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I was out shopping the other day as Veronica and having some time to kill I wandered into Urban Outfitters which is normally a brand that doesn't figure on my radar at all. I knew that this was a store that catered to young women in the 18-35 year old range which is a few decades away from my current age. As I wandered around the shop I was staggered by two things: firstly the prices which not many young women would be able to afford and secondly by how skimpy many of the clothes were. But as I took a closer look at some of the tiny mini-dresses, I realised that they took me back to the 1960's when I first started to get those almost insistent cross-dressing yearnings that I couldn't do much about. Although I would dearly have loved to wander around town as a Mary Quant inspired "dolly bird" the reality was so far outside my life at that time as to be just an impossible dream. This experience in UO got me thinking again about something that has become a bit of a recurring nag and that is what would it have been like to be a fully functioning CD when I was young, slim and fresh faced as opposed to the sagging, wrinkled old hag I present as now. I know it's not particularly productive to dwell on the might have beens in life but nonetheless my guess is that for those of you who like me and for various reason have only been able to really enjoy being a CD in our later years, this is probably a question you've asked yourselves.
So girls, do you have any regrets about your CD life and what are they?
In my early teens I kept my stash of girly stuff hidden in a holdall in my wardrobe. When I was 14 I went on a school holiday trip to Austria. On my return I found my holdall had been emptied. A frantic search resulted in me finding my stash wrapped in a black plastic bag behind the dressing table in my parents' bedroom.
It so happened that the bin lorry was passing by, so in my deep embarrassment I dashed out of the house with the bag of my stuff and tossed it into the back of the lorry.
Now obviously this meant that one or both of my parents knew I crossdressed, but neither of them ever raised the matter with me. I was too confused and ashamed to bring it up with either of them.
My dad was quite a stern man, I didn't have a good relationship with him. By contrast I had a great relationship with my mum. We could talk about anything, but... I just couldn't bring myself to admit to her that I was a crossdresser. I don't know why. I think now that she would have been OK with it. But I kept the "secret", because I didn't want her to be disappointed in me. And this was 1974; attitudes towards crossdressing were not as liberal as they are now. The perceived link with homosexuality, illegal in the UK until 1967, were still very strong.
Besides, it might have been my dad who found and bagged my stuff. My mum might have been totally unaware.
Which brings me to my regret. Both my parents are now long dead, and it haunts me that I never had the courage to explain the contents of that black plastic bag.
I think that many here do relive childhoods missed by wearing things in private they wouldn't wear outdoors. As a child I was a fully functioning C.D. and could wear my sisters fashionable clothes in private and was lucky enough to be able to dress on a couple of occasions for fun events, the regret is not being able to tell due to the times we lived in then and wonder how my life had been if things had been different. Now having come out Ican wear what I like when I like and although the flimsy young fashion is not a choice but being fashionable in an age appropriate way is compensation for the years lost.
I can sympathize with how you feel, but then I think that experience is had by almost everyone in relation to some topic or another. "What if..." is the magic only the human brain can make. However, like all things, what you get out of it depends on how you use it.
I say get one of those cute, skimpy dresses - maybe two! Find an occasion to wear it - I'm certain something will come along. Use that magic power to revel in the feeling it gives you, even if only for a little bit. I'm 53 and mostly dress suitable to my age and body shape, but I have on occasion just said 'damn the torpedoes' and gone out with a look of someone younger (and fitter lol), but I had a great time and still look back thinking, "Yeah, I did that!"
Turn 'what might have been' into 'what's yet to be' 🙂
As someone who is now 63 and only really started dressing regularly a couple of years ago, I sometimes wish I’d started a little earlier.
However, although I’ve had these tendencies since my teens, it was never really as strong as it is now, and the opportunity just wasn’t there, so I don’t tend to dwell on it often.
As Jacqueline quite rightly points out, being a fully functional CD back then probably wouldn’t have been a very pleasant experience. I remember as a teen in the 70s that I felt incredibly guilty and ashamed that I loved wearing my sister’s tights and underwear, and was always terrified that someone would find out.
It’s taken me all this time really to work out that I’m actually quite normal.
There’s still plenty of time to make many CDing memories, so as Melodee said “damn the torpedoes”
Don't sell yourself short Veronica, I too had raging hormones when Mary Quant & Twiggy were around. Remember topless dresses too? They used to pop up in the newspapers every day when I was 12, I think. I recently had an opportunity to make a 60's style outfit out of what I had in the house. I am in my mid 70s, didn't even consider crossdressing as such until I was in my 50s. So, here's my "wrinkled old hag" photo of that outfit. Be kind to yourself love.
https://www.crossdresserheaven.com/photo/throwback-to-the-60s/
Regrets, where do I start?
But, really, trying to focus on the present and the future. At 63 years old, it all seems so precious.
I wish that I had not tormented myself with guilt, shame and anxiety for decades.
And, perhaps, I wish that I had been stronger, less secretive and more direct with my wife.
Nothing easy but all part of a crossdressers life, I suppose...
Yes, Veronica I wish I would have discovered this when I was younger. I do.make the most of it now. I can't go back to the past and you never know how it would have turned out.
Hi, I just wish I had the oppertunity to dress properly in my teens. But never mind.
I wished I was not a crossdresserlife would be more simple. I am powerless to resist its pull. So I sit back and enjoy the ride.
As a coda to my original post, after reading all the replies, I decided that the damn the torpedoes approach recommended by some might have merit so I went online and ordered no less than five skimpy little dresses from Urban Outfitters. They were all on sale at vastly reduced prices (presumably because the party season is over) so it wasn't actually a particularly extravagant purchase. I'm pretty sure that I won't get to wear any of them outside my house but you never know. I won't be posting any photos!
Anyway, thanks to all those who posted replies. As usual, they were an interesting read.
Veronica xx
For me, it is not a regret. I am thankful for the live that I have lived. I am, however, curious how my life would have been different had I been honest with my parents, the pyschologist, and most importantly, myself when I was outed to my parents as a teenager. My reation at the time was one of fear and naivety. I told my parents and others what I thought they wanted to hear. Then I buried my feelings so deep that they took over 20 years to find the light of day again.
MacKenzie Alexandra
Hi Veronica,
I can totally understand where you are coming from, I'm a mature crossdresser that started dressing in my older sister's lingerie when i was about 8 or 9 years old, back in the early 60's when being gay was frowned on and to come out as someone who liked wearing my sister's clothes was a complete no no , the only time we saw a crossdresser back then was someone like Danny La Rue on the telly, it was only drag queens that dressed up, nowadays its getting more acceptable for crossdresser's in society, I just wish i had the courage to come out to my wife,
Maybe this might be the year, you never know X
Hugs Rozalyn X
My regrets are letting my guilt of dressing hold my dressing at bay. So I wish I had explored fully dressing much earlier in life But I am certainly making for the lack of dressing now!~
It was very late in life when I went out in public as a woman for the first time after my wife passed away. I have no regrets because we had a good life together. I quickly decided to live full time as a woman and couldn't be happier.
Because I have the figure for it, I can dress as someone 20 yrs. younger than my actual age. Mixed in with all my dresses are 3 that are very short and I've worn them at CD gatherings I've attended. I also have a few mini-skirts which I wear during the warm weather. The majority of my clothes are age-appropriate but it's fun to occasionally spice things up a little.