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I'm curious, not dismissive, just curious. Do all Americans have a therapist? The use of a therapist comes up a lot in messages posted on this forum where people talk about 'my therapist' as easily as I might mention my garage mechanic, I also commonly see it in US TV programs and get the impression that they are ubiquitous in the States.
Here in the UK, it is hard enough getting to see a doctor if you have a medical problem, I can't imagine the hoops one would have to jump through to get see a head doctor in our health service. OK, in fairness, we don't have to pay for it and perhaps if I was willing to pay, I be able to get to see someone quickly, but it wouldn't be cheap, nevertheless, I would have thought we didn't have as many per capita as the USA. Us UK-types are also rather unlikely to mention that we are seeing anyone like that for fear of being seen as a bit mentally unstable and yet it seems to be something that Americans seem to be quite unconcerned about. I suppose it's another thing that different cultures are comfortable with, or not.
Also, what do they do? Is it just talking about problems or is there something active the therapist does?
Becca
Hey, Becca. Therapists here are somewhat hard to come by. A few times I have tried to find a local therapist I had a lot of problems finding one. It seems they were all booked up and had no room for more clients.
I did start with one a few years back but quit going after about 4 sessons. I was looking for at least a mild pushback so I could find out what I was thinking about my crossdressing (or am I transgender???).
Now a few months ago I started with another therapist who I found through an online search service. Turns out this therapist is free, at least for now, I don't understand exactly how. She is only telahealth service.
I know many of us could so much use a couples counseling service to be a go between between husband and wife. The wife so often does not, sometimes WILL NOT, understand.
Cassie
@rebeccabaxter First off, I have never used a therapist.
I looked up a site dealing with children, to learn what they do with them.
Talk: about emotions and how they interact within you.
Learn things, such as new skills or how to cope with issues.
Practice new skills, such as breathing or calming techniques, or inner talking.
Discuss how to work out problems.
Help one to find your own strengths*. Each of us is different.
I don't know any local friend who went to a therapist and doubt that I will ever go to one at my age, but then I am not American, either. Not that that probably has anything to do with anything.
*The longest English word with only one vowel. 😁
@rebeccabaxter Hi Becca, i went to a therapist for two years. The first year I was in a crisis mode. My beloved wife and i were getting divorced. My wife called off the divorce. We are not together, just living apart. Beeca, I am still sad, but the crisis is passed.
My therapist is a wonderful woman, and is extremely good at what she does.
After the divorce was called off, our sessions were like two friends chatting, and she agreed with me.
My last visit was in December.
@rebeccabaxter Rebecca, I consulted a psychologist during an extremely difficult phase in my life…the months leading up to a divorce. I had a lot going on inside my head and my psychologist helped me sort all that out and get my feet back under me. I was deeply, clinically depressed and required medication for a few years to level off my emotions, but I know the process was aided immensely by cognitive behavioral therapy. Also, much to my dread, the time came when I realized I needed to admit that I was a cross dresser…after weeks of avoiding the subject, I finally blurted it out. My psychologist didn’t bat an eye, remarking “it’s not a crime, you know.”
Hi Becca, I now have a much larger set of casual friends where I now live than about a dozen years ago back where I used to live, and as far as I know, none of them in either place see therapists, well, at least regularly. Not that some of them don't need it or anything, but I think what you see in the media is what some might call a New York or California trope. Here is the mid-west, we just deal with our version of craziness as best we can (it's a middle-American thing).
I've been led to understand that seeing some kind of counseling for gender identity disorders might be suggested and possibly be even beneficial, but personally, years ago I spent a lot of time reading up everything I could find, and if I ever decided to go in for therapy, I'd want to know an awful lot about the therapist, because as suggested above, I think we're all a little unhinged at times, some just are better at dealing with it all than others, even therapists.
Of course, there could be exceptions, but sites like this where we can share our thoughts (for free! although I do contribute) can be, for most, a much better alternative. Just knowing that there are others and that we/they can share very similar successes and frustrations is comforting that any one of us, is not alone. And that's a good feeling.
sites like this where we can share our thoughts (for free! although I do contribute) can be, for most, a much better alternative. Just knowing that there are others and that we/they can share very similar successes and frustrations is comforting that any one of us, is not alone. And that's a good feeling
I agree, Chloe. Therapists, like most psycho-medical approaches, work better for some than for others. But, there are many who do gain benefit from therapy sessions and so, why not?
The girls here though, can fully understand how each other feels, because we've also experienced these feelings.
Reading forum posts, sharing others successes and crises, and sharing my own stuff, has been life-affirming, cathartic, joyous and, occasionally, heartbreaking but I would not give this up for all the free therapy sessions in Ashby-de-la-Zouche!
