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Whatever you do, *don't* tell my wife

30 Posts
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Posts: 596
Baroness Annual
Topic starter
(@fembecky)
Noble Member     Gloucestershire, United Kingdom
Joined: 5 years ago

Most days I am out and about, crossdressed, with my wife.

I have some nice clothes; I look quite presentable; I use a modicum of makeup; I have long hair. I don't have jewellery or earrings; I don't make an effort to disguise my voice. In summary, I am not trying particularly hard to pass as a woman and the majority of people I meet in the town where we usually shop simply accept me as someone who loves to wear ladies clothes.

Despite this I am starting to find more and more that I am seen as female. Two instances today made me smile. This morning I came down in a lift in the shopping centre with a middle aged couple. When the lift doors opened I stood aside the let them out; the lady exited but the man said "No, no, after you pet". I have never been called 'pet' before. I think, in some parts of the UK 'pet' might be used for either gender (is that right @jacquelinelarkspur ?), but I am certain that in this instance it was used as a way of addressing a female 😍 .

This afternoon we went to the big "Experience Centre" of a major home appliance manufacturer, simply because I wanted to identify and order the spare part for an 18 year old appliance. The ladies there are really nice - there were 2 on the reception desk and immediately complimented us 2 ladies (my wife and I) on our (unintentionally) co-ordinated outfits. While I was sorting out the spare part with one of them, the other offered to make coffee for us. My wife went with the other lady and after a few minutes I went round to join them. As I approached the other lady she turned to me and said "I was just saying to your Mum ...". I don't think I heard the rest of the sentence as major alarm bells started to off in my head - this could cause a major domestic problem 😱 , especially as my wife generally looks about a decade younger than she is. Very thankfully, I don't think my wife heard it.

So now I not only seem to pass as a lady without trying very much, but I also seem to have "un-aged" by about 20 or 30 years.

Go figure!

Rebecca xxx

 
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21 Replies
Ambassador
(@jacquelinelarkspur)
Joined: 1 year ago

Famed Member     Gateshead, Tyne and Wear, United Kingdom
Posts: 1497

@fembecky 

What a priceless story, love it! I wonder how many of us feel younger than our years when en femme, and by how much.

"Pet" is definitely a term of endearment in north east England. It's mainly used when addressing a female of any age, though can be said by women  to younger males and boys.

"That's a bonny dress, pet."

"Can I have a bag of potatoes, pet?"

"Ask your dad, pet."

It can also be used in a passive aggressive manner.

"Listen, pet, I've only had six pints."

 

Thank you for attending my TED talk.

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Baroness Annual
(@fembecky)
Joined: 5 years ago

Noble Member     Gloucestershire, United Kingdom
Posts: 596

@jacquelinelarkspur

I have listened to some great TED talks over the years; that one will definitely stay in my mind!

Apart from a small number of business visits to Newcastle about 10-20 years ago, my main knowledge of the dialect comes from watching too much Vera 😆 .

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Ambassador
(@jacquelinelarkspur)
Joined: 1 year ago

Famed Member     Gateshead, Tyne and Wear, United Kingdom
Posts: 1497

@fembecky 

Ah. well, there aren't as many north east accents on Vera as you might think. In fact, it's amazing how many of the north easteners on Vera sound like they are from Manchester and Merseyside!

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Baroness Annual
(@fembecky)
Joined: 5 years ago

Noble Member     Gloucestershire, United Kingdom
Posts: 596

@jacquelinelarkspur 

Really? I didn’t realise that. Closer to where I live we have Lewis in Oxford; now wasn’t Lewis meant to have a Geordie origin? I chose Lewis as my femme name thinking of that programme; not a particularly good reason, in fact I think it was just the first thing that popped into my head at the time 😊 .

