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Today is my one year anniversary of joining CDH and therefore Allie's first birthday.
I've written elsewhere about how I came to be free and accepted, nay, embraced by my male half, (for anyone who may be interested and hasn't seen it, it's Leeds First Friday, part one).
I want to mark the occasion, not by going over old ground but by noting a few of the waypoints that mean so much to me and a little compare and contrast to illustrate the power of this community to initiate and support real change in our lives.
I joined you all, (well, all that were members then as there's been a lot of new members since then and the pedant in me just has to clarify that), exactly 12 months ago to the day. Like so many of us, I had begun to realise that there was a part of me that I had denied without ever casting light on it and exploring it. Not going down that road, who knows where it might lead!
However, my wife's easy acceptance gave me strength to, as I saw it, risk discovery by looking for information about crossdressing in the hope that I might better understand this hitherto unexplored part of me. All of you who have done the same know what gets thrown up, literally and metaphorically, if you type "crossdressing" into the search box 😱. But, such was my need to find out more, I didn't give up and was rewarded by Crossdresser Heaven popping up next. It only took a few minutes before I decided to sign up. I hesitantly wrote an introduction and posted it.
Within minutes, I began to receive lovely welcomes, among the first were Fiona Finlay @finallyfiona and Ellie Davis. @ellyd22 I mention both because they quickly put me at ease and talking to them showed me that neither I nor most other crossdressers are strange creatures. I am proud to call both of you friends. Yeah, I did say most but less of that shortly.
I have since met and befriended other beautiful souls here and freely and happily shared, and discovered, stuff about myself that I've never shared with anyone. That sentence, while conveying information, cannot begin to describe the enormity of this for me. I have, by necessity and choice, been a very private person as long as I can remember. Or, rather, the male side of me was, Allie is an altogether different side, as if I need to say! It seems woefully inadequate to say that this was a revelation, mostly wonderful but tinged with regret that I had kept her unknown and unexpressed for so long. However, she's here now and ain't going away 😊.
I think I had been here about five or six months when Ellie asked if I'd like to be a "hostess". I didn't need to think about it, here was an opportunity to give something back to the community that has done so much for me. A few weeks after that and I was invited to apply to be an ambassador. A no-brainer, I'm here for the duration and I'll do whatever I can to help keep CDH the amazing place that it is. That includes guiding the aforementioned "strange creature", or different type of crossdresser to sites more suited to their stated desires, the exact nature of which I leave to your imagination.
In October last year, Allie enjoyed her first public outing to the Leeds First Friday! This was literally a dream come true, and to spend it with Fluff, Ellie and Liz @lizk was the icing on the cake. We arrived on the Thursday and went out for a meal and one or ten drinks that evening, it was life-changing. Sure, there was a bit of a crash the following day as the magnitude of what I was doing hit me but a few hours later and I was good again.
This year...so far, I have a joint makeover with Fluff and Ellie booked at the magical Tracey's, thereafter the three of us will grace Pink Punters with our magnificence and I'll spend a few days with them and, hopefully meet another friend, Rebecca, @fembecky while I'm there.
A couple of days after I come home, I'm planning to meet another good friend, Emma T, @emmat for a day at the races as she's coming to Scotland.
And, of course, there's the inaugural CDH@LFF in August, that is going to be next level fun!
Oh, I nearly forgot. For many years, I took antidepressants, trying more than once to wean myself off them before finally going "cold turkey" and moving to a herbal remedy (St John's Wort). I have not taken any, nor felt the need to do so since my first couple of months here! Right there is the power of CDH.
I want to finish now by saying that this past year has been the best, yes, the best of my life, so far, and offering my heartfelt thanks to everyone here. I look forward to the future!
Allie x
https://www.crossdresserheaven.com/leeds-first-friday-a-real-world-adventure-part-one/
https://www.crossdresserheaven.com/leeds-first-friday-a-real-world-adventure-part-two/
Happy anniversary Allie and thank you for what you do to make CDH what it is. I can also confirm what a positive impact on ones health it can be to find a safe way to express and explore the whole self. Before going out and meeting other CD's in person and joining CDH to meet many more I too lived with depression and anxiety. While not formally diagnosed or treated my wife (a nurse) was concerned enough to keep asking me to see a Dr about it. Rather that go to the Doc I tried Ashwaghanda, which was a minor help, but after stepping out and making connections and with all that doing so entails, my mood began to lift and I feel so much better.
All the best!
Michelle
Thanks, Michelle and I'm glad we've both benefited so much from being here.
I've taken ashwaganda too but for it's more general benefits, waterworks and sleep. It did help but I found other remedies that work better. I keep a pack of St John's Wort just in case but I can't think of a time when I've been happier or more content so fingers crossed.
Allie x
Bless you, Allie.
It's been a real pleasure getting to know you, and you certainly eased my entry into here. A win - win for me. CDH is a wonderful place to be , not least for the many flavours of girls who frequent here, and the wonderful people who keep it on the rails. I seem to remember that I did warn you about being too useful, and now look where it's got you 😀
Here's hoping we get as lucky at the races 😉
eM xxx
Thanks, eM, we are like-minded in more ways than one 😊!
