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A few weeks ago the wife and I took a road trip to see friends and family. When in Colorado, we took a tour at a local attraction. The group was large so they split us into smaller groups. We were assigned to a tour guide that took the group aside and gave an introduction. I was standing next to the guide as she began her talk. Then I realized that she was a tall gal, looked closer and realized that she was a very passable crossdresser! To my surprise the wife did not pick up on it (clock her, so we say), right away. I later nudged my wife, and said that the guide was like me. The wife did not think so, but looked again and agreed.
The tour continued on for about 90 minutes, the guide was friendly, knowledgeable and engaging. The group, which also consisted of a few kids, never reacted to the fact that she was a crossdresser, and even referred to her with feminine pronouns. I thought that was classy.
When the tour ended, I was very tempted to approach her and say something encouraging, and tell her that I too am a crossdresser. I was not certain how to do that, or if would it be appropriate, or even necessary. Plus I did not want to look foolish or embarrass her. Instead, I let the moment pass, and thanked her for a great tour and gave her a nice tip. We both thought that she did a great job.
Now I wonder if she is a member here??
In any event, it was good to see another of us "out there," and the sighting of a crossdresser "in the wild" was good for my wife too!!
It was a great experience for both of us... Staci...
It is one of' 'what would you do' conundrums we could face. I was out with a girl friend , I was in drab and we passed a small group of women, one was an obvious crossdresser. When we had gone a few yards further my friend nudged me and she said ' One of yours there' and smiled.
Would it be appropriate to approach them? Personally it isn't something I would do nor consider appropriate, your reaction was right in my eyes.
I don't think that I would give any indication to them that I suspected them to be a CD. On the other hand, I might find something about their look to compliment. Being complimented on a piece of clothing, jewelry or my hair is always so nice to hear.
I had someone come up to me once and offer a compliment to me but added that they knew I was a CD because they were too. Them pointing out that they knew about me was NOT comforting in any way.
Staci -
I would have to agree with the others. If anything find something to compliment them on, which you did by complimenting how she did the tour, and leave it at that. In situations like that think how you would feel if you were approached by someone. Glad you had the experience though and that your wife was with you and also noticed.
XOXO
Suzanne
Similar experiences for me. I see someone i think is a CD and want to say something about our common bond, but fear it would embarass them. So instead complement them hoping they will chat some.
You may look at the tour guide and recognize they were assigned male at birth and went through puberty as a male (due to secondary sex characteristics such as height, broad shoulders, or large hands). But can you look at them and tell whether they are a crossdresser as opposed to being trans?
She is doing the best she can given her body. How do you think she would feel if someone mentioned it once a day, or even once a week? I agree with everyone that saying nothing about noticing is the best strategy.
Since she was working as a woman, it is very likely that she is trans. In this case, she certainly wouldn't wanted to be recognized as such. In this case it is best to limit interactions to commenting on her skill as a guide or maybe some recognition of her style or some item she is wearing.
I agree with others here. Do compliment her on something, but keep your mouth shut on any CD comments unless she volonteers something. Like has already been mentioned if she is trans not 'just a crossdresser' she might be offended?? The trans community is all over the place here, some 'look down' on mere crossdressers and some are happy we are all finding ourselves.
For myself I am thrown a little when called she/her when I am trying to present as male, but does make me smile. When I am presenting as Cassie and call me he/him just makes me sad but not angery.
Life is to short to be angery with everyone.
. Cassie
Glad you brought this up. Had not thought of the idea of saying something complimentary, but ending up offensive . I’ll think twice. Thanks again
THATS an AWSOME story!!! Good For ALLLL
Xx
Brianna
You could say, "I LOVE that bracelet! Where did you find it, I need to get myself one!" and see how she responds and let the conversation guide you from there.
I would have to say I agree with others you handled it well by complementing her on the expertise of the tour and information given. A complimentary comment about jewelry would be good and to me just saying that she looks lovely, pretty, fantastic or wonderful if the situation warrants it is ok in my opinion. Only you would know as you were the one there. I would not say anything about being a crossdresser to a stranger. I do not pass as a crossdresser but I have fun and smile being 6’5 235 I present the best I can to emulate a classy stylish woman thats what I enjoy but I own it by smiling and having a good time as April I am friendly and respectful. I have received comments from women and a few men when out as April. Women have commented on oh thats beautiful or sexy clothing, dress or top. Thats a beautiful dress I love it where did you get it. They can see I am a guy dressed as a woman I have big shoulders and a deep voice I tell them where I purchased the item. They usually give another compliment say thank you smile and go. Women have said I really love your hair you look great, fantastic, or beautiful I say thank you so much. I have never had anyone say you look great crossdresser or anything like it. I have encountered some dirty looks here and there maybe more often is the look of discomfort someone has seeing me dressed when presenting as April they look like they just crapped their pants in public. I smile and am friendly.
I have had a few men say you look very nice or saying you look great, amazing or beautiful, they have commented that they love my hair. I do not believe they were crossdressers I think they were men who were secure in their own sexuality and in being a man and they just treated someone how they wanted to be treated. It is weird to be complimented when dressed as April but I will say they leave smiling and they leave me with a smile on my face and a beautiful confident feeling inside.
There are plenty of women, born female at birth, that have manly characteristics about them (big feet, large wrists, big hands, etc), who many now may mistakenly think they are trans or CD.
Think about how they'd feel if you questioned someone who you recognize as trans or CD, only to find out they were born female at birth and still identify as female. That would be the same as telling them you look like a man presenting as a woman. Ouch.
It's the same for trans or CD. If they are presenting as a woman, they want to be recognized as a woman. To questioning them about being born male and presenting as female is the same as telling them they failed in their effort.
Either error is equally dehumanizing. Complement them and move on and be encouraged that there are people with the courage to be themselves.
JMHO
I had a similar experience. My SO and I are ballroom dancers. Recently we went to a showcase performance at a studio we've never been to before. There was one amatuer dancer who danced with her instructor. She was lovely and danced beautifully, but I noticed she was very tall, taller that her male instructor even without heels and had a more masculine build. She also came in just in time for her dance, seemed very nervous (although I'm nervous before my showcase performaces too) and quickly left the building immediatly after her routine. I often wonder if she was a crossdresser getting to experience performing as a woman for the first time. I wish I could have talked to her and tell her how lovely she was, how elegantly she danced, ask her to dance and maybe, if she is trans or a crossdresser there might be hints in our conversation. But even if I were absolutely sure someone was a crossdresser I would never be the one to bring it up because it could ruin the evening for them. For their sake, I'd rather just be a guy who asked a lovely lady to dance and leave it at that. Then maybe someday the good karma will come back and I can be the lovely lady who gets asked to dance by a kind gentleman...if I ever get the nerve to go out en femme. LOL
💖Lola
Love your story Lola thanks for sharing. I understand what tour saying. Being ballroom dancers reminds me of the video of Paolo Ballesteros dressed as a woman and Donna Bidua dressed as a man dancing in competition. Its on you tube under Paolo Ballesteros Cross Dress on ABC5’s Shall we dance. I am not a good dancer but I would love to be as Paolo is in that video and to dance like that. Just a fantasy I guess.