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Ambassador
(@jacquelinelarkspur)
Joined: 1 year ago

Famed Member     Gateshead, Tyne and Wear, United Kingdom
Posts: 1497

@fembecky 

Yes. Robbie Lewis (on TV) is originally from the Newcastle-upon-Tyne area. He's played by Kevin Whately, who is from Hexham in Northumberland, and therefore not a true Geordie. A proper Geordie is anyone from Newcastle itself, though the term is often applied to anyone from the Tyne and Wear area. It's a bit like a true Cockney being from east London, not just anywhere inside the M25.

Fun fact: Colin Dexter wrote the character of Lewis as being Welsh, and older than Morse.

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(@caroline2k)
Joined: 2 years ago

Noble Member     Tyne and Wear, United Kingdom
Posts: 606

@jacquelinelarkspur and @fembecky If I recall correctly, in the series Lewis is trying to put his Newcastle origins behind him and is adopting some sort of 'non-Geordie' accent.

Actually, 'Geordie' accents on telly really irritate me most of the time. They usually fall woefully short of the mark and sound monotone and slightly dim-witted. Mind, I suppose we've come a long way since the days of The Likely Lads when the accents were watered down to homeopathic levels.

I suppose it must be the same for Brummies though, having to hear Bennie from Crossroads every time a native of Birmingham appears, and everyone in the West Country sounds like The Wurzels 🙂

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Ambassador
(@jacquelinelarkspur)
Joined: 1 year ago

Famed Member     Gateshead, Tyne and Wear, United Kingdom
Posts: 1497

@caroline2k 

If you really want to hear the Geordie accent being murdered, google "Castle: The Geordie". There's a few clips from an epusode of "Castle" starring Nathan Fillion, in which the police are baffled by a man from England whose accent they cannot understand. It's excruciating to listen to. There are the odd genuine Geordie words in the dialogue (eg "Dunch", a verb which means hit), but the actor's actual speech is a curious mixture of Scottish, Irish, German and Brooklyn.

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(@caroline2k)
Joined: 2 years ago

Noble Member     Tyne and Wear, United Kingdom
Posts: 606

@jacquelinelarkspur

Oh yes - I have heard of this, but haven't looked at it. Thanks for reminding me (maybe! lol) I shall have to check it out.

 

OK, well I have just watched a 'Best of...' compilation of clips from that episode. That's horrendous! I think I need to go and rinse out my ears 😀

DO we really sound like that to outlanders?! 😲 

 

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Baroness Annual
(@fembecky)
Joined: 5 years ago

Noble Member     Gloucestershire, United Kingdom
Posts: 596

@caroline2k @jacquelinelarkspur 

Well, now I am left thinking I have no clue whether the accents I hear on TV are realistic or not. Maybe I just have to sit back, enjoy the programme, and let the accents wash over me.

But I have always rather liked what I thought was a Geordie accent.

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Ambassador
(@jacquelinelarkspur)
Joined: 1 year ago

Famed Member     Gateshead, Tyne and Wear, United Kingdom
Posts: 1497

@fembecky 

Ant and Dec (especially Ant, the one on the left) are good examples of the Geordie accent. So is Cheryl (formerly Cole). All three were born in Newcastle-upon-Tyne.

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Ambassador
(@lucyb112)
Joined: 2 years ago

Noble Member     Staffordshire, United Kingdom
Posts: 1004

@fembecky 

My knowledge of the North East accent comes from watching Auf Wiedersehn Pet in the 1980s.

That was priceless 🤣

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Baroness Annual
(@fembecky)
Joined: 5 years ago

Noble Member     Gloucestershire, United Kingdom
Posts: 596

@lucyb112 

When I meet people, if they have an unusual accent, I often ask about their origins which leads to some lovely conversations. A few months ago I met a young lady serving in a coffee shop; she had a most unusual accent. I enquired and she invited me to guess. I failed to identify her origin so she had to tell me she was Polish but had learnt to speak English by watching endless American soaps on TV. Ahhh, the influence of TV programmes on our language and culture. We are so cosmopolitan in the depths of the Cotswolds 🙂 .