"Too useful" ha ha! You did indeed warn me but it's a labour of love and more like having fun here.
If I did anything to help you ease in here, it's as much of a win for CDH as it is for you, I often smile at your contributions.
You may well be lucky and win at Musselburgh, as long as I don't bet on the same horse! My own, infrequent forays into gambling have, so far, been less than fruitful. Nonetheless, I'm looking forward to meeting and spending time with you.
Allie xxx
@alexina So happy for you Allie. Glad you found your own safe place to be you and share.
I think alot of what you said is very common with many of us. Once we see that what we are doing is not that uncommon or bad, then can accept this feminine side so many of our anxieties fade away..
Happy anniversary
Cassie
Thanks, Cassie.
Yes, that's a huge difference, I really feel like the proverbial weight has been lifted and somehow "lighter". I actually shudder now when I think about the years I spent feeling "wrong", and all for absolutely nothing. Still, best not dwell, 😂😂😂 better to enjoy now.
Allie x
@alexina I so much agree. It is best not to dwell to much on past regrets. BUT recognize how being able to express your feminine side makes you feel. Now you can explore/decide where you want to be.
Cassie
Wow Allie, Happy Anniversary and what a lot has happened in a year! I bet a year ago you would have had no idea of the monumental changes that lay ahead, the friendships that would develop, the "unthinkable" things you would do and, above all, the peace and joy you would find 😊 . As you say ... this place changes lives.
I thank you deeply for your continued contribution to CDH as Ambassador, for your friendship and for the opportunities to have met you on-line. I am really looking forward to the meet-up in Oxford in the Spring. I am sure that will be just one of the many adventures that await you in your amazing Year Two.
Oodles of Hugs, Rebecca x
Thanks, Rebecca.
I'll occasionally stop and think, Wow! I've even said to my wife, look at what I'm doing, are you sure you really are OK with this? Her answer is always the same, "it's still you, I don't see a problem".
The feeling is mutual, Rebecca. I really enjoyed our video meetings and look forward to seeing you before too long 😊.
Allie x
Congratulations, Allie on your anniversary ❤️ we are so proud of you and your accomplishments.
We're very grateful to have you with us here at CDH!
Fran 🥰
Allie, my lovely, it is an absolute honour to count you as a friend.
What a year! It was wonderful to be with you during your first public outing (so much has happened in the last six months, it's hard to believe that that happened less than a week after my own 'first time out') and I'm counting the days until we can meet up again at Pink Punters in March.
You are a joy to work with; you give so much to this community and most people here will never know just how much you do behind the scenes to keep everyone on the site safe.
I'm loving sharing in your adventures - here's to many more!
Much love
Ellie x
Ellie, I could repeat your message back to you, the sentiment is shared.
Also shared is the day-counting you speak of, I said something very similar to Fluff. While I was a little apprehensive before LFF, I'm positively beaming at the thought of us meeting up again.
Thanks for your message and your comments about the work I and the rest of the team do, you know more than most, how much I love doing it.
Love and hugs back to you, Ellie ♥️
Allie x
As a post-script, I've always been open on here that I'm also on anti-depressants, triggered by what I might call (unless I'm infringing copyright) 'a series of unfortunate events' a number of years ago.
Since I had an enlightened GP when I was diagnosed, I was put on St John's Wort from the get-go ... and in the time that has elapsed since then it's interesting that meta-analyses have shown St John's Wort to be at least as effective as non-herbal SSRIs at treating depression while having significantly fewer side effects and a far better safety record.
However, the reason I'm writing this is that since I've joined CDH I've had way, way far fewer 'episodes'.
I'm a LOT more relaxed about who I am now, and with self-acceptance has come a massive drop in anxiety levels. Although my depression was originally triggered by events not all connected with crossdressing or being trans, ongoing anxiety surrounding that wasn't helping the situation. Now, thanks to being here, that anxiety has largely evaporated.
Perhaps CDH membership needs to be prescribed on the NHS?
Ellie x
I've often said crossdressing should be recommended as a stress reliever so I like your thinking.
Allie x
@alexina Happy anniversary to you! 12 months have flown by pretty quickly haven't they? It's also been just over a year now since I joined as well & a lot has changed in that time. I still remember the nervous newbie who didn't want to be seen through the window & now you are out in the world & seemingly loving it. I hope the next 12 months are as exciting for you as the last. Also I hope you haven't been blown away today! It has been a tad on the windy side.
Sasha
Thanks, Sasha, I know, it still amazes me.
I still would rather not be outed in my local area but I take your point. I saw your recent post where you said that you weren't thinking of going out again soon, we do what we're comfortable with, there's no rules 😊.
Yeah, we lost a couple of tiles from the roof and there's slight damage in the garden but we're fine.
Here's to the next year for you too.
