What would you do if you lost your SO. A CD Dilemma

Caty,

Wow! What an article.

My wife is so special and so wonderful. I love her beyond words. If something happened to her I would be devastated. Would I  recover?

Yes I would. Eventually.

What about the rest of my life? There will never be a woman living in this house other than Susan. Over night guest would be fine. No more roommates though.

How would I lead my life? Easy. When I'm off "the base" I will dress as a man. When I'm in the house I will be a woman 100% of the time. Without the shadow of a doubt.

Amanda

Hey Caty, interesting question and one I have pondered recently. I’ve never lived with another s/o and so much of the meaning in my life comes from supporting her, so obvs devastated.

For a while.

But....

If she was just not here, for whatever reason, and in my current situation/mood I’d be talking to a therapist about hormone therapy, researching supportive accepting cities to move to, and telling some close friends.

stay safe girls

💕

Hi Caty If I lost my wife of 39 years I would truly be lost. For how long? I do not know. I would defiantly move to a more accepting place where i could just be my true self. Wear what I want when I want. I could never replace or even think of replacing my wife. She knows everything about me the good, bad and ugly. I would entertain the the thought of sharing a cute cottage with another trans woman and maybe open a specialty boutique with a hair salon attached that offered clothing and beauty help for woman like us. I know my wife would want that for me.        Luv Stephanie

If I ever lost my SO, being Wendy would be the last thing on my mind.  She is my rock, she knows about Wendy and is supportive of her.  It would be a very devastating blow to me, and it would be a very long time before I could or ever recover from it.

I think I would put Wendy on the back burner to deal with the loss, and after time I may gradually bring Wendy back out to see how it feels without having my SO there for support.

Losing my wife would be devastating for me. Overtime, I think I would spend more time as Molly. If it wasn’t for my wife and kids, I would probably move to a new town and be Molly most if not full time.

Interesting, and something of a frightening question, actually. Though one I have thought a bit about.

I'm what you might say, an early elderly, being 66, 67 in a few months, though don't really look it, or even feel it, but time is marching on. My wife is coming up to 59, this coming Sat., and is still doing fine too. Sorry, Caty, you didn't ask for a health report, but this seems to bring it to mind. As we all know, life is a precious and variable thing, and ones health can be gone in an instant.

I have had a wonderful relationship with my wife, and we will of been married 35 years this Aug. She is my best friend and lover since our first date in 1984. I would be so totally devastated with her loss, and it would take some time to recover. I used to work in a very high stress job and seemed to thrive on it for years, decades even, but of late, I don't handle stress well. The loss of a spouse is definitely high stress!

She knows and is supportive of my dressing. She even rather likes the "fashion show" when I've bought some new clothes and am trying them on, and has said she is amazed at how I go from looking like a regular guy, to a fairly convincing woman so quickly and easily.

The big HOWEVER here, is that without her I likely dress up much more often, and do perhaps as Caty suggested, dress drab one day, femme the next, or drab in the morning femme later on. I'm sure left to my own devices it would be much more than I do now. As supportive as she is, she doesn't want to see me dressed up every day, she wants her man around most of the time.

That's compromise I can readily live with.

I would be more open about my dressing, and would likely go to some of the same places we go now as a couple, but only en femme. Let them be shocked, if so. The other point is that I think Amy might be my escape from my loss, a little bit at least, so I might dress up all the time.

As to another person in my life? Wow, hard to imagine I'd find another wonderful and supportive partner, and I think I'd still prefer a female companion. Definitely not male, a trans woman, depends, but most likely I would want to be with a woman, a GG.

As I said in my opening, one doesn't know what hand fate will deal. It is also possible that we will continue to live for many years as we are, and then have to "downsize" sell the house, with its' big property, lotsa work here, and move to some kind of a retirement place, as Caty has done already. That would be a tough transition, on so many levels, not the least of which would be how to deal with still dressing up, and going out, with less space and privacy than I have now.

