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I wrote the below nearly nine years ago and as the snow falls outside this very moment (just before 9pm Sunday January 5,2024), it reminded me of it and as many of our members have never seen it, I thought I would repost it tonight. I’ll add a bit at the bottom
Thoughts on a Winter’s Day from Feb 2016
The winter sky was gray and cold-it never seemed so bleak.
It matched the way she felt inside-so tiny and so meek.
The colors once so vivid had slowly lost their hue
The sun that once had ruled her life had faded from her view.
She longed to free her inner soul-to break the chains that bound
Her often hidden female soul that rarely came around.
The winter winds-they chilled her as she pondered on her fate
Forbidden to express herself because of people’s hate.
If only they could see the joy when ere she was set free
To show the world the woman that she knew that she should be.
Uncovered by the hardened shell that life had dealt her hand,
The sweet and gentle soul that lived inside the outer man.
The love she longed to give and take-it overflowed her heart
And tried to find the one she felt could be her counterpart.
It mattered not to her the form her future partner took.
It was their heart that counted not the way that person looked.
She wanted someone who could be her true and lifelong friend,
While sharing deeper feelings that she hoped would never end.
The loneliness that she had felt for lo these many years
Could finally be banished as she put away her fears.
So as the snow began to fall, so soft and gently white,
It slowly covered up the hurt and made the future bright.
The hopeless feelings that had once consumed herself with fear
Gave way to optimism that this time it was HER year.
The snow was just a metaphor-of life become so new
The purity of those white flakes her purpose it renewed.
No longer would she let the world deny what she should be-
The person God intended and she knew she now was free!
I’ve traveled a long way on my life journey since the day I wrote that; from those first tentative steps out of the self-imposed closet/prison to going out often to being out to everyone to starting HRT to going full time to getting breast augmentation. Will there be further steps? Still TBD. The loneliness? Still here-at least as far as any intimate companions-I do have many friends who care about me at least.
So here we are as yet another new year is just beginning-and the snow is gently falling once again. And just as nine years ago, the flakes that flutter down remind me that life is new again every day, that I am proud to be my true self , and that hope and optimism will ALWAYS be my companions as I move forward in life. And that no matter what happens or what anyone else thinks of me, I am the one whose opinion of myself matters most. And I will never again hide in the darkness choosing instead to let my light shine and maybe…just maybe …someone still hidden in the shadows might see it and venture out into the sunshine.
Thanks for reading my ramblings,
Cyn
nine years ago, I read this. so much has changed since then but yet it still brings tears my eyes. who would have thought we would be where we are today. from you just going to get a milkshake, and I just get fuel. I am so glad to have you as friend. **HUGS**
This is so beautiful, especially reflecting back over the years. Realizing how we have each changed yet each sentiment still rings true. I love how you expose your heart and share everything with us. I cry when I identify with each stanza and know how these words will affect all of us.
Sending you love.
Jenna
Beautifully written and communicates so well the emotions we all feel. You've come a long way baby and I hope this is the year you find a soulmate.
That's lovely prose to reflect on Cyn. Looking back nine years ago there is a similar thread where I was evolving and now live full time with new friends and a new life.
The seasons may stay the same and we can fall into that pattern but with a will and determination we can change our lives.
Thank you for posting this.
Beautiful writing Cyn. I'm sure there are many here that can relate to what you wrote and how you felt.