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So, the other day I was embroidering a heart shaped Yin & Yang symbol on some tops I bought for myself and enjoying my third ( or 4th?) glass of wine when my mind started to wander. I started thinking about the two sides that some (most) of us live as part of the crossdressing community.
Yin & Yang is supposed to represent harmony between two sides, so I will start there. I started to look at my finished (with just clear) nails, my nude (ish) shade of lipstick, mascara, my small earrings and my women's sandals. I was also under dressed with ladies' undies and nylons. Over the top of it all was men's jeans and T-shirt with a loose button up jean shirt. A relatively balanced outfit...male/female. Then I was noticing my face that has been partially de-haired from electrolysis ( 6 sessions and counting). The lipstick smudge on my wine glass & the feminine way I was carrying myself as I progressed through my tasks, combined with the ease in which I was lifting and moving heavy boxes of shirts for an up and coming order (very masculine). I couldn't help but feel that there should be a comfortable place for a mix of the rigidly defined genders to fit in. To me it all just seemed so natural.
Let's look at the non-harmonious Yin & Yang now. Dressing both masculine and feminine at the same time is, to say the least, distressing to some who have seen it. Then also, dressing feminine but being a male sometimes leads others to believe we are somehow wired wrong. So, we (sometimes) dress feminine in secret and then go out in public acting masculine, the way others believe we should act and appear. We hide the part of ourselves that we are most happy and comfortable with because we want to be accepted. In doing so we are being accepted for someone we actually are NOT. We give up our feminine side to keep our relationships in tack but are actually being dishonest with our SO in not showing them who we are deep down inside. I personally struggle with appearing how my wife wants me to be with how I honestly wish to appear. I end up internally labeling the sides "right and wrong" though I know it is neither. The struggles leads to frustration and sometimes depression.
Yes, we are different. But, we are not wrong or right... We didn't choose to be a mix of both female & male, but it has happened just the same. If we could just be seen as unique and beautiful just the way we are.....
Another glass of wine please!
Hugs, MaryAnn
Very well written. Thanks for sharing...
“If we could just be seen as unique and beautiful just the way we are…..”
What a wonderful thought!
❤️
Really beautiful, Mary Ann. Thanks for sharing.
Hi friend as I embrace my feminine side more and more I struggle with the camouflaged part of my life, I work as a welder and all the things that go along with that profession. So I hide myself 90% of the time. You seem to be doing well with the balance and I am glad to call you friend. 💕💋 Katie
Hello MaryAnn...
Firstly...it's lovely to get a post from you...I have so missed your input xx.
Secondly...thank you for a beautiful story....we need to hear more from you....and I have the broadest shoulders...
Grace xx
Hi Mary Ann,
Thank you for writing a wonderful post. I can relate in many ways. I recently bought a woman's necklace with a yin & yang pendant on it and last night I was looking at online pictures of yin & yang tattoos.
Eva
Hi Maryann,and Thank you for your post.
The Yin and the yang is my one and only struggle, in this new life. I am working through,this, but if I could only be seen, as I feel, all the time,,,
Hugs, Regi👩💕
No wine for me, but I think a a few sips of Jaegermeister on the rocks is in order!
Seriously though, thank you for the post, it was very well put.
Rei
Thank you Mary ann for a wonderful post on an age old delema you got it nailed there girl thanks ..
Stephanie Bass
I love this post, it speaks to me and of me. I have had a yin yang tattoo of sorts for years, a blonde woman in a blue toga holding a glowing yin yang over her head. I designed it and had it done when I was in Turkey about 24 years ago. I underdress most days, I wear earrings that may or may not look feminine, I pluck my brows and often wear makeup on them, usually wear women's jeans, but otherwise present as male. I feel my inner balance is much better in the last few months, since I discovered Bridgette. Crossdressing has brought balance to my life, and I feel at peace with who I am now. I no longer ask myself who am I, and not be able to answer.
Bridgette