Allie x
@alexina Happy Anniversary Allie, goes to show what can happen in a year! I've my first month anniversary coming up, but it has been wonderful from the start, thanks to ladies like you ♥️
Hi, Astrid, thanks for your kind comments. A month already? Seems like five minutes ago I was welcoming you! Hey ho.
Allie x
Allie -
Happy Anniversary. Glad you found us. SOounds like it's been an exciting year for you.
XOXO
Suzanne
Allie my wonderful friend, happy anniversary to you ❤️
It's been an absolute pleasure to be with you, online and in person, as you've grown in this last 12 months. Our trip to LFF in October was one of the best times of my life, the company of yourself, Ellie and Liz was a very large part of that - and all the more special for it being your first time out in public. I am similarly very proud to call you all my friends 😊
I greatly look forward to seeing you and Ellie again for our makeover and girly night out in March, and hopefully to meet Rebecca in Oxford. That's so good to hear about having eM up to stay with you too, I hope you have a great time at the races!
With love, and may your second year contain even more magic in your life than the first 🤗
Big hugs lovely,
Fluff xxx
Aww, thanks, Fluff, I really appreciate your friendship and kind comments.
Nearly the end of January already, how time flies when you're having the time of your life 😊!
Speak soon, hon.
Big hugs to you too,
Allie xxx
@alexina My dear and lovely Allie, I am so glad you've found us and equally so that we've found you! I value you and your contributions and I'm delighted that you're blossoming at this point in your life!
I wish you a 2nd year with no less success! Forge ahead, girl and see what's out there for you! ❤️
Thanks, Melodee. I always enjoy reading your own comments, they're pertinent, logical and matter of fact.
It's a great family to be part of 😊.
Happy Birthday Allie! 🎂🎁🎉
Joanna 💕
Happy anniversary Allie!
Hugs,
Anna xx
Happy Birthday Allie. I know how you feel I felt very apprehensive when I first joined here as I had never discussed my femme side or posted any photos of my en femme on anywhere before. However the positive vibes I got off the fab girls on here have made me feel more confident in expressing my femme side and hope to take the next steps (getting a make-over and going out in public as Lizzy) this year. Hugs Lizzy
Thanks, Lizzy, and I'm pleased to hear your plans. You'll love it!
Ha ha! Thats why we say CDH changes lives 😊.
Allie x
Happy Anniversary Allie and what a year!
Yours is a testimony to what this site can do for an individual. Yours is an exceptional tale but even if it helps in a small way for someone to have contact, come to terms or progress it proves the value of this community.
You have been a beacon of positivity Allie and we are all grateful for your wonderful contributions.
Thanks, Angela, I'm very chuffed that you say so. I'll have to disagree though, I'm by no means an exception to the many lovely girls here, many of whom are truly inspiring.
Modesty and the threat of litigation forbids me from naming names but you know who you are 😂.
However, that's not to stop me appreciating your heartfelt message so, thanks again 😊 xx
I didn't realise I was here before you, I just assumed you had been a permanent fixture for years. I'm busy on here as an editor—quick shout-out to my-partner-in-crime Fiona—which means I can push all the awkward things on to the ambassadors like yourself; you all do a marvellous job.
I too am quite thankful that I found CDH before I found other, less salubrious places, as I have been able to pursue my cross-dressing habits safe in the knowledge that I am not alone—something for which I'm sure we are all very grateful.
Congratulations on your first year here, long may your presence continue.
Hugs
Becca
Thanks, Becca.
Actually, it was your own description of your first year that set me thinking about doing the same. I had read Ellie's and I remember thinking that I'd never be able to match her story so why bother. Little did I know...
I'll be here as long as I breathe 😊.
Allie x
Congrats on year #1 Allie! As Allie becomes a bigger part of your life, I can assure you that year #2 will be even more exciting and fulfilling.
Fiona
happy anniversary Allie cheers 🥂 to another wonderful year ahead congratulations 🍾 on all your achievements here on CDH so wonderful to read thanks for everything you have done here truly is an amazing and honor to be part of this community TC
Happy one year anniversary Allie!
Alice
Thanks, Alice. I'd say it has gone really quickly but, at this age, everything seems to fly by!
Allie x
Lovely to read that Allie ! Acceptance, and being accepted, is so transformative I think.
Debbie x
Happy anniversary, Allie!
Your response and acceptance shows the power of influence that such a community can have, not only on the whole universal community, but on its individuals, too.
The moderation of CDH and care from our Ambassadors ensures that this will remain a safe place for newcomers, as well.
One thing that I was not prepared for when I joined was seeing the health benefits coming from the boundless acceptance of other members, too. Well done, girls!
Thanks, Harriette.
No, when I joined, I was just looking to understand a bit more, I never expected to find the friends I've made or to be this happy, dressed or not.
Allie x
Happy anniversary, Allie.
You have had a positive influence on us. Thanks for it!
Time is fast. A week ago was my seventh anniversary at CDH. I love this community.
Gisela
