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Ive been thinking on this for a while but having difficulty articulating without some long snooze fest. Ill do my best.
One of my closest friends is Bi been married to both sexes as well lived with and dated Tgirls. this is a friend I hang with weekly. I personally am a confident Hetero. I just found out recently that he also enjoys drag as he showed my wife some pictures of himself as herself. He does not know about River. we have been friends a long time.
So here is my confusion Im sure he would appreciate knowing about river but I dont want our friendship to go in that direction. what would that lead to ? we have always been guy friends. do all the guy stuff we both enjoy. I dont want to be a hypocrite but at this time I dont think I would be comfortable around other CDs It just feels weird. Im sure many would like to have this problem but for me its very confusing. I just got to the point where my wife has met River and at this time its good enough for me. maybe in the future that will change. but having a close friend that I know has cross dressed and I just dont want to talk to him about it feels really pathetic and petty. but again it just feels wrong . Any thoughts or advice is appreciated. Cheers RC
@river Being around other CD's has been the best experience. It helps affirm that there is nothing wrong with YOU. That there are other people like YOU. Damn girl what a blessing to have a friend who could actually help with your makeup. Just because your friend is Bi doesn't mean you have to be. Be thrilled by having a friend who will judge you.
@jamiekane Thank You. I dont know if I want my first time Introducing River to someone besides my wife to have it be a great long time friend. especially one thats in my circles of other friends. Its bad enough to hide one secret but we both would have 2 secrets to keep. and only adding to that if we ever hung out in femme.. Na I think the more responses Im reading the more im thinking to let it lie for now at least. maybe someday it will happen naturally in conversation. If I have CD friends I think that group would be a different group of friends maybe someday we can all just be friends together but im not quite there yet have a great day RC
@river I can't share the photo, but I went out with my brother-in-law and sister-in-law with my wife to Lipps and had an amazing time. I think the pic is in my photos. Trust me the 1st time out in public Halloween 2020. 750ML of vodka and I made it downstairs to the bar. It was the most frightening, yet exciting time of my life. Remember Halloween the National Crossdressing Holiday.
@jamiekane That sounds like a perfect first time. Ill google lipps after this sounds like a fun place.. Halloween has always been a time where I get more adventurous. this year it was the excuse to play dress-up with my wife.. I think halloween should be a monthly tradition lol.. Thank you !! cheers RC
Lips is a drag venue in San Diego. They have other locations in NYC, Atlanta, Chicago and Fort Lauderdale.
/LK
@river It's taken me some time to feel less awkward about being en femme in front of someone close to me. I look at the first photos someone took of me to recent ones and the body language has come a long way through learning about myself and trusting the other person. The only people who have met Anna are very closely trusted by me. This is something that I have reflected on a lot recently myself.
Give yourself time to make a decision. If you feel your boundaries will be respected it will make the decision easier.
@annaredhead Thank You. ya I just dressed with my wife for the first time a few weeks ago I feel like im good with revelations for a little while. he is not going anywhere there is no need to push it. If its meant to be then It will come up in conversation someday.. Cheers RC
River,
I understand you're feelings about this. I'd let sleeping dogs alone. No use confusing things.
I've meet other CD'S. Some are CDH girls. No problems. I was in awe of being around them.
What you present as is who you are. Who you sleep with is your sexually. Two different things.
I hope you can find a happy medium.
Fran 🥰
@gafran Thank You I beleive this is the correct path for now. just for now and Ill continue to monitor the situation and try to respond accordingly. maybe he will find a trans girlfriend and that would mean she would be visiting here. which may push the needle a bit more. It would certainly be a odd but very interesting situation thats entirely possible. Stay tuned to this channel lol.. Cheers RC
@river I think I would tell a friend especially one that shows the same interests. I’ve met some lovely ladies while out a function with the Xpressions group. To have a close friend like you I would tell them my secret for sure.I can’t see it changing your friendship and it might even bring it closer.
@cdashley Thank you ill definitely consider it. Were as close now as im comfortable with for a guy friend . me and the misses have plans to relocate someday and he already plans to move to wherever we go so maybe That would be a good time to let the cat out. Cheers RC
@river I'm with you River. I've met one CD for lunch twice. It went okay, but it did feel awkward.
@dovemtn2016 Thank You. Ya there is no awkwardness now I don't want or need to add that. Im just getting used to my wife seeing me that way. currently dont have a desire to add someone else. but knowing if the day comes that I need to open up more I have someone I see regularly and chat with almost daily to talk to. which is comforting. Cheers RC
@dovemtn2016 Christine you reminded me of a time I had lunch with a CD I knew in drab mode. It was totally awkward. The guy was in drab but with makeup and butterfly earrings in her pierced ears. Kind of a half and half look. Personality wise, total introverted geeky guy. I was Mr. Businessman in a suit as we met during the week. I have to admit I kind of took the attitude of a guy treating him as a client so that the waitress would know that “I wasn’t one of those.”
