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Hi Ladies
I've been through a range of emotions lately..some great, some.not so... trying to find me. I've had a lovely weekend, I've had time to dress and be Channelle, no one else around.. yesterday was amazing. I loved being me (Channelle). I spent the day fully dressed, full make up, jewellery, it was amazing!
Today, although I'm still on my own, I'm struggling to be me.. I think I'm concerned about someone discovering my secret identity.
Apart from that, I'm feeling reasonably good. I'm more comfortable than ever with my fem side. I realised I love being fem and I want some tv/cd/trans friends. I really think being around ladies like me would do me wonders (in mental health terms).
Do any of you ladies struggle at times and feel isolated? How do you deal/cope with moments when you're feeling less than yourself?
Hi, Chanelle, it sounds like you are experiencing the highs and lows of crossdressing. Feeling so right, then so wrong, or guilty, or shameful, or fearful...etc.
Since joining CDH, coming out to my wife and daughter and at last becoming comfortable with who I am, I don't suffer from any lows. You have this community to share with and this has helped lots and lots of us. However, if you're looking for friends closer to home, I've included the link to our friend finder. I had a quick look and there are quite a few in Adelaide so, hopefully, this'll help.
Allie x
@chanelle hi Chanelle, that’s such a beautiful name. I understand exactly what you are talking about. It seems that we are all living it to a certain extent, except those that just don’t care what others think of them and are ready to reveal themselves to the world. I’m not one of them. But whenever I feel like I’m all alone in what I do, I log into CDH and chat with the friends I’ve made here. It’s so fulfilling that I can actually find people that are exactly like me and talk about anything even our crossdressing without any hesitation at all. It’s just my way of stress relief since prior to that, there was no where and no one I could talk to. I’d love to see you there some time if you get the chance. We do get silly sometimes, but it is great stress relief.
@chanelle I'll put on some pantyhose, slip into heels, then get dressed the rest of the way. Then I either go out for a drive with some stops here and there, or log onto CDH Chat and/or watch some you tube videos of crossdressers going out in pubic or showing off their pantyhose.
That seems to work.
@chanelle I'm sure we all feel that way at times. When I began this journey decades ago I thought I was the only one in the world. That didn't change until I saw a piece about Christine Jorgensen. She was the first person to go to Sweden for a sex change that was widely presented on TV. Then in my late teens I would venture into the Adult stores and I found newspapers, magazines and movies all presenting us but in various lights. We were known by many titles, Drag Queen, Female Mimic, Crossdresser, Transvestite, Shemale and so on. But at least I knew there were more of us out there.
From then on I wanted to meet others. Not for sex, but to learn if they felt like I did. I met a few but it wasn't until I joined a support group years later and after coming out to my wife that I really felt the sisterhood.
You aren't alone. There are times when I don't feel like going through the process, the full dressing, makeup, wig. But those times are fewer every day. Even if not completely presenting as a woman I still feel those feelings inside.
@chanelle I don't think I'm qualified to answer this question how it's meant but I did read it and thought I'd share my thoughts anyway. The title 'to be me or not to be me ' if we take that alone of course being you is the most healthy generally. We all try at times to be something other than us whether to fit in , to avoid things or otherwise but being your true authentic self has got to be the best (I'm still working on this myself ) - next I'll say I am GG not a CD but I have also felt all of this , in fact I've been working with my Counsellor a lot recently about why I've never felt authenticly me and try to be something I'm not at times , this is not good for me and I don't know if it's a woman thing or a human thing but I feel it's quite common for us to question whether we should be ourselves or not - CD aside . In answer to your questions my end - yep I do struggle at times and feel isolated , how do I cope ... well I'm working on that part but will let you know 🙏🌈
I've been so afraid most of my life that someone would discover this terrible secret that I carry around with me, and then someone did, my wife. The world didn't end, and she is still with me 32 years later. I finally realized that what I do wearing women's clothes does not make me less than a man but more of a person because I have the best of both worlds, male and female inside of me, and I get to let it out for the world to see. There is nothing wrong with what we do it's just different than what some other people do and that's one of the many things that are so beautiful about being humans, we are all so different but still the same.
Lacy
what I do wearing women's clothes does not make me less than a man but more of a person
Brilliantly put, Lacy! And exactly how I feel too 😊.
Allie x
@alexina I'm with you Allie, I feel exactly that way myself. Fiona is a much more complete person versus when I lived as a male. I feel so lucky to be able to experience this change in my persona.
I feel so lucky to be able to experience this change in my persona.
So true, I thought it should be bigger.
