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While I like this site a great deal, it also concerns me that this is a virtual reality where people can say and be whatever they choose - within boundaries.
Sometimes I feel that I am indulging in something that isn't the best thing for me to do. I feel that I begin living in a non reality when online when I should be focused on real life situations and my daily life challenges. Although I am aware of a number here in a similar place to me, many have lives and dressing interests far removed from myself. I don't have a problem with that or any other aspect of dressing etc. Having said that, I must state how grateful I am to have found this site and the wonderful people on it. It has been a help to me over the past couple of months. But I still get uneasy feelings occasionally about being here and think about leaving the site.
Maybe it is simply a side effect of the point at which I am in my life and moving towards living as a woman? Choosing this life is not easy and full of some of the most difficult and challenging choices I have had in life. And the most emotional period in my life.
None of that will ever prevent me from moving forward with this
I look forward to your comments, input on this
I'm not really sure how to reply to that yet I feel compelled to if for no other reason than to give myself a reality check. Due to family issues, work, and my own insecurity it will probably be quite some time before I am ready to introduce Candy to the world. Thete is not one human being on this planet I can look in the eye and talk to about the "other me". I have hidden her inside for a whole lifetime.
Here I can share my hopes and dreams. I can rid myself of the loneliness and shame. I can learn so much from others like me. I can maybe one day find the courage to take that big step.
Am I just escaping from life? Am I living a life of make believe? Maybe so. Would I trade it for anything else in the world? Hell no!
Hi Candy, thanks for sharing your thoughts.
I believe that we probably have all felt the same as you at some point in our lives too.
Very simply, we are who we are. But learning and accepting that doesn't come easy to many of us. However, I cannot see that I would wish to not be who I am now. I used think there was something fundamentally wrong with me, although quite some years back. Periods of guilt, shame, feeling dirty - you know how this goes I'm sure!
Peer pressure, social expectations, learnt behaviour - the list goes on, but we are encouraged to conform to the social norm. So it's no surprise that we struggle to accept who we are and the choices that we make are not easy. Add to that, what we do is not completely socially accepted by many.
This is our reality
