitude. Damn if he wasn’t right!
@gracepal My first attempt was aged 14 in my sister's clothes. After that, early 20s when I had my own money. Then in my 50s after telling my wife I wanted to dress.
Actually not wanted to, needed to.
@annaredhead Lotta gaps there then sounds like. Ya know, I’ve never needed to dress. I think part of it is I’ve never wanted to be possessed by anyone or anything. Boy, you girls on CDH…ya make a gal start thinkin!🥰
@gracepal good question Grace. I’ve always had the desire, but not the opportunity. I never thought I’d get to dress completely as a woman, but after my wife passed away over 2 years ago, I knew this was the time I wanted to find out where this was going. I never expected to be where I am in my dressing, but I’ve got no regrets amd it’s been a true comfort to me since I don’t have my wife to keep me company, I now have a new girl in my life and it’s me.
@jennconn Another fascinating tale of late blooming JC. I’m touched that you waited until your wife passed to begin. It filled a void for you then. Do you think she’d have understood had you revealed yourself to her?
@gracepal it was something that always concerned me, Grace, so I never revealed myself. I loved her so much, I just never wanted to take the risk, although my only regret now is that I was deceptive with her and it caused me a lot of stress.
@jennconn The deceiving part of the lifestyle is the conundrum we all face. Personally I have always had the attitude of wanting both, my relationship and my hobby. And also thinking that crossdressing was no big deal and could even be parlayed into a positive attribute for a relationship. Enjoying it without being deceptive to my loved one. I always thought that they should both be able to coexist. The older I get the more certain I am of it.
@gracepal Though I had long been underdressing, I had assumed for most of my adult life that it was simply not possible for me to publicly present myself as a woman. During my second marriage, my then wife was accepting of the underdressing, but not much else.
The trigger may have been when she started traveling extensively for work. I spent a lot of time alone and curiosity got the better of me. I began to dabble, at first trying on some of her tops and skirts, then make up. One day, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and was struck by the realization that “I could do this!” Within a couple of weeks I had my first wig, some clothes of my own, and made my first venture to the mall for a makeover.
All of this grew in proportions to such an extent that my wife and I parted company.
@gracepal I would consider myself a late starter. I knew as a small child that I was trans but didn't know the name for it. Those feelings were there, but my intuition as a child told me that I would be severely punished for any girly behavior so the feelings got buried. Having no one to talk to about it, I felt something was wrong with me and that led to shame. As an adult, I tried crossdressing a few times, but it often led to a purge. My sudden urge and dive into the pink fog was probably caused by the realization that my depression and anxiety were being caused by keeping my authentic self in a self made prison. The closet door is partially open. I can say that I am not going back into that prison cell closet. Being a part time girl is the best I can be for now. Full time in on my bucket list.
@dee2 Thanks for your take Dee. I’m getting the impression from this topic that there are so many different variations on the crossdressing lifestyle. Starting to remind me of another group Im a part of - human beings 🥰
Who knows: drop in testosterone, the feeling that life is short and it's time to try that one more thing, the fact that outrageous behaviour is not so outrageous anymore, general hate of human life and the desire to put a middle finger up to it.
Sixteen months ago, or thereabouts, I decided to buy a long skirt and wear it -- I have no idea why, none. It was warm, comfortable and convenient for hanging round in the house. I bought a second, then a third...then in January, I found Crossdresser Heaven and a whole world of 'weirdos' like me!
Now I have two wardrobes full of women's clothing, my car registration number contains the letters CDR, I have a female name -- which I answer to automatically. I have been out 'disguised' as a woman to the theatre, shopping and on Saturday will get some female glasses at an optician while dressed as a woman. My neigbours have seen me dressed and I'm probably known to them as 'the transvestite next door'.
You may well ask the question, 'How did it start?' but my biggest concern is 'Where will it end?'!!!!
Becca
@rebeccabaxter Well I know where it will end, but in the meantime BB, Holy S***!🤣
And of course I must ask, will there be anything of “Brutus” left when you’re finished???😂
@gracepal It ends there for us all, at some point. Brutus will always be in there, at my age, where is he going to go?