Many, if not most of us irrespective of being CD or TG or wherever we find ourselves on the spectrum struggle with guilt and fear at some point. At some point, we either overcome the fears or we learn to mitigate/lessen the chances of discovery and acknowledge we might someday have to address who we are more openly.
To me, the key is not what label to apply to who I am but, rather, how can I live my best and most genuine life. Perhaps it's partially because of my age and work status - retired - but I do wish I'd been kinder to myself earlier in life and had to courage to acknowledge who I am, to overcome the fears.
Life is too short not to life it to its fullest.
Much love,
April ❤️
@aprilrhaynes Being older and retired myself, along with changing life circumstances, have allowed me to live full time. I only came out 3 yrs. ago but am so glad I did. Better late than never!
all these responses are great. I have suffered from this roller coaster ride most of my life. Now retired I am trying to find more self acceptance. Just when I start feeling better about myself, the paranoia seeps in. I logged in today thinking I would delete my account. however that is not an answer. I will always have these feelings and desires. Meeting so many of you here has helped my perspective and outlook.
much love
Ellie
Many of us have experienced this emotional rollercoaster. I certainly have, but got off of it years ago. For me it was just accepting two simple truths, one being that I simply enjoy dressing, and since it hurts no one else, I am fine with it. The other is that there is nothing wrong with dressing. Just because somebody else doesn't like it does not mean its wrong, it is just different, and different is perfectly okay.
While I do not advertize my dressing, I no longer worry about it and being outed. If I want to be out in my backyard en femme, and somebody sees me, or if somebody finds out, so be it. So what if they know, if they have a provlem with it, it is their problem, not mine.
Even my wife has relaxed about my dressing. While she has always been fine with it, she has been hesitent about others knowing. The other day we had dinner on the back dinning pourch while I was en femme, and her only comment was that I should wear a wig so it looks better if people see. Our back yard is pretty open and visible from across a ravine.
I'm out and fully open as a crossdresser. It's not a secret. I can dress as I want, when I want. I often spend weeks on end as Cerys. I'm very lucky.
Some days, I wake up start to assemble the day's ensemble, and say "sod it" and put my jeans on, throw on a shirt and go male mode. Cerys can take a lot of effort, and some days,I'm either not in the mood for the effort, or the need to be Cerys just isn't there.
Years back, I often hated being a crossdresser. I tried to stop many times, but each time I failed. Today, I've accepted it as who I am. I mainly present as Cerys. For the best part, I prefer to present as Cerys, but just some days, I really have no desire, or the energy, so drab mode it is.
I know a few other crossdressers, but I don't hang out with them. We communicate via socail media, and occasionally go to the same pub or other venue, but that's it. Being free to do as I please kind of takes away the need to be amongst others of my kind. I don't need to be at a CD event/meeting place to be Cerys. I can be cerys whenever I want, and meet with my existing friends for drinks or coffee. They are happy to take me in whatever mode I turn up in.
Cerys
Thank you ladies, it can feel a little confusing trying to understand everything that goes on within ourselves at times. I do feel better after reading your replies 😍
I've been through the dress, shame, guilt cycle over the years. I've come to realize I don't feel shame or guilt about dressing anymore. In fact I now understand my feminine side is just as important and valid as my masculine side.
I certainly don't dislike my male side. I've come to understand while not perfect, my male side has helped me to survive. He's been strong, dependable and has provided a safe haven for Chanelle to even exist.
For so many years there was a battle between male and fem desires followed by the shame and guilt cycle. Those times were very confusing and difficult. In more recent times I've learned to be kinder to both sides of myself and have come to realize they do both exist in their own right, and instead of fighting each other it's ok for them to have time to themselves. The last few days has helped me to understand that.
I'm ok dressing discretely. I don't feel the need to be seen as Chanelle by others in my personal life. In fact I prefer to keep that private. But I think in an ideal world, I'd love to have a handful of girlfriends where we catch up in a more private setting, dress, help each other out with fashion, make up etc, have a drink or two, a laugh and a dance.
The crossdressing scene is almost non existent where I live. I've watched videos of ladies getting dolled up and going out and hitting cd clubs together in a group (I think they were in the U.S). Oh how I'd love to experience that.
There are a lot of girls on CDH from OZ. Try searching for someone near you. If there's some sort of LGBTQ center near you see if they have any CD members. Good luck!
It's like this.
People who know me in both presentations get to know the complete me. Others only sample the person they could know.
@chanelle I think the question I've found most important for myself is: Why do I feel a certain way when I'm dolled up? It may not be (and is likely apt not to be) only a single reason, but it's good to have some idea what's going on up in the ol' gray matter.
Once you have an idea, then you can determine how you want to handle things. 🙂