We had met up because I was going to change at his house before we went to a Trans social event. It was a 180 at his house as she was already fully dressed when I arrived to change. Totally different personality too, outgoing, friendly, confident. I definitely observed that day that some guys just do better in their feminine personas.
GP
@river You do what you feel is right for you.
I always wanted to meet and talk with other ladies like myself. I felt like no one else would understand all the complicated feelings I had. When I came out to my wife I told her that I wanted to meet others and we found a support group locally. The first meeting we attended wasn't what I had hoped as it was an open group (TS and CD) and since we were new I felt like an outsider. One lady there was President of another (CD) group and asked us to come to their meeting. We did and it was like going home. Everyone was welcoming and friendly and we were part of that group for 15 years till I retired and we moved to another state.
Those ladies helped my wife become more understanding and accepting. They helped me grow and be confident in who I am. I wouldn't be where I am without their love and support. It was what I always wanted. Maybe that wouldn't work for you, only you know.
It could be your friendship will change. What direction that change will take is unknown. Follow your heart.
@cherylt Thank you.. yes as you said a CD group could be very helpful. vs incorporating CD into my current guy group. he is my bud but Im not sure he is as good as keeping a secret as I am lol Cheers RC
@river For me, meeting other CDs/Trans people was a rewarding experience. Exchanging ideas with other like minded people gave me new perspectives that I would not have been able to develop on my own. It also helped me become more comfortable with myself due to the acceptance exhibited by others who were at one point complete strangers. I would be very happy to have someone in my life like your friend who seems like they would be very accepting.
Still, what works for me may be the right thing for you. You need to do whatever makes you most comfortable.
@lauren114 If it was a new friend I would be more comfortable with it. But an old established friend thats attracted to Cross Dressers Im just afraid it will just confuse and already perfect friendship. Thank You. have a great day RC
@river There do seem to be almost as many opinions as posters on this one so here's mine for what it's worth. You say you would feel uncomfortable around other CD's but it sounds like you already are around other CD's. It's just that they don't know that they are. I don't see that letting the cat out of the bag will necessarily change how you interact on a regular basis. It may (probably would) be different if you were both dressed up but once the dust of revelation has settled things would probably just go back to normal. I doubt that you would forever after, spend your time discussing makeup & dresses. Personally I would go ahead & tell him if you think he would appreciate it, after all, what are friends for if not for enjoying each other's company whatever the circumstances & few of us have that opportunity. Also, it may be handy for you (& for him as it happens) to have someone to talk to when you feel the need to discuss things which you might not otherwise be able to in person. Forums are a great way to get questions out there but nothing beats the personal touch.
Obviously you have to do what you feel comfortable with. The opinions of others are a good way to process your thoughts & feelings but if they don't align with yours & don't feel right then don't go there. There is no need to charge ahead & do something you might regret & if he isn't going anywhere anytime soon then the option will still be there in the future, should you change your mind.
So, in conclusion, I don't have a definitive answer (so no help there then LOL) & I have never had that opportunity so I can't give any first hand experience. One day I hope to have such a dilemma & then I can appreciate your situation better.
X
Sasha
@sashabennett Thank You very much.. I agree having a CD friendship in person would have benefits. I also agree things could just go back to normal after a bit. Like my wife after we dressed together its only been a few weeks and its like it never happened. I guess my fear is that he has confessed to me that he is attracted to CDs and he loves sending me pictures of whatever he is doing as he gets lonely . he is still living with his ex husband. Im afraid that things may get weird and I push away because of it. and that hurts his feelings which could lead to him telling others. He is sensitive as well as I am. A new CD friend would be a different animal I would not be questioning it at this point. but this guy is basically part of my family. knows all our parents all my/our friends, siblings. big part of our life. Even a cousin or sibling that has their own life would be easier he is so deeply imbedded in my guy life It just really scary.. thanks again. have a great day RC
@river Sounds like you know what the answer to this question is already. Have faith in your gut feelings & good luck which ever way you go.
@sashabennett I did not know the answer before the post but all the wonderful supporters helped me decide and now Ya its clear. Thank You.. basically no need to rush anything lets see where it goes. the more free I become the more free ill probably wanna be in the future but today im great. Wife put my lashes on this .morning before she left to go shopping its going to be a girls day 
Cheers RC
@river I have been speed reading your post to this question might have been asked, but it seems to me that you are afraid that coming out to your friend will damage the relationship. Do you think it is because you fear he will develop feelings for you? Or is it because you feel that the relationship will change and you will no longer be able to share with him the things you currently enjoy?
