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Well, I started to post this a few days ago, then stopped. I had ordered some push-up bras, but have donated them to a charity. I am keeping my other bras, leggings, and a couple shapewear tops. Oh and my breast forms. I see myself in this cycle and didn't want to come out of that and need to buy all that again.
This morning at 6:30 am I had my bra on with forms as I shopped at WalMart with my jacket unzipped. I had a baggy shirt on to hide them, but I knew they were there. Later on after church, (I put the forms in my backpack before I entered church, and back in as I waited for the trolley) I bought a t-shirt dress, and it fits nice - something I've been looking for on ebay but couldn't find the right style, but they had some at my local Dollar General. Maybe I'll get a couple more tomorrow as they did have a couple different colors and all. When I look down as I sit here, I see a feminine form - breasts, dress, and no bulge down there.
Anyway, I just don't know what I want. I don't feel that I ever want to go out in public totally en femme, but today I wore regular guy clothes with a baggy jacket, but had a bra with a B-Cup sized breast forms. I could make them protrude at will. I got a shock when I got on the trolley to a fully loaded one and was afraid someone would notice, but I was just another person on the train. Usually it is near empty on Sunday mornings, but there was a Penguins hockey game today downtown.
I enjoy having breasts, but also enjoy my male parts, nor do I want to even consider surgery for any body parts.
The part that bothers me is this - am I just trying to justify this activity? I am a Christian that knows that as long as I don't do something to cause my brother to stumble, there's nothing wrong with it. But on the other hand as a Christian I am to glorify God. How am I doing that when I cross dress in private? Or maybe me mentioning God here is doing just that...
Do I look for a church that would accept this? I know they are out there, but I also know that I shouldn't find a teacher just to have my ears tickled.
I just feel confused...
There is something deliciously naughty about being out "underdressed " as if you're in on a secret that no one else knows.
The religious part of the post is a tough one. I am also a Christian and struggle with the same doubts. First I trust in Gods love and forgiveness. Second, Gen 1:27 reads "male AND female he created them". I see that as we are all part male and part female. In our case we are more female than most men and that part of us wants expression. Layman thinking I know.
Oh, I vowed to never purge again. I had the cutest shoes and I tossed them "sigh".
Jillian
I too am a christian and wonder if I am sinning. But as Jillian M. said in another post, we are both man and woman, so I feel that I am just expressing my female side. I will never purge again and if the feeling to stop occurs I will pack everything away until the feeling comes again.
I too am a Christian and struggle. I have purged many times myself and often fantasize going out dressed en femme. One of my favorite cities is San Francisco. While I have never really been outside the touristy areas, I envision going into the Castro and getting dressed up! But there are many other cities that you can do this as well. I struggle with God creating me man, but having all these feminine desires! I even wonder what it would be like to transition at this point as well?
I would echo the thoughts of the other ladies here. I've wrestled with the question of right and wrong and how to make this work as a Christian. I've gone through periods of time where I was shamed out of doing it, but I still have no answers after years of wondering. Like Michelle said, I don't think I will purge again. I'll just put my stuff away for awhile. One thing I do understand now is that my strong desire to express myself as a female will never go away. It's been with me nearly my entire life. It's part of who I am and how I was created.
Jennifer
Has anyone thought of starting a Christian Crossdresser group? If not, maybe I'll upgrade my membership and start one. It would also be nice to be able to upload some pictures once I get brave enough to take some decent pics...
If you start that group, I will join
I would totally join that too. It's a fascinating topic that many of us struggle with.
I have been involved in the church (contemporary Christian) for all of my life. My grandfather was a pastor in our church, and one of my family members currently works for the church. I regularly support the church and do volunteer work for their good causes. I have known most of these people most of my life, but they all know that I am purely and Atheist. There was a time in my life when I was a believing christian, being born into a christian family. Then a time in my late teens came where I wanted answers, and I turned to the church and the bible for answers. I found that the more I investigated the bible, and discussed it with my elders, the more holes got shot through the bible and it's proclaimed "truths". When I spoke to people in my church about it, I was told that many people within the church felt the same way that I did, but they loved the people, the social aspects of the church and charity work that they do, so they just continued on not "stirring the pot".
