The tipping point

Hi Katie,

You're in a really difficult situation, for which there may no satisfactory solution. And it's one faced by many of the girls here. For some, it becomes an ultimatum; a choice between your SO or CD - and you can't stop being a CD. Hopefully, you could reach a DADT compromise; allow her to pretend it doesn't exist, and Dress when you are apart. Neither of you will be "satisfied",but it is doable, as many here can attest.

I fully understand "the more I have, the further I want to go". I recently concluded that it would require being a girl 24/7 to completely satisfy me, and that can never be; but at least I'm blessed with an understanding wife who allows me a lot of freedom to be myself.

Have you two actually sat down and had The Talk? Told her that this is something you have to do, and to what degree can she tolerate it? You probably won't like the answer, but until you know, it will always be the elephant in the room with you.

Hugs,
Bettylou

Hi Grace. Why is it that I can walk into a room and exit a while later a completely different person in every way and my dog doesn't seem to notice at all. Even from a distance. He knows who I am and loves me. Seems a lot people could learn from a pet.

Hi Bettylou yes we’ve had several talks about this,  I even invited my sister over and came out to her so that my wife would have someone else to talk to about it. Ultimately she just doesn’t get it, doesn’t want to acknowledge it and is ok with it to a restrictive point that I’m struggling with. I shaved my mustache and she says I’m pushing it. Really?  What’s going to happen when I shave my legs? I never imagined her to be so backwards. Thanks for your input though. 💕💋 Katie

I guess it's obvious, but you can't control what others think or feel. In a perfect world, we would be loved and accepted by everyone. I have a girl friend who can accept me as CD but not as a TG. I shave and epilate my body. I have pierced ears and growing my hair out. I dress a few times a week. I am satisfied for now. I have a picture in my mind of my future and it is me further down the road of womanhood.  I have no answer for you Katie. Find a compromise? Keep the communication open? Try counseling?

Sigh. Well, a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do. I hope things eventually work out for you.

Hugs,
Bettlyou

Hi Katie,

I had this very discussion with my therapist this week. The (hard) answer is, there is no line. I find myself wanting more and more and doing more, but at what cost? My analogy was this.

It's like a leaky water pipe you cannot see, hidden in the wall. You don't know it's there but it gets worse over time and eventually the wall breaks. I'm the faucet, my wife is the wall.

The short of it is, something has to give sometime. Yesterday I painted my finger nails, clear, for the first time. She has not noticed yet but will. Who knows what that may set off.

You have to;
- continue doing what you feel comfortable doing
- have that talk (like I need to) with your wife to say, "this is who I am" (don't apologize)
- and most difficult, be ready and accepting of the consequences

We don't do this because we are being forced to, this is who we are. Doesn't mean it's easy.

Love and hugs,

Rebecka

Hi Rebekah and thanks for the insight, your right of coarse. We had another little talk yesterday, she is the wall blocking me.  Things seem to be going the wrong way though. How many ways can I try to explain to her the why and the need. Every time she sees something of mine ( not even when I’m wearing it) she loses it. In the end it seems that she can’t live with it and I can’t and won’t live without it. 💕💋 Katie

Thanks Eva I do believe I would follow your path if things were different. I look forward to hearing of your future.💕💋 Katie

Hi Katie There will never be a balance if she is unmoving. If the both of you want to remain a couple, you both have to work on together. It just does not work any other way. I believe I read you shaved your mustache and she said you are pushing it!!. She sounds like a great negotiator. She is standing her ground and you are firm also. Its not the tipping point its getting close to the breaking point. If the both of you want to save your marriage  I would suggest seeing a therapist that can hear the both of your concerns and he/she can be your negotiator. That is just the beginning it up to the both of you to work this out. There are some other ways marriages survive but who wants to be in a marriage that is just surviving when you should be thriving as a couple I have been married for just about forty years.That does not happen without a lot of work. Communication, understanding each others needs and compromise. Sounds simple but it takes hard work and two people that truly love each other.

Luv Stephanie

Thanks Steph I believe your right on all counts. 💕💋 Katie

Hi Katie,

This is so difficult. In my case I'm not certain but my wife just seems to have given up in some ways. We have not had sex in probably more than 2 years now. She sees what clothes (jeans and capris) I have because I wear them everyday, shoes too. She has to know I wear panties but has not seen them but would flip if she did.

Yesterday we were out cruising thrift stores, one of our favorite past times and I just said "screw it" to myself, and bought 2 more pairs of capris, and a purse!!!

In fact I ended up carrying the purse and put the items we bought in it!

I don't know what she really thinks. I tried touching her last night and she pushed my hand away.

My fears (and I know I'm responsible) are (1), she is going to say "screw it" and ask me to leave or (2), she will find the "real man" she wants, in someone else.

But I've sacrificed my entire life, and wish I would have done more in my younger years. I guess I am willing to pay the current price. I honestly don't know.

Your wife may do the same. My take is don't spend a lot of effort trying to change her mind. You don't, can't change people. They are who they are, as we are.

Sorry I don't have more to offer.

Luck and love,

Rebecka

That's interesting. The first time I dressed all out, makeup, wig, forms, everything, I come down stairs, my dachshund sees me and loses his mind barking, lol. It was a little unnerving. But then, our dachshunds bark at everything anyways, it's what they do. He got used to it, and so did my wife's dog.

Bridgette

Like many say maybe try to talk  her into going to a therapist. Both  of you.