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So many things have, are, or are going to be, taking place in my life. What I have been sharing and writing about, Lauren’s journey, the story of my life, has proven to be intensely emotional. There have been numerous recent situations that have thrown a focused light on how my life has had an effect on the various people in my circle of acquaintances, whether family, with those I work with, or go to church with.
I am so very tired of trying to explain, or justify, who I am to those who refuse to listen. You have no idea how hard this has been, and how many tears I have shed while writing these many entries.
I am intersex, an intersex female, I am a mix of male and female. I knew I was different when I was a very young child, an intense feeling that followed me throughout my life, that I was supposed to be a girl. I finally found out the truth two years ago, and now live my life as the woman I was born as.
If this is just too hard to take, to difficult to accept, than I apologize to you with all my heart. The fact of the matter is that I was born this way and there is nothing else to say about it.
A movie came out last year that has become a favorite of mine, ‘Conclave’. In the film, at the end, the new Pope, appropriately choosing Innocent as his Papal name, tells Brother Lawrence that he is intersex, a blend of male and female.
He says, so gently and quietly, the truth of who he is, “I am as God made me.”
I will, forever, have that on my heart and etched into the depths of my soul. I will openly say and share that with whomever I meet.
I am Lauren, and I am as God made me!
Hi,
Lauren, you're truer to yourself than many are, myself included. You shouldn't be apologising for anything.
If people find it too hard to take, or accept, it's for them to apologise, not you. It's for them to find time to ask themselves "why am I such an a××××××e".
eM xxx
Just watched Conclave last night, it’s a beautiful movie.
I am a hetero cis-male who enjoys cross dressing so I won’t claim to empathise as I can’t know the life genetics has forced on you.
However, I can send love and hugs and sisterly wishes to you from the other side of the Atlantic.
I know Victoria in BC; we have relatives living there and been over several times. It’s a beautiful place and seemed peaceful, I hope that peace enters the bodies and souls of those who would give you a hard time because of genetics which were decided at the moment of your conception.
You are indeed, what God made you, and I like to think that those who persecute you for that will be called to account for it by Him someday, hopefully in this world, or else when they get to the Pearly Gates if not.
”The wheels of the Lord grind slowly; but they grind exceedingly small.”
love and hugs to you. ❤️❤️❤️ Chrissie
@reallylauren You never have to apologize for who you are Lauren. As you say, God made you and you have beauty and purpose as a part of their creation. If people can't understand it, that's their problem and as hard as it may be, you should move on from them. Let your light shine bright sister! ❤️
@reallylauren yes, we are all as God made us. (Even Popeye got it right when he said “I am who I am”). I know many of us worry about our “hobby” and everything that it brings, both good and bad. Accepting that it is what it is can be the path to happiness.
Any parent or philosophy student learns quickly that there is no answer to "Why?" since any answer can be further questioned with "But why?" Eventually you have to put an end to the repetativeness by answering "Because" (or "Why not?") and nothing else.
So many of us have difficulty explaining it to ourselves. If they don't want to listen the first time, it's not worth the effort other than to say this is who you are.