I am now a person who relies on science and reason to provide me with answers, and rarely does it fail me the way that organized modern religion does. I still love the people in my church who I have known all my life. (...and I have no problem wearing a bra, panties, stockings, and a dress under my clothes to church - and wearing heels in the car while I drive to church)
If you really want to investigate religion in a meaningful way, feel free to look into the 5 religious stories that mirrored the life of Jesus, and all predated the Jesus stories by 500 to 3000 years.(Horus, Buddha, Mithra, Osiris, & Krishna.) There are many sources online, here is link to a very brief one.
It makes it pretty hard to believe in Christianity, once you realize how much of the religion was borrowed (intentionally, or just mixed up by people who learned their religion from multiple sources) from other religions that came before the life of Jesus.
It's been pretty eye-opening for me that even the Vatican has now relented to agree that Jesus wasn't born in Bethlehem, and there never was a census in that year, and no one ever had to return to their city of origin for a census anyway. Jesus was called "Jesus of Nazareth", because he was born in Nazareth - not Bethlehem. The foundation stories of the bible that have no proof outside their own book, continue to be dis-proven by science, and eventually there will be little left of any religion. It may eventually be relegated to third world countries, and "cooks".
What is inside you is far more important that what any arcane book tells you should or should not be inside you. If you are conflicted by religion, do some digging into it, and don't ever accept the answer "we can't explain it, so it is God". Nothing makes an Atheist faster than a religious education based in truth, that covers multiple religions. Don't let religion be a problem in your life, we have enough to deal with in this crazy mixed up world.
I don't necessarily equate the desire to purge with something adverse to my faith. I likely fall into the category that while recognizing their are inconsistencies in the Bible, I try to place it into the overall context of belief in a higher power, but not one that necessarily reflects word for word in all cases what has been reduced to "record". As I practice my faith the concept of how I live my life and the impacts it has on others is more important to me than what a particular verse may state. The challenge for me as a cross dresser is if I am in public and I see someone with small children and I am partially femme, it may put the parents in an awkward position. As much as I may believe there's nothing wrong with what we do and in an ideal world we'd appreciate and respect expression of gender identity as a personal and even fluid choice ; in the immediate moments I'm not ready to push that particularly; in those situations involving parenting. Hopefully this makes sense and doesn't sound hypocritical.
What a great thread. I love all of the well reasoned responses. I may be a Bible believing Christian, who attends a Babtist church, but I always thoroughly enjoy philosophizing on these things. I suppose unlike many of those I sit next to on Sunday mornings I don't feel all defensive if someone believes differently. I'm not all knowing, and besides, I could be wrong (I know, gasp, a Christian admitting such a thing!) My faith isn't shaken if someone has a different opinion. I know some of my fellow Christians and family members haven't been touched directly by CD/TG issues so they can remain in their ivory towers. Life has humbled me enough that I've become more empathetic and pragmatic in many ways. Yes, there are some absolutes with regard to right and wrong, but most of life tends to fall in the gray areas. Just my 2 cents. 😀
Well put, we live in a world of gray, and are just trying to navigate through it...as CDs adding some brighter color as we go through...tolerance and respect for difference would seem consistent with any creed.
Kim
Add this string to the list of reasons I'm grateful for finding CDH. When in church I've often wondered whether I'm the only cis male wearing femme wear underneath their guy clothes. While I've rationally concluded I'm probably not; the responses here confirm it. Jayme thanks so much for starting this string, I hope you're getting as much out of the responses as I have.
Kim
Yes, I am getting a lot out of this thread. What I really enjoy is that there is no bashing or flaming going on, just reasoned talk from our experiences. It really does make me want to upgrade from free so I can start that group and maybe upload some pictures. There are so many sub threads that could be started from this as well.
Now I'm on the verge of upgrading my membership. *giggles*
We all have sinned but are saved by grace. Remember that Jesus healed those who came to him regardless of where they were from. He also stated that "none can get to the Father except through Him."
It is interesting though and believe it or not, I don't actually worry about it. I thank God for making me who I am and for accepting me for who I am.
