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So today I have had the first opportunity to have a girl day in a month. So I decide to get all femme and go to a shopping centre that has a wig salon. The wig salon is one of those stores that is more like a stand in the middle of where everyone walks. So I walk up to the lady and say I"m looking for some short hair wigs. She sits me down in front of a mirror and asks me colour and style etc. She comes back with a wig and says try this on.
Now at this point I am already wearing a wig that I have to take off to try the other one in the middle of a crowded shopping centre.(Obviously I hadn't thought the full process through) So I figure all I can do is come clean to her. So I say to her "This is a wig I'm wearing that I'll have to take off to try that one. I'M TRANS. The words just came out of my mouth without thinking but then I thought am I really Trans. I've never said the words I'm trans before let alone to a total stranger. I have never really thought of myself as trans more gender fluid. I just said I'm Trans as I thought that was the easiest way she would understand what she would see when the wig came off and now I am a bit confused. Does anyone know to be trans means you are a full time female or is part time girl like myself also trans when she is presenting as a female.
The lady was wonderful and said she has trans people come here all the time so she said for me to slide my wig off to the back. while she put the other one on from the front to cover my real hair as much as possible. A long story cut short in the end I broke the budget and went mad and spent $400 on two new wigs.
Olivia, this is a question I've often pondered but hesitated to ask for fear of causing offence. What exactly is meant by transgender? And is trans merely a shortened form, or has it garnered a slightly different meaning of its own? Lovely to hear about your super experience at the wig salon.
Hugs, Chrissie xx.
For what its worth, I've chosen to say that I too am Trans, when I need too. It's way more accepting of others than to say I am a CD. It just makes it less stressful for others.
There are a few ways to look at it. Saying you are trans can just be a shott hand way of saying you are somewhere on the spectrum of gender identity. It can also be a eiphamism for being a crossdresser that relates more to the women's said without having to explain ot all. It could also mean yoi are transitioning and you are somewhere along that journey, but you yourself may not be sure exactly where along that path you are. Of course it can mean exactly what you said, that you have come to accept that you are transgender.
It is somewhat difficult for me at time to articulate why I dress to others in a simple way without getting into a major discussion. I dislike the term crossdresser, and prefer en femme, but few people understand that. When talking to some one I usually say something to the effect of, "I am somewhat of a crossdresser." This thry understand to a degree and it is quick and easy, if not very accurate. I suspect " I'm trans", can be quite similar.
It hasn't come to it yet, but if anyone says anything or asks me why I cross-dress when I'm out en femme, I intend to look them in the eye and tell them I'm trans. I've come out as such to all my family so it's not like I'm pretending anything. That should be enough not to have to go into 'bi-gender' (which is what I feel I am) unless whoever it is recognises me from my drab self.
An hour ago I had a talk with my transgender son about the word transgender and whether or not he would consider crossdressers to be transgender. On some websites transgender is considered as un umbrella term which covers anyone with non-cisgender feelings. Other websites consider it a term for people who want to transition (or already have) to another gender.
At first he said he considers someone who has gender dysphoria transgender. But as we talked we realised it depends on what definitions you have. To him crossdressing was about wearing clothes of the opposite gender, which I can understand because it literally implies just that. I explained to him that it is much more to me. I agree with @jjandme en femme is a much better word but less understandable for the outside world. For me the clothes, make-up, wig and shoes are enabling me to feel and be feminine. It transforms me to another gender, even though it is temporary. So I'd say calling it being trans would be fitting.
I wonder if when you sat down she could see who you were and no intro necessary.
For myself I was looking for a wig salon and made contact through E mail and said I was Trans. It's probably as easy as anything, a term most understand and if you are going dressed we know where we stand. In general I present myself and say nothing. It is for them to ask, which they usually don't and I don't tell and life goes on.
I consider myself a crossdresser. I'm happy to come home and put on a skirt, and otherwise present as male. But I realize it is much more accepted to present in public as a woman in a skirt than as a man. I have learned how to make myself look feminine. Over time, I have come to enjoy presenting myself as female, but it is not a core need.
A number of people have touched on the question as to whether trans (or transgender) is an umbrella term or a specific term. Since you have no right to ask someone who is transgender if they have had any surgeries (top, bottom, facial, etc.) or even if they could get the surgeries (maybe medical issues make it inadvisable), you can't tell the difference (in public) from someone who has had all the surgeries, someone who has socially transitioned, or someone who does it part time. Technically, the term applies to all. But general use tends to use the term to those who are full time.
