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Hey ladies.
I’ve been crossdressing off and on since an early age. I put on my first dress when I was 10 or 11 or maybe even 12 but I don't remember the age but all I know is that I was young and still in elementary school.
it was more underdressing (as we call it) I did early in life and throughout my marriage. Fast forward I got divorced after 17 years and Paula was free to come out. I purchased female clothing and shoes and purses and learned makeup etc….
I didn’t hide my clothing or makeup at all. My girlfriend at the time said you’re gonna get caught from your daughters. I just shrugged it off though. I mixed my clothes in with my guy clothes and everything was fine right? My wig was as put away and my makeup was in a locked up kit. Nothing was out at all.
One daughter went to college and one I have every other weekend till she is 18. Well that stopped several months ago when she decided to stop coming over. The reason according to her mom was my daughter had snooped around and found some female clothes. She also saw me on a male for male app (I’m bisexual) and for a year she kept this to herself. Like I said I didn't try to hide anything. It wasn’t out there in her face or a laying around for her to see.
So for several months she hasn’t spoken to me at all. She won’t go out to eat with me at all (not unless someone is there). For her high school graduation I was there but she wouldn’t acknowledge me at all. My oldest probably knows but is distant as well. I’m not losing sleep over this and it is a bit depressing but I know it’s a crappy situation. I know I should have don’t thing better in the past but why dwell on what I should have done, it’s too late now.
Hi Paula,
I know it must hurt to have your daughter pull away from you like that. The one plus side is that you dont have to hide from her anymore. My hope is that eventually you two can have a heart to heart talk. PLease be patient with her.
- Robyn
Yes patience is the key and thank you
Patience, yes. Just make sure to keep making an effort to be there for them. Give them the option and try not to be hurt if they don't accept. My bet is they will come around, eventually.
Paula,
I feel for you. Whilst I am not exactly in the same situation, I can understand your daughters feelings.
In today's world, there seems to be an assumption that every young person is completely accepting of other genders. In reality, that's not always the case. Everyone is different and can be influenced by others and their points of view and thinking.
I can only echo what others have said. Just be patient - it may take time, but she may come around and start to see a different perspective.
Katie
I agree with what you said that “there seems to be an assumption that every young person is accepting of other genders”. This is one of those cases that what I’m doing isn’t acceptable. I’ve said this before that people are accepting of one’s lifestyle but as long as it’s not one of their own family members, and that seems to be the case.
thanks Katie
Sounds like it’s time for a group sit down chat with your girls and come out to them with a story starting from childhood.
I would sit down and talk to your daughters about your gender identity. Tell them that there is information about this issue and it is not abnormal. I struggle with this issue with my daughter and wife. They are not accepting but they have not abandoned me either. I hope to someday have their understanding and support. My duel gender is who I am, and expressing my feminine side is so very important to me. I hope your situation improves over time. I would let them know you will always be their for them and love them very much.
So sorry for your family troubles. I don't know how much your X knows and understands. I know my X thinks because I like to CD that I want all the surgeries and 'go all the way'. She seems to have shared her ideas with our kids and I hear negative things from them. Truthfully I am close to fully 'socially transitioning', no HRT or surgeries. My daughters know, I even went to the local town parade with my oldest daughter and her 2 girls. Everyone was fine. Now my son knowsbut does not want to see or talk about it.
. Cassie
My ex had an idea I was bisexual but the crossdressing came later when my daughter found my stuff. It wasn't oops I found something, she went snooping as we all did at that age or younger.
im sure my ex has shared her negative ideas to them as well and she probably thinks I wanna go all the way. That’s a different subject for another time.
Thanks for replying.
I agree with the comments made. In my situation my wife insinuated to the kids that I was engaged in perverted and dangerous activities. As she threatened to out me to them I arranged to visit with them and their spouses one on one. They were actually relieved when I explained the situation, since they were expecting worse. My situation was easier than yours because one daughter is a psychologist and very accepting and understanding of behavior others might consider abnormal. My son was a concern because he has strong fundamental Christian beliefs, but he immediately recognized it is not sinful. Another daughter is a hippie out of time so anything I do would not approach what she has seen or done. In the end, I found my fears overblown, as they were able to accept the truth without judgment; one of the spouses even complimented me for being so bold. Still, not all were fully accepting. My son's spouse has encouraged her family to avoid me and my now ex-wife has gathered a following that ostracizes me. Still, I believe that any effort to communicate one-on-one is well advised. I volunteered to answer any questions they might have and was fully prepared to guide them to literature on the subject, but I did not volunteer anything they did not ASK to see. They were content not to ask much of anything after the initial reveal. My 3 daughters have engaged with me when fully dressed and we have had some fun times. I have even presented crossdressing topics to my daughter's college classes. The bottom line, I think, is that few can overcome prejudice and negative fallout, but being open and honest and available is the best you can do to show that you are proactive, and willing to address any concerns at any time and want to retain relationship. If/when anyone is willing to listen, you are willing to share. There is no need to apologize for who you are and things that you cannot choose. Those who love you will accept and not condition their love on who you are. Unfortunately, not all will choose to seek truth, understand or accept. You can only do your part and hope they will do theirs.
My time is gonna come…
I feel for you, Paula. These will be tough times. Having a trusted parent to your children sabotage your relationship with your daughters makes me think that now would be a good time for family therapy.
Time may heel some wounds, but not necessarily all of them.
Most people fear, or even hate, what they don't know, and most people know almost nothing about dressing en femme. Even worse, they are often fed mis-information, often intentionally by others, especially vindictive ex-spouses. The way to fight ignorance is with knowledge which means you need to have a sit down heart to heart talk with your daughters. They may not accept your lifestyle or gender issues, if there are any, but at least they will have accurate information to base their opinions.
That is very unfortunate. About all you can do is keep making yourself available to your daughters. The time may come when they begin to see you as a human, and perhaps as they face challenges and choices in their own lives, will begin to understand that you are human too.