@gracepal I guess I'm a late starter? Much like you, I began at 12 or 13 with discarded pantyhose. That led to dressing at home for much of my life (on rare occasion underdressing). Then at 52, with the addition of a wig...it just happened. I simply chose to do it.
I think there were two major factors for me:
- I realized I didn't just look like guy-me in a wig and women's clothes. This was a fear I had, though never really voiced.
- I quickly understood that at 52 (then 2 years ago) I would never get a chance to look better than I did right now and the clock was ticking, so....carpe diem.
@melodeescarlet I think starting at 12 or 13 qualifies you as an early starter. As well as doing it much of your life.
There are DEFINITELY guys who look better as women. I’ve known several in my orbit.
Carpe Diem - yes! Tomorrow is promised to nobody.🥰
This ties in with Petals recent post. Although not exclusive as Becca indicates, a lot of us had those desires when we were younger and due to many factors had to subdue any urge. Then there are years when we keep to the male 'norms' but still have that desire within.
Whatever sparks it again, perhaps the lowering of testosterone or we find ourselves in a place where the pressures are off the desire is reignited and the dressing comes back with the thought of progressing.
Also the fact that we are somewhat older is the time to pursue something we have neglected for years. You've done everything to please others so now is your time.
@ab123 Well if my testosterone is lowering, as some here believe, I”m certainly noticing pretty women (real ones) a lot more these days. But that’s probably due to the rarity of them too. So few women giving “looking good!” -real effort in these troubled times.🤪
I took 20 years off after my wife found some of my clothes. One day I found CDH, and finally told her I wasn't going to keep the status quo. The gals here have been my inspiration!
Jules
Dear Ladies,
6 years ago I hurt my knee. The knee brace I purchased was structurally supportive but somewhat 'irritating' to my skin. I thought that pantyhose might serve as both a protective and a breathable barrier between my knee and the brace...I CAN'T BELIEVE WHAT HAS TRANSPIRED since my 63rd BIRTHDAY!....I'm nearly 70 now, and HOW I WISH I started when MOST OF YOU DID...
"...to everything, TURN, TURN, TURN. There is a season, TURN, TURN, TURN. And a time to every purpose under HEAVEN.
and now, HOW I LOVE "being a girl".
Sincerely and With Love,
Thea
@theapat So….you didn’t just put those pantyhose between the knee and the brace now didja Thea? You put them on properly! Such a naughty girl at 63 years old you were!🤣
@gracepal Dear Grace,
I believe the orthopedic acronym is ACL...While healing and rehabbing my knee, golf season had begun. I always enjoy playing golf and WALKING the course with a PUSH CART. This one day way no different from any other except TODAY I was going to wear 'hose' over TRUNKS? (I don't even remember how to refer to MEN'S UNDERWEAR) and then a knee brace atop and then my Dockers....It was late May 2018....My daughter was about to give birth to her FIRST and MY FIRST GRANDCHILD. I can still remember how "ITCHY' my skin felt under that knee brace especially after wearing it for 10-12-14 hours. But it was THOSE PANTYHOSE that started EVERYTHING....well, just review my PUBLIC (and PRIVATE) PHOTO GALLERY. It still remains an ENIGMA to me. But no to long after when I combined the makeup (eyeshadow, eyeliner, mascara) with the wig,....THE WIG....as I stated in my unedited BIO....When I put on MY WIG ON, I KNEW I WAS ALL IN ...December 2019 (pre-COVID)....
Gracey,
THANK YOU for escorting me down MEMORY LANE
I LOVE BEING A GIRL (at 69!) ...not a woman, not a lady....BUT A GIRL....
Sincerely and With Love,
Thea
@theapat For some of us those pantyhose are indeed the holy grail.
it makes no sense!🥰
Rosen Rosenadana's Grandmother said if its not one thing its another! A little old Saturday Night Live humor.