If you would like to hear some further discussion on the topic, check out "The Fox And The Phoenix Podcast" episodes 011 and 012, "What Does Transgender Even Mean?" (part 1 and part 2) from November 2020. Each of these is a bit longer than 30 minutes.
You can also check out episodes 060, "Just a Crossdresser" (53 minutes, October 2021) and 083, "Trans Enough" (about 49 minutes, April 2022). These last two are probably related (but not exclusively) to the question.
I think wig shops in my area are very accustomed to dealing with both trans and CDs, so they really don't care which group you are a member of. The sale is all the matters.
When need be, I don't find it difficult explaining the difference between trans and a crossdresser. I am out in public frequently, particularly at local festivals. Also, I attend veteran's ceremonies. Both these venues are places where in the past I have had to explain the difference. Atlanta is a LGBT friendly city, so people are particularly curious and don't mind being educated.
The definition of transgender that I often use is "someone who presents as the gender opposite from that which was assigned to them at birth. It came into more widespread use in the 1980's as part of the transgender spectrum idea, which encompasses everyone from those who only dress occasionally all the way up to those transexuals who have had all surgeries, are on hormones and live life 24/7 as a woman. Therefore, we are all trans but we are all located at different points on the spectrum.
If / when it comes up, I just tell folks that I am a cross dresser. Staci.
Olivia,
I too remember how shocked I was when I first openly referred to myself as being transgender. For me, the conclusion that I am transgender is not about wanting to be a woman, (which I do not), but rather the understanding that I am a man whose identify and expression is not limited either masculine or feminine, but rather is an integration of the two. And after some soul searching and deep thought, I concluded that it was the integration of my masculinity and femininity identifies me as being transgender.
On a related note, it was my wife who actually was the first individual who referred to me as being transgender. She made a reference during a discussion about a debate within her family about her cousin's daughter who has been expressing similar feelings. That, too, was a surprise to me.
MacKenzie Alexandra
Thanks so much to everyone for all your replies. After reading them all I thought I would do some serious research into the definition of the terms transgender and trans. After a few hours the only definition that was black and white was that anyone who wishes to identify as the gender opposite to the one they were born has gender dysphoria and this can be in varying degrees from being not their physical gender full time to once in a blue moon. I found definitions for transgender and trans in many places that said you must be full time to be trans or transgender and just as many that said anyone presenting as the gender opposite to the one they were born even for short periods were transgender while others used the terms gender fluid, bi gender and non binary and not transgender at all.
So after all that I think I have drawn a few conclusions. In my case I only present as a female part time but in my head I am partly female and want to be as much that female as possible right down to how I walk and talk and my body language when I am Olivia. If all the psychiatrist's and university professors and all the other respected people in this area that I read in my research can't agree if trans person is someone who presents as the opposite gender full time or only occasionally I think I'm ok to tell people I'm trans. As using trans as a few of you have said has a generally positive reaction from people these days and it's definition is well understood so best to use a term that you won't have to explain.
Today there are so many terms these days you hear to describe people with gender dysphoria and I have read in my research today many an argument on the definitions of these terms even some between girls like us. This makes me think are we wasting too much time trying to make us all fit in a particular box with a particular label. Maybe we shouldn't worry so much about what label or name we are. Each of us is a wonderful unique person that has something special to contribute to the world and maybe we should forget the labels and just be that person.
Olivia, I agree and that was the poont I was trying to make aboit labels and boxes. While they do jave some use for.discussion purposes, in the end there is no such thing and everything in life is on a continium and defies easy boxing and labeling. In the.end, it really.doesn't matter and we all.just need to.accept people as they are, not as how we want to define them.
For me, as I am just exploring myself and discovering who I am, I find that it does help me a bit to find a label that fits me or sometimes specifically what doesn’t fit me.
I’m still defining myself. I first thought crossdressing helps me feel and be feminine, but after some reading about different genders (labels) now I think it’s the other way around.
I am sometimes feminine which in turn makes me want to crossdress, which actually means it’s not really crossdressing anymore 🤔 it’s matching my gender expression with my gender identity of the moment.
So labels helped me go from crossdresser to gender-fluid. But whether or not you would agree with this depends on the definition you have of crossdressing for which there are multiple also, just like transgender.
In the end I think we’re all complicated and unique 😄