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When I came out to my fiancé there were certain things I realized would be a part of it and certain things I didn't.
Her overall reaction was an unknown. Her feelings about it an unknown and still unknown. She has expressed some feelings but not enough to know her stand on it. I knew there would be questions. I knew there would be uncertainty. I knew there was and still is a chance that she will not accept it.
What I didn't think about was the anger that is involved in the whole deal. I did realize she would most likely be angry I had not told her before I did but she got over that pretty quickly. The "other" anger which I don't know what is about i don't understand as she can't express to me yet what the anger is about.
The big thing that I didn't take into consideration was the fact that it would seriously affect her appetite. She has not really had a decent meal since I told her about my dressing ( a week and a half now ). This is not something I thought about and now I'm extremely worried about her health and well being as I always do anyway despite the situation.
She needs to eat something. She hasn't ate in 2 days and it's all because I have caused her such great suffering over something I deem as trivial.
If you're thinking about telling your SO please take into consideration some of the forgotten aspects of revealing a truth. I didn't and now I have a significant other who won't eat.
Her not eating, is a natural grief response. It's like the man she knew, and was married too, suddenly died.
Grief is incredibly complex.
Sadly she is struggling to come to terms, with the bomb shell that has just landed in her relationship. We tend to forget the emotional and mental stress an SO will go through, some will withdraw into their self, other will explode instantly.
Then the search for answers, are you gay, ill, don't you love me, why didn't you tell me, etc etc. On top of this we had added a new dimension, the partner she loves, turns out to be a crossdresser, not what she or he fell in love with, we are for a short while a stranger, that has deceived the vows of honesty and trust in the relationship. That's something that's breaking her heart. You must try and keep the communication going, and prove that the man she loves is still there supporting her.
I wish you both good luck and love Amanda
Everyone processes situations differently. There was no way for you to know she would respond this way. All do can do is be kind and supportive, and ready to answer her questions honestly and to the best of your ability.
The thought that she might be grieving what in her mind is the loss of her partner did cross my mind briefly but since I haven't changed it quickly moved right out of my mind. I guess in a way to her she has lost her man although I'm exactly the same as I was before. This was a part of me before but she didn't know about it. This is my kinder, more gentle side,a part of me she already knows and loves.
She has already had a husband pass away unexpectedly before I came along and now she has to deal with those feelings again and I'm sure it's just as painful if not more painful .
I will continue to be there for her and be the man I have always been because I love her with all my heart.
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I agree. I keep bringing up the fact that women wear men's clothing all the time and no one says a word. That or course gets me absolutely no where. She told me she was going to start wearing men's clothes so I could see how it feels. I had to bring up the fact that most of her t shirts that she lounges around the house in are actually my t shirts. That went over like a lead balloon.