Covid retriggered mind lol 😆 🥰
Not so much a late starter as gaining increased speed exponentially towards the (possible) end. I always looked at size 20 dresses (more than skirts) in charity/thrift shops, but they all seemed drab, shapeless and functional; like my grandmother would have worn. Then I found Temu and saw all the models wearing clinging dresses, they only do up to size 18, but they still fit and cling quite well, deserving of a bra underneath, so I did. I also found soft wool ribbed tops, again deserving of a bra. These were pretty well unisex, but I knew they weren’t, and at the first opportunity out I would pop inserts in, my first lovely feminine form.
@valentina16 The expanding of society in general size-wise has been a boon to the crossdresser industry, no doubt about it. The vast majority of women growing up were these tiny things. Today, not so much. But hey, it helps us out so there’s always an upside🥰
I first experienced the joy of wearing women's clothes when I was 9 or 10 yrs. old. All my life, I was a closeted crossdresser, not telling a soul. After my wife passed away in 2021 and the worst of the grief was over, in the spring of 2022 suddenly a spark came to life and I decided to dress fully as a woman and go out in public. I had never consciously thought of doing that and my therapist believes that a seed for doing so was implanted somewhere in my subconscious at some point during all those decades of closeted dressing. So Fiona was born when I was 70.
@d44 Like Jennifer, after you lost your spouse you found the next girl of your dreams and it was you!🥰
I can relate.
Grace, I dabbled briefly in my early twenties, then got married and told myself to put it all away. I probably didn't think about it every day, but maybe once a week. 35 years later and the missus goes abroad with our daughters. I suddenly thought, what the hell, let's get a makeover. Also bought a couple of outfits and all the accessories. And since then it's just been a burning desire to present completely en femme. As you'll know I have no real opportunity which is incredibly frustrating. Who knows where this will end xx.
@gracepal what sort of a question is that to ask a girl? Four years if you must know 😂. @
Thank you for asking this question and to those that have responded thus far.
Like others I am a late bloomer as far as accepting having a femme side I need to express thru dressing. I started dressing in my mother's clothes when I was young for very brief periods when home alone. Then throughout my life I would dress on very rare occasions in between marriages (I'm on my fifth). I was always concerned with being caught and the "wrongness" of it. Of course that was all perception based on how I was raised and societies "norms". There was no CDH or for that matter internet back then, so it was a very lonely feeling. A few years ago a situation arose that caused me to have a conversation with my wife where I mentioned wanting to wear women's clothes. I started dressing privately when she wasn't home. There were many conversations through the years and she became more accepting of my dressing. I now dress everyday, even if only for an hour or so in the morning while she sleeps. There are days she will invite Suzanne to visit for the day. There are also days where I underdress in panties and wear other feminine articles out and about. I've yet to go out dressed fully but do hope to do that someday. While on my journey I've come to realize that I had opportunities to embrace my feminine self many years ago but due to societal expectations (mostly family) I suppressed many feelings I had, especially my desire to dress. I ask myself very often "How different would my life had been if only I had accepted this part of me when I was younger". I know I can't turn back the hands of time and don't swell on that, I do however enjoy being able to express myself as I can.
The most exciting thing to happen to me regarding dressing happened when I was in college. One year for Halloween I went to Halloween party dressed as a female. I was extremely nervous but did enjoy myself. That was never repeated although I wish it had been.
Thank you for the opportunity to share this part of my story. This is the Reader's Digest version (for those that understand that reference) as obviously there is more to the story.
XOXO
Suzanne
@cdsue Suzanne your post reinforces my belief that we all have masculine and feminine tendencies. For women it’s just no big deal to wear men’s clothes any time they want. For men though - it’s a whole ‘mother story. (OMG! HE’S GAY!)
No…I’m not.
Thank you for the opportunity to share this part of my story. This is the Reader's Digest version (for those that understand that reference) as obviously there is more to the story.
I definitely understand the Reader's Digest reference. When you say there is more to the story, I can only think of Paul Harvey and getting "the rest of the story"! 🙂 (Man, I never think of myself as old, but these are some older references...)
Thank you for sharing your story by the way. I think we all wonder where things might have taken us if we decided to embrace this side of us earlier. But better late than never I am glad you are finding time to do that now.