@carloscloset all that and more. He is in all my circles. friends and family. and not confident he would not slip in a conversation. as well what you said. as well what others have said. he has been a guy friend for probably 30 years I just am not really interested in changing that to girlfriends lol.. Thank You. have a great day. RC
I have no desire to hang around other cds either. That weird me out somewhat. I'm happy to contribute on forums, but apart from that I'm very private.
However if I was to discover an established friend was a cd I would hang around them as a friend, not as a cd.
Some neighbours popped in one day and I was dressed. Nothing was said. We still are friends. But don't deliberately dress in their company. It was a surreal experience.
In thinking outloud none of my friendships are based on gender expression or what they wear. That seems kind of shallow.
@mary Ya were on the same page here. I feel that if i let him know then things could get weird. then I would shy away and I don't want that he is a great friend. Thanks for sharing and confirming how im feeling about it. have a great day Cheers RC
River - I totally get it. For me, I don’t even want to imagine my guy friends that I do Bro-stuff with now - wearing fricking dresses, much less see them like that in reality. Yikes!
It would seem hypocritical - but here’s why I don’t really think it is. Because you were friends with them first as guys. You know them as part of your guy world that you live in 99% of the time. You do manly things with them. That’s been your relationship. You basically know what they’re doing 99% of the time in their daily lives. Great if they want to “come out” as trans or whatever. But it’s not something we’d be sharing. I don’t want to be involved in their 1% of time they crossdress. There’s no good reason for me to be. If you think about it crossdressing is pretty much a solitary activity. You get ready by yourself, not in a locker room full of CD’s. This is one of my main reasons for not “coming out” or posting public pics. Nothing good can come out of it. Relationships would be affected in ways I cannot even imagine or think of. Look at all the girls on here with no identifying marks to their profiles. The ones who come and go. The ones who totally disappear without a goodbye. I understand.
On the other hand, it’s also the reverse for me too. If I meet a girlfriend in “girl mode”, I sure as heck don’t want to imagine them in their male persona. I perceive them as girls. A pet peeve of mine is seeing “before and after” crossdressing pics. I’m interested in the end results of the transformation. I already know what old men look like. One of my favorite friends back in the day when I did go out, was this gorgeous looking blonde. One night, she/he pulled off his wig when he got a bit drunk to show everyone he was really a bald headed dock worker in Oakland. Talk about destroying your image. I was grossed out. On the plus side I did realize….yeah, no way I could ever get “with” a CD in any circumstance.
I realize these visuals are going to happen if I go to Keystone. But I’m fine with them in that setting. As I said in my first paragraph, I just think it’s how you meet people initially. And that’s where CDH is another valuable resource. Girls I engage with on here I already perceive as girls. I see their pics -so that’s how I visualize them. A group of diverse female personalities. Meeting them in person is something I look forward to doing. We’re all sisters in the Society of Secret Girls!🥰! I know I’ll see some in drab at times, (including ME, cuz I ain’t checking in as Grace). But I think it’s different because all I know right now is their female personas. And also, the idea that we’re all strangers there. A new experience for most of us. So the main thing we have in common is the sisterhood. And that’s a biggie. A good starting point for friendships. So veering away from only being crossdressing friends to actual friends would not be such a “shock to the system.”
To conclude River, it IS difficult to articulate for sure. Bottom line is I consider myself a really open minded individual who can understand or tolerate pretty much everything. I just don’t need to see everything.
GP
@d44 Hi Fiona - For the simple reason that traveling around as Grace would be “High risk - low/no reward”. I’m quite happy to just prance around among my peers at the hotel event. I’m not going to subject myself to the general public’s mostly very limited knowledge of our hobby. I don’t think it’s fair to them or me.
GP
@gracepal Thank You for such a great response. You nailed it I really dont want to see him that way and Honestly dont want him to see me. our friendship is already great as it is. this is something that can be so complicated. Why Tinker with something thats already working great.. RC
@river Sounds to me like the old “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.”- saying is spot on for this situation.
Hi River,
It's up to you how you want to go whether to tell your friend or not, maybe in the future you may feel comfortable telling him, but tell him on your terms and what makes you comfortable,
I wish i had a CD friend near where i live, i could stash all my gear there and we could play dress up together,
Hugs Roz X
@rozalyne Thank You.. yes i can imagine it could have some benefits but were such good friends as we are. Im afraid that this can be an emotional thing and could actually harm. If CD/TG was more cut and dry I would be less afraid to discuss it , but there is so so many stages and differences, I'm less interested in having someone else knowing than I am taking the chance of hurting our friendship. RC
Hi River I'm not really sure I'm in a position to tell you how to live your life since I'm in the closet to all my family and friends, if you feel that it would harm your relationship with your friend then all i can say is just carry on as you are,
Hugs Roz X
@rozalyne All advice is always welcome.. There are so many moving parts to us all. sometimes they fit sometimes they dont then tomorrow it can all change.. all positions are relevant and greatly appreciated. Thank You.. RC
Well, if I was in your position—but being me—I think I would, at a suitable moment, reveal myself to him (in words, not actions) so that a full and frank conversation could be had. This would not have to lead to going out together en femme or even changing the dynamics of any friendship; it might even be fun.