Rebecca x

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Baroness
(@sienna106)
Joined: 10 months ago

Estimable Member     Manchester, GreaterManchester, United Kingdom
Posts: 65

@jacquelinelarkspur - Pet when used as an endearment is a short version of petal

"You look lovely today petal"

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Ambassador
(@jacquelinelarkspur)
Joined: 1 year ago

Famed Member     Gateshead, Tyne and Wear, United Kingdom
Posts: 1497

@sienna106 

Telly addicts may recall a show about a group of builders in Germany, titled "Auf Wiedersehn, Pet". The three central characters were from the Newcastle area, hence the title. One of the builders, Neville, was played by the aforementioned Kevin Whately of Morse and Lewis fame.

"Petal" as a term of endearment is very rarely used in the north east.

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Baroness Annual
(@fembecky)
Joined: 5 years ago

Noble Member     Gloucestershire, United Kingdom
Posts: 596

@jacquelinelarkspur

Posted by: @jacquelinelarkspur

Auf Wiedersehn, Pet

Sadly I never saw that programme but I recall the name. It will probably be shown on one of the ubiquitous channels which show never ending repeats.

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Baroness
(@sienna106)
Joined: 10 months ago

Estimable Member     Manchester, GreaterManchester, United Kingdom
Posts: 65

@jacquelinelarkspur - I don't know where the term petal came from, but I do remember it being used by one of the characters (James Bolam?) in "The Likely Lads"

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Ambassador
(@alexina)
Joined: 1 year ago

Illustrious Member     Fife, United Kingdom
Posts: 2158

@fembecky 

You raise an interesting point, Rebecca. I wonder if it's just us of a certain vintage that appear/feel younger than our chronological age. 

In my case, neither side of me, masculine or feminine, feels anything like the increasing numbers on my birthday cards. Allie though, has always been presented with the world as masculine me sees it. Now she sees it through her own eyes and so much of it is new, it's no surprise she possesses a child-like wonder.

I suggest that it is this youthful outlook that other people see in us when we're dressed and they attach an age to it.

But on to more important matters, for true mangling of a Northumberland accent, look no further than some of the characters in Inspector Gently. There's one episode in particular, in which an actor, normally seen as more refined, upper class characters (I don't remember his name and searching online got me nuttin), must have had linguistics professors up and down the country choking on their vowels. His performance would have attracted much airborne soft fruit in a school play written by a team of  dyslexic primates.

I may have digressed slightly there but I think I got away with it.

Thanks for sharing this, Rebecca. Oh, there's never a situation where a wife will laugh off being called their husband's mum! 

Allie x

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Lady
(@jillleanne)
Joined: 2 years ago

Prominent Member     Renfrew, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 594

@fembecky lol, great reading. It’s so nice being able to be out and about isn’t it? My wife and I always seem to have a terrific time when shopping, dining, etc. together. And sometimes, a big surprise makes us smile.

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Lady
(@sashabennett)
Joined: 1 year ago

Noble Member     Wick, Caithness, United Kingdom
Posts: 801

@fembecky I've agree that "un-aging" is actually a thing even if it isn't really a word. I don't know whether it's down to the look or it somehow makes one feel & present younger but I have definitely noticed that I look younger when in Sasha mode. I can't really explain it but I'll certainly take it. Glad that the Mum comment went unnoticed, that could have been awkward!

Sasha

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 Lea
Lady
(@lea-jhene)
Joined: 9 years ago

Noble Member     California, United States of America
Posts: 1098

@fembecky What a wonderful story!! I'm so happy for you. You have reached the nirvana of being different, being accepted, and being you. The un-aging part is fascinating, it feels good, and refreshing. Thanks for sharing your story.

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(@finallyfiona)
Joined: 1 year ago

    Leighton Buzzard, Bedfordshire, United Kingdom
Posts: 1444

@fembecky Excellent story Rebecca!  I do hope that being thought of as your mother passed Mrs Lewis harmlessly by 🙂  I certainly don't generally think of my age when going about life, but I do feel that as Fiona I'm a somewhat younger version of myself. 

