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Update on telling my son

19 Posts
16 Users
76 Reactions
361 Views
Posts: 1284
Topic starter
(@rebeccabaxter)
    Cornwall, United Kingdom
Joined: 1 year ago

A few weeks ago, my son came to stay the for weekend and, for good or ill, I told him I was an occasional cross dresser. After a conversation, that I realised might not be going too well, I asked him if he'd like to see a photograph -- he declined and we left it at that. We have been in touch a couple of times since (he lives 250 miles away from me) via Whatsapp but the subject has not come up again.

Tonight, we  had a video chat, something we've done on and off since COVID lockdowns, and I decided not to mention the elephant in the room -- then he did! He asked me if I was still 'glamming up', I replied that I was. 

There followed a long chat about Becca, her style, what she does, where she goes and in the end, after I said he should meet Becca in the flesh, he said she (I, obviously) should come up to London (where he lives) and we'd go out into town. We also went through what he thought I was when I first told him as he had an image in his head of a low-effort tranny from the 1990's. He also now has a photograph of Becca and he has told his partner about me, so it's all out there now and he is aware that I aspire to be an elegant older lady, not a big-titted drag queen!

Since completing the video call, he has sent me some Whatsapp messages regarding how genuinely happy he is that I have found an alternative life to step into now and again. In saying this, he has finally answered a question that I had for myself -- why do I cross dress? -- and it is so that I can be someone else, just for a little while, and that's very nice.

Anyway, a chat we are both so glad we've had. The elephant IS in the room and now she has a name...

 

Becca

xx

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18 Replies
8 Replies
(@finallyfiona)
Joined: 1 year ago

    Leighton Buzzard, Bedfordshire, United Kingdom
Posts: 1447

@rebeccabaxter Becca, that's wonderful 🙂  I'm so pleased for you!  I think that's the thing, being you but being someone completely different yet strangely familiar.

Big hugs,
Fiona xxx

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Duchess
(@loneleycd)
Joined: 5 years ago

Famed Member     Roland, Iowa, United States of America
Posts: 2147

@rebeccabaxter 

So happy for you, Becca. Hoping things between you and your son keep going well. 

Cassie 

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Managing Ambassador
(@lizk)
Joined: 5 years ago

Illustrious Member     North County San Diego, California, United States of America
Posts: 3843

@rebeccabaxter 

I was gonna say I love it when a story has a happy ending.  But I have a feeling this is the happy intro to a story that's not finished!

Now you HAVE to go to London Becca!  And we want to hear all about it!

Hugs

/LK

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Lady
(@joanarbour)
Joined: 9 years ago

Reputable Member     Missoula, Montana, United States of America
Posts: 169

@rebeccabaxter congratulations, I so hope that everything continues to go well. I hope you get to visit him soon and can’t wait to hear how it goes.

Reply
Baroness
(@annaredhead)
Joined: 11 months ago

Famed Member     Cornwall, United Kingdom
Posts: 1788

@rebeccabaxter such wonderful news!

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(@jenniferr)
Joined: 2 years ago

Estimable Member     Greenville, South Carolina, United States of America
Posts: 81

@rebeccabaxter  I think many of us are afraid of telling our friends and family because of our fear of rejection.  But as you've experienced, just because someone doesn't jump up and down for us doesn't mean they reject us, most times they also need some time to process a situation that they are not even close to knowing how to deal with.  As you've found, many times the only image people have of cross dressers is that of some overblown drag queen performing lewd acts in their local library, they don't really know any people like us, so it takes them some time to think about it.  I showed my friends and family pictures right away, most didn't even recognize me at first (I look so much younger and happier), it's was such a shock from what they were accustomed to, but the shock very quickly turned to curiosity.  Just as I had never presented myself to them as a woman, they also never knew anyone who cross dressed, so it's a learning process for everyone.   I think we're at a point in our society where we can make a difference.  Our visibility, living and interacting the same as everyone else, only wanting to live our lives like anyone else, demonstrates to people that we're not some drag queen who threatens their concept of normal, we're just like them. 

As a side, it seems since I've come out I've learned a lot about other people.  It seems that once we're honest with ourselves and them, they feel safer and more open with us, and they begin to reveal things about themselves that they won't share with others either.  Everyone has secrets, and I think most researchers would be quite shocked to learn just how many people, men and women but it seems mostly men, have many of the same feelings we do.  There are far fewer "straight" people out there than we are led to believe.  Deep down we're more alike that different, it's just that over 2000 years of social programming has driven these natural tendencies into the dark,  hidden behind a curtain of shame and guilt.  We reach a point where we have the physical part down pretty good, we can match our clothes, walk in stilettos, apply makeup and false eye lashes, sit, cross our legs, move right, but the hardest part is overcoming the mental barriers, those programmed into us since birth, which haunt us throughout our entire lives. 

Hugs,

Jennifer

 

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(@rebeccabaxter)
Joined: 1 year ago

    Cornwall, United Kingdom
Posts: 1284

@jenniferr 

Excellent reply, thank you. I think I have told all that I intend to deliberately but I'm making little effort to avoid being 'found out' by others. I hope my daughter and sister never find out though as I think I would lose touch with, certainly my daughter, but also perhaps my sister.