For example: I have a friend who rides motorbikes, I too have a motorbike. We have never gone out biking together because he admits to being a slowish rider and I like to get my speed on; so we know we do the same thing, we just don't want to do it together. This could be you and your friend.
Becca
@rebeccabaxter Thank You. I guess it would matter at where he is at with it all. I would be afraid to tell him , have it be a big deal. and then say but I don't want to see you that way. I think that could be offensive and our friendship is already great. Im afraid to ruin it. . RC
One possibility is to casurally mention that you also like to make yourself look feminine. You can show pictures if you're comfortable, or not. It's not necessary.
My guess is there will be a few questions, then the info will be filed away. I don't believe he is looking for a CD-CD relationship either. You don't have to have a relationship with him while dressing just because you reveal to him that you sometimes like to dress. It probably won't change his attitude towards you, and you can go on doing your manly things in male mode with him.
I do understand how hard it is to get the words out, but I think your relationship isn't going to change significantly if you tell him.
@alison-anderson Thank You.. Ya he has mentioned to me he is attracted to TGirls and would want to date one. he is attracted to feminity physically but male personna mentally. so I cant say it wouldn't be an issue. Once the cat is out of the bag then one way or another things may change with us and im just not willing to take that chance I value our friendship as it is.. I Greatly appreciate the advise. It may come up someday in casual conversation but Im not going to push it in that direction. I will have to happen organically. I honestly think he would be fine with it and take it in stride Im the issue with feeling weird about it. Im still growing into River after all these years. with age comes wisdom but im not completely there yet. But ya all here are definitely speeding up the process.. 
RC
@river I can understand your dilemma - a close friendship may take a different shape once the genie is out of the bottle.
You say he has shown your wife his drag photos, but has he shown them to you? Possibly he is shy of this disclosure too. If you want to mention to him that you know he does this and then say that you also enjoy a little crossdressing, it is a way of opening the conversation. Just maybe casually drop it into the conversation that your wife mentioned the photos and see what happens - keep it light and don't give up anything about your own dressing if you don't want to until you see what the reaction is, maybe?
I don't think it would necessarily end up as a disaster due to him suddenly seeing you as a sex-object, but from what you've told us, I can understand why you might worry about that side of things.
I'd rather like a crossdressing friend to hang out with, to be honest, even if in drab, chilling and talking clothes and makeup or whatever lol although I do think it would be a bit weird to suddenly be doing that with an old friend.
@caroline2k Thank You. You get it. Also another fear is that he is in my guy circles and the more people that know the less I can control it. he is more open than me as well. I feel like if I told him and we casually discussed it there is a larger chance someone may slip while in the company of others. and say someday for any reason we have a disagreement and he has had a few too many talking to other friends. Ya I dunno the possibility of being outed is alot greater with a established friend in an established circle of friends vs New CD friends. But again it may just happen naturally someday. Cheers RC
@caroline2k Bingo Caroline. New friend who’s a CD you just met and have no history with other than the common interest of crossdressing? Yes. A guy you have been through the “Bro-wars” with tells you he’s into crossdressing now? Great, but keep it away from me thank you.
@gracepal I'm not sure I would be so black and white about it Grace, but at the same time I doubt I would be rushing to show him my wardrobe 🙂
I'd be supportive, possibly even sharing the fact that I have - or have been - similarly inclined, but that would probably be it... I wouldn't want it to get weird for any reason.
tuff spot to be in opening up to a close friend that finds CD attractive and as well dose could be good or could end bad I would love to have friends that are CD and be able to share my CD with gets alone in the closet lol good luck with your situation hope it all works out for ya TC
@erinb ya even if it was a 95% chance all would be fine our current friendship is too valuable to take a chance on it. I understand it can be lonely as sometimes I want to share but sometimes I love the no judgment zone as well. I think once I got comfortable around other CDs it would be great but currently it just feels weird. but thats probably because Ive never met one of us anywhere but here. Ive been taking strides since joining here maybe someday ill take that step but not yet 🙂 Thank You. have a great day RC
I like chatting with everyone (semi) anonymously but personally I would not want to meet up with other CDs. Crossdressing is something very personal to me that I would only want to share with a significant other. The rare times I do venture outside dressed I avoid interacting with anyone. At this point in my life I’m not ready for much more than that
@coloradog1 same here thats my thinking. at least for now. maybe someday ill tell him if it comes up and maybe not. Never thought I would jave told my wife and here we are 🙂 Thank you. have a great day RC