When out en femme with my partner the other week, we were greeted as 'Ladies' when we arrived at a small art exhibition.  It's so nice to be treated the way we feel, isn't it?

Hugs,
Fiona xxx

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Posts: 1154
 Erin
Princess
(@erinb)
Noble Member     Ohio, United States of America
Joined: 5 months ago

In the UK, "pet" is used as a casual term of endearment, similar to "dear" or "love," particularly in the North East of England, where someone might address another as "pet" when greeting them; it essentially means "my dear" or "darling.". 

 

sounds like you received a lovely compliment indeed glad you lady’s where enjoying yourself till unfortunately your wife was called your mum to be honest you must be looking very stunning for one to think that your secret safe here I know nothing 😁🤗

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Posts: 2098
Hostess
(@cdsue)
Famed Member     Delaware, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

Rebecca -

What a lovely day out for you. How nice to be addressed and accepted the way you were. Hoping you have similar experiences in the future.

XOXO
Suzanne

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Posts: 2166
 J J
Lady
(@jjandme)
Famed Member     California, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

I have found people use such little niceties when I am out en femme. While I look reasonable when en femme, up close there is no doubt I am a guy in a dress, and I am fine with that. But, people seem to go out of their way to make little leasent comments. I feel it is their way of saying "you go girl" and being accepting with out having to say it directly, which would be a bit rude. 

I was shopping en femme at VS and the greeter at the door said, "Welome love" and the cashier greeted me, "Hello gorgeous", both of which I took as support that it was prefectly fine to shop at VS en femme. I did leave a good chunk of my credit card there, so their positive attitude helped their bottomline as well. It was truly win/win.

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3 Replies
Baroness Annual
(@fembecky)
Joined: 5 years ago

Noble Member     Gloucestershire, United Kingdom
Posts: 596

@jjandme 

I find it really heartwarming that, in many parts of the world at least, practically everyone is really cool about those who choose to present en femme. When it comes to shops, I agree, such a warm welcome does encourage you to spend and re-visit when the need arises 😊 .

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Duchess
(@gracepal)
Joined: 5 months ago

Noble Member     South Carolina, United States of America
Posts: 1012

@jjandme Those are some smart employees at your VS JJ. The very few trans individuals I ever saw in my salon I would bend over backwards to make feel welcome. Not only could I secretly relate, but I wanted their repeat business of course.

Once I answered the phone at the salon and someone was inquiring if we waxed “twigs and berries”.  Put them on hold and asked my esthetician. She said, heck yes! I’ll take that call. 

Well, I thought to myself, if I ever decide to wax my twig and berries, I’ll just call Melissa🥰

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Baroness Annual
(@fembecky)
Joined: 5 years ago

Noble Member     Gloucestershire, United Kingdom
Posts: 596

@gracepal Well, I have just learned a bit of new technology

Shock  

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Posts: 3404
Hostess
(@ab123)
Illustrious Member     Surrey, United Kingdom
Joined: 5 years ago

You are obviously comfortable and dress appropriately when going out with your wife so a natural demeanour is what people see and react to accordingly. 

I would wonder if the sales girl made a mistake, good job your wife didn't hear that. All in all the 'Experience' centre was well named.

I agree it so heartwarming to hear of these positive experiences and can enjoy being called many female titles, having doors held and treated courteously by all we interact with.

I enjoy being a girl...

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Posts: 596
Baroness Annual
Topic starter
(@fembecky)
Noble Member     Gloucestershire, United Kingdom
Joined: 5 years ago

Posted by: @finallyfiona

When out en femme with my partner the other week, we were greeted as 'Ladies'

Hi Fiona,

That simple statement really cheered me; I am pleased all is going well.

Hugs, Rebecca x

 

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