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(@christineth)
Joined: 2 years ago

Noble Member     Brussels, Brabant, Belgium
Posts: 747

@rebeccabaxter Becca, congratulations on having the courage to do what you did and I am so pleased for you that it went so well.  Your son is an amazing person to be so open and accepting of what must have been a very big unexpected surprise…so well done to him too.

Telling my children is the step I am most afraid of.  i am sort of sure they will be accepting if not also very shocked, but still the step is daunting.  So I thank you so very much for telling your reassuring story, it really helps building up my confidence.  

Well done you.

Hugs

Christine

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Posts: 61
(@rachelle71)
Estimable Member     Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
Joined: 7 years ago

Oh! How very nice!

That's the best result possible!

Congrats - and hope everything keeps going that well!

 

Rachelle

 

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Posts: 33
Duchess
(@alluera)
Eminent Member     Broomfield, Colorado, United States of America
Joined: 2 years ago

Hi Rebecca,

I so love that story. I'm so proud that the girl in the room has been validated lol. I took have came out with my kids. Not in that they've seen me but I don't have to hide my clothes, heels, bras  and wigs around them anymore. My wardrobe has grown so much it would be totally impossible now.  Ha ha my granddaughter gets into jewelry too. I haven't dressed up in front of them ha ha just not ready for that yet. But it's so peaceful to know you can be who you are with the support of our loved ones. Btw I love the " low effort tranny from the 90s, 😂. I was so like that in the beginning but I too am a glam girl now

Thank you for sharing Rebecca!!!

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Posts: 2099
Hostess
(@cdsue)
Famed Member     Delaware, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

.Becca -

That is wonderful, I'm so happy for you. I hope things continue is a positive way for you.

XOXO
Suzanne

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Posts: 1045
Managing Ambassador
(@melodeescarlet)
Famed Member     DC/Baltimore, Maryland, United States of America
Joined: 2 years ago

@rebeccabaxter I'm genuinely happy for you! It's a big step for both of you, and I'm glad it's looking to be a great outcome! 🙂

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Posts: 1098
 Lea
Lady
(@lea-jhene)
Noble Member     California, United States of America
Joined: 9 years ago

I'm so happy for you!! Hope your outing as Becca to London with son goes well.

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Posts: 1284
Topic starter
(@rebeccabaxter)
    Cornwall, United Kingdom
Joined: 1 year ago

Thank you everyone, for your comments, it is indeed a happy day. As far as family is concerned though, that is that; my brother in New Zealand is quite old school (no gays, no foreigners (ironic really since he's an immigrant to NZ), no anything really (not that I see him) and my sister and my daughter would not understand at all. So it's just my wife and son, whether my ex-wife (my son's mother) will ever find out remains to be seen but I doubt she'd worry about it anyway as she is a bit of a fag-hag (my son's description of her as she likes going to gay bars).

Now I'm just waiting to be found out [and ostracised?] by the people in my village but I'm not rushing that one.

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3 Replies
(@justnikki)
Joined: 2 years ago

Prominent Member     Seattle, Washington, United States of America
Posts: 485

@rebeccabaxter It's so liberating, isn't it? When those closest to us can accept us for all we are? I'm only a few months removed from coming out to my own adult daughter and it was a wonderfully validating experience. I'm so happy for you, Rebecca!

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Hostess
(@ab123)
Joined: 5 years ago

Illustrious Member     Surrey, United Kingdom
Posts: 3404

@rebeccabaxter The elephant has shrunk a bit. Once your son got his head round things he accepts it, which is wonderful.

Funny how some who you tell associate crossdressing with drag. I suppose it is what they see. A friend of mine thought the same when she was told. I sent her a picture and she had a head spin as she saw a woman and not the drag image she had.

I hope in time other family could be told. A good start though.

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(@rebeccabaxter)
Joined: 1 year ago

    Cornwall, United Kingdom
Posts: 1284

@ab123 One has to think back to the Queen music video of the song I want to Break Free wherein Freddie Mercury was dressed in a mini skirt and fake boobs. I the UK it went down very well but in the US not so much. This quote from Rolling Stone magazine in 2014, 100 best singles article (the song made number 32):

The song became a controversial firestarter due to its video, in which the band members dressed in drag as a parody of British soap opera Coronation Street, with choreography provided by the Royal Ballet. Brit fans got the joke, but fans in America viewed the cross-dressing as a coming-out for Mercury, who wore a wig and fake breasts in the video and onstage (the video was banned by MTV and rocks were hurled at Mercury during a concert in Brazil). Conversely, in most of the rest of Europe, the song was viewed as an anthem of resistance against political oppression.

 

 This impression was what most people had of cross dressing in the 1980's and where my son probably got his own impression of us. He is now blissfully aware that we are not [generally] like that.

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Posts: 2166
 J J
Lady
(@jjandme)
Famed Member     California, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

You played it very well by telling and then leaving it for him to think about a bit until he was ready to get into it further. It takes most of us a long while to wrap our head around our dressing, so it is no different for those we tell. 

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