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I’ve already heard some humdingers of explanations already in my short time here, but, what is your most outrageous attempt at avoiding the inevitable ‘outing’, caught red handed, red lipped, red toed, red everything. Did they laugh? Did you cry? Pray tell. 💚
“No, it’s not a dress, it’s an extra long t-shirt which comes down to my knees, keeps me warm.”
“No, it’s oven cleaner you can smell, not nail polish remover.”
I had more than a couple “close calls” in my storied career VV. Thank God I worked in the beauty business as it’s sort of a built in, get-out-of-jail-free card. I was busted for smooth, hair free skin a lot. “I’m helping test a new waxing product.”
One that stands out that I’m grateful for was one time meeting with a top salon owner in my territory. We were walking around her shop and she was placing an order. I was getting bolder and more careless in my underdressing. (Why do we take such chances?😊) I had makeup on, mascara and a touch of lip-something. In drab. Just begging for it. She obliged with loudly proclaiming in earshot of the whole joint: “ ****! - Are you wearing mascara???”
As the dreamlike sequence unfolded, I immediately came back with ‘Of course not, what are you, NUTS???!!!’ We both locked eyes at that moment and the look of terror on my face was pretty obvious. A couple of the other stylists looked over at us after she said it, sorta perplexed, wondering what was that we heard? The lady read the situation correctly…(of course he’s wearing mascara, not to mention all the other stuff…) After my comment she went right into, ‘Okay, well, lets go check my retail products and see what else I need….’
She totally diffused the situation. I ended up with a good sized order and my bacon was saved. I made it back to my car and grabbed the makeup wipes I kept in it to eliminate most of the evidence. Whew, that was close! She was the coolest salon in town and she knew all the cool kids too. It could have been UGLY. I was always grateful to her for dropping the subject almost immediately.
That story aside, in my long career in beauty I came to find out that many of my customers thought I was a little gay. Some of them would tell me from time to time…”I thought you were gay.” So some noticed the makeup, mascara and such and kept quiet about it. Whenever it was brought up to me I’d say: “What about my wives?” They’d come back with, well, we figured that’s why you got divorced a couple times. They got tired of your bs. Or they were beards. I picked up on it sometimes and thought it funny. But I never minded it much as it gave me the leeway to get away with a lot of underdressing. Let them wonder about me. It was only natural to be visiting salons all day and want to have a little girliness for myself too.🥰
Of course not, what are you, NUTS???!!!
…attack being the best form of defence of course. Wonderful reminiscence, ty 💚
You worked in the ‘beauty’ industry you say. Sounds a bit like bees (or is it bears?!) around a honey pot?!! 🤪
Take care GP. 🖖
“Women’s top? Don’t think so. Got it from Guys’n’Gals, you know, that new store. Lots of men like soft wool, black-ribbed tops don’t they?”
“Sports Bra?! Heavens no! It’s a new cycling chest compression top, helps regulate your breathing apparently. Thought I’d give it a go.”
”No, appreciate I don’t have a bike and I don’t cycle, I’m getting some of the gear first…”
”Come to think of it, they do look a bit like ladies tights don’t they! Lol. Definitely said Men’s Leggings on the packaging though”. “Oh, threw that away, recycling, last week”
I've not had anyone ask me directly. I was getting changed after a run the other week and I did realise that someone had noticed I use feminine shower gel. He didn't say anything but did glare at me.
My car is quite distinctive so I have the "lent my car to my sister" story ready.
“Lipstick? Hell no!! Just getting over this cold thing, sore lips, thought it was Lipsalve!”
“0h, the red blotches, around my chesticles, why just there and nowhere else?” “Well, not really sure, does seem odd, it must be the new washing fabric conditioner. I put cream everywhere else.” 🤭