What is your relationship with pain?

I had a painful childhood. I won't get in to it in detail here. It has caused me to live with depression, anxiety, people pleasing and putting everyone else's needs first. Everyday I feel this and I am starting to heal, but I am not sure it ever all goes away. I cope with this pain by seeing a therapist, talking with friends, journaling or taking a long walk. Putting on makeup and getting dressed up can help sometimes.

Behaviors like putting others needs first, does interfere with transgender issues. I often think about transition and what that means to me. I am starting to think about my needs for a change.

My longest relationship. Two wives have come and gone, but pain is always by my side.

Good topic

I agree with you that pain is an indicator of a problem. And my answer is 'change'   pain for me is a sign that whatever is causing it is broken and it is time to move away from it. Angst and frustration usually accompanies it.

Just my opinion

Trisha

"Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional." Haruki Murakami

As with all girls "of a certain age" (and guys), pain is a near-constant companion; a reminder that this body I wear is wearing out. It's in my joints, in my muscles, and sometimes behind my eyes. Most of the time, I can block it out from my consciousness; and when I can't, it reminds me that I'm still alive and should make the most of the time until my warranty expires.

HI Rei,

I had a very good friend I met on here.

Strictly internet but I really fell for her as a Good platonic  friend and she always indicated to me the same.

she was getting married and I wanted to send them a wedding gift and needed an address.

she was very security oriented and blocked me due to this.

It devastated me.

I'm Not sure what the lesson is here, maybe dont put yourself out there and trust people .

I will never Isolate myself or not trust people because someone hurt me but dang it still hurt.

Cant shake it .

I feel its ridiculous but cant shake the hurt totally .

This persons friend ship meant so much to me.

I cant really explain why either.

Just thought she was a kind interesting person that made me want be a better person.

so I dont handle it very well,I guess.

Huggs Patty

Pain can be a healthy protective thing...eg, put your hand on the hot stove, and you pull it back.

An unhealthy example would be never go near a stove again.

Some have an illness in which they like pain. They continue to harm themselves. (There are a variety of reasons why.)

Emotional pain can be similar.

Hi Rei,

Pain is a useful teacher in the game of life, but I wouldn't add it to the school curriculum. It will probably happen anyway at some stages in your life, but it will be yours to own, and deal with. In bad cases, other people / professionals / drugs can help - or sadly sometimes hinder - your recovery, but the most important factor is you. You just can't give in to it.

There's also a flip side, I would suggest. My wife didn't have the best of healthy genes. She got to know morphine from various hospital visits, so towards the end of her terminal cancer, she badgered for and willingly accepted end of life treatment and literally went out on a high, which is what she'd always planned for. It wasn't so much giving up as dying on her own terms.

Marti xxx

Hello Rei...great topic.

I'm lucky, I don't have physical pain, don't need drugs, don't do drugs....apart from a taste for alcohol, but that's not an addiction, just a love...I try not to even take headache tablets....

The pain I get is definitely mental, from the anguish of losing both parents at a young age, where I completely " lost it " for a while....followed by the continuous problems thrown at us all by everyday life.

I have gradually learned to handle it....I think my depression is well under control, since my problems last year and I'm so positive now...I refused medication because I wanted to fight it myself, not with drugs. while I fully appreciate its not for everyone..... it's working for me...

I put it down to finding beautiful things to do which includes long walks in the countryside, pottering about in the garden, reading a good book and talking to you girls and being here ( thank you all !!!!)...I know I'm on CDH a lot and I probably piss off a lot of you, but CDH is such an escape for me, and I just feel I really need to pass on the love, and help if I can, be it advice or just making you smile

Also I have so much to thank grace for, she has become almost everything I need that's so good in my life....if I'm feeling down, she can carry me to new heights, she is such an escape from the problems that " real life " throws at me.....

Just writing this reply is making me feel good already, and although it's turned into a ramble, it just proves what the power of this site can do.....

Thanks and bless you all,

Grace xx

Very lucky . Never suffered from depression, never take tablets for headaches ect ect,  except to control blood pressure, never been in hospital, never broke any bones whatever life has thrown at me I've delt with,  only pain I have is losing my bassett hound in a house fire 6 months ago,  that I can't deal with, feeling devastated

Good question, Rei.
I deal with pain, head on,full forward.
I have had depression, body pain, and lots of mental anguish through my life.
I simply work out what the issue is that caused it and work through it. If it is caused by others, I either delete them from my life, or tell them about what they have caused, and work it out.
when it is something un avoidable, I hold my head up, and fight through it.
It isnt always easy, but I learned long ago, to make each day the best it can be, we will have good days, and we will have bad, how you deal with the bad, is up to you, and I prefer sunshine, over cloudy skies.
Hugs, Regi👸💕

Illuminating topic Rei.  I have long term relationships with pain -  a casual one with physical pain, a much more intimate one with emotional pain.   My father...... that's a good example.  Loved my dad - like all my family - utterly.  But he was a cause of a *snap* in my life when at the age of 7 or 8 I was crying a lot over something and my dad announced loudly " stop crying, what are you, a girl??!? "  Hearing that made something shut down inside.   At that age part of me realized I could never share myself with my dad.  ( old fashioned Prussian, he'd never understand ).  I seriously struggled with conflicting emotions when he died over 10 years ago.  God, I miss him so much, yet I also realized I could begin being "me", now that he was no longer here.   Depressing to realize some had to die before Stevie could live....

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger??  Hope so!   Apologies for droning on....

Stevie

Hi Rei This is a very thoughtful and good post that proves you are going in the right direction in life. I loved Robyn Drakes response. Its how you deal with the pain is whats important. I lost my only son to heart disease  some 12 years ago. He was just 25 years old. It makes me think about all those mothers and fathers who had to bury their child for any reason  accidents, wars, drug overdoses any reason. I have never felt such deep rooted pain that will just not go away. So you just learn to live with it. There is no  doctor or lawyer that can make that pain go away. Puts my cross dressing in perspective. It is it really a big deal what clothes we choose to wear? Thank you for the thoughts

Luv Stephanie

I have gone thru so many medical and dental disasters that I would say my threshold for pain is very high. But it is not at that point where I would fall under the category - no pain no gain. I will leave that category to the masochists. LOL.

Alice Black