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Good morning Girls.
so my struggle is real as I’m sure some are in the same boat or have gone through this in a similar manner.
like many I’ve been cross dressing for over 50 years. I went through the stages like many also. The discovery at 7 wearing my moms and sisters clothes. Then it became sexual wearing my aunts and moms clothes to where now it brings me peace and relaxation. The struggle is I purge and buy and purge and buy. The purge is feeling of something is wrong with me , guilt from religion, it’s not what men should do but the urge to dress is such a fire that I buy and dress and then purge. I dress and I associate bad things that happen to me with it that also participates in the purging. So I’ve spent hundreds on new wardrobe of most delicious things but I’m on the verge of purging once again. I’m afraid this cycle will never end.
I feel for you, Rosiebeth, but please promise yourself that you won't actually throw things away, this time, if it comes to purging.
Bag everything up and put them in a time capsule for the future you to open. To break the seal in case of an emergency. Doing so has to be less stressful than starting from scratch each time. 😉
I have crossdressed since I was 12. I am going to be 65 next month. Up until about 15 years ago I went through the purge cycles as well. I have now come to terms with my crossdressing and realize it is a part of me and to cherish it instead of being ashamed. Saying that I am still in the closet. My wife is DADT. I told her shortly after our marriage 20 years ago. Before I retired last year I traveled a lot on business and always drove and flew enfemme. I enjoyed those times a lot. Since retirement I have not had as many opportunities to go out as my wife is around. I now only get out a few times a year. Some might suggest counseling to better deal with your situation.
Rosiebeth, take one second sister. Yes we have all been there but with myself I have only just accepted that I am a crossdresser and there is no shame in that because it’s no else’s business. A year last November my wife’s attitude was not very warm to towards Katie and I also felt embarrassed being dressed in front of her. About a month ago on the eve of retirement we talked again and this was very very positive and now Katie is fully accepted. Also the biggest plus is that I am at peace with my dressing. Also and more importantly is that when I stopped I didn’t purge, I packed all of my feminine clothes and accessories in a box and sealed it safely and stored it. So when it was time again the wardrobe and everything was there at no cost. Try to break the cycle for your peace of mind let alone your wallet / purse. Katie.
I can totally relate. I have purged over the years and recently came out to my wife last year. I tried to quit a few months ago and my wife suggested I pack up everything and not donate it. I’m glad I packed it up because I went through the cycle and the feelings came back. Then the clothes came back. Glad I packed them up and not purged. Suggestion, get some good storage totes and pack them up and label them (I labeled them private). Then put them somewhere safe and even in a storage unit, if need. I am also going to counseling currently and trying to figure this out. -Traci
I am fortunate not to have purged but once. We were moving and I felt I would not be able to hide my wardrobe. Rather I go thru cycles of less desire to be totally dressed.
Rosiebeth I hope you can come to a peace and understanding I totally understand. I have lived with gender dysphoria for over fifty seven years, I wanted to transition but my religious beliefs would not let me, so I picked the lesser of the two. Yes it is still wrong according to my beliefs but I have accepted who I am. I have a good life with an amazing wife, kids and grandkids. I wish you all the best.
Allison xx
Hi. I agree with the general tenor of the responses. Purging simply reinforces the guilt. The desire to dress and present as a woman never goes away, at least in my case. I’ve probably conducted a full purge 3 times in my lifetime and yet despite my conviction that each time was the moment I finally had the strength to put this all behind me……well, you know what happens. I will never purge again. I’m much happier just accepting and appreciating this side of me.
Robyn
Rosiebeth move away from the trash can, don't do it again. As others have said get yourself a good tote bin, that closes tight and store your things for the next time the want to dress comes again, you know it will.
Sherri
Hi Rosiebeth,
I've been a crossdresser since i was about 8 or 9 years old and I'm 72 next year, I'm just a part time crossdresser because I'm still in the closet to my wife, I've never really purged all my Femme clothes are stored in the loft, I've had bouts where I've felt the guilt and shame but i finally accepted that i will always be a crossdresser, that was about 10 years ago that i came to that decision it's part of who i am, I'm with some of the other girls i don't think you should purged again just put a padlock on your wardrobe when you get the guilty feeling's, but you shouldn't feel guilty it's part of who you are,
Hugs Roz X
Hi Rosiebeth,
I can definitely relate. I have spent a small fortune on crossdresser clothing, then got rid of all of it, only to resupply later on. Eventually, I decided that I wasn't going to do that anymore, so instead of donating it in one of those droboxes, or throwing it away, I began hiding it in the deepest darkest place I could find. Somewhere I knew I could hide things without there ever being a chance of them being discovered. Then, when I had time alone, I could pull it out and let my inner woman out. I know the urge will always return, so that is what has worked for me.
Hope this helps,
Patricia
Ladies I want to thank all who has posted. You all are so wonderful in supporting me and others. Reading your stories on this vicious cycle definitely tells me I’m not alone. You all are so wonderful and I’m thankful for this community and a place where I can talk about things that are real for all of us. The advice has been wonderful and I won’t be purging but storing for later.
I don’t have all the answers but as a lifetime Catholic, I’ll simply say this. God knew who you are long before you did.
Sending my love.
Robbie
Hi Rosibeth Like many of the other posts above I too for decades was in a dress and purge cycle. With the help of a psychologist I finally came to a realisation that in dressing I wasn't hurting anyone. It is who I am inside to be a female part of the time which is why after years of trying to stop I never could as it is a part of my DNA. This led to the next conclusion it's not me choosing this. It's how things just are so I can't feel ashamed or guilty of something I had no choice in. By being my female self I wasn't doing anything wrong. That then ended any feelings of me ever needing to purge again.
It seemed so easy to just write down the conclusions I came to but it was a much longer and at times arduous journey for me to truly believe them. I think your conclusion to store your female wardrobe is a good one. Take heart that myself and all the other girls here think that in being your female self you aren't doing anything wrong. You are just being yourself. Who you really are. I wish you the very best.
I purged when I was 27 and spent the next 24 years regretting it. I don't have any answers to this, just years of regret.
Hugs,
Anna xx