Welcome to Crossdresser Heaven, a safe and welcoming place for everyone in the crossdresser community.
Join Crossdresser Heaven today to participate in the forums.
Is there a cleaver way to say...... I'm buying these for me,,,,,, that is a cleaver or fun way of saying it or is I'm buying it for me the best response to clerks anxious to help......
@susanstarr
One way to have fun is to have two similar items. Ask the clerk which one will look better on you.
/LK
@lizk So long ago, my mantra was "shopping for my wife" but assume that associates knew or thought better. Since I started openly admitting it's for me I've had a few watch out for me and bring sale items out that they saved thinking it was something I'd like or what they believed would look good. Luckily while I've had a very few associates walk away embarrassed over the years, I've never encountered any rudeness or derision.
Good on you Riki!
Stores want what's in your wallet. They don't care if you took it from your purse or from your hip pocket.
Like you said, most sales staff are happy to help. Younger ones especially. I've yet to have a bad experience and would be surprised if I did.
/LK
@lizk I've never realized before, but you're right. It's always been younger SA's that have treated me the best.
@susanstarr I never say who it is for and they never ask. I think it's fun to keep them guessing. I just tell them what I'm looking for and in what size and they can make what they want out of it. Of course if I start getting the nerve to try on clothes in the shore the cat would be out of the bag.
@susanstarr
hi Susan,
A good question. I don’t think I’ve been asked if something I have chosen is for me before, I don’t think sales assistants in shops are bothered, or have seen it all before maybe?
I’ve shopped in drab mode and taken stuff to the changing rooms, barely any recognition of what I was trying on… maybe most sales assistants are so bored they are not even taking much notice….
One time I was dressed en femme and bought some high heels from a charity shop. The lady serving was really nice, not judging at all, we chatted a bit, she said “I don’t know how you walk in heels like these, I never could” and just smiled! So she knew they were for me and was very accepting.
Another time I was in a Roman shop in an outlet village, browsing in drab mode… when the shop was quieter, one of the two sales assistants asked if I needed any help (clearly I did as I’d done a dozen circuits of the shop already and they’d clocked that) - I explained I was looking for something for myself, they were not phased at all. In fact they both proceeded to pick out about 6 dresses great might fit, and closed the changing rooms for me to take a turn and try them on! The one sales assistant stood guard so that no-one else could come into the changing area, and also passed me a couple of other dresses through the curtain to try on! When I came out there was a line of ladies waiting to try stuff on, so I got a few raised eyebrows but I didn’t care. The shop assistants were amazing, I had blast! I bought a lovely summery chifon dress (on sale too).
So yes, I think it’s best to say you are shopping for you, it’s unlikely they’ll be rude or judging, and you might get more help and support than you expect!
Jen x
Absolutely a great couple of stories...
THANKS and big hug for taking the time to do such a great response....
Susan
🍒Jen,
That's kind of the experience I had a few time so at stores , even at a couple Thrift Stores also, not every place , but never had a bad experience, SA sales Assc. normally work on part commission, of full commission, if the store not busy they normal enjoy helping you in found , some lov helping even a bit to far , at first want you to come out so they can see check the fit , to find more for you to try on & buy.
Even had them want to bra fit me too, like you said stand by the dressing door to protect you , !!!
A bit funny , how that works , some SA wanting to help , even pick out clothes , or dress you !!!
Huggs 💓
Stephanie👠
@susanstarr When I first started buying in person, I'd mutter something about "buying for my wife" - which would sometimes lead to an awkward and unproductive line of questioning.
At some point long ago, I took a deep breath and came clean.
I find that the majority of shop assistants (once they've overcome their surprise), take it in their stride and can be really helpful.
As for the ones who find it impossibly improbable (or worse) - they still generally go along with it and help where they can - but I really don't care anymore.
Some items are best bought in person; it's the only way you can truly appraise look, feel and suitability.