Perhaps as some others have said, at that point I'd just say to H... with it, this is me, and that's it, take me or not. Easier said than done, I'd think.

Amy

Caty,

The state of my wife's health has forced me to consider the possibility, even though I'm a good 10 years older than she is.  I would dress full-time, withdraw from current social life, and let the kids deal with Bettylou as they saw fit.  And I would not seek a new companion, after 50-plus years with the one great love of my life.  Whether Bettylou would become a hermit, like her alter ego, is unknown.

Hi Katy,

I had some time to really consider this very question this week as my C/D ing and not staying in my boundaries and communicating with my S/O almost caused her to leave.

We worked it out but it gave me time to reflect it would be tough after 27 Years of marriage.

Bbut without my S/O I would be lost and lonely.

However without the compromises marriage can bring I would  first get  belly button pierced and I would dress most of the time around the house.

Probably go out more locally but I still have the problem of me working for a large company and being spotted out en femme.

Might even get my ears pierced.

The freedom would be nice but I would be lost without my wife,she is my best friend.

Patty

Horrible thought after 30 years of marriage but one that has crossed my mind recently as my wife is asthmatic and I’ve been shielding her from the virus.
I’m sure it would take a while, but eventually I would dress more and more and socialise as Katie. If I ever had another partner, it would have to be a GG that is fully into the trans scene and would accompany me on nights out.

<p style="text-align: left;">My answer is the same as Katie's , my wife and I have had this conversation 🌹🌹 Tiff</p>

Great question to bring to the table for consideration and discussion. Obviously no one likes to think of this, but the reality is ever and always close.

May I say as a side bar, I am really touched by how many have expressed such deep love for their spouse. You are so blessed.

I had 35 years with the love of my life and then worse then death (in my mind and heart) she divorced me. Per her reason; she could no longer live with a man who struggled with his own gender identity. For her sake I very rarely dressed, then never fully and always in secret, was tersely shut down when attempting to discuss thoughts and feelings about my gender so I live deeply closeted; but she knew. Evidently it festered long enough to drive her to the very thing I was working to avoid by remaining closeted - divorce. Yes it was devastating. Yes, in this unique way, I do understand what you all mean when you say it would be devastating to lose the live of your life.

Afterwards, on my own I did experiment much more with dressing, went to support groups, took herbal hormones, saw a therapist briefly. Eventually gave it all up when I met my second wife. She knows of my gender struggle and processes not to be bothered by it like my first wife. However she loves the man she married and wants him.

Should I lose her, there would be no one else for me that wouldn't first accept me as Charrie, as I would grow my self as the woman I am. Therapy, hormones, learning the finer things of womanhood and female presentation and perhaps transition would be my pursuit with what ever bit of life I might have left.

I am at the point where my wife knows about my gender identity, I am gender fluid. I feel the need to express my feminine side from time to time. She does not support my fluid gender identity, she does not trust me, and searches through all my stuff for anything female. She has even gotten ride off my female stuff (clothing, shoes etc. ). She said that I would look like a man in a dress, or I would look horrible as a women.

I love my wife with all my heart, but I feel the need to express my feminine side, and become a women. I have been married for 38 years, and I would like to stay with my wife. I still hope she will come around.

Susan

The few times I have thought of this I have come to the conclusion that I would start HRT

Hi Caty,

Wow, deep and interesting question/post, wish I had more time today to answer more in depth.

I've thought about this many times myself not that there is an underlying issue at this time but we are both at an age in life when our time could come. We married in 1983 and are very best friends. You might want to create another post regarding- "If you died what would your S.O. do or FIND?"

Beyond the devastation of such a loss and once I recovered I don't think I would change much. There is zero chance I would live full time or even consider HRT however I would let Sandy come to life more often. I would like to go out on weekends more and would like to take a vacation to Vegas 100% in fem probably during Diva Las Vegas. I love going to Portland, OR and would definitely have some overnight weekends there.

I do not believe I would seek out another female companion and definitely not looking for men.

Sandy