Allie xx
I see that in the posts too Becca and had the same impression as it is something observed over many years in American programmes.
It is of course there is the British 'Stiff upper lip' and agree it was once an admission of being 'Funny' in the head.
I think the younger generation are more likely to look for counselling or therapy as that is more prevalent after any incident where it said there are counselors being sent in. Mental health is mentioned everywhere so maybe this country will start to see more of it.
I am bi-cultural (French-American) and I believe it's more of a generational thing. My nieces in France have been in therapy and so have I here in the US. They are by no means cheap. $100 for 45 mn. Is a fairly common rate. Obviously, not EVERYONE in the US is in therapy.
As to what they do, I suppose it's depending on their therapy methods and what you need. For me personally, I'm like a lot of middle aged men that have no close friend they can confide to, especially not about my inner girl. So my therapist is that unwavering, non- judgemental friend I can talk to about anything with the guarantee that they'll never talk about it to anyone. My crossdressing habit comes up every now and then but it's not necessarily all about that. She always agrees with me (isn't that awesome) but will also challenge me at times. For me it's mostly an outlet.
I hope this helps.
I guess I'm showing the stiff upper lip that Angela spoke of. I haven't sought out a therapist to deal with issues I might have. But in one sense I do experience therapy. It's by coming here.
I get it that without close and trusted friends to talk to, a therapist is an attractive option, if you can afford it. My research suggests average sessions run at 60 -90 pounds an hour in the UK, and more in big cities. That would mean a readjustment of my finances. I'm not prepared to pay that unless I perhaps know I'm getting a red hot practitioner.
Is it that therapy is built into American private health insurance, so there's an element of 'as long as it's free in my package I'll use it'?
Which leads me to my second point. Free therapy in the NHS is theoretically available, but practically hard to access. There seems to be an upsurge in courses leading to qualifications in therapy and counselling here in the UK, which implies there is a growing demand for such (paid) services. So I may well be in the minority - or more miserly 😉
The first person I came out to was patient, understanding and non judgemental, and offered me his ear anytime I needed it. But he wasn't a therapist , he was an old friend (and surprise surprise, I hope I helped him with one or two issues of his own in the past). Why didn't I come out to him years ago, you ask. Well I had to come out to myself first. ("gotcha", you might reasonably say - "if you'ld have gone to a therapist earlier ...")
My wife had no training, other than growing into feminism and just being a really nice person. She ran successful assertiveness classes for free at the local college aimed at women who felt undervalued or frustrated in their lives. Was she a therapist?
I worry that therapy although undoubtably useful, contributes to trivialising good old fashioned friendships and community spirit.
Emma xxx
Becca -
I have been seeing a therapist for the last few years at my wife's suggestion. Shortly after I came out to her she suggested that I go to a therapist about my crossdressing, not to stop but to understand why I dress. As a result I started seeing a therapist who has experience with the trans community. We discuss a lot more than my dressing, although we do continue to discuss that. I have on occasion dressed for my sessions with her and she addresses me as Suzanne. It is very affirming. As to cost for the first few years I paid out of pocket but both my wife and I feel it was justified, recently insurance started paying. I find therapy to be very useful as I don't have anyone I can discuss my issues with comfortably. As I've learned that is one of the reason for therapy - being able to talk openly and honestly with someone knowing it won't go any further. It is very freeing being able to do that.
I do enjoy being here and talking with the ladies via forums, chat room conversations and PM's with friends. There are however things I discuss with my therapist I don't discuss here, at least in the detail I do in therapy. It is very refreshing being able to talk to other ladies and share our experiences and give and get advice. Not feeling alone is the world is another reason I enjoy being here.
I tried therapy a few times in the past for anger management (required by my job) and grief therapy after my father died. I didn't get much out of it at that time as I didn't believe in it. What I have discovered since is that it is a way to discuss the things we keep hidden from ourselves in an open and honest way, not so much with another person but with ourselves. That may sound corny but we all have our skeletons and it is very freeing to purge our minds of the things we have hidden.
Sorry for the lengthy reply, I hope it helps to understand why the need for therapy exists. It is much more common than you would think. I know for me I have trust issues and therapy makes it easier to not have to worry about that. As this site is as anonymous as the individual wants to keep it, it is an easy place to share as well. One of my biggest fears throughout my life is having my secrets exposed.
Thanks for the topic.
XOXO
Suzanne
Therapy in the US is probably most pervasive in cities and more populous suburbs. It is also generally something where there is a higher percentage of upper income participating. This is unfortunate since there is a mental health crisis in the country and the broader population would benefit from therapy. If therapy was made to repeat criminals, there would most likely be a reduction in crime especially violent crime.