Love
Katherine
@susanstarr This doesn't apply to shopping for clothes, but I think it applies. I have had mani / pedis many many times but always dressed as Emily, and always pleasant experiences, never feeling uncomfortable. But one time I was headed to the mountain cabin for a week as Emily, but dressed in male mode. I stopped to get my nails and toes done, dip powder with tips for mani in a nice plum color with and accent nail, same color gel on toes. When I told the tech what I wanted she gave me an odd look. I simply told her I was a crossdresser going spend time dressed for the week and I would stop on the way back to have them removed. It was the best experience ever after that. Full of fun, questions, laughter, but pure acceptance from the staff and all of the other women in the salon. That experience was a game changer for me. People are too busy in their lives to care.
@emily2626 I had by eyebrows trimmed and tinted a couple of weeks ago. The tech was told at the outset that I was a cross-dresser and needed my brows to look feminine but that could still pass as somewhat male. She was fine about it. She did a good job, I'll be going back.
At the salon I go to regularly, I see one particular nail tech exclusively. But the all recognize me when I come in. I'm guessing they all talk about me when I leave. I usually go in male mode, but I've also gone in as girl casual and dressed to the nines for a GNO.
@susanstarr "Can't wait to see how these fit." This I have said and got a very surprised look from the clerk.
@susanstarr
Hi Susan,
When I first started buying female things I did some research to work out my size. My initial purchases for shoes, dress, skirt, top and wig I said I was going to change of sex party. A few weeks or months later, I said I was getting something for Paula. A minute or so later I would mention discreetly that I'm Paula. Some offered me to use the change rooms. Remember to leave the item in the change room after you have tried it on. Sometimes the shop fills up when I'm in the change room. Sometimes it is a bit of a wait. Failing that if I have to exit the change room on those occasions, I mention to the shop assistant the change room light is now working.
Paula
@susanstarr They don't need to know who you are buying it for. If you know your size just ask if they have whatever in This Size. You are under no obligation to offer more information. Just be polite.
@susanstarr There’s been a few times now where I’ve said to a clerk when checking out - “This stuff is just for the weekends!” I got a reply once…the lady looked at my wife and said - He’s hilarious! My wife said - “She sure is!”…(have to give her credit…that was fast and great!)
Let’em wonder. Gives them a good story to tell over dinner that night.😊
@susanstarr I am just open about it, he sales person will generally be better equipped to help if they know what you're looking for.
I shop in drab, but have the confidence to be open about Anna,
Hugs,
Anna xx
@susanstarr I’m like a lot of girls here when I’ve bought in drab. I never say anything, and so far haven’t been asked. I think the check out people are just going to ring up the sale, they don’t care for who or what you are buying it for. On one occasion, I had a sales checkout lady that had to hold up a dress that I was buying for everyone in line to see, making like she was carefully folding it to get it in the bag, but I really didn’t care, I haven’t seen or heard from any of those people then or since. Now they all have a story to tell to their family. Hopefully that might stir some conversation and get more girls out in the open. Similarly, no one bats an eye at a woman buying boxers, so it’s only fair that no one cares when a man buys panties.
Hi Jenn: Thanks for spending the time to write a very informative response to the
question, I have a number of occasions where the clerk at the counter has held up dresses, bras and panties in a way that everyone in line can see in the interest of folding them. I don't let it bother me but I do think it is kind of tacky. Thanks again for taking the time to respond.......Hugs, Susan
@susanstarr you are so right, but we get what we get, it’s ok with me, they won’t bother me. I’m glad you are feeling the same.
@susanstarr "They're for me, but not for me", with a little wink that says, "I hope to get 'lucky'".
@susanstarr
I forgot another one that I use, "Of course, these are for her", being ambiguous whether "Her" is you wife, SO, mistress or your other self. You can also add, "My wife taught me how to be a good shopper", "I know her size", or "I know what she likes."
You can have some fun with the cashier also, like, "She's the same size as me, so if it fit's me, it will fit her."