Hi Grace, Most of this is in my profile but I'll add something here since my story is a little different from the others....... When I was a young child I told my mother that I thought that I was made out of spare parts since I didn’t look like other boys or fit in. My father was a big all-city sports hero but I got my mother’s distinguishing small skinny build and a few other unique identifiers. 42 years ago I quite suddenly developed full B cup breasts and a big butt. I was very concerned and thought I had a serious disease or was dying . After some tests my doctor just calmly said that the condition I had wouldn’t kill me and that I would live about as long as my mother did (she died when she was 98). He also said that I had no testosterone (but my estrogen was doing just fine !) and this condition would progress until my death. He said that the best treatment was to do nothing and let nature take it’s course since my body had decided to change directions. He added that the greater danger was trying to medically intervene. In later years I found out that the term Intersex was applied to my type of situation but 42 years ago that term was not commonly used. I learned that I’m one of the 2% of the population with intersex traits. I am an almost exact copy of my mother’s body but with a small male part. I originally thought that my doctor was mistaken and I hid my body and condition but each year I began to look more female. I finally accepted my doctors advice of learning to live with it after being regularly misgendered no matter how male I tried to act. That turning point was 13 years ago when an FAA Examiner that was supposed to upgrade my flight certificate was annoyed that some little woman got lost and went into the wrong office. That person at the FAA desk was me and I was as male looking and male dressed as I could be, but like my doctor said years before, I was going to become a woman and this Examiner saw me as a woman while my documents said I was male. That moment was my wake up call. Before that time I tried to hide my condition from everyone but after leaving that FAA office I thought if I was going to be seen as a woman I would strive to be the best woman possible and I began my womanly life. I have now finally accepted my intersex-ness and use it as an opportunity to educate others. I make presentations to groups around the country on what it is like to live as an Intersex Person. It was during a shared Uber ride at Diva Las Vegas 2021 that I had the chance to meet Ambassadors April King and Skippy1965 Cynthia who were very kind and suggested that CDH and TGH would welcome someone like me and that I should consider joining. I did, and I'm glad I did, and the rest is history. I talk about all this during my public presentations and If you attend Keystone or Atlanta Comfort you will have a chance to learn much more about my experiences. Safe Journey, Marg
@margprodue A rare situation for sure Marg. You’re definitely in the right place here on CDH. There’s a little, there’s a lot and everything in between.😊
Marg,
You're certainly not a flight of fancy! Your the real deal! So glad to have met you 💓 🥰
I guess I would technically be considered a late bloomer as well. I started with my mom's clothing when I was younger. It did move fairly quickly from just underwear to bras to skirts and dresses (never really blouses for some reason) to heels. Pantyhose came about somewhere as well but wasn't as much of a draw early on. At the time, it was mostly sexual but there was clearly a drive to get dressed up more and more fully.
When I moved out on my own, I finally tried makeup for the first time and it went....well, terribly 🤣 It was so bad that I actually never tried again on my own. Not fully anyway. Lipstick here or there and nail polish sometimes did happen. But never a full face.
So, for the longest time, it was dressing at home but not really doing anything else to explore my feminine side. After a while, I found a wonderful woman and basically the first thing I told her was that I crossdressed and she was fine with it. We met online which made that conversation easier.
This is pretty much the spark for me. She really encouraged me to explore Natalie (before Natalie even had a name) and gave me the confidence to finally go out dressed for the first time. She helped me with makeup at home which, again, was pretty bad, but it has slowly gotten better. She encouraged me to get a professional makeover for the first time out, which I now wish I hadn't done, and shops for clothes with me.
Natalie exists basically because of her. Without her, I would never have gotten to the point of actually exploring experiencing things as a woman nor would I have realized that this is more than just the clothes for me. And as we continue going, I am trying to get Natalie out more and more. I really don't know what the end game ends up being here and I am both scared and excited to see where everything leads.
@nataliecd Sounds like you met the perfect girl for your situation Natalie…good luck and happy travels!
