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The Talk

16 Posts
11 Users
51 Reactions
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Posts: 2157
Duchess
Topic starter
(@loneleycd)
Famed Member     Roland, Iowa, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

The talk I am thinking about is probably not the one you are expecting. What brought it to mind for me is another topic brought up here again recently. Someone asked what is going to happen with all your CD clothes and accessories when you pass. At my age (almost 70) I have been thinking a lot about funeral planning. These days I spend all my time except work presenting as Cassie and if retire from my full-time job I will be Cassie full time. It is likely that I will get a part-time job but only if I can present as Cassie there. My whole family has seen me as Cassie and know that I am happy being ME. 

So I am wondering if I could/should be Cassie or be 'cleaned up' and be buried as my male self. My thinking on this right now is that a funeral is for the family to remember their loved one. So that decision is up to them.  I think though asking that they at least have a picture of me as Cassie would be fitting. 

I am sorry if this sounds a little morbid, but over the last few days I can't get this thought out of my head. 

Cassie 

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15 Replies
10 Replies
(@kip)
Joined: 3 years ago

Estimable Member     New York, United States of America
Posts: 68

@loneleycd so it’s ok to be prepared and hopefully not thinking morbid but being practical. You do you and you be you. If you want to have a thumb drive ready of all your favorite dram and drag pictures then go right ahead. Yes the funeral or memorial or celebration of life is for the living.

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Managing Ambassador
(@lizk)
Joined: 5 years ago

Illustrious Member     North County San Diego, California, United States of America
Posts: 3859

@loneleycd 

The worst thing you can do to a person is pretend they don't exist.

I was hidden for decades.  No more hiding.  My life is a celebration of who I am.  I refuse to be erased when I'm gone.  I refuse to allow my community to be erased.  I will make sure of that.

/EA

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Lady
(@harriette)
Joined: 2 years ago

Illustrious Member     Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 4019

@loneleycd Have you discussed this with anyone close yet?

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Duchess
(@loneleycd)
Joined: 5 years ago

Famed Member     Roland, Iowa, United States of America
Posts: 2157

@harriette 

Thanks Harriette. I am thinking of how to broach the subject with 1,2 or all 3 of my kids. I am, for right now , thinking if they would rather have me presented in my male mode that's fine. BUT if they could also display a picture of me as Cassie that would make me so happy. Since no one has seen me as anyone but Cassie, except at work, for over 6 months now it might be in a year or so that they would accept the new me 100%.

Cassie 

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Lady
(@harriette)
Joined: 2 years ago

Illustrious Member     Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 4019

@loneleycd Whatever you decide, Cassie, good luck!

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Ambassador
(@alexina)
Joined: 1 year ago

Illustrious Member     Fife, United Kingdom
Posts: 2210

@loneleycd 

Hi, Cassie.

I just celebrated my 69th birthday earlier this month so I'll be 70 next year. I have not given it any thought, partly because only my wife knows (apart from the girls here) and I don't envisage that changing. And partly because I'll be more than a little annoyed if I don't reach 110! I don't want to miss the Vulcans making first contact in 2063🖖

I wholeheartedly agree with the others, you can choose how you want your life to be celebrated.

Thanks for the interesting topic.

Allie 

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Duchess
(@loneleycd)
Joined: 5 years ago

Famed Member     Roland, Iowa, United States of America
Posts: 2157

@alexina Thanks Allie. Live long and prosper.

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Duchess
(@alison-anderson)
Joined: 6 years ago

Noble Member     Middlesex county, New Jersey, United States of America
Posts: 1742

@loneleycd It's not even a question for me. Even if I end up spending much of my retirement as Alison, I am not out to most people, so being buried that way is not an option. Also, since I will be buried with only a shroud, there would be no way to attach forms.

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Lady
(@lisa55)
Joined: 3 years ago

Prominent Member     Gloucester, Virginia, United States of America
Posts: 555

@loneleycd Cassie, I’m 68 and have had some health problems. Not like anything is going to happen tomorrow mind you. I revealed Lisa to my wife back in September. We had a long, long talk about Lisa and drab me. When I asked if she had any questions (I knew I had covered 99% of everything after my marathon monologue) she surprised me by asking how should I be dressed for my funeral? Shocked, I said “Well I’ll be dead so it doesn’t matter! It is how you want me to be remembered that counts.” And left it for her to decide. Nothing else has ever been said about it since. At our age it’s not morbid, it’s planning!

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Duchess
(@loneleycd)
Joined: 5 years ago

Famed Member     Roland, Iowa, United States of America
Posts: 2157

@lisa55 

Thanks Lisa. That is about my thinking also. 

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Posts: 305
Duchess
(@2bmadeline)
Reputable Member     Walla Walla, Washington, United States of America
Joined: 2 years ago

Remember the line in old movies and TV shows, "Hey, it's your funeral."

But you are right, funerals are for the living. You aren't really going to care anymore.

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Posts: 1118
Duchess Annual
(@firefly)
Noble Member     Panama, Panama, Panama
Joined: 7 years ago

After all death is a fact of life.

"This is it and nothing more" Poe

Gisela

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Posts: 1461
(@finallyfiona)
    Leighton Buzzard, Bedfordshire, United Kingdom
Joined: 1 year ago

With luck I've got a bit longer to think about this at the tender age of 55 🙂  But thank you for putting the thought into my head.  My first reaction is, absolutely yes, I want Fiona to be represented at my funeral.  Now that I've found her in me, I intend that she is to be a constant and significant part of the rest of my life.

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1 Reply
Duchess
(@loneleycd)
Joined: 5 years ago

Famed Member     Roland, Iowa, United States of America
Posts: 2157

@finallyfiona 

Good for you Fiona. 

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Posts: 3446
Hostess
(@ab123)
Illustrious Member     Surrey, United Kingdom
Joined: 5 years ago

That is an interesting question Cassie.

I am sure us of a certain age have made some kind of plans and made those close aware of our wishes but your thoughts have added a dimension I hadn't broached. You have made me have a think to discuss the 'finer' details with my executors as I am not married as I haven't done that. There is s chunk of my social life that have no idea and may never do so and a chunk who have only known me as Angela then family and friends who have known both.

An interesting dilemma and one that needs to be talked through. 

It could be an interesting passing!

 

 

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