If you want to have more fun, if asked, reply, "Of course it's for me", very sarcastically. You can also add, "It's cute, but it's not my size.
I like to keep them dressing.
But, honestly, admit it. Some GG SA's are more than willing to help, and even run and fetch a different size, and comment on how it looks/fits. I went into multiple Dress Barns (RIP) and the SAs seemed to have as much fun shopping for me as I had shopping for me.
Once, I even had an SA help me with buying a one-piece bathing suit, in an all-woman's store.
I shop at a consignment store where all the SAs know me. I just bought an asymmetric (vegan) leather biker's jacket there a couple of days ago. It was calling my name.
@susanstarr
My best story.
I was shopping in drab at a Lord & Taylor store when they were going out of business. I picked out a number of evening gowns that I want to try on. I went to one of the cashiers and asked her where I could try on an evening gown. She looked at me like I was speaking a different language. She said, "An evening gown" and made motions with he hands indicating a long gown. I stood their resolutely and said, "Yes". She said, "I'll have to ask my boss." Her boss was very accommodating. She took me to the handicap stall in the women's changing area. She zipped my dress when I came out, and led me to the big 3-way mirror. In the end, I didn't like the fit of either evening gown. But, as I was walking out, I saw a dress just my style on the rack to go back outside. I tried it on and bought it. The manager checked me out.
When I'm shopping for something it's for me, unless it's not. I used to be nervous about it but I got over it. Most sales associates, in my experience don't care. A sale is a sale, money is money no matter who it comes from. I don't hide who or what I am unless that person is just hateful. I've had to get someone to unlock the fitting room for me and I'm holding a skirt or something else that's obviously from the women's dept. If it's close to Halloween I guess you could say it's for a costume but what about the rest of the year? Too many times I've bought something thinking I had the right size only to find no it's not. Now I have to return and explain it's the wrong size. I dont have a problem doing that but would rather not have to make a special trip to exchange an item. It might be stressful at first but it gets easier. I just tell them I'm a crossdresser. So yeah it's for me.
Too many times I've bought something thinking I had the right size only to find no it's not. Now I have to return and explain it's the wrong size. I dont have a problem doing that but would rather not have to make a special trip to exchange an item.
And this is why I always carry a cloth measuring tape with me. It allows me to pre-sort clothes before buying. A new item either measures up or it doesn't. If it is iffy, then a trip to a change room may be necessary.
I just tell them I'm a crossdresser. So yeah it's for me.
To the point, doesn't beat around the bush, life goes on. The way I dress could also hint at me being a crossdresser anyway. 🥰
@sarahl Same here. It did take a few years, but I eventually overcame my shyness.
I'll still usually only go shopping in person for my inner woman wardrobe on weekday mornings when there are fewer customers about (and no long queues of women waiting to use the fitting rooms).
Love,
Katherine
I gave up trying to use an excuse for buying girly clothes years ago. I did used to use the 'fancy dress party' line so I could go and use the changing rooms - this would have been in charity shops.
Eventually, I came across a lady in one of the charity shops who told me that there was no need to bee embarrassed as she'd seen lots of men like me in her time, and she actually put stuff aside for me, although she did make me show her when I'd tried them on... at the time she was only the second person to have seen me in a dress and heels so it was a very nerve-wracking couple of minutes!
Anyway, since then, I've just been upfront about it. I don't say it's for me, but if they ask any questions, I don't lie about it. It actually feels good to own that. 🙂
I never mentioned it regarding clothing, although I need to work on my en femme voice. I did open up to a clerk at Sephora. She was not so abashed that she couldn't ring up $100 worth of stuff.
Jules
If I am in drab, and should anyone actually ask, I would just tell them I'm a cross-dresser; to date, no one has asked. Most of the time, I'm en femme anyway when shopping for clothes, so it doesn't really come up in conversation.
Becca
Well. I’ve never had anyone ask but I always take items to try on in the changing rooms. So I’m guessing they don’t need to. After the first time buying and trying on clothes it was pretty obvious who they were for. Lol. Must say though the first time was exciting and intense but now…..
The only thing I've been asked is "do you want a bag?". In CA there is a 10 cent charge. "Yes ,please. Thank you. Have a nice day". But I do get an adrenaline rush from the thrill of shopping. And can't wait to try on my new treasures.
Lydia
That's brilliant. I'm going to make some appointments for therapy.
My wife worked in retail many years ago. "Retail Therapy" is really a thing.
In fact, my therapist encouraged me to go shopping for Steffi "to keep being happy". She says that I can shop, and not buy anything "too extravagant". Doesn't that sound like "Retail Therapy" to you? She loves that I have a hobby that I love, even if it is a little unconventional.
So, you're allowed to spend $100 to $200 per hour, because that's what real therapy costs.
Ten bucks for a three pack of panties is really cheap when you put it that context.
Why settle for a three pack of panties all the same. Go to the sales rack at Kohl's and pick out three different ones. If you shop carefully, it's not much more expensive.
I have always said it was for me. In earlier years, I used to say I needed an outfit for a costume contest. I am an intersex person, an intersex female with 50/50 mix, and have always been "passable" so that has always been a natural advantage and I've never had any issues with trying things on.
Hugs
Ms. Lauren M
I do all my non-internet clothes and shoe shopping as Joanna. It’s so much more fun that way!
Joanna 💕
When I was younger, I used to get so nervous and would say it was “for my wife.” Some would give me the “yeah right” look and I would take my treasures and rush out of the store.
I then built up the courage to carry a photo of me dressed up, and I first showed it to a MAC girl when I needed to buy a foundation that matched me right. As she was matching different shades on me I told her that I sometimes dressed as a girl and asked her if she wanted to see what I looked like. She enthusiastically said “yes” and her jaw dropped and she was outright surprised. I could see her eyes shifting back and forth from my pic to me, comparing the looks. Her whole demeanor changed and she was so nice to me. She showed me other products and explained to me what would work best for me. It was a thrill and wonderful experience. I’ve gone back to her several times over the years since and have met some of the other girls there that have treated me so nice. They now sometimes see me come in in drab and sometimes dressed and treat me like one of the girls!
I’ve had similar experiences at other stores with the sales attendants. I love the compliments and questions they ask. I love hearing them say that I pass for a real woman. It’s so thrilling and I love the feeling of approval and acceptance!
So for me the photo idea has gone along way and allows me to own it and be happy of who I am! Life’s too short to waste!
I've never been asked or given a strange look when I buy things. When I first started buying for myself I was nervous but that abated after a short time. When my wife and I are shopping together there are times she will ask if Suzanne would like a certain item or that Suzanne would look good in that, anyone in ear shot wouldn't know she was talking about my alter ego so it is kind of fun. I've gone shopping for myself in stores and thrift shops without any issues. I don't try things on though and I've been pretty fortunate in getting things in my size. I don't think I'm brave enough (yet) to do that. My wife and I go for mani-pedi's every couple months, the techs we get are really good taking care of us. The first time I got color on my toes I was nervous but now it is a regular thing. I've even gotten to having art on my toes. Right now I've got pink toes with little white hearts for Valentines Day. One time my wife and I were at a hotel swimming pool, I had my toes painted red. I needed to get out of the hot tub to turn the jets on but there were other people in the swimming pool area. My wife told me to go ahead and own it. I got out of the hot tub and no one noticed and if they did they didn't say anything. Since then I've gotten bolder with going out with painted toes and wearing some of my femme ankle boots. I regularly buy pads for my wife and I as well as panties for both of us and never been questioned. Do what feels right for you. I'm always in drab when we shop as my wife doesn't want me going out of the house dressed, my hope is that that will change.
XOXO
Suzanne
I always make it clear that I am shopping for myself, I have never had any problems, I usually try on what I am buying, If they ask for an email I always give them Kimberly